|
made a huge mistake, i told him, "yes"
sorry this is so long but i really need advice, i know i'm not suppose to say this but really i will give 5 to anyone who answers because i'm so lost..
i made a huge mistake, i wish i never was put in this situation but i realize i have to deal with it now. my best friend for three and a half years has a girlfriend of two years. a couple weekends ago we were talking about sex and somehow we got to talking about us. i admit, i am horny i am a virgin im 18 years old. so when was like "hell yeah i wanna have sex with you" i really did mean it. i know that it's wrong to do though. he is the one i want to be intimate with, i've always liked him. different guys have wanted to do things with me but i can't do it with them, i always find myself thinking, "i want to do it with my best friend.." but i don't want to feel like i'm being used, and i don't want to lose it to someone who has a giflriend. well we were talking about this two weekends ago and i was like sorry cant this weekend i have my period so i was like in two weeks we can and then last night he texted me and was like.."we still doing it this weekend?" i was like haha yeah! so now he still thinks were doing it but i definately have been having doubts. there are so many reasons why i shouldn't but i REALLY want to with him. it's been weird this week i have been having dreams about us, and getting sexual. i've been thinking about it so much. the thing is if i don't do it with him i feel like he would think i was a tease. i know he is going to text me and be like, "ready?!" and i don't know if i should tell him in a text or have him come over and then explain to him. if he comes over though he will be excited because he will think he is getting "some" and then i would say like, "you know i really want to do it with you but the fact that you have a girlfriend, just makes me know that its wrong." and then after he wouldn't know what to say and things would be awkward but i still really want to hang out with him. i am so torn, i don't know what to do. i am the WORST at talking about things like this, i've never had an actual boyfriend which makes it worse. i can't resist this kid, everytime i'm around him i WANT HIM. but he seems to "want his cake, and eat it too" which makes me sad but i feel like degrading myself and just doing it because to me, it's something i feel comfortable doing with him and only him. i'm not the girl who is like oh i have to do it just to do it. well i would really appreciate if someone could help. thank you so much
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Sexual Health and Reproduction category?
Maybe give some free advice about: General Sex Questions?
well first of all hes a dick, if he has a bf he shouldnt be going around like that ..one word and its not what you wana here but"sleeze"
]
hey youuuu !
well, this is pretty intense.
if he said he wants to have sex with you, it must mean he likes you. and if you like him, then i dont think it will be a bad idea to talk to him.
im kinda in the same situation, except he doesnt have a girlfriend. and i still dont know if i should do it or not.
BUT , if you feel ready what i recomend you do is:
have him come over, or whenever you see him, tell him you want to talk to him.
just tell him, i wanna have sex with you, but i feel wierd about it cause you have a gf then you can tell him yu got feeling for him, or how you feel about him. but tell him regardless that you still wanna be best friends. ya knoww?
and who knows mayeb he'll admit liking you tooo!?
good luck hun'
let me know what happends!!!!
:]
]
I completely understand how you feel and that's why here at Advicenators we try to encourage people to think things through completely before they go about sexual activity.
So many things can go wrong, as you know. Condoms can fail. The birth control can fail. You could wind up pregnant by a man who loves another woman, unwed, unhappy, lost, confused, etc. Or with an abortion--which may end up hurting your body WAY more than giving birth would. You're not stupid though, you know this, I'm sure.
The problem is that you'll always have these feelings for him and giving him what he wants, physically, would only cause things to become worse. He would continue to use you, you would continue to be led on by him. You know this. A girlfriend of two years isn't going to be dropped tomorrow for a friend of 5 years, seriously. He just sees something in her that he cannot see in you, or you'd be dating him.
Don't text him and DO NOT wait until he comes over. Call him on the phone. Call and say, "Hey [Name], I have decided that I do not want to do the sex thing. It's wrong and we both know it. You have [Girlfriend's Name] and it would be so hurtful to have to be the other woman, especially since you've been seeing her for so long. I have feelings for you and this would only make things into a big mess. I hope you understand and I'm sorry if you feel like I'm a tease. I let my hormones get the best of me and I wasn't thinking clearly. I hope we can put this behind us and continue being friends--and only friends. This is how things need to be and we both know this is right. Maybe if you and [Girlfriend's Name] don't make it...well, then maybe we can try something with us, but this really isn't the right time."
If you have to, write down what I said to say and read it out loud to him on the phone. That is the best way to word things, in my opinion.
Text will make this too awkward. He won't get your full detailed answer. He may feel then like you're a tease--especially since it will be so informal.
Waiting until he comes over is a bad choice. In the heat of the moment, you could lose yourself and go through with it, leaving you in deep regret later. Don't put yourself in a bad situation like this.
If he tries to convince you otherwise, he simply does not respect you as a human being. Seriously.
If he decides to not be your friend then he, again, simply does not respect you.
He may get upset and not talk to you for a couple of days because he needs time to think this through too. He, likely, has let his hormones get the best of him too in this situation so let him have time to cool down from suddenly realizing this sort of thing.
Don't bring up sex again with him after this unless he's single and available. If you even start going into this sort of conversation things can get VERY bad, especially if you realize that this is not right again.
It's good that you realized your hormones got the best of you. I am proud of you for coming to this conclusion before you went through with the act. From experience, I can tell you that sex at the wrong time and/or with the wrong person can REALLY hurt a person emotionally and mentally--something that can never be healed or fixed even years down the road.
Be friends with the guy and don't cross the line anymore. You know he isn't going to drop his girlfriend of 2 years so, if you must, pretend he is married. Would you sleep with a married man? Hopefully not.
You never want to be the other woman. Nobody ever likes the other woman. The other woman always wants more and is always being led on. She is constantly a depressed woman. She constantly craves love and affection so she cycles that horror over and over throughout her entire life.
Just be you and wait for the right, single, available, sweet guy and things are going to be alright.
I know it's hard to control yourself sometimes, but this is something that needs to be done. I am, again, so VERY proud of you for realizing that this was not right. You have no idea how proud I am to have read this. You have no idea how much I want to hug you and give you a good congratulations.
If you have any more questions, please feel free to ask me! :)
P.S. Call and tell him right away. No need to make the wait longer, your anticipation may end up scaring you into doing it anyway. Just relax, take a deep breath, and dial his number.
]
It definitely sounds like your best friend is just trying to "pimp" you, so you can just be another girl to him that he had sex with. Just another girl that he can tell about to his friends. IT also does sound like your being used, it shouldn't have even gotten this far. But, I will give you the best advice that I can. Do NOT confront him, face to face on the day that you two are supposed to have sex, you can on any other day, but on that day that your supposed to have sex, text him and tell him NO... If he comes over to talk to you, that will only make you just as much hornier than you already are and you will eventually "give in". So you can either text him, or confront him anywhere "outside" of a bedroom. Now, it is wrong that you are thinking of doing this while he has a girlfriend right now, other than that it wouldn't really stick as a problem to me. If you are going to do this, than make sure he feels the same way about you first. You say you next to love this guy, well does he feel the same? I know that the temptation going through your mind right now, is saying oh I want to do this SO BAD.. Because I've myself been there, but he HAVE to resist, if you want to keep some sort of composure. Resist, until you meet that ONE GUY who you know will love you no matter what, and let him be your first. If you do meet a guy like this one day, and your no longer a virgin, your going to think back to who was your first... And than you'll feel disgusted, so think about this.
]
Ok.
First.
Don't.
Guys... deep deep down we're all whores. Every single one of us. Some of us have a little less shyness in expressing it.
The simple fact is that generally maybe one in twenty guys will resist what you're offering, the rest of us will do it, regardless of how wrong it is.
Not an excuse, but something of a reality.
Anyway, don't be that girl. Don't be that girl that a boyfriend cheats on his girlfriend with. Especially if you like him, because thats all you'll ever be. If you don't hold that standard for guys we certainly won't. Well, most of us.
Tell him you can't. Tell him the truth, that its because you like him alot and you don't want him on those terms. Text him. Tell him that you want to see him, but sex is off the table.
You can't lower yourself. Even at the cost of his friendship, because in the end you will still cost his friendship. If hes getting laid for little to no effort, when you become uncomfy with it and stop its going to cause alot of issues between the two of you. You already want more, having sex without getting it is a terrible idea in any situation.
]
I can honestly say i understand how you feel. I was seventeen before i had ever even really began "talking" too a guy. So when i turned 18 and had never really been in a relationship or some much as had one of those amazing makeout sessions, i just wanted to rush into it. And like you i wanted it to be with that one special guy i had always had a thing for.
Well i made the mistake of going with that rushed desire, two years later i'm more lost than i've ever been in my life. I now realize that i rushed into to something so i could finally be like everyone else, and now i kinda miss standing out for something that stood for; the person i really was.
I had never been one of those girls that said i wanted to wait for marriage, but i was one that wanted to wait for love, and like a fool i settle for desire.
If you want my honest advice, you have to do whats right for you. Not just now, but for whats gonna be right tomorrow, and next year.
It seems to me that you don't really want it to be like this, so don't let it. If this guy is really your friend, and he really cares about you. He'll understand. But call him asap, and let him know now that you don't want it like this. Guys understand more than u think they do, just don't string him along any more than you already have.
And to be honest i don't think he's the right choice anyway. The first time is anything but good, and no matter who its with, your going to feel like you've lost something when it's over. So if you do it with a guy that has a girlfriend thats only going to make you feel worse. You are going to feel alone, empty, and cheap.
I'm not saying that to be offensive, because i don't think you're any of those things no matter what your choice, i just want you to understand it'll make you feel that way.
I can go on for days giving you reasons to not do this, but in the end it comes down to one thing, if you have to ask yourself if your doing the right thing, then you probably arn't. When it's right you just know.
I wish you the best of luck.
]
More Questions: |