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Q: hi im a 15 year old girl, 5'9 big boned. i dont have much upper body strength though. where i live theres so much violence that i need to learn to fight. so how do i go about this? what do i need to do to build upper body strength and what else would i need to do to be able to fight? please dont tell me violence doesnt solve anything, because im in the hood, im not going out looking for it, but somehow i seem to be at the wrong place at the wrong time.
Aerobics are the best way to get started. This gets all the muscles working together. It will also give you good endurance so if you get into a situation that is bad you can outrun someone. If you feel you are in that much danger the best advice I can give is to take boxing lessons. There's nothing like a good jab in the eye to get someones attention. If the eye doesn't stop them a knee to the groin or a shot to the solar plexus is good for either sex. I have a website dealing with exercising. It is targeted mainly for overweight people but exercising is important for everyone. Copy and paste this link into your browser. There are several subjects that should help.

Q: Let's just say, girl I used to date hates me, I sometimes hate her, but I really want to bury the hatchet and at least be friends, despite the years of non-speaking and such.

How do I manage to explain my intent and actually make it heard without some kind of issue?
If she really hates you, she must believe that you're the one with the problem. You should simply apologize for being a jerk and ask her to forgive you. If she does then offer to shake her hand and say "friends?" If she shakes your hand, you're friends again. THIS TIME DON'T MESS UP!

Q: i am really depressed. i wanna cut or be anorexic or commit suicide something. i just want the pain to go away. things have gone really wrong with my friends i had a bad experience at my old school and now at my new school i feel like im having a bad experience. and things with my mom are not so great we dont have a great relationship but she loves me and i love her. its just we always get in fight and start yelling at eachother. i really dont know what to do? help please
I raised 4 girls and boy do I know what you are going through. I also changed jobs (for the better) and we also moved around. My girls had exactly the same issues just not all at once. But the one thing they never considered was hurting themselves. My wife and I loved them so much we only wanted the best for them. They didn't always agree with what we decided but in the long run they were better off. They are now 32, 26, 24, 22. They thank us for setting some boundaries. You are going through a very important time in your life. You are changing from a child to an adult. Trust your mom as an adult and let her help you through these tough times. One day you will look back and LAUGH at how silly some of this was. Find some common ground and let her inside your inner circle. She probably needs you more than you think!

Q: One of my best friends from my early childhood has recently become a rather rotten individual. Her home life has always been fragmented, and her mother is quite literally mad. This friend of mine has for the past couple of years been working on a modeling career and has honestly gotten nowhere, though she still insists that she is now and forever a model. She graduated early and left town to be with her dad, but not before she hooked up with a much older and rather "dirty" fellow here in town. With her dad, she hooked up and is "dating" a guy she met online whose description strikes me as more than a little creepy. Worst, she won't talk to me about it---hasn't mentioned ANY of this to me. Apparently, she worries that I will judge her. Mostly I'm just very hurt. She has also been treating all my other friends who she keeps contact with like scum and it bothers me. Now what?
The 2 answers previous are very good advice. Sometimes people lose there way and and are searching for help but are embarrassed to admit they are wrong. Confronting her is a bad idea. Letting her know you will always be there may be just the thing she is missing from her parents.

Q: I got a job offer today for a contract position through a staffing agency that starts on Wednesday or Monday. I'm currently working for a company that is closing in February. I was told that the position Monday may not be available if they find enough people to start Wednesday, but if I start Wednesday, I am giving my company a days notice. I don't feel right giving them that short of notice, but I don't want to lose the job. What should I do?
If you were to mess up an employer would not give you a notice. On the application in Louisiana it states that there is no contract as to the length of time you can be employed. It also states that you can quit or they can release you at any time without any notice. It may be seem that the employer is going to suffer if you just quit but they wouldn't have any issues firing you!
Quit and take the job. Just don't use them as a future reference!

Q: i really want white, and i mean sparkling white teeth!! i've used crest whitening stips, i've used the whitening trays, i have the crest white mouthwash, i brush my teeth twice a day and floss about three times a week. i don't drink coffee, rarely drink pop. so why are my teeth not getting any whiter? if i do drink pop, its like mountain dew, orange or sprite. i heard that only dark pop stains your teeth, is this true? i drink alot of water, juiceboxes, some orange juice, and flavored water would any of these stain my teeth? i'm just getting really annoyed because i don't know whats going on. can someone give me some examples of things that would stain your teeth, or tips to make my teeth whiter without getting them profesionally? thank you so much :)
Fluoride in the water supply will discolor teeth. When I was growing up we lived in a city that fluoridated the water supply. I have yellow stained teeth. I did a google on "does fluoride stain teeth". There were some very interesting articles. Don't know how to whiten them. Hope this gives you a place to start!

Q: Hey guys i'm 17/f. i have Normal-Dry skin that is VERY VERY Sensitive skin
I have Acne beside the nose, on the chin and forhead and about 80% of the acne is under the skin. I have tried just about every acne product in stores. (Pro-Active does not work for me)
Products either leave my skin dry, oily, or doesn't effect me at all. I used to have like breakouts every now and then but my acne started to get bad around March 08. I do feel very very stressed a lot and i know that can play a roll in causing acne.

Is there medication like pills or something that a dermatologist can give you to clear up acne that refuses to go away? If you've ever heard about it or have it yourself i would greatly appreciate it if you told me about it!! because i'm begining to think that nothing will get rid of my acne.
ALSO; Has anyone used skin ID..does it ACTUALLY work?
I want to go out on a limb here. I don't know if there is enough professional info on what I am going to say but here goes. What do your eating habits look like. Soda and chocolate along with so many other junk foods can actually plug the pores from the inside. The pores in our skin are supposed to let necessary fluids and oils out to protect the skin. It also lets waste products out. The thick gooey waste products that are being excreted through your blood supply to the skin from the junk food so many people eat can honestly plug your pores. If you have the guts to prove me wrong and not let someone tell you to take drugs to cure the POSSIBLE consequences of a poor diet, you might be surprised with the results. Try it for one full week. No junk food, NO SODA, and no chocolate. Eat lots of fresh fruits and veggies along with plenty of water. All you have to lose are bad habits and bad complexion.
My website has some great advice on living healthy. I also googled "does eating chocolate or soda cause acne" and there are some interesting answers. Check it out!

Q: I need to lose weight by halloween and fast so i can fit into my costume. How can I do it that in a healthy way?
Go to

This is not just for being overweight. Exercising is good for any reason. I show three exercise that will really burn up the fat. I also show you how to lose weight by changing your diet.You could realistically drop 12 lbs in two weeks and actually eat really good.

Q: I have been an advice coloumnist on this site for almost three years. I am very happy that I have helped so many people and yet I am unhappy as a person. I have an empathy level for people that is off the charts. It makes me literally sick to my stomach when I see someone in absolute pain. I care more about a strangers well-being than my own. I am successful as a writer and college student but I can't figuare out why I am not happy with myself. I had many boyfriends since the sixth grade, alot of which I savotaged even though they were really great guys and some that were not. I find myself at a crossroad unable to decipher my own feelings. Why am I so unhappy? When I look at my life, I should be thrilled, not unhappy.
There is this GOD shaped hole in everybody. Many people spend their entire lives trying to find fulfillment only to realize too late that their life was a waste of time. You have this overwhelming desire to have an impact in others lives. The problem is you think it somehow has something to do with you. It's not about you but others. God in His great compassion seeks to give true meaning to life. It would appear he has chosen you for this task. By accepting Christ as your savior and then living your life to serve others I can guarantee you will be so full of joy and happiness that you won't be able to contain yourself. Email me if you need some someone to talk to. The greatest part of my life began after I realized what I was created for!

Q: I made a mistake and started smoking just before I turned 14...but I gave up after about 7 months of smoking. Stupid I know, but I gave up :]
Now I'm constantly thinking about it and I tend to miss it.
What are some things or whatever I could do to stop thinking about it.
I'm not going to start again, I don't want to...but I need to stop thinking about it and I don't want to miss it.

Please no lecturing on how bad it is for you. I know, I made a mistake. Also thinking ''It's bad for you'' doesn't stop me from missing it.

So yeah.
Sorry if this is confusing.
I know this sounds stupid but the more you think about it, the more you will think about it. Try reading a book. There is this scripture in the bible that warns us to "take every thought captive" That means to grab it and throw it out. Resolve to refuse to think about it!

Q: mkay. I'm 17/f. for a while I've had a some ''extra weight'' if that's what you wanna call it, since 9th grade. before then i was a size 5. so I've pretty much always been a little thick. but since 9th grade-12th (present)I've been a size 10(about 145 pounds)and I'm 5'2''. like i friggin shot up in weight outta no where. I've been eating the same way i always have, it's not like i eat cookies and brownies for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. but like..I've gotten so depressed with my weight, that I've actually stopped eating anything except for breakfast. and its been like a week and i already lost a little bit. i mean i know its bad..but no other way works. I've tried dieting healthy and working out everyday for a long time, it just doesn't work. i know all the consequences of starving yourself and blah blah blah..i just want to loose the weight. it seems that no matter what i do, i just cant loose the weight! I'm not diabetic, i have no sicknesses. I'm normal. but being overweight has shot my life into depression and i don't want to live like this. my question is..does anybody have like a weekly plan i can do that includes working out and eating right(that's fairly cheap) so i don't freakin starve myself?
thanks in advance
Jill =/
Free and cheap is my middle name.
Go to and check out ALL the links. Start with; Exercises For Overweight People, Then the Mike Murphy Diet Plan, then click around the rest. I give all my advice for free. There are some links that go to sales pages for some really great products like 365 Salads. A great way to get your "8 a da" is by eating salads. I don't do a weekly plan because everyone's needs are different. But the eating ideas I give can easily be arranged to make your own diet plan. Email me if you have a specific question.

Q: how do i stay FIT?
im pretty skinny
but i want to know how to stay fit and not gain any weight or lose.
so how do i do that.
Go to and check out all the links. The Mike Murphy Diet Plan is a great site that deals with this very subject. It's easy to manage your weight if you know how to use food. If you replace the calories you burn with the same caloric value from the food you eat, you will maintain your current weight!

Q: i have two lovers right now, and ive always believed this to be wrong, but i love my girlfriend, karla, and when my best friend james asked me out i couldnt say no b/c ive liked him even longer than ive liked karla.
whats YOUR OPINION on it ok for someone's who's bisexaul to have a bf and a gf at the same time????
If you are asking for an opinion, NO!

If you are seeking guidance, the fact that you have a sense of right and wrong tells me you know what you are doing is wrong.

If you are asking for a life decision, you are leading an immoral lifestyle. Have you ever noticed man is the only creature on earth that has sex with it's own gender? Man is also the only creature GOD gave a free will to.

Q: what exercises can you do to get rid of leg cellulite?
Your lucky day!!! Go to

I have created this site to help anyone with a desire to really get a grip on their health. You can find all the info you need for weight management, not just weight loss. I have highlighted three exercises that you will find very helpful. If they work for you, share the site with your friends and drop me an email about any suggestions or comments you may have.
Good health!

I'll try again!

This site may be targeted towards overweight people but everyone can benefit from the exercises I show. Cellulite is an accumulation of fat cells. That's all. Rigorously exercising that area will break down the fatty cells in that area. All three exercises target the three areas that accumulate the most fat. Arms, stomach, thighs. Aerobics are great for a total body workout. They are also hard on the joints and muscles if you don't start off slow. Walking and bicycle riding are very closely related so you get to see a benefit sooner. It is easier on the joints, ligaments, and muscles so you can actually burn many more calories without risk of injury. I'm sorry you weren't pleased with my recommendations the first time. The information I give can also teach you how to eat to eliminate the problem of cellulite in the first place. Spend some time and pour over the pages. Some of it may be hard to read so skip over what doesn't apply!

Q: Hi, I'm 13 and... 5/6s? I'm turning 14 in November, and I'm going into 8th grade. My problem is, I've never liked wearing makeup or nice clothes before 7th grade. But in the middle of 7th grade, my attitude sort of changed drastically about how I care about how I look, and I started to look and feel a lot better. I always look back at pictures and think, "I must have been a really weird kid!" And, I'm not being judgmental about myself, I really was a weird kid. So, anyways, a couple days ago, I asked my mom if I could start wearing makeup. She said it was fine with her, as long as I didn't wear a lot, and she helped me pick out some stuff. So, I tried it on today, and it made me feel really, well, beautiful, and good. But, I'm starting to get nervous when I go back to school. I'll look and be so different... I don't want my friends to think I'm becoming a prep and dumping them, and I don't know how people will react. I KNOW I shouldn't care, but I'm naturally shy, and I'm just nervous and I don't like change. So, should I wait another year like my BFFs mom is making her do, or should I just man up (wrong word choice) and be brave? I don't know what to do! Please help!
The better you feel about yourself, the less you feel you will have to do to please others. Natural beauty is rare and should be worn proudly.

My wife wears hardly any makeup. When I see a girl who wears a lot of makeup and they really don't need it, I feel sorry for them that they feel like it helps them. Unless you have some facial irregularities or something, less is more!

Q: i had a dream yesterday that i was pinned down having sex with a boy and woke up humping my bed. I didn't know that dreams can take affect in real life, but that was really upsetting.


if these are normal, how do i cope with it?
You may be watching too much of the wrong TV or hanging with the wrong people. Our dreams are part of our sub conscience. If we have unresolved issues in our life they attempt to act themselves out in our dreams. Our mind tries to balance itself and resolve conflict. What we don't do awake will become part of our dreams. Here's an illustration.

If you were having thoughts of guys and were feeling attracted to them you might dream of someone chasing you. In life you may want to be caught so to speak but in the dream the chasing is really you wanting to be wanted by someone. the fact that you don't get caught would be because the guys aren't "catching" you.

Q: In a few days I'll be a freshman and we're required to attend a meeting/speech/whatev thingy called Convocation. It is our "first formal college event." My question is do I have to dress up? What am I supposed to wear? It doesn't say that, but I was just wondering.
You should always look nice in class. No you don't have to be formal but a good first impression is worth the time to prepare. Many of the students will dress casual and unless you have a strict dress code it won't matter how you look. College and high school are so different. In college if you don't act right they just kick you out. They don't care if you show up or not. they don't care if you learn. You pay the money and if you want to learn, OK. If you don't OK. They won't make you learn or pay attention. As long as you don't disrupt the class you are on your own.

Have fun!!!!

Q: I am 17 years old and I'm seriously considering suicide. I've already been through some tough times with my ex-girlfriend, we had so many things planned out for the future and she left me for her ex. I found another girl I like but she's been playing games with me and I'm just sick of everything. Part of the reason I want to do this is because I get jealous very easily, so when I see her flirting with someone else it really upsets me. Now I'm only a Junior in high school, but I've been through alot of adult situations. I just want to know the quickest, easiest way to do it. I would appreciate advice on how to handle the situation properly though if anyone has it, thank you.
Hey, I know how you feel, REALLY. When I was 17 the exact same thing happened to me except my girl friend ended up with my best friend. I dated her for 4 years and I thought my life would have to end to make the pain stop. But now I know what mine and your problem really is. We love too deeply! Let me explain. Some people can jump in and out of relationships at the drop of a hat. If someone gets hurt, so what. People get played every day and people like you and I don't process that too well. We are looking for that one relationship that will put meaning to our life. And that is something WE should be more careful about. We give of ourselves so deep that if it breaks off it ruins us. We start blaming ourselves for being fooled and we end up hating people and life.

Now fast forward 38 years. I have been married to the most wonderful woman for 29 years. I have 5 children and 7 grandchildren. And believe it or not I am still hurt from my first love. But now I only want to see her to show her how bad she messed up. If I would have ended my life the thing that now brings me the most pleasure I would have never known. I am so blessed with a family that truly loves and appreciates me for who I really am and I have many years to go to enjoy it. Reply to me with your email. Lets get together and see if we can get you a new direction. Your greatest life is still ahead of you!


at 2:08 look at her hair

how do i get my hair color PLUS HIGHLIGHTS LIKE THAT
what do i buy
no i dont want to go to the salon.
what brand of haircoloring do i buy?and highlighting?
Clairol has a great one. My wife uses it and then puts the left over on mine. Don't tell any body!!!!

Well I didn't say I didn't like the attention! I'm 55 and I think I'm having a mid life crisis. Does that mean I'm going to live to 110? lol

Q: i have cut down sodas and junk.
i have been doing crinches for 1 months everyday and night.
i have been eating less than before.
actully i dont even eat a lot anymore

OK here we go. First of all crunches won't help you lose weight. They only strengthen the stomach muscles. Second if you want to lose weight, stopping eating won't help in the long run, here's why. The less energy you have, the less you can stay active. Granted if you were bed ridden and ate nothing you would lose weight but also muscle mass.

So here's the secret. Power walking and cross training bicycles are two excellent ways to lose weight. In order to lose weight you have to burn more calories than you eat. In order to exercise properly you need to have energy. So you pick foods that are filling, have high nutritional value, and have low calorie value. Most green veggies fit this. The light colored veggies have less of what you need.

When you start an exercise program, ease into it gradually. For a 20 year old, the heart rate would need to be raised to 145 beats per minute for 30 min to burn about 375 calories. 4 oz of sirloin steak, 1/2 can of spinach, and a small side salad has about 305 calories. So the trade off would be that you lost 70 calories of body mass. you naturally need to take in 2000 calories a day for proper balance. However the fat stored in your body will never be used as energy with 2000 calorie intake.

So you take in a steady supply of fruits and veggies to keep your metabolism up, keep your total calorie value down, exercise every other day for min 30 minutes, stay active, and BAM! you lose weight and don't starve.

I use the cross trainer and go for 1 hour (after months of building up slowly.) But I need more good nutrition to keep my endurance up or I will feel depleted. You can eat all the fresh fruits and veggies you want within reason and have 4 ozs red meat 3 times a week and 6 ozs of chicken (not fried) 3 times a week. For breakfast eat 2 eggs 3 times a week, bran flakes or mini wheats 3 times week and treat yourself once a week. For lunch have a sandwich with whole grain bread and turkey.

Read the labels on food. READ THE LABELS ON FOOD!

READ THE LABELS!!!!! Stay away from high fat items. Those are high calorie, low nutrition, and go straight to the stomach. If you have a real desire to be healthy go to

You can get some great info .

Real advice is not always good, good advice is not always fair, but taking it will get you somewhere!


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