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Co-worker's wife died tragically...
Before I started working where I am, a man's wife died in an auto accident in February. He has two kids from her, now he is alone. I feel bad for him as anyone would. I am married and have two kids of my own too but I have my wife. He has never told me about what happened but others have told me. I never asked, they just mentioned it. My heart goes out to him and I'd like to help him out or at least show him I care without letting him know that I know already. I've actually thought he was a cool dude from the get-go and we'd sometimes step outside to shoot the bull and have a cigarette together. I'm hoping he'll tell me eventually about what happened because I'd like to help him out anyway I can emotionally. I hate seeing people in pain. This guy is miserable and lost without her. What should I do?
Thanks for reading.
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Hi there,
I guess first of all you could try to make this guy a closer friend. When you go out for an occasional cigarette, ask him to go out for a drink or something one night.
Have a BBQ and invite him and the "family" If his kids are the same age as yours that would be perfect. That there then might be a good opportunity for him to tell you about the loss of his wife. (He may not know how to tell you perhaps?!?)
If he decides to tell you then that's where you'll have your chance to help him. Inviting him to places might make him feel like he's still a part of something, especially if he doesn't know that you know about his wife.
Talk about your kids and his... there's at least one thing you have in common. I guess the idea is to not put too much pressure on the guy about the death. He may just want a friend to talk to who doesn't know or asks questions about it like everyone else does. He might not want to be felt sorry for by everyone.
Being miserable is obviously part of the grieving stage, I probably wouldn't incorporate your wife into too much of everything too fast... too many memories may pop up.
I hope I've helped and I hope you succeed. Your a good person for caring so much :)
Good luck!
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I am very young, but being involved in music allowed me to get to know people. Everywhere i travel and sing it seems like i meet someone new and everyone of them have a story. Something happened to each and everyone of them that made them the person they are today. it's usually something terrible.
The thing is they are still normal people, that event doesn't define them, it just changes them. You have to treat this guy like any other buddy. Just be nice, and invite him out for a drink, to a family bbq, or something. you get the picture. Don't give up on him. Be patient, and just show him you're friend.
When he's ready he'll open up. i know this from experience, i've had many strangers spill they're hearts simply because i had a nice smile, and i cared to listen.
So don't worry so much about getting him to talk, just be his friend. He'll talk when he's good and ready. When he does just let him know you care to hear it.
By the way, i think it's great thing that you're trying to do. Few people have your heart.
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