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I am unable to write as eloquently as I can think
I think carefully, perhaps compulsively, about everything to the minutest detail. I think for hours, even sometimes throughout most of the night, exploring the intensely intricate details. I can create speeches, dialogues, critical essays, dramas and poems of what seems like stunning beauty and, more importantly, insight, whilst in a carriage of one of my thought-trains, but when I get the urge to put pen to paper—or finger to key—my train of thought is knocked off of its rails, and my writing is either immediately crushed by the falling train—and I stop writing for I know not what to write—, or a limb is sliced off and it bleeds to death (losing all that made it lofty and beautiful with every heartbeat) but not before it turns into something wretchedly lame and therefore it no longer describes all that is lofty and beautiful, but something else. All that was lofty and beautiful (in my thoughts) leaves and I am but left with something that is low and base—the crass, the saddened, the worthless, the sickened—,oh that which I do despise!
But, and here is my problem, I cannot, yet, put the lofty and beautiful into words like I so desire to. There are parts that I have put into words but those words cannot yet be ordered into the lofty and beautiful structure that I desire. Yet, oh yet, I have such a desire to do it. To the point where I must do it! I am so certain that I must do it; for the reason of expression. So why, oh why, can I not yet do it?
Thusly, I wonder, am I doomed to suffer the torment of my thoughts and not be able to write them down as I create them? Or shall I, finally, be able to write down all that is lofty and beautiful, as I discover, or invent, it through my thoughts?
I have been begging for an answer to this question for some time whilst contemplating yet my contemplation has yielded no definite results. So now, I seek the guidance (anonymously) of someone who has been in a similar situation (or someone who is truly wise [read: can empathise, fully, with this]) so that I may learn how to record my thoughts meaningfully. I thank you ever so much for reading this and I do so hope that my question shall not cause you inconvenience.
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Want to answer more questions in the Miscellaneous category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Random Weirdos?
Write your abstract ideas and thoughts down either on some scrap notebook paper or whatever, or as comments in notepad.exe. They don't have to be well organized, pretty, or particularly deep. Just core thoughts and concepts that you want to delve into when you get into the actual writing.
What I did for my classes at least, was slowly take those ideas and write out chunks of whatever I had to write, in no particular order to the overall story/essay/etc., and put them into a word document. I'd make it one paragraph per page on average, leaving lots of extra space for me to move things around, add or delete lines/paragraphs, leave comments to myself on why I don't like how a paragraph reads, and so on. From there I'd work on gradually rewording and restructuring what I want the flow of the paper to be.
Give yourself a few days to do this, with lots of breaks in between. Don't try to power through this in one sitting either, I was always came back to see one paragraph look terrible after a night's sleep. The advantage of this is that you get a fresh perspective and can tweak it further until you get to a first draft.
By the way, don't worry about not being able to just pour the contents of your brain out onto a piece of paper (or into a word document). It's often much more involved than that.
Just curious, how long did it take you to write this question? It sounds way too dramatic.
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The thing about writing that is so infuriating is that no one gets it right the first time. The best of the best of the best will tell you good writing in rewriting. You do not believe me? It is ok. I know you do not. I never believed it either. I thought that because it came out wrong at first it would never be right. Better yet, I thought if I could not write it beautifully the first time then I was simply a bad writer. So, for fear of failure, I do not try at all.
Finally, I took step forward by trying the advice everyone was giving me, even though I thought it sounded utterly ridiculous.
I wrote. I did not worry about the grammar, the spelling, or the structure. More importantly I did not allow myself to read it until I was completely done getting all my ideas out on paper.
Next, I did what I believe to be the most difficult and embarrassing part of the writing process, and that was to read and edit my piece. Don't let it break your heart when it is terrible, because it will be. It is just a part of the process. The more you write like, the less terrible your first draft becomes.
The third step is to take a mental break. I like jogging, but everyone has his or her own thing. Do that for a while and try your best to think about the topic, not the writing.
Step four, with a clear head reread your piece, and then edit it again. And again.
Step five through however many reviews it takes you to get it just right, is to rewrite until it is ninety percent of what you imagined it would be.
*****TADA- it's time to let someone else read it! Someone you trust to tell you the truth in a very nice way.
Now revise it one more time and move on.
It is not an easy process, but nothing worthwhile is ever easy. Try it.
Some other Tips:
*Keep a tape recorded with you at all times and just think aloud. Let it come out as you think it. Once again, this means no thinking about grammar and such.
*Keep a journal. If you love thinking the way you do, you probably already have one, but if you don’t, get one. You will be amazed at how it helps. Think of it as practice. Writing is like anything else, the more you do it, the better you get at it.
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