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insecurity
18/f
I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years, and I love him, but we started our relationship with him choosing my best friend over me, and later he cheated on me, chose other girls over me, sided with other girls if a conflict ever arrose, lied to me about being with girls who were awful towards me, etc. This was a long time ago, and he has been amazing for over a year. He's been so good to me, and I know he loves me, he deserves to start over. He is not a bad guy, he just made mistakes and learned from them. Unfortunately, I think it has affected me beyond repair.
Because he would "crush" on other girls, I have an overwhelming sense that I'm not good enough for him. And because these girls are rail thin, I constantly feel too fat for him to ever be attracted to me. The fat is, I'm not fat, so why do I feel like a cow 24/7?? He has made comments about the way I look, and I'm sure he meant nothing by them, but because of my insecurity I am overly sensative and get upset. For example, during Halloween I was trying on sexy costumes and asked if he liked them and he said "These are just not for you they don't look right I don't like them" I immediately asked who they would be for then, but he just shrugged... I assumed he meant I was not sexy enough for them, because they were not incredibly slutty or ugly they were all cute. I have come to the conclusion that he is not attracted to me and just loves me because he is comfortable with me. And I wonder if he thinks about other girls when we're in bed, or wishes he ended up with them instead... He's the type that would never say anything, and stay w/ me to be nice.
This is causing so much trouble between us. For example, I have become so digustingly jealous of EVERY girl he talks to, looks at, or knows. I know I shouldn't, but I get so upset when any girl talks to him. THIS IS CRAZY. I was never like this before :(
I feel ugly - but I have always been so confident in myself. How can I stop being so insecure???
p.s. I tried telling him that I feel like he isn't attracted to me and he didn't say anything at first, then when he started to compliment me it sounded so fake and forced. Now I am embaressed whenever he says something nice to me because I think it is only because I told him to. I sound so crazy, please help me before I push him away :(
and why do other guys think I'm hot, but my BOYFRIEND, seems to not care? :((((
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I think that you should dump him and the reason why i think that you should dump him is because of the fact that if he is going to chose an other girl over you that means that he is some sort of player and then if you give him another chance then he is going to think that he is always going to beable to walk all over you and i am not trying to be mean i just think that you deserve a lot better
Just keeping it real
Joey
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That's definately a tough situation. Since you guys have been going out for so olng, there is a good chance that he really has changed, because he has matured. However, he could also not have really changed. My ex boyfriend cheated on me with two of my friends, then broke up with me for one of them and they are still together. No matter what happened, I would never take him back and never trust him again or anything like that.
Also, if a guy is making you feel ugly, then he's not worth it. I know that sounds kind of cliche but its true.
Also about the jealousy...i used to be not jealous at all, like my ex could talk to whoever he wanted, whatever girls, hang out with them, i didn't care because I trusted him, but after having him cheat on me I always became suspicious. Even though I never really confronted him about it, I was always nervous and I was never like that before either.
Definately don't be embarrased or feel awkward when he compliments you. He may have just stopped because he got so relaxed around yuo, not because all of those things weren't true. Whatever you decide, talk to him about it and be honest.
Good Luck!
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It's hard for me to tell you this because i know it's not the answer you want. I don't think he's the one for you.
I'm not saying that people don't change, because it seems like your boyfriend has really tried to be better, and i honestly believe that people do change. But i don't think that changing his actions will ever fix all the trouble it's caused you.
You'll never be comfortable with your boyfriend or ever truely trust him again. And with him you'll never love yourself. What kind of life is that? Spending the next thirty years wondering if he wants out, or if you're worthy of him.
I think the best thing for the both of you would be letting go. You've already displayed how impossible it is to go back.
it's hard to walk away from love, but sometimes we have too.
You might not see it like this now, but the truth is, if you are not the one for him, then he can't be the one for you. But some guy out there is. Someone who will put you first, never want to stray, and will think you are sexy after fifteen kids and one too many twinkys. you just have to have the courage to take the chance.
If you're deadset on making it work, you have got to realize that you have to let this insecurity go, without trust you'll never have a healthy relationship. But i don't honestly think you'll be able to do this with your boyfriend.
i hate to sound cliche, but certain sayings are popular for a reason...your boyfriend has just put forth too little too late.
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