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sex!
so the guy im talking to wants to have sex and idk. like im scared of the possibilities of getting pregnant and it hurting and i have no idea what to do!! please help
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
If you are only "talking" to this guy and there has not been a long-term commitment present then chances are he just wants to use you.
This is exactly how friends-with-benefits relationships start out. A girl likes a guy and he starts pressuring her to have sex--she gives in, thinking it will lead to a relationship, and then he continues to string her on.
Don't do it.
Chances are if you do it you'll really regret it later.
This is probably (9 times out of 10 this is what happens) what will happen:
You will have sex with the guy and feel even more emotionally attached to you. He will say that he is still not ready to go into a relationship right now, but you'll be the first one he chooses. Time will pass, you two will keep having sex, and he will keep telling you that he likes you SO MUCH but cannot do a relationship. Then one day he'll say that Suzy somehow forced a relationship upon him and he is SO unhappy with her--so you keep sleeping with him. You will become his back-up girl. He won't ever date you but will keep sleeping with you behind his girlfriends' backs. You'll feel miserable, cold, lonely, and undesirable. Even if you get away from him, the likelihood of you continuing with another man in this manner has dramatically increased, setting you up for a very miserable future.
This type of relationship tends to mess with a person's ability to effectively communicate with people that they are not engaging in sexual relations with.
Now, I've had a couple of friends who have been in a friends with benefits situation. I don't mean to speak badly of them but they are in a horrible mess in their lives.
First, there is one that has had so many sex partners that she can't remember all of their names--that doesn't count the ones she didn't know the names of, mind you. She lost her virginity because a guy wanted to do the friends with benefits thing. She cannot keep a steady relationship to save her life because she is constantly thinking sex will solve all of their relationship problems. She has been used time and time again. She has HVP--genital warts kind, and I wholeheartedly believe that she cannot become pregnant because of diseases she may carry (she doesn't use protection so you'd think she'd be pregnant by now). She is constantly depressed, drinks insane amounts, and has harmed herself in the past to the point of trying to commit suicide. Why? Because nobody "loves" her. Why don't they love her? Because she thinks sex is love--and it's not.
As a note, the friend above always feels like the guy loves her after she has sex with him. He ends up getting stalked by her for weeks. It's really, really sad that she's that desperate and doesn't realize that to snag a GOOD man then DON'T HAVE SEX WITH THEM!
Then there is another friend. She was pressured into having sex when she was around 16 by her peers. They were all talking about sex so she thought she might as well start doing it too. She has been used and tossed out so many times. She has done some horrific things that I'm sure she's ashamed of. The first guy dumped her and then she did friends with benefits with a few guys here and there. A group of guys use to say, "When Tiffany is around you know SOMEONE is getting laid!" It was disgusting how low she put herself. She made herself a sex object. She's in the same predicament the first girl is--going from guy to guy, looking for love, having sex with as many people as she can.
Having sex to snag a guy for life is not a good choice, you see.
Pregnant possibilities:
Condoms are 88%, typically, effective on preventing pregnancy. That means that out of every 100 sexual encounters between people, 12 women will become pregnant. Condoms DO NOT protect from STDs--which can be carried by VIRGINS.
The hormonal birth control pill is only 92% effective with typical usage. So, that means that out of every 100 sex encounters, 8 babies will be conceived. The Pill also does NOT protect from STDs--again, which CAN be carried by virgins.
The "pull-out" method is only about 75% highest effective on preventing pregnancy. The number actually fluctuates between 29% and 75%
Abortions can leave your body scarred in such a way that you will NEVER be able to have children when you feel the time is right. There are also cases of women DYING because they had an abortion.
Sperm can live in you for a good 5 - 7 days under normal to good conditions. They have been found very alive inside women after TWO WEEKS from their last intercourse. Even "pre-cum" contains sperm--the guy does not know when he releases this fluid and it is not visibly seen with the naked eye.
STDs can RUIN YOUR LIFE. If you contract, say, herpes (~80% of the United States has a form of herpes right now) then you LEGALLY have to inform every person you ever have ANY sexual contact with or they can sue you. So, say you're 20 years old right now. You contract herpes on your first sexual encounter (happens ALL THE TIME) with this guy who didn't look like he was having an outbreak (HAPPENS ALL THE TIME!). He leaves you and you find another guy that you really, really like. How are you going to tell him that you have the STD herpes? What would that conversation go like? You, LEGALLY, have to tell him before sexual encounters--so how would that go? You two are kissing and you suddenly go, "I have something to tell you...I have herpes!" I mean, what do you think someone's reaction would be?!
Yes, virgins can have STDs. Yes, even if a person has no signs of an STD they could be infected. Males do not, typically, show signs of having contracted strains of HPV. People sometimes go YEARS without having a herpes outbreak. AIDS could hide in the body for years before signs start to appear. A sore throat could be oral gonorrhea. There is one STD, if I recall correctly it is Chlamydia, that can hide "symptom-free" in the body for years--as it deteriorates your BRAIN.
One sexual encounter = STD risk.
Think of this too:
If your "relationship" NEEDS sex to prove love, or to spice things up for interest reasons, then sex is going to break the relationship. This is a FACT.
I say find a guy that doesn't even mention sex. Find a guy who respects you and treats you like a human being and not a sex object. Find a guy that isn't completely obsessed with getting in your pants. Find someone who can have decent conversations with you and not mention sex every five minutes. Good guys do not expect sex. Good guys do not even mention sex. Good guys do not look at you as a way to get sex. Good guys don't hang around with perverted guys. Good guys ARE OUT THERE! Waiting for good girls!
You are worth more than sex.
My suggestion for the time being is simply this:
Make memories of your youth.
When you're older you'll have something to say. Your grandchildren will all sit around, wanting you to tell them about the time you and grandpa went out and did this and that. They'll come to you advice on how to make their own relationships work and you'll be able to say, "It isn't about having sex. It isn't about saying you're going to marry them. It's about life, love, and making lasting memories together."
Wouldn't you two like to look back years down the road and have giggles about the silly things you remember and the good times you had during the week? You'll be able to tell your future friends and possible children and grandchildren all about the neat things you two used to do together.
I feel sad that a lot of the teenagers now won't have a "how we met" story other than, "We met at a party and starting making out and had sex--then were pregnant and..." I feel sad that teenagers will have to say, "I was engaged to 7 guys before he asked me and we got married." I feel sad that they won't have anything to say about what they did together other than, "Well, we we could see each other, we had sex. Sometimes with a condom, sometimes without. We had a few pregnancy scares." I feel sad that they will have to tell their own children things like, "No, your mother/father wasn't my first sexually. I lost my virginity when I was 13 to this one guy/girl. I had been with 14 people prior to your mother/father."
Go roller-blading.
See concerts.
Go to the park and watch old people in love.
Lay on the ground and look at the clouds.
Go on movie dates.
Share a milkshake.
Read books together.
Go have a few double-dates with your best friend.
Volunteer together.
Talk to strangers together and see if you can help brighten their day.
Help each other grow.
Don't worry about sex.
The time will come when that will be important.
The time is not now.
Be 13.
Be 14.
Be 15.
Be 16.
Be 17.
Be 18.
Be 19.
Be 20.
Enjoy your youth while you can, and look back to laugh and smile at the good, wholesome memories.
Make good, lasting memories of the short period of time you get to be together. It may seem like having sex is a big deal and you'll remember it forever but you two, most likely, won't as the years go by. Everyone does it. It isn't special.
If you have any more questions, please feel free to ask me! :)
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My advice is you will know when you are ready to have sex with something. Don't do it if your not ready and from what you have said you don't said ready at all. I made a mistake by having sex when i wasn't ready and I wish I would have waited but there isn't anything i can do it about it know. If i was you id wait. good luck.
Ps.. dont be pressured into anything if you tell him no and he gets mad about it. all he wants is sex anyways
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Do not have sex with him. You should want to only have sex with someone you are in a committed relationship with and you love. My advice? Don't do it and wait awhile. Perhaps until you develop a relationship and love him.
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In all honesty you should be scared of those
possibilities. Most aren't and they end up
in trouble!
You don't want to take those risks with
someone who you don't care a lot for or
one you don't know VERY well. You need
to be sure he feels the same. A lot of
guys just want sex and then they don't
want much to do with you except for
that one thing.
My advice is no sex with anyone who is
just talking to you about it. You don't
call him your boyfriend, doesn't sound
like he is dating you or spending a lot
of time with you. Its just not worth
the risk you'll be taking.
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