My name is Angel, and I love helping people. I'm anything but perfect, and I don't expect anyone else to be. I don't judge, and I don't try to make peoples choices for them. I simply try to help in the best way I can. I've been through some very good, and very bad times in my life. They have sculpted me into the beautiful mess you see before you today.
I'm here for anyone who needs anything I have to offer, so don't be afraid to ask, or vent. Whichever will help.
Gender: Female
Location: Georgia
Age: 19
AIM: ahappebrunette
Member Since: May 23, 2008
Answers: 64
Last Update: May 26, 2009
Visitors: 6298
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Hey! well im only 18 and im having a fling with my friends brother who is now 22 and we are having a problem communicating i don't know sometimes what to say because his older than me and i want something special out of this because this the first time i went out with a guy older than me so im taking it slow but i kind of lack with the communication because i don't just want to kiss & thats it so what can i do to make him more into me and to make him feel like im there and listening and i also would like for him to open up to me but don't know how SERIOUSLY!! So back to the family his family likes me but im not so sure about his dad his dad don't know much about us but i can sense that he doesn't like me so that kinds of push me more away from him and don't need more of that plus i have another big problem 2 months ago i had sex but without protection i know i was stupid but i was kind of emotional so i got carried away and this was before i met him so this guy i had sex without protection i realized i didn't get my period for 2 months going for 3 and still nothing and strange thing my breast haven developed and doesn't feel like i am pregnant but if i am i don't know what im going to do i mean this means im going to lose all the people i love and this guy i just started something with and i was hoping for something special but this can ruin it all and worst of all his mad at me at the moment but not for replying to his messages but i feel like his not that into me as he say he is so this makes everything more confusing and my parents will freak if they hear it's him because his in college and im in school which really sucks!! well i can't understand the pregnant part but i hope im not because thats making me push my family and friends away and i don't want that at all and also it's leading me to heavy depression so im hating my life and feel so unhappy and all i want is happiness so please try and help i need it so bad!!! (link)
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I think the first thing you need to do is take a step back and breath. The thing about being human is that when a problem hits us we tend to just get wrapped up in it. Forcing us to try and see clearly through a whirl of emotions.
And that just doesn't work.
So the first thing you need to do is take step back and look at this objectively as an outsider. I know you're thinking that's impossible because it's happening to you. But it's that kind of thinking that's sending you into a depression.
So now let's look at this from the outside (I'm going to help you here). First let's address the pregnancy. Going on three months is stretching it thin. But at the time you have been under A LOT of stress lately (bordering depression) and that is proven to stop a woman's menstrual cycle.
So the first thing you need to do is get a pregnancy test. Make sure you get a pack that has at least two. Take them both. That way you can erase all suspicion and fear from your mind.
Don't even stress about the consciences before you have the results. If you do end up pregnant, just message me again. And THEN we'll worry about what you should do about that.
As for the boy, I really think that the main problem is a simple one. YOU'RE STRESSING YOURSELF OUT! If a guy says he wants you, then you have two choices...
1. You can become the insecure g/f who drives the guy away by spending all your time worrying about losing him. (refer to good luck chuck)
or
2. You can take a chance that love just might do you right, and you can trust him.
I know it's hard to just trust somebody, but that's what a relationship is. If you don't trust him to be honest with you, then what are you doing with this guy? If you don't let your insecurity go you'll scare him away. Because when you let insecurity get into your relationship, he's going to start seeing that age difference. Guys want a girl who's confident, and there's one reason for that. They don't want to fight to prove they want to be with you. They just want you to have faith in them, in their word and nobility. Not all guys are jerks, some of them just like to take it slow emotionally. Because that's what love is, a building up of trust.
So you want to learn to communicate with him? Here's what you do, next time your with him, don't nag once unless it's ABSOLUTELY CLEAR that it's a joke. Just play and have fun, for one whole date. Don't worry or stress-it's a date not a midterm.
You do that and you'll start to see the communication that's missing right now.
The reason I think he's not communicating with you openly is because he's sensing your unease with the situation, you have to realize your feelings have a huge affect on the people around you. So if you just take it easy, and relax, he'll unwind with you, and start opening up himself. So just give it time.
I really hope it helps, and I hope that you are able to realize that you are a great girl who deserves this guy, and deserves a happy life. So be happy, and don't worry about problems you don't have yet. That just leads to premature aging!
P.S. Don't worry about the dad, he might just be a little like your boyfriend. It might take him a while to let people in. Just be nice and don't try to make him like you. Be yourself and let him come to you.
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I came across this book about acceptance, and how its at the center of everything. Basically it said that true happiness can be reached if one accepts his/her own reality as it is. Then I came across this quote that said "Grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference" which also preaches acceptance I guess. So I just wanted to know opinions here. Is acceptance the true secret to happiness or what other theories of reaching happiness have you come up with? I'm feeling a bit philosophical I guess...
thanks =) (link)
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Acceptance is one of the strongest elements in the equation of happiness, it's true. You have to accept the world for what it is before you can work towards making it what you want it to be.
we all want to believe that our life is our own, that we start from scratch building up the life we want. But that's not the way the world works. We have to accept the life we are given, and use what we have to create a world thats as close to our dream as we are capable of getting it.
So i guess you could say acceptance is in part the way to happiness, but i think the true route is compromise.
Understanding what you have, seeing what you want, and combining the two to make your dreams possible.
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so ive been talking to this kid lately and we recently started hooking up. ive only kissed one other guy and he basically ate my face. so i never really knew how to actually makeout. this new guy is so experience compared to me and he just texted me saying that im not a bad kissser..but not good. i need advice on how to do it the next time i see him so i can prove him wrong. ahh im so embarassed! (link)
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I remember my fear of my first kiss. I was very unexperienced for my age, and the guy i was going to prom with was anything but inexperienced so in fear i ran to the internet and found this website. I studied it like crazy. Needless to say the kiss was good. i wont lie, it wasn't my best but it wasn't bad.
That guy said i was one of the best kissers he had ever had...and many sense have said the same thing.
so check out this website. i cant tell you any better than they can!
goodluck
http://www.kissingbooth.com/kiss.htm
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Well big mistake i went last night to that party and i reconnected with him we were both in a tipsy mode which means we were saying things that weren't true we told each other we love each other and all that crap but i knew it wasn't him talking it was the alchol wow it's hard to get that in my outta my mind because he his actually a great guy he took real good of me and brought me home and everything im just thinking to myself were will i find another guy like that because here were i stay there are not much of them around they either not anywhere to be seen or they taken...I also found out that i never have time to think of myself because im always working on someone elses problems and that means i try to forget my problems...i feel down latly and also feel unhappy tha nothing is going my way i keep hoping it will but that hope always lets me down i just feel really depressed and feel like im trying to run away from the way im feeling, school is also not something i enjoy the fact that his there also makes things worst and just don't enjoy anything anymore i feel like im not myself like i just want to die i HATE MY LIFE because all things are going great with my parents and sister and brothers but me not at all like i can't take my life and not the ex it's mostly me i don't feel HAPPY i don't know what to do i try to read a book keep myself busy and went to a social worker nothing seems to work i wish for happiness because everyone around me is my friends my family except me that makes it worst when will i be HAPPY??? (link)
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Don't beat yourself up about the party. When we're in love we all have a hard time walking away. It wasn't mistake, it was just another chapter in your book. As far as the ex, i'm he is a good guy, but that doesn't make him right guy for you. There are plenty of great guys out there, and there are too many bad ones. You can't let that scare you, and this is why; when a bad guy meets the right girl, he suddenly isn't such a bad guy anymore, and vice versa.
My advice for that situation is to just take it a day at a time, and realize that it has to hurt, you can't run and hide from it because its a part of you, and it will find you. Follow your heart, even if its back to him. Sometimes the only way to move on is to take a step back and remember why we needed to move on in the first place.
Having said that, i still think if you are emotionally strong enough at the moment you should keep your distance from this guy, just until your over the worst of it. And not to punish him, just to give yourself some space.
NOW, for the whole falling apart thing. I know this is the last thing you want to hear, but i'm going to say it anyway, everyone goes through a time like this in there life, actually there will be more than one, your family included. The reason everyone elses life seems so great right now is because yours is so out of order. It's not screwed up, it's just not the way you need it. You have to realize that, if you convince yourself that your life has been destroyed, you'll never allow yourself to fix it.
Your heartbroken! Whether you want to admit it or not thats whats tearing your life apart. This pain is eating you alive. And understandably your letting everything else around you fall apart. That's normal, its just a nasty part of the healing process. It's kinda like a scab on your knee; it's ugly, it has no place there, it ruins your plans to wear that brand new skirt, and worst of all it hurts. But that scab is a necessary part of the healing process. It makes it better. And like with a skinned Knee, it'll take a while to heal completely. And even then you'll have a bold scar that will still be sensitive and easier to break. But given more time that too will heal. It'll never completely go away but it'll fade until you almost never think of it.
Thats what getting over this boy is going to be like. You have to let it hurt, you have to let it change your plans, and most importantly, you have to let it Heal. You can't keep going back to this guy. Everytime time you do, your ripping off the scab and expanding the wound. And putting more pain in your life than necessary.
If you want to get your life back to normal, or just be happy again, you've just got to take time for yourself. Help when you can, but when your not up to it, or you just feel like crying, explain to your friends that it's a really bad day and that you need sometime to help yourself. A real friend will understand. And another thing is, you can't hide in books or stop doing the things you've always done. When we're hurt we have a tendency to avoid things that remind us of getting hurt or of the happiness we had before the pain. But you can't let it stop you. Sitting this inning out because you have a skinned knee might keep you from that homerun.
So i guess what i'm trying to say is you've got to put yourself back out there. Do the things you've always done, and let yourself have fun. If like movies go see moives, if like books then read, if like dancing...girl your legs arn't broken, your heart is. Even if you don't feel like it, do it. Once you get out there you'll be glad you did. So cry when you want to, laugh every chance you can, and when love comes knocking jump without looking down.
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Hey its soon too be typing but i did speak to my ex bf that i was deeply inlove with, he told me he can't be in a relationship because his going to leave school and he needs to do better and i respect that oh and did i tell you his friend told him me and him were having a thing i told him its a lie so that changed also the way he felt about me and he lost that hope and love and ignored me that made me worst and sad but i try my best keep smiling,and at a friends house we kissed because we never saw each other in a while and i wanted to make him get that feeling that i was longing for, but seems like that was for nothing i felt hurt I STILL want to HOLD HIM i want just that feeling from his side instead just rejecting side from him...He told me about a party ima go saturday i can't wait i want to look drop dead sexc for him but i have a feeling his going to keep rejecting me and i want us to be friends really bad, even if he doesnt want a relationship thats why im seeking that love attentions i can't believe his friends sed that SHIT about me but i just hope and pray we either good friends or together but doesnt seem he will listen to me his friends always been rude and dis respectful towards me but some of them are totally nice im getting there and it's amazing i can move on because other guys asking me on dates but i reject them because i still don't find myself intrested in anybodi but him I know om so damn stupit but his the guy that i only like and want at the moment WOW im such a wimp i can't let go and he did but i don't know now about this party it's not a good idea but i see away to patch it right but that will never happen ever...i NEED YOU TO HELP ME ANYWAY IN EVERYWAY i want to get away and saturday im going to turn my head and never LOOK BACK or is that a bad idea??? (link)
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I know that you don't want to hear this, but going to this party is an AWEFUL idea. It's obvious this guy is just jerking you around. and i hate to be insensitive but i don't think his friend said those things. It sounds to me like he's looking for a way to make you seem like the bad one.
I know you trust him, its because you love him. Thats normal and it's ok. But there comes a time when we get tired of hurting and being made a fool of by love. I think you are there, and if you are, don't go to this party. It's just going to be another heartbreak. And i know you think that it'll hurt to give him up, but it's going to hurt trying to get him back too. Atleast when you hurt alone you save your pride and your taking a step forward...not back.
I can't tell you what to do, that is ultimately up to you, but i can tell you that going to that party is a bad idea. Stay home or go out with friends, just don't let this guy trick you again. Remember hurting is healing. So just cry until you can't anymore, and then cuss him until your not mad anymore, and love him until you can't feel the pain anymore. After you've done all that, go on one of those dates!
good luck, hope it helped
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Hey im back from the holiday and so far im doing good i stopped crying even when i remember the things me and my ex done together i just want to cry but can't and true what u said i got my period and im glad for that because i would not want him for my childs father i still miss being with him but i found in some way it will never be and excepting it so far so good and you right i'll miss him but never go back to him because he don't deserve me but im just worried we go to the same school and im going to bump into to him but i don't know if i should say anything...& usually i never speak to my exs because it's never the same but im no ready and im not willing to speak and be with him ever again...i nearly phoned him but that was stupit i know im not a stalker or anything i know he moved on but just want to hear from him but good i did'nt talk to him well the other thing now that we in the same grade and school his telling his friends ima slut and showing pictures i send to him with my new underwear but its from long before i was in his spell but his making me a slut and this ruining my friendships with my group they had sex but pictures they won't except i feel so damn stupit for that i REGRET that one thing...but im glad you helped me alot and its apprecaited thanks but i just also have a problem with guys some just use me for a kiss or want sex for the night but sex i don't give it but why do men take me so low they think im the easy type!! As for the guys i don't find any attraction at the moment im not lesbain or anything im just not intrested..but would like to be but i want a guy from my school but like i said listed as a slut how do i get clean?? How do i make other guys not see me as a fling and just something specail or should i just give in but im feeling SHIT about it i know i should ignore it but the people in our school don't stop when they start they push it in...i also been praying hard and wishing hoping to see my ex alone i know it's not right but i just wish he could tell me take me back so i can say i moved on thats all i hope and pray for is that so bad?? hope you will be replying soon!!! (Lonely Girl Soth Africa) (link)
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Sorry it's taken me so long to reply my computer crahsed and i've been a bit hopeless without it. But to your problem...you have got a lot of issues weighing you down right now and im very sad to say thats normal in this situation, breakups always bring on a load of extra trouble...its one of the things that make it so difficult.
I first want to address the issues of your feelings for your ex. It took you a while to fall for this guy, you can't expect to get over him over night. It's got to hurt first, and you have to miss him, and you have to want to talk to him. If didn't that would mean you never loved him and we both know you did and thats ok...no, thats great. Love is the most beautiful gift and its worth all the hell you'll go through trying to find it.
BUT he's not treating you well, and everytime you feel like you're going to break and call or talk to him, think about what he's doing to you with pictures and the other girl. If that's not enough to stop you nothing is.
MY other advice to avoid him for now or atleast keep your distance. You don't need false hope and its easier to get over someone when you can't see them or smell them or even touch them. Its the hardest part...walking away, but its a must. Its the best step.
As for this picture nonsense i'm going to say the one thing you probably wont like. You should ignore it. There is no room in our lives for regret. You made a mistake it doesn't make a bad person and it doesn't make you a slut. It makes you human, and you should smile about that.
When they whisper and laugh, just smile, because your the better person when you do. Someday karma will get those people and it always comes with a vengence. And besides the more you focus on that the more wrapped up in the mess your going to get.
As far as your friends, if they whisper, or turn there back on you...SCREW THEM! they arn't friends. Let them go! they'll only bring you down if you don't. it'll hurt, but the only way to start clean is to throw out the trash.
Now, about your imagine. You have no idea what doing the things i listed above will help. They will show that your strongwilled and in the end people will see who you REALLY are.
But the most important thing to remember about being respected is to remember it starts with respecting yourself. In general people are idiots and they will believe just about anything you tell them. So when they see you holding your head high and respecting yourself, they will do the same. People are followers, be a leader.
About making guys respect you. Take things slower. When you have a bad rep, deserved or not you have to do more to show your not that girl. Don't kiss until the second or thrid date. maybe even later if you don't feel secure yet. Believe it or not most guys usually understand, and if they don't you know they were there for the wrong reasons. You do that enough and the word will get around school, and suddenly the good guys will start noticing and your ex will look like a complete jerk.
I wish you luck honey. Keep that head up and don't stop smiling. And live by the golden rule...
"If can't live it down you might as well live it up, you'll and you'll learn, and worlds gonna turn, it aint going to stop for you"
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Well it’s me again , but this time me and the guy I was and still am deeply inlove with has now officially gave up me I went away for a week on a family trip we smsed and phoned each other it was sweet and we were still happy together and so much inlove I was happy that I could have him in my life and I was feeling so damn lucky and so damn happy…He went to P.E to visit his family but 3 or 4 weeks passed but and now it’s not the same I sms him but he does not even bother replying to my sms and when I phone he is like hey we just don’t speak a lot anymore like he completely gave up on me like he moved on; but I clearly have not I MISS HIM so much I can’t get him out of my mind I can’t get over the fact that he dropped me out of his life just can’t except it I cry everyday & want to call but I just gave up on it and stopped trying to make it work I told him to tell me what’s up why we so then he tells me im being stupit he like really changed on me his always rude on the phone and this tells me he has moved on because my last ex boyfriend was so and he had a new girlfriend and I thought he started to love me I thought we had a future and I thought he meant he loved me. The love faded by him but not by me I just wish it did I pray every day that this love would go away but it here to stay I can’t get over him I don’t want anybody but him but I can’t except that and I don’t see myself moving on & I tried to see other people but I simply can’t do it when will I ever be ready when!! I HATE HIM BECAUSE he did this to me…and I hate him even more because his bound to get a girl there because he tells me he partys ever night and day that is bound to lead to a new chick I feel punished hurt lost of trust I just want to see him but he told me he never wants me in his life or to see me when he comes back it will never be the same again because of me I just wish I could understand why his doing this but I can’. I gave him space for a while now that didn’t make him love me I smsed so sweet things no reply. I asked him over the phone why hasn’t he replyed he told me he rather spend his money on drinking I also got another problem I might be pregnant with his child because I never got my period this month and he asked me if I got it I said no so I asked if his worried he told me he don’t care what does that say if I am pregnant he will basically reject me and I so love him but his not a good father figure his a party animal I also wouldn’t know what to say to my parents because we know alota people whose pregnant they also going to reject me. I don’t know anymore what to do I am in so much SHIT I just wana die I im going to lose the people I love and I already lost him what now? But im broken I fell smashed into millions of pieces and I always seem to fall for the wrong guys I can’t control that I know I should just take it and forget about it but there is way tomany memories to foget us ME & HIM I need YOUR HELP BADLY!! (link)
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i wish there was some "get over the breakup" book for dummies, but there isn't. everyone hurts and heals in there own way. right now your in that lowest part of the breakup phase, and to top it all off your life feels like its crashing around you. the fear of being rejected, not being loved, not being good enough, and feeling straight screwed...is probably the best way to describe the pit your in now. that’s normal
first and foremost, before i give any advice on the matter, i want to say that this is a very iffy topic and i can only tell you what i would know to do in the situation, but despite what anyone else says, they most important advice to take is follow your heart. it never takes you anywhere you are not supposed to go.
now...
i know you can't just get over it. if the breaking up were that easy, love wouldn’t even be worth having. the reason it hurts so bad is because your losing the one thing you want most, love and all that comes with it(acceptance, respect, desire, passion, comfort, etc.). those are the things that really make a break up so heartbreaking. when you lose someone, you don't just lose all those things, you lose your hope for a better tomorrow, the one that could give you everything you've ever dreamed of.
understanding that is the first step. you have got to see that it's not just this guy that you miss, you miss the way you felt with him. so naturally being without him is indescribably painful. it hurts, its supposed to. that’s why they call it a break up. it breaks you. it's supposed to. be proud that it hurts you. what kind of person would you be if it didn't? not alive, i can tell you that much.
the next step is to just let it hurt. you have got cry, splurge, kick and scream, and say to hell with what the world thinks. if they can't understand and accept that you are hurting, they have no place in your life, they are leeches, helping to suck out what’s left of your happiness.
by the way, there is no limit on the time you are allowed to breakdown. take your time. rushing into another relationship will only sharpen the pain. it might look good on the outside, but on the inside being with a guy just cause, it will only kill you.
when the guy your supposed to move on with comes along, you'll just know. no you wont know, you'll just do it. life’s funny like that. things don't come around to you until your ready for them. more importantly, when you truly need them. there are no mistakes. not even this pain you feel. its going to hurt and its going to get worse, but its going to get better too. you wont even realize it. you are just going to wake up one day and forget to cry. a week later, your going to forget to miss him. with everyday that passes your going to be closer to realizing that it wasn't him that you loved or even miss, it was the way you loved yourself when you were with him that you miss.
you will see that, and when you do, it's going to hit you. you will find it again, and it will be better this time because you are wiser, and more open to it. you are going to see that this guy was an ass, and someone you would never choose again, but that you don't regret, because he made you a better person by showing you just how awful he is.
once you see that you are going to realize the only truth about love that will ever matter. if you are not the one for him he cant be the one for you. if every guy fit, what would make the right one special?
thats what it all comes down to. some part of you wants me to tell you to hold on and that everything will workout with this guy. i know because everyone(including myself) whos ever been in your shoes has secretly wished for the same thing. i sadly cant say that and mean it. even if this guy does come back, and he probably will, he'll just hurt you again.
he's a user. he's hurt you because he can, and he'll keep doing it if you let him.
so i guess my advice is to just take it day by day. take it all in. laugh, cry, and love every time you get the chance. don't hold back, don't hide, and and don't settle. this is just another one of those times that will pass. one day you look back and be thankful for it. just don't hide the pain, that’s what makes a heartache so much stronger. your keeping it locked so close to your heart on serves to deepen the love, and the pain.
as for the pregnancy issue. get a test. put your mind at ease. but i have some good news for you. stress(aka. heartbreak) causes periods to be late. when your emotions are out of wack your body doesn't work properly. another one of natures little quirks. twisted i know.
just don’t let it worry you now, not until you are sure.
and for your parents. people are always more judgmental when its not happening to them, but when its there own daughter it'll change. it suddenly wont seem so bad. and if it does, well i dont think very highly of your parents. they are not perfect, don’t let them lie to you!
but dont worry about that yet. take one problem at a time.
if it turns out you are pregnant which i dont think and pray you are not. message me and we will work through that one.
so i guess to sum it all up. just accept it, all of it, even the bad. you know he's no good for you, even if you don't want to accept it. how can anyone who intentionally makes you feel this way ever be right for you.
having said that. i know you cant just let him go. it doesn't work that way, but i do think you should try to keep as far away from him as you can. the distance will allow your heart to break in peace without any false hope. its kind of like monks and fasting. they do it because it brings them something food never could, the realization that they don't really need it the way they thought they did.
some other tips are to try and find a hobby, or at least try and do the things you normally do. the routine stuff will help you remember you are still alive and that you do have a tomorrow. and where else are you going to meet mr. right? not hidden in your room.
i hope it helped. and if there is anything else, or something that you think i didn't elaborate on or even mention, message again. i will be checking my inbox just incase. i really hope it all works out. if you need anything, even if its just a shoulder to cry on or someone to tell over and over again why it should have worked out, just im me. ahappebrunette.
much love,
angel
p.s. remember to cry when you feel like crying, laugh every chance you get, and the next time love comes knocking leap without looking down
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I think carefully, perhaps compulsively, about everything to the minutest detail. I think for hours, even sometimes throughout most of the night, exploring the intensely intricate details. I can create speeches, dialogues, critical essays, dramas and poems of what seems like stunning beauty and, more importantly, insight, whilst in a carriage of one of my thought-trains, but when I get the urge to put pen to paper—or finger to key—my train of thought is knocked off of its rails, and my writing is either immediately crushed by the falling train—and I stop writing for I know not what to write—, or a limb is sliced off and it bleeds to death (losing all that made it lofty and beautiful with every heartbeat) but not before it turns into something wretchedly lame and therefore it no longer describes all that is lofty and beautiful, but something else. All that was lofty and beautiful (in my thoughts) leaves and I am but left with something that is low and base—the crass, the saddened, the worthless, the sickened—,oh that which I do despise!
But, and here is my problem, I cannot, yet, put the lofty and beautiful into words like I so desire to. There are parts that I have put into words but those words cannot yet be ordered into the lofty and beautiful structure that I desire. Yet, oh yet, I have such a desire to do it. To the point where I must do it! I am so certain that I must do it; for the reason of expression. So why, oh why, can I not yet do it?
Thusly, I wonder, am I doomed to suffer the torment of my thoughts and not be able to write them down as I create them? Or shall I, finally, be able to write down all that is lofty and beautiful, as I discover, or invent, it through my thoughts?
I have been begging for an answer to this question for some time whilst contemplating yet my contemplation has yielded no definite results. So now, I seek the guidance (anonymously) of someone who has been in a similar situation (or someone who is truly wise [read: can empathise, fully, with this]) so that I may learn how to record my thoughts meaningfully. I thank you ever so much for reading this and I do so hope that my question shall not cause you inconvenience. (link)
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The thing about writing that is so infuriating is that no one gets it right the first time. The best of the best of the best will tell you good writing in rewriting. You do not believe me? It is ok. I know you do not. I never believed it either. I thought that because it came out wrong at first it would never be right. Better yet, I thought if I could not write it beautifully the first time then I was simply a bad writer. So, for fear of failure, I do not try at all.
Finally, I took step forward by trying the advice everyone was giving me, even though I thought it sounded utterly ridiculous.
I wrote. I did not worry about the grammar, the spelling, or the structure. More importantly I did not allow myself to read it until I was completely done getting all my ideas out on paper.
Next, I did what I believe to be the most difficult and embarrassing part of the writing process, and that was to read and edit my piece. Don't let it break your heart when it is terrible, because it will be. It is just a part of the process. The more you write like, the less terrible your first draft becomes.
The third step is to take a mental break. I like jogging, but everyone has his or her own thing. Do that for a while and try your best to think about the topic, not the writing.
Step four, with a clear head reread your piece, and then edit it again. And again.
Step five through however many reviews it takes you to get it just right, is to rewrite until it is ninety percent of what you imagined it would be.
*****TADA- it's time to let someone else read it! Someone you trust to tell you the truth in a very nice way.
Now revise it one more time and move on.
It is not an easy process, but nothing worthwhile is ever easy. Try it.
Some other Tips:
*Keep a tape recorded with you at all times and just think aloud. Let it come out as you think it. Once again, this means no thinking about grammar and such.
*Keep a journal. If you love thinking the way you do, you probably already have one, but if you don’t, get one. You will be amazed at how it helps. Think of it as practice. Writing is like anything else, the more you do it, the better you get at it.
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I am from England.
I am a muslim and so is my ex best friend. Today she had to tell me something, she asked if i was a lesbian because i was giving her sweets everyday at school.( Well not every day). I was was hanging around with her every time. But isn't that what friends are ment to do. I mean i 14 years old and this is really bothering me. How could she think that. I would NEVER think that of my friends. We are now just friends but i still think she think i am one. But i am not one i can never be one. I have now learnt that best freinds don't exist and that you can't trust anyone but yourself and god. I need desperate advice .It is really bothering me. Help. (link)
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I'm sad to say that what you experienced is just a part of growing up. I had the exact same thing happen to me when i was your age. It was awful, and the worst part was the girl started spreading rumors about me being gay all over school. And i was the new girl! So as you imagine i crawled into my little shell just like you are doing. It broke my heart, and i didn't have any real close friends for a while.
But as i got older and started to undersatnd the world a little better i realized that some people are just cruel. They get bored so they do things to make their lives more interest, with no consideration for anyone else. You just have to realize that one skinned knee is no reason to give your bike away. Getting hurt is a part of life. A healthy part in fact. We learn everytime we fall.
So for now just distance yourself from this girl as much as you can. She is one of those people that only puts out negative energy, and one of these days it'll all pour back down on her, and she'll being walking in the shoes she made you wear.
I guess my advice is to just remember that not all people are bad, if they were then why did God give us all a chance. He does the judging, we are here to spread as much love as we can while we can. Be patient, some day you'll find a friend willing to treat you with the same respect you treat her. But don't give up on people just because someone hurt you. How are people supposed to ever learn kindness if no one ever shows them what it is.
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I have a problem me and my boyfriend we great together and all but when we alone it's also great but then he keeps asking me what now?? i mean what now, is he getting bored of me because when we were at a party he told me he loves me and opened up to me, now it's like over the phone umh bye not anything sweet to be said, am i losing it or what...like the other night he had a party at his house and i was kind of tipsy he just wanted to get in my pants and i wasn't myself because even my best friend told me i look more inlove then him i have no cooking clue what to do so please help me out...thanks (inlove with her boyfriend but not getting love inreturn) (link)
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A good and bad thing about life is that we cannot read minds. It'd be cool if we could, because then it would take all the guess work and pain out of life. But then there would be no surprises, and if you ask me that would be worse.
But to get to your problem. I'm not completely straight on the order in which things were going on, so plese don't get upset if i get somethings wrong.
It's been my experience that if a guy sits down and pours out his feelings, he usually means them. There are always exclusions, but the majority of the time they mean it. Boys are *in general* more cafeful about sharring things like that, so chances are, he wouldn't have said it if he didn't mean it.
If you think he only wants you for sex there is one way to speculate. Did the confession of his love come before or after you had sex for the first time. If it was after then i'd say he definatly meant it, unless you were pressuring him to confess how he felt about(as most of us do--we want to know we are wanted, and thats ok). Then he may have lied or exaggerated to spare your feelings.
One the otherhand if he told you he loved you and then yall had sex for the first time it could go either way. He could be one of those rare but jerky guys who enjoys taking advantage of people. but i mean it when i say they are rare. But he's still there so i wouldn't say its all just for sex.
As for his sudden change in moods with you, remember that men are subject to mood swings just like women. He could be going through something, that he's afraid to talk about. And this is his way of lashing out. It might not even have anything to do with you.
The truth is i could help you break it down all day. We could go through every little thing that happened, but i'm sad to say we'd end up in the same place.
There is only one way to solve your problem, and it's going to take some serious guts and patience on your part.
You need to get your boyfriend alone somewhere, and tell him that you want to talk. Be straight with him, but don't make him feel guilty. Just tell the complete truth as calmly as you can. And before you let him answer, remind him that you want the whole truth, even if it hurts. Remind him that lying now only hurts worse later.
Sometimes we get so caught up in the problem we forget how things started, and it was probably by being open with one another. If you want to try and get things back to the way they were, you should start with that. Honesty goes a long way.
I sincerely hope it helps.
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I'll be the first to admit that I'm completely taken advantage of. Everyone describes me as the "nicest person they have ever met". And I couldn't agree more with them.
Making people happy is my main focus in life. It's always others before me. I'm there to comfort my friends, pay for everything(I have given a friend $2,000 to get a car when my own car is completely broke), drive them places (including three hours just to comfort them), do the stupid shit to make them happy (ex: make them crafts, bake them cakes..ect.), the word "no" does not exist in my vocabulary and provide or find entertainment for them when they are bored. It makes me feel so good to do so much for them.
At the same time being nice is my weakness. I have a love hate relationship with it. I love seeing people content and happy with their life. I see how much value I put into people but they usually don't realize it. Lately I've been crying about this because I'm not sure how to handle this. I've had things stolen from me, people ditch me, using me for my kindness, only calling when they want something or when it's convient for them. I "thought" I had friends but when it comes down to it I couldn't be more alone.
I can't say "no, I won't help you" or leave anyone stranded. I have tried to confront people about using me before but it only makes the situation worse. And I was never raised to be mean. Does anyone else have this problem? And for the people who actually do have a back bone...can you provide suggestions for me?
I always tell myself karma will be good to be someday. But I'm finding my optistic views slowly thinking otherwise.
Thank you! (link)
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Being nice isn't your weakness, it's not knowing when to mean thats your problem. Up until i was seventeen i lived to see everyone around me smile. I just wanted them to be happy, because if i made them happy, then they had to love me right? I mean i was the reason they got what they wanted.
It's not like that though. People arn't as good hearted as you are, and thats the first thing you have to realize. These people arn't asking you for help because it's their only option, they're doing because they know you'll be there.
I can't tell you to just stop helping people, because that'd be crazy, and it wouldn't be you. I think you need to find a healthier way to go about it.
Start back by making a list of the people around you that you've helped out in anyway.It might take a while.
Now get a higlighter and highlight the people on that list that have done something for you. And don't worry if isn't alot...most people arn't helpers.
Now we have a place to start. You know who your true friends are. Those are the people that you can help without asking any questions. They're your friends, and thats what friends do.
As for anyone else on that list...the next time they call to ask for something i want you to ask this first.
1. Whens the last time we talked?
2. Who did you call before me?
3. Why do you think i should do this for you?
They seem like harsh and heartless questions, and maybe you don't have to ask them out loud, but as long as they go through your head...its a good start.
Finding your backbone takes first finding a reason to have one. When you know someone is using you, use that pain to tell them No. Just tell yourself...I'm not gonna take this anymore!
The first step is standing tall...even if you're on the phone. You need to remember you have a spine. This step will serve you well.
Next ask them why they need your help? Or better yet why do they have noone else?...is it because they are to selfis?
Now you have to do the hardest part. Say no. Believe when i say i know how impossible this seems, and you wont feel any better after you've done it. It'll hurt and you will feel horrible. So why am i telling you to do it?
well thats the easy part. Your addiction is helping people, and like every addiction you have to take those painful first steps to recovery. it'll hurt the first time you do it, but in a few days it'll hit you, you just did something for yourself that the other person would have never done for you...respect you.
And thats what it all comes down too. You have to learn to respect yourself and your own worth. People are followers, and so when they see you not respecting yourself, its in their nature to do the same thing. So once they see you treating yourself right then they treat you right.
and if it helps, the thing that got me through was realizing the best way to help some people is to let them learn they can help themselves.
And as a side note, you might wanna think about signing up to help at a home for the elderly. It'll fill that hole that saying no left, because you'll know your using your energy to help people that not only need it, but that appreciate it. Most of them feel just like you, abandoned and unappreciated.
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What songs are out there that have to do with a guy playing mind games with a girl?or a guy giving a girl mixed signals? either would do, i like all kinds of music, so theres no real preference. (checked google) but i can't find one,john lennon keeps coming up haha.
if you know any thanks :]! (link)
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Songs I'm sure fit what ur lookin for:
*fallin' - Alica Keys
*Hot N' Cold - Katie Perry
*What's It Gonna Be - Jessica Simpson
*Too Much - Paula DeAnda
*Rain on A Tin Roof - Julie Roberts
*Walk Away - kelly clarkston
Songs to try
*Come In With The Rain - taylor swift
*tied together with a smile - taylor swift
*The Outside - Taylor Swift
*cold as you -taylor swift
*There's a wall - miranda lambert
*bring me down - miranda lambert
*Where is your heart? - kelly clarkston
*Don't Let me be the last to know -britney spears
*Count me in - deann carter
*Have You ever? - brandi
*can't let it go - the goo goo dolls
*let love in - the goo goo dolls
*Quit playing games with my heart - baskstreet boys
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Before I started working where I am, a man's wife died in an auto accident in February. He has two kids from her, now he is alone. I feel bad for him as anyone would. I am married and have two kids of my own too but I have my wife. He has never told me about what happened but others have told me. I never asked, they just mentioned it. My heart goes out to him and I'd like to help him out or at least show him I care without letting him know that I know already. I've actually thought he was a cool dude from the get-go and we'd sometimes step outside to shoot the bull and have a cigarette together. I'm hoping he'll tell me eventually about what happened because I'd like to help him out anyway I can emotionally. I hate seeing people in pain. This guy is miserable and lost without her. What should I do?
Thanks for reading. (link)
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I am very young, but being involved in music allowed me to get to know people. Everywhere i travel and sing it seems like i meet someone new and everyone of them have a story. Something happened to each and everyone of them that made them the person they are today. it's usually something terrible.
The thing is they are still normal people, that event doesn't define them, it just changes them. You have to treat this guy like any other buddy. Just be nice, and invite him out for a drink, to a family bbq, or something. you get the picture. Don't give up on him. Be patient, and just show him you're friend.
When he's ready he'll open up. i know this from experience, i've had many strangers spill they're hearts simply because i had a nice smile, and i cared to listen.
So don't worry so much about getting him to talk, just be his friend. He'll talk when he's good and ready. When he does just let him know you care to hear it.
By the way, i think it's great thing that you're trying to do. Few people have your heart.
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In English we have to do a Independent Report Project on any book we'd like. But I really am not sure what book to do I'm a very strong reader so im good with any book. I like to do really different books. Last Term i did A CHild Called it. {great book very depressing.} If you have any suggestions please tell me. Thanks
Brittany (link)
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If you liked A child Called It, i'd suggest something like Tuesday's With Morrie(GREAT!), or maybe even Angela's Ashes
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18/f
I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years, and I love him, but we started our relationship with him choosing my best friend over me, and later he cheated on me, chose other girls over me, sided with other girls if a conflict ever arrose, lied to me about being with girls who were awful towards me, etc. This was a long time ago, and he has been amazing for over a year. He's been so good to me, and I know he loves me, he deserves to start over. He is not a bad guy, he just made mistakes and learned from them. Unfortunately, I think it has affected me beyond repair.
Because he would "crush" on other girls, I have an overwhelming sense that I'm not good enough for him. And because these girls are rail thin, I constantly feel too fat for him to ever be attracted to me. The fat is, I'm not fat, so why do I feel like a cow 24/7?? He has made comments about the way I look, and I'm sure he meant nothing by them, but because of my insecurity I am overly sensative and get upset. For example, during Halloween I was trying on sexy costumes and asked if he liked them and he said "These are just not for you they don't look right I don't like them" I immediately asked who they would be for then, but he just shrugged... I assumed he meant I was not sexy enough for them, because they were not incredibly slutty or ugly they were all cute. I have come to the conclusion that he is not attracted to me and just loves me because he is comfortable with me. And I wonder if he thinks about other girls when we're in bed, or wishes he ended up with them instead... He's the type that would never say anything, and stay w/ me to be nice.
This is causing so much trouble between us. For example, I have become so digustingly jealous of EVERY girl he talks to, looks at, or knows. I know I shouldn't, but I get so upset when any girl talks to him. THIS IS CRAZY. I was never like this before :(
I feel ugly - but I have always been so confident in myself. How can I stop being so insecure???
p.s. I tried telling him that I feel like he isn't attracted to me and he didn't say anything at first, then when he started to compliment me it sounded so fake and forced. Now I am embaressed whenever he says something nice to me because I think it is only because I told him to. I sound so crazy, please help me before I push him away :(
and why do other guys think I'm hot, but my BOYFRIEND, seems to not care? :(((( (link)
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It's hard for me to tell you this because i know it's not the answer you want. I don't think he's the one for you.
I'm not saying that people don't change, because it seems like your boyfriend has really tried to be better, and i honestly believe that people do change. But i don't think that changing his actions will ever fix all the trouble it's caused you.
You'll never be comfortable with your boyfriend or ever truely trust him again. And with him you'll never love yourself. What kind of life is that? Spending the next thirty years wondering if he wants out, or if you're worthy of him.
I think the best thing for the both of you would be letting go. You've already displayed how impossible it is to go back.
it's hard to walk away from love, but sometimes we have too.
You might not see it like this now, but the truth is, if you are not the one for him, then he can't be the one for you. But some guy out there is. Someone who will put you first, never want to stray, and will think you are sexy after fifteen kids and one too many twinkys. you just have to have the courage to take the chance.
If you're deadset on making it work, you have got to realize that you have to let this insecurity go, without trust you'll never have a healthy relationship. But i don't honestly think you'll be able to do this with your boyfriend.
i hate to sound cliche, but certain sayings are popular for a reason...your boyfriend has just put forth too little too late.
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sorry this is so long but i really need advice, i know i'm not suppose to say this but really i will give 5 to anyone who answers because i'm so lost..
i made a huge mistake, i wish i never was put in this situation but i realize i have to deal with it now. my best friend for three and a half years has a girlfriend of two years. a couple weekends ago we were talking about sex and somehow we got to talking about us. i admit, i am horny i am a virgin im 18 years old. so when was like "hell yeah i wanna have sex with you" i really did mean it. i know that it's wrong to do though. he is the one i want to be intimate with, i've always liked him. different guys have wanted to do things with me but i can't do it with them, i always find myself thinking, "i want to do it with my best friend.." but i don't want to feel like i'm being used, and i don't want to lose it to someone who has a giflriend. well we were talking about this two weekends ago and i was like sorry cant this weekend i have my period so i was like in two weeks we can and then last night he texted me and was like.."we still doing it this weekend?" i was like haha yeah! so now he still thinks were doing it but i definately have been having doubts. there are so many reasons why i shouldn't but i REALLY want to with him. it's been weird this week i have been having dreams about us, and getting sexual. i've been thinking about it so much. the thing is if i don't do it with him i feel like he would think i was a tease. i know he is going to text me and be like, "ready?!" and i don't know if i should tell him in a text or have him come over and then explain to him. if he comes over though he will be excited because he will think he is getting "some" and then i would say like, "you know i really want to do it with you but the fact that you have a girlfriend, just makes me know that its wrong." and then after he wouldn't know what to say and things would be awkward but i still really want to hang out with him. i am so torn, i don't know what to do. i am the WORST at talking about things like this, i've never had an actual boyfriend which makes it worse. i can't resist this kid, everytime i'm around him i WANT HIM. but he seems to "want his cake, and eat it too" which makes me sad but i feel like degrading myself and just doing it because to me, it's something i feel comfortable doing with him and only him. i'm not the girl who is like oh i have to do it just to do it. well i would really appreciate if someone could help. thank you so much (link)
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I can honestly say i understand how you feel. I was seventeen before i had ever even really began "talking" too a guy. So when i turned 18 and had never really been in a relationship or some much as had one of those amazing makeout sessions, i just wanted to rush into it. And like you i wanted it to be with that one special guy i had always had a thing for.
Well i made the mistake of going with that rushed desire, two years later i'm more lost than i've ever been in my life. I now realize that i rushed into to something so i could finally be like everyone else, and now i kinda miss standing out for something that stood for; the person i really was.
I had never been one of those girls that said i wanted to wait for marriage, but i was one that wanted to wait for love, and like a fool i settle for desire.
If you want my honest advice, you have to do whats right for you. Not just now, but for whats gonna be right tomorrow, and next year.
It seems to me that you don't really want it to be like this, so don't let it. If this guy is really your friend, and he really cares about you. He'll understand. But call him asap, and let him know now that you don't want it like this. Guys understand more than u think they do, just don't string him along any more than you already have.
And to be honest i don't think he's the right choice anyway. The first time is anything but good, and no matter who its with, your going to feel like you've lost something when it's over. So if you do it with a guy that has a girlfriend thats only going to make you feel worse. You are going to feel alone, empty, and cheap.
I'm not saying that to be offensive, because i don't think you're any of those things no matter what your choice, i just want you to understand it'll make you feel that way.
I can go on for days giving you reasons to not do this, but in the end it comes down to one thing, if you have to ask yourself if your doing the right thing, then you probably arn't. When it's right you just know.
I wish you the best of luck.
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Lately I've been very depressed. I've been really happy, then really sad in a very short period of time. It's mostly over this guy that I really really liked and he liked me but I missed my chance. I feel like I'm living in the past. The guy has a girlfriend but I still feel like he likes me. Nothing will ever be the same even if they do break up. Ever night I feel like i'm crying myself to sleep and listening all sad songs that even get me in a worser mood. I don't feel like doing anything fun anymore and usually whatever his mood is, i get in it. I don't know what to do anymore, I feel like i'm just gettting sadder and sadder. Please help! (link)
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There is no easy way to get over a crush, that's why they call it a crush. It crushes your life into a million pieces, and trust me when i say there is not a one of us that hasn't been there at one point or another.
The best advice i can give is the adive you probably don't want. You gotta put yourself back together. Get back out there. You might not feel like doing the things you use to loved, but you should anyway. The only way to get your life back to normal is to start doing the normal things you used to do. You'll be amazed at the difference it makes on your mood. it's kinda like a skinned knee. You can't lay in bed until it gets better, you gotta get back in the game. if you don't you might miss that home run.
As far as the boy goes. The future isn't decided, you never know where you guys will end up. There is no magical way to stop the hurt, and for now i have to give you the most horrible and insensitive advice there is. You just gotta let it hurt. You can't just stop liking someone, and you can't change what is. So you just gotta take it a day at a time. Cry when you wanna cry, laugh every chance you can, and the next time love comes around leap without looking down. I learned the hard way that it's not the love we fear, its the fall from the height. When you're heart is ready, it'll move on.
So for now hang in there, and soak up the pain. It want last as long as you think. Just remember you never really know how alive you are until your hurting.
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So there is this guy Tony I liked him alot we have a big gap in age and he was alittle iffy on it but still liked me. So i told him i just wanted to be friends. I meet this guy Nathan and we have been dating for a while. Tony and I can't talk because Tony came to my work once and i gave him a hug good bye he told me hed come to my work and kiss me infront of everyone. I love my boyfriend a lot sometimes he says things to make me feel like crap but i love him and i know he loves me. I have been thinking about Tony a lot. I feel confused and not sure what to do. whats your opinion on this? (link)
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Well, the details are vague but I'll give the best advice i can from what i know. Being stuck between two guys is never easy, but i think you need to take a step back and and really look at your situation.
First think about Nathan. What do you like about him. His looks, personality, his money? nest ask yourself, How does he make you feel? Sexy, secure, or maybe important.
Once you realize why you love this guy, you need to ask yourself, will i still want him a year from now? Can i live with his faults?
Now do the same thing with Tony.
It's easy to get so caught up in the struggle we end up walking away from what we really want for fear we will never find what we need. It's easy to be with someone because you need them, but being with someone because you want them is far more rewarding.
I think you need to take some time for yourself and decide what you really want, and make your descion. Don't let anyone else make it for you. Even if it's the wrong one, do it proudly. Life happens the way it's supposed to, so be fearless. After all, real love is fearless.
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15/f
i have a 4 year old brother. im scared of being a bad sister and scarring his views of me for life, but sometimes he is so annoying that i feel like really hurting him. when i explain he's being annoying he does the same thing any 4 year old boy would do... do it again.
it scares me and it makes me feel bad because i know he has no idea what hes doing wrong.
instead of hitting him what can i do to make him stop being annoying? (link)
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First off you have to understand that you can't actually stop a kid from being a kid. So much of being pesty is just human nature...he'll grow out of it.
BUT...it sounds to me like he's craving attention. Being annoying is the only way he knows to get you to notice him. If you rrally wanna calm him down, spend time with him. He wants to know he's more than your annoying little brother. He wants to be your friend.
Take some time out of your day to do something you can both enjoy. You might end up liking it, and you'll realize he start respecting you more. And the more time you spend together, the closer you'll get, and then you can Talk nicely with him about how he could still be playful without getting on your nerves.
Trust me it'll make things so much better. Kids understand friendship, so be his friend, and he'll treat you with the same respect.
I've got four siblings and we're all like best friends, but we also know how to respect each others space. That came from spending time with each other and becoming more than family.
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Well as the subject says latelty I've been thinking about suicide quite often.Now before you go off and say,"No! don't do it" or "You need serious help".Just shut up will you!!! Yes I know it's the cowardly way out of life and often missunderstood as to why anyone would want to take their own life.Okay I'm 15,female and currently a freshman.Since I turned 11 or right around 5th grade I guess,I began to get sick alot.Like with colds and such,I'd miss school alot and my parents would get stressed with me.Hell I'd stress out too,but that's not why I wanna end it.Now I'm in High School and been missing alot due to being ill.Right now I have some stupid pneumonia thing,not completely.I'm on antibiotics so yeah.But any way,like I said.I'm to much of a chicken to kill myself,yet that is.
(link)
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I had a friend who commited sucided, and i remember thinking at the time, "why do they use the word 'commited'?". And when i thought about it one thing came to mind, it's one those things you can't change, once you make the choice there is no turning back.
My friend thought alot like you. She had a weak immune system as a result of cancer treatment she had when she was young. So people thought the same things about her as they do about you. She thought the world hated her, and so i guess thats why she did it.
Junior year she hung herself. I'd never seen so many people cry, and i realized it wasn't because they knew her or were sorry for all the things she was going through, they were sad because of all the things she'll never get to do. Like graduation, or fall in love, travel, or maybe even have a kid of her own someday.
I'm not going to tell you need to get help, because it seems to me you already understand what your choice will mean. And feeling alone and helpless does not make you crazy.
But you do have a choice and don't i think you should take it lightly. The problem with skipping out on the rest of your life now is that you never know how much better it's going to get. i get that you don't really want advice and i understand that, but understand this, life's as good as we make it. People only have power over you if you give it to them. So stop listening to them, and more importantly stopping living for them. Maybe then sucide wouldn't seem like the easy way out anymore.
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