I'm a happily married Wife of 18 years with 5 beautiful children. I have created with my Husband a Family life I never thought possible in this world of turmoil and confusion. Growing up through my teen years was more like an excersize in surviving, both emotionally and mentally. The first years of my adulthood I spent re-evaluating all that I had lived through, and then rebuilding myself into a person I liked and wanted to be. The realization that changed my life forever was when I came to understand; I was not who or what others said I was, or wanted me to be. I didn't have to repeat my parents mistakes, when there was so many of my own I could make. I realized I alone was responsible for my choices, and for letting others treat me badly. I was no longer a child, and could demand and expect to be treated well. By freezing out those who didn't understand that for me things had changed!! I was still young, so I didn't alway's know what to do, but I sure knew what NOT to do! Which that alone is sometimes half the battle!!
Gender: Female
Location: CA
Occupation: Domestic Engineer
Age: 39
Member Since: September 22, 2005
Answers: 31
Last Update: June 8, 2008
Visitors: 5711
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Hello, I sought you out on here because I thought I needed a mother's advice and sadly enough, I won't hurt my own mother with my mistakes so I need I need to borrow someone elses. I am currently a college student and i got myself into a big mess. It's a long story and I'd prefer to keep it private so if you could inbox me on here, I'd really appreciate it. My name on this site is originalsurfNsun.
Thanks! (link)
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I would be glad to help you any way I can. Unfortunately I don't know how to inbox you on here to keep it private. If you can tell me how I do that then I will. Let me know, ok?? Take care and hope to hear from you soon.
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I dont know how to break up with this guy! My friend dared me to date him, but it got out of hand... and i dont know what to do!
Should i tell him it was just a dare?
HELP!!!!!!
HELP!!!!!! he is driving me nuts and i dont know what to do about it
I dont want to hurt him
but i dont really like him...at all.in fact i hate him! i dont no how to break up!
i am leaving on may 20 so should i just stick it out until i leave?
once agian, HELP!!!! (link)
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No you shouldn't tell him it was a dare that would be mean. You shouldn't stay with him till
May 20th either. Just tell him you really don't feel a connection with him and it's not working out for you. If you want you can tell him you hope that you can still be friends but if he doesn't want that then your sorry. Sometimes the best way to do something difficult is just to do it. Take Care and Good Luck
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Im 17 years old, female, and only had sex a few times but during sex i always get the feeling like i have to pee, but im not sure if thats what it is or if im going to cum, so i stop the guy doing what he's doing(rubbing) because if its pee i dont want that, its embarrassing. i dont know whats happening. So to pretty much sum it up, i dont know how to cum. what should i do?? (link)
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If you have emptied your bladder before things got started then you can be pretty sure its not urine on the way. All I know for sure, is right before you start to cum there's a really intense feeling followed by fluid gushing. Sometimes it can be so much fluid you think your peeing but your not. Here's an interesting fact you probably don't know. Guy's when they cum, its about 1-2 teaspoons. However, when a woman cums it could be up to a quart of fluid!!! So things can get pretty messy when we let go and allow ourselves to go with it. But hey that's what showers are for. Hope this helps you. Remember to play safely, Take Care.
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i was the girl with the boyfriend who has pictures of his ex girlfriends and has cheated on me.
i still think about the cheating today and i dont even hang out with my friends because im afraid that if i leave this boy alone that he will cheat again and i will be SOL. i dont want to be hurt again and if he cheats on me again i will have to leave him... i truly do love him. your telling me that your boyfriend cheated on you and you believed that it wouldnt happen again and then it did 4 years later? because if thats true then everything i believed in isnt true. i thought that if i could make this kid love me and be with me for years then there is no way that he could cheat on me again. i love this boy so much and we have been together for years. i dont know what to do. secretly i want him to screw up and cheat so that i have a reason to break it off.. (link)
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No, what I meant is I was with him for 4 years altogether. I had actually already been with him for 1 and a half years when I found out he had cheated on me the first time. It seemed like I had been with him for so long and I loved him so much and I believed he loved me too. (Which I still believe he did) So I gave him another chance and convinced myself to trust him again. It was probably about 8-9 months before he did it again. Then the whole scene happened again and again I forgave him. The next time he cheated on me was after I wound up pregnant.
I dont know your guy so there's no way I can say for sure. Just from my experience and observations over the years lead me to believe there are two types of guys in this world. The kind who cheat, and the kind who don't. I don't think guys cheat because they don't love the girl their with. I think they cheat because it's a charachter flaw that is just in them. Cause even still I believe he loved me completely it's just that his love wasn't the kind I could live with. There are some women that can deal with sharing their man or looking past his cheating I'm not one of those women.
As for you not even leaving him alone with other girls because you can't trust him. That say's alot. If you don't trust him how can you build a life with him?? I think deep down you know the answer to your dilema better than you want to admit. Write back if you need any more advice. Take Care and Good Luck.
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ive been going out with this amazing girl for 4 days but the problem is i dont think she knows i love her /i dont think she loves me,can sum1 tell me a way to tell her i love her,by the way im 12 years old and we hav kissed twice like just a little pek though. (link)
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First of all, unlike the others on here who have replied, I think its perfectly fine for you to have questions concerning your emotions. Regardless of your age I'm Happy to share my advice with you. You can go to my column and ask whatever you need to anytime and I'll tell you what I think. O.K.?
So now that we have that out of the way, let's talk about this girl. Apparently, the first Love of your life right?? Well at least I know that's how it feels to you right now. What your actually feeling right now is brought on by what we call chemistry. And yes, it just might be the beginings of what Love is made of. The truth is, even as intense as your feelings are for her, there is sooooo much more to the dynamics of True Love.
Love doesn't just happen. Love is something that is built and tested over time. Thats why people are telling you it can't be Love, because Love takes time to develop. It builds stronger day by day, and week by week, year by year.
However, what your feeling is real too, it's just not as intense. It's called infatuation and it's some powerful stuff. In fact it's easy to mistake it, because truthfully every Romantic Love does start with infatuation. But as time goes on, the infatuation wears off and the attraction either kinda dies off or starts becoming more of a deep caring, that over time can become Love. However you have to realize at your age the chances of this being one of those longtime lasting Loves is not really in your favor. Not that it hasn't happened but very few people are lucky enough to find their life-mate at 12 years old.
With that said, it doesn't take away the fact your feelings are genuine and strong. In fact they are probably some of the strongest feelings you have ever felt for a girl. Believe it or not though Real Love is 10 times or more stronger and intense.
With all that in mind I know you still want to find a way to express how much you really like her. However you did say you don't think she feels as strongly, so you have to be careful. You dont want to freak her out or anything. Which brings me directly to your friends advice. He is wrong!!! You should not do that!! Especially at school because then she may have friends who start teasing her or something and that could ruin everything. Besides a kiss is something you shouldn't plan. It should only happen when it feels right, not when you planned for it. That would make it awkward. If you are going to show her any type of affection maybe you could reach out and hold her hand as your standing next to her. Something simple and sweet like that. Just be yourself. Clearly she must have saw something she liked because she's been going out with you for 4 days. Don't mess it up by pushing your rush of emotions on her and scaring her off. There's nothing wrong with giving her gifts just because you were thinking of her. If nothing else you can give her flowers. Stick with the small stuff and let time create it's magic. One thing I want you to remember is if this doesn't last then at least now you have a small taste of how good Love makes a person feel. Someday when true Love finds you, you will see I am right about the difference. For now enjoy the moment, infatuation is nothing to pass up on. Take CAre, Be Yourself, and just relax. Good Luck. Oh and don't take advice from that friend. lol
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do emo kids get made fun of a lot? (link)
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Well it just seems to be a fact of life that in school everyone gets labeled as something. Whether it's right or wrong doesn't really matter it just is, what it is. As the Mother of two teens. A girl and a boy I have become very familiar with the term EMO's. From what they tell me, Emo's at their schools (one in middle and one in high school) kinda stick together. They of course are known for cutting themselves for whatever reason. Not really sure why. However because of this they are looked at by the other kids as kinda crazy and possibly dangerous. As my kids say if they cut themselves they won't have no problem cutting someone who messes with them. I have overheard my kids and their friends laughing about stories or incidents with emo's and other kids at school. Even though they do talk about them and laugh they wouldn't do it to their face. Or even within earshot.
They like most the kids, feel its better to be cool to someone who is living in that state of mind than to start trouble with them. In fact from what I hear the prep's get more grief by other kids than emo's do cause no one is afraid of them, and they act like they think their better than others. Therefore, they are much better targets for the general population of kids to pick on. Take Care.
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is it all that bad? i have MANY MANY friends who are teenage parents and they just say oh i love my baby and i dont regret having it. and blah blah blah. they make it seem like its the best thing. i want to know what its really like. but i dont dare ask them because i know they wont tell me the bad things. so what did you go through or going through? do you honestly regret keeping it and all that? I DONT MEAN DO YOU REGRET YOUR BABY! because i know that its your child and you love it so you wouldnt regret that but if you could go back in time would you change things? (link)
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Well I'm not a teenage Mother but I almost was. Unfortunately, I had a miscarriage at 5 months and was unable to get pregnant for almost 4-5 years after that. At that time there was nothing in the world I wanted more than a baby. However, now as an adult, who has 5 children I look back and see how selfish I was being.
Yes I did say selfish, because I wanted a baby and it didn't matter to me how many things my child would have to go without because their Mother would have been a struggling teen Mom. In fact it didn't even occur to me because I was just so focused on what I wanted. Never did I stop to think about all the things a baby needs, not to mention the things you want them to have.
Sure it can be done, there are young girls doing it everyday. Struggling to make ends meet, and more often than not, having to leave their little one's in someone else's care while they go take care of the things that need to be done. The thing is, if your not in a place in life where you can be around to enjoy your baby, why would you want to have a child your dropping off daily for someone else to raise??
Another consideration is really understanding that your baby only stays a baby for a little while. Soon you have a kid standing up telling you "No" and "Mine". Thats just the begining! Let me go back though to those sweet baby days. It's not only cute and cuddly stuff. I'm sure your aware of night time feedings, dirty diapers and the usual stuff. What you may not be aware of is some other stuff.
I as a Mother of 5 can tell you about some of those things. As I'm sure you already know, all babies are different. They have there own very special surprises. First for us there was colic. Which happens with some babies and they just cry, and cry, forever it seems, and nothing you can do quiets them. You try the football carry, you try the sound of a vacuum running, you try musical lullabye tapes, and car rides, etc. Most of these things work but only for a short time then they begin to cry again. Colic can last anywhere between 6 weeks and 3 months. Another great unexpected treat is projectile vomiting!! Yes it is just as bad as it sounds. Usually babies just spit up a little here and there, but sometimes you get one that projectile vomits. When that happens, you have vomit violently erupting from the babies mouth and shooting about 5 feet across the room!! Imagine the joy in cleaning that up? While we are on subject of vomiting there is also those babies who are born and there stomachs just haven't quite matured enough, which is totally normal in babies. What it causes though, is for every bottle you feed them, it seems at least half comes back up! When my oldest Son was the baby my Husband and I would not say it's time to burb the baby. Instead we called it exactly what it was. It was time to puke the baby!!
Then of course, there is diarhea that could happen at any time for no reason at all it seems. If your not careful your baby will quickly develop diaper rash which is a whole new experience. If the rash is not taken care of and given air to the skin, it can start to crack and even bleed! You have to get the right meds from the Dr. Over the counter medicines just dont seem to work as well.
Something else you may have never heard of is thrush. Babies can get it from anything they put in their mouth. If you know anything about babies you know everthing goes in their mouth. Thrush is a bacterial infection that covers the inside of the baby's mouth with painful blisters making it horribly painful to eat. Of course, it's treatable but it takes time to get better. In the meantime your baby is suffering in pain and you feel helpless cause there is nothing you can do to get them better any faster.
One other consideration you need to think of is healthy and normal is not a guarantee. My youngest Daughter was born and everything seemed completely normal but when she began to walk it became clear she was severly bow-legged. From the age of around 1 yr. old till a little past 3 years old she had to be in complete leg braces at all times to correct the disformity. She even had to learn to sleep with those heavy bulky things strapped onto her. She had just learned to walk and when the leg braces came, not only did she have to learn to walk with them on, but she had to relearn how to even get up off the floor!!!
These are just a few of the things I have experienced over the years. I haven't even touched on allergic reactions, immunizations, teething pain, various injuries that can range anywhere between skinned knees, slammed and injured teeth from falling against a curb at 3 years old, or broken arms from falling wrong on what looked like plush thick soft grass!!!
I haven't spoke of the intense pain involved with giving birth to a living human being, or the stitches sewn in that area between the vagina and anus after having been cut to allow enough room for the baby to pass through. Nor have I shared with you the frustration of dealing with schools when your child just wont behave or complete his work like he is supposed to.
As the parent you are supposed to be able to fix, treat, or control all these things. In the most ideal of situations Motherhood is a tall order. I can tell you honestly, My kids and the joy they have brought me over the years is worth it all, but I'm sure glad I didn't have to face it when I was a teen. Truthfully, I dont know that I could have handled it as well and I know my kids would have been the one's to suffer because of my inability to cope.
Children deserve the best you can offer of yourself and the things they need and want. Don't make the mistake of cheating yourself or your babies out of the calm, patient, and capable Mom you can someday be.
Keep in mind your friends have to say it's all so great. They are in that position now, like it or not. So of course, they have to say all good things. Not to would be admitting their kids would be better off had they been born to Mom's who already had there life together and their minds in the right place! Do your baby a huge favor. Wait till you can give it all it deserves in life, including A Mom who is really ready to be A Mom. Be Smart, Take Care, and Take your time creating the life and family your baby deserves to enter into.
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I'm 16, female, and weigh 149 lbs. I'm only 5'4, but I'm in sports all year round. So I'm built. People told me that I look like I lost weight, but I want to lose the fat that I have. I have a lot of muscle, but I know I could lose weight. Its mainly in my stomach, I have that little stomach that most girls have. How can I lose that? I run track, play basketball and cheer. In track I don't run a lot, about only 2-3 laps each practice, should I try running a mile everyday? I'm thinking about drinking only water, and OJ, no pop, and still eat my regular foods, but take out the sweets and un needed foods, like bored eating. Will this help? Any help is welcomed!! (link)
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Sounds like you don't really need to lose weight. What you say you are wanting to do is get rid of that little stomach pouch girls have. Running wont help that and neither will diet. What you need to do is tone your abs. Try doing crunches. Lots of them. On a regular bases and as the muscles tone up that pouch will be pulled in and quite possibly dissappear. Take Care and Good Luck.
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is "kinky" considered a cuss word?
like if you said it in front of mom or dad what would they say?
or in front of a high school teacher?
(link)
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Kinky is not a cuss word. It is a descriptive term like; Freaky or Cool. Yes it is usually used when talking about sex or fettishes, but it is no more a cuss word than Raunchy or Crotch is. Sure none of the words are the ones you would choose to use in front of the little old ladies at chuch, but there is a lot worse things you can say. If one of my kids were punished or sent to the office at school because they said it, I would be livid with the school staff for wasting mine and my child's time with such ignorance. In my opinion people who would get all worked up and bent out of shape over this word being used, seriously need to get their panties out of a bunch and lighten up. lol
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Okay, so i have been going out with Drake,
my boyfriend for ten years. We live together in
an apartment and i really want to get married. i
want to have kids first though. My friends all
have kids and i want to have kids to motavate him
to ask me to marry him. But, i don't know how to
tell him. We have only had sex twice and he said
lately that he doesn't want to have sex until we
are married. I just want to have a kid though
because i love him and latley we haven't been as
close. I think having kids would bring us closer
as a family. How should I tell him? i need
advice! :( gogurl10 (link)
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Relationships make babies.
Babies dont make relationships.
If it's not working out for you as a couple a baby will just complicate things. Speaking from experience making the relationship work well as a couple can be tough. Working together to stay a couple and raise a child together is 10 times harder.
If you really want a baby just tell him so and see what his reaction is. The only real way to know is just put it out there. Whatever you do though, don't just get pregnant thinking it will suddenly turn him into your soul mate again. It just doesn't work that way. Good Luck.
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My parents have split up 6 times...
And then got back together
This is the 7th time..
And I found out that my mom had an affair 3 years ago!
I am totally stressing, and I block out my emotions until they come back, because I don't want to feel sad...
Well today I found out that my favorite person and teacher is pregnant...
I am totally like crying over it!!
Thats good news...right?
I don't feel like I can talk to her because she is preggo, there is no point in making her stress...she is having a BABY!!
So yeaa....
I think I might be depressed...and I can't handle this anymore!!!
I want to get awawy from my house, and escape my problems...and the person who I talked to about themm....I don't feel like I can talk to them...
I feel all alone...with no one to talk to...
And I almost broke down in school today...because I was soo sad...and I am glad that she will have a family of her own, but I still don't have anyone to talk to >.<
Not to mention my friends need me like I am their thera;pist, and I don't want to tell them to go away...because the need me...
What should I do???\ (link)
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First of all there is nothing you can do about your parents. Whatever is going on with them is what it is. However, as far as your pregnant teacher that you can't talk to that's another story. She is pregnant not sick or brain-dead!! If she was there for you before she will be there for you now. At least until she goes on Maternity leave. Trust me, I know about being pregnant. I have 5 children and being pregnant has never stopped me from being there to help my older kids with their problems. Unless of course I was in Labor!! lol Stop selling your teacher short, have a little faith in her ability to help you like she always has. Go talk with her and you will find your not as alone as you think you are. Take Care and have Faith. All will work out in the end.
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hey im 16 and pregnant
im 4 months along and
me and my boyfriend came up with some possible names with middles names.
Aidan Jole
Jole Aaron
Graydan Alan
Jayden Marcus
Brighten Mason
Brayden James
those were the top 6 boys names
Madison June
Mackenzie Lynn
Brianna May
Jamie Marie
Laura Jane
Madeline Jayme
and those are our top 6 girl names
we arnt sure if we are having a boy or girl
help us decided witch boy or girl names out of those do you all like?! or if you can come up with some other names please tell.
help us :) (link)
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Okay from your list of names it looks like you want names that are a little unusual and unique. I happen to Love unique baby names. Since I already have 5 kids and do not plan on any more I will share some of the ones I have on a list of possible's I made during my last pregnancy.
First Boy names;
1. Kaleb Zander (Kaleb is Hebrew and means
Faithful. Zander is Greek
and means Defender of
Mankind)
2. Logan Zander
I also like Connor, Jared, Malachi,and Eli.
Mason is a cool name too but I would use as a first name and possibly pair it up with Stone.
3.Mason Stone
I kinda like Jayden too but would be worried about kids teasing him and calling him Gayden. Kids are mean like that.
Girl names are a bit more difficult but I do have a few suggestions;
1. Autumn Blaze
2. Jezriel Jade
3. Zuriel ??? (not sure on middle name)
From your list the only girl name I do like is Mackenzie but I think I would use a different middle name. You have to take into consideration whatever your last name is too, because you want the whole name to have a nice rythm or flow to it, ya know??
Like I mentioned in the Begining I have 5 kids and I will tell you their names maybe it will help. Here they are;
My oldest Daughter is; Jazz Jade
My oldest Son is; Davin Justice (Davin is pronounced just like Gavin but with a D.)
My Second Son is; Damian Hunter
My Youngest Daughter is;
Roxanne Melody-Beth
And My Baby Boy is; Darius Stone
Hopefully I've helped you some, but if not keep thinking till you come up with something you Love. Because # 1. You will be saying it over and over and over again for years to come!! lol and reason # 2. It is the first, and one of the only gifts, you will give your child that they will have their entire lives!! Take Care, Congratulations, and Good Luck.
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I met someone at work, and they're really nice but also kinda strange.
So I was talking to them and being nice, and they're just coming on too strong, they asked for my phone number and always ask when I'm working and to phone them to hang out and stuff.
But it's just like too pushy, like she wants me to always have break with her,and phone her and always do stuff. And I hate to sound mean but I kinda don't want to, becuase she weirds me out. I feel as she is like suffocating me but I don't know her, and she does it all being really nice.
Is there anyway to absent out of this friendship, or at least get them to lay off, without saying it to them don't want her hurt feelings. (link)
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I would say the best way to handle this is continue to be nice to her, but start to talk about things you as a person just are not really comfortable with. Tell her that you keep a phone in case of emergencies, but that you really don't enjoy spending time on the phone if it can be avoided. Start mentioning about a relative who recently has come to town and is always trying to make plans with you. Tell her it makes you feel really uncomfortable that they are trying to push their way in your life because your actually quite comfortable with not having to socialize all the time. Tell her "I know I'm capable of being social but I'm not really comfortable with having to socialize too much". Laugh it off and say "I guess deep down I have a bit of an anti-social thing going on but I'm comfortable with that, ya know?" "It's really nothing against 'my cousin' who is really nice it's just me. I need to just have my own down time. It keeps me feeling balanced." Say things like you can't wait to get home and soak in a bubblebath while you read the new novel you bought.(you know something that clearly calls for alone time) Then bring a book to work and at break time eat with one hand and have your book open and reading with the other hand. Seem as though you are completely engrossed in your book. When you find yourself in situations where you pretty much have to talk to her. Find out the things she likes to do and the things she doesn't enjoy. When she expresses things she likes say things like; "Are you serious?? You really enjoy that? Wow we are sooo different. I've never really understood the fun of that. I'm more into Whatever Is COMPLETELY opposite of what she enjoys. lol Do the same concerning the things she doesn't like. Lead the conversation and get her to open up about herself. Then over time use that information in clever little ways to show her that though you are a nice enough person, your not really her type of person. In time you will see that she is less and less interested in being around you because you bore her. If she's not into politic's educate yourself on them so you can drone on about your perspective concerning every single political issue you can find. If she tries to change the subject just kinda say uh-huh but like I was telling you.... and continue on with your long drawn out political perspective. When you see her the next time tell her you can't wait to talk to her during break about the proposition that is being considered for the next election ballot. Before you know it your new best friend might be avoiding you!! Take Care and Good Luck.
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Ok, before I start, I'm almost 14 and I'm female.
Well, lately, I've gotten into a lot of fights with some of my friends. They keep saying they're gonna change, but the same stuff starts all over again (ex. Swearing, Negativity, Talking about People, etc.). Earlier this week, someone called me a liar for telling this one guy the truth about him, and both of them don't believe me. I also found out one of the girls who was supposed to be my best friend talked about me behind my back. My closest friend keeps telling me she'll get over her crush who's treated her friends kinda badly, but she just goes back to liking him again. The guy who called me a liar also told her that I was a bad friend who said bad things about her, but I would NEVER do that 'cause she's been an amazing friend to me. I'm at the point where I'm usually by myself and get called a "loner" 'cause I don't want to be around those people. I don't know what to do! I'd really appreciate the help! (link)
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The answer to all this is very simple. You are mis-using the term Friend. Which is very common. What you need to do is examine your own beliefs on how a Friend is supposed to act. When you do this you will discover you are surrounded by associates rather than Friends. Be more choosy about who you count as a Friend, not every one is worthy.
True Friends are like Diamonds,
Precious but rare.
False friends are like Autumn leaves,
Found everywhere.
Be more selective when choosing who you allow into your life. Take Care and Good Luck.
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please help me. my friend she left her mom's house and her mom is abusive and now shes living with her dad permanetly because her parents recently divorced but now that she is living with her dad should either she or i tell her dad? she has a little brother too and he still lives with his mom sometimes but she doesnt hit him. just my friend (shes older). my mom said that the dad must know and they divorced so he probably knows about her behavior but i dont know if he does really. my friend said she things he doesnt know how serious it is so should we tell him? cause i dont want to tell him if he already knows and it be awkward but i know making sure he knows is more important and i think to myself if he knew she was abusive why would he let her stay with her mom? right?? thank you so much this is so important-thank you :) (link)
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Actually I'm not sure the best thing to do is tell the Father. Having just divorced the authorities may suspect that he is just fabricating abuse stories to get back at his ex-wife.
If you and your friend really want to help her little brother then that's what you need to do! Tell your friend she needs to pick up the phone, call the child protective services in your area, and tell them everything that happened to her at her mother's hands. They will then investigate and get her Father involved by asking him if he is willing to take custody of the child if/when they find his current home with Mom to be unsafe. The Social workers you contact can help your friend's brother quicker and more effectively than her Dad can.
Also, if you first tell him, he may go and confront the Mom and things could get ugly. More often than not in situations like that, women have a way of turning things on guys and getting them sent to jail for alledgedly abusing them!If things played out like that he would lose all credibility, and the kids would lose their safe haven with him. The best way to handle this is a surprise attack in which your friend establishes protection for herself and her little brother using the help of social workers. That's why they are there. To help. Their goal is not to rip apart families but to intervene when needed and provide assistance to rebuild and strengthen families.
The good thing here is that your friend doesn't need to worry about her or little brother being placed in foster care because Dad is there. However being a parent, I know how angry someone abusing my child would make me, and might cause me to do something without thinking. If that happens with her Dad, the authority's may look at this as an ugly custody dispute between the parent's. The fact that it is actually an abuse case reported by the child could get lost in the muck and mire of their divorce issues. Don't let that happen.
You and your friend may be young, but your old enough to save her little brother. Just speak up to the right people. The on-going silence is giving her Mother the oppurtunity to vent her rage on whoever is available. Right now thats her little brother. If your old enough to read this your old enough to make all the difference. It doesn't take an adult to do the right thing here, it just takes one strong and brave person (child) to expose the truth.
I want you both to understand you don't have to be a grown up to do whats right, you just have to be willing to stand up and DO what is right!! Help your friend to understand she has the knowledge and power to save her brother much more effectively than her Dad will be able to. She doesn't have to be the victim anymore, and neither does her brother. She can utilize the system to save them both, and get her Mother the help and/or counseling it sounds like she so desperately needs.
There is a quote that apply's here; "All it takes for Evil to prevail, is for good people to do nothing!" Be brave, be bold, look beyond the number of your years, and know that you don't have to wait till your grown to stand up for what is right. Take Care of yourselves and each other. Good Luck
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say someone was pregnant and they were going to get an abortion.. should you tell the babies father?.. you were never going out with him but he lead you on and you got pregnant and now he had a girlfriend and its not you... should you still tell him your pregnant or just leave it alone so you wont cause drama..? (link)
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Well if someone is pregnant, and they have already made up their mind to get an abortion then what would be the point of telling the Father?? However, if that someone is not really sure of what they want to do, and would like to know how the Father would feel about impending parenthood, then the only way to know is to tell him.
As for the girlfriend and the drama, yes that is a definite possibility. However, if you have any inkling that part of you might want this child, don't do anything till your sure.You have to put yourself and this child first regardless of what impact it may have on him and his girlfriend. They are secondary in this and you dont owe either one of them anything. He knew as well as you did when you were together what could happen. Clearly he takes sleeping around lightly as he has moved on so quickly. Therefore in my opinion he forfeits the right to being part of the decision you are making, unless you want to include him.
I like others who have answered previously have some personal beliefs on the subject of abortion. Unlike some of the others I will refrain from sharing my belief's because it doesn't sound like your asking what you should do, but instead only if you should tell him. The best advice I can give you is be true to yourself. Make the choice you can live with and forget about him. You owe him nothing. Take your time and really figure out what you want for your life, because whatever you decide here is final. There is no taking it back either way. My hope is that whatever decision you make leads you to happiness and peace in your life. Don't let outsiders take that from you, and without a doubt the guy and his girlfriend are outsiders unless you decide to allow them in. Take Care and Good Luck.
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i have read almost every one of your answers, and saved most of them. you are so experienced and you have helped me so much. (link)
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That's really awesome of you to say. I appreciate the compliment and hope if you ever need a different perspective on something you will feel free to contact me. Take care and have a great day.
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my boyfriend has had 3 other girlfriends besides me and has slept with 6 other girls. this boy is my first serious boyfriend and the first and only person i have ever slept with. now, i know i cant do anything about all the people he has been with but the other day i was in his room looking through some pictures that he had in a basket and i found many many pictures of all his old girlfriends. there were ones from his prom and when he was very young and even sexual pictures with his first girlfriend. it really hurt me that he still had these and i that i saw them. i dont like thinking that he has been with other people the same way he has been with me. it hurts a lot.
he also slept with another girl while we were dating and it just really hurts whenever i have to be reminded of things like that. i just wanted to know how to get passed all these other girls. (link)
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First of all the girls in his past you have to realize are just that. In his past. You shouldn't expect him to throw away things including pictures to make you more comfortable. If him not being a virgin before you is an issue, you should have not gotten involved with him to begin with.
Another thing you need to consider is that making a big deal out of those things you found, just makes you look insecure to him. Which is the last thing you want to do with a guy period, but especially with a guy like him. Instead, you should ask him who's who in the pics and why they didn't work out? Why not ask what it was that attracted him to them and what drove them apart. I know this may sound weird but it does 2 things for you. 1. It may give you insight on what he is all about. By hearing about his past relationships you can figure out some pretty important things about him. For example: what does he consider a deal breaker? and other things... # 2. You show yourself to be confident in yourself by not being intimidated or whiny about his past. Instead You are strong and mature enough to see it, acknowledge it, and then treat it exactly like what it is and let it go. It's the past for a reason. Accept that knowledge and stop letting jealous feelings get the best of you. Doing that will just sabotage any chance you have of being happy with him.
However, then we come to the real problem here. Which is not his past, but the past you share with him. That is what I believe is really bothering you, because unlike the girls in his past, this girl is a symbol of his direct betrayel of you, and the relationship you have with him. Some people say you can forgive and forget. Some people say you can get past an affair. While others say once a cheating dog always a cheating dog!! It's up to you to decide which category you want to be in.
Speaking from personal experience though I will tell you that most men who cheat once have already shown you who they really are. When a guy or a person SHOWS you who they are, you should believe their actions not their words!! I spent four years of my life trying to believe it would never happen again. But it did. Then I would use Love as an excuse for staying. When I was in tears and broken-hearted people would ask 'why are you still with him?' Inevitably I would answer because "I Love Him"
What I didn't get back then but understand now is simple. Not all Loves are created equal. Some Loves are toxic and cause you doubt,and eventually pain. The thing you need to realize is good strong Love can, and does exist. You just have to be strong enough to not settle for less!Love should make you feel safe and secure. Love should give you strength and self confidence. Most importantly, when you've found good Love, you should find yourself smiling and laughing more days than you cry.
Ask yourself, does being with this guy make you feel stronger, more confident, and wanted? Or does being with him make you feel worried, stressed, and not quite good enough? If it's good Love I have now told you how to recognize it. So be truthful to yourself and do whats right for you, even if it's hard. Trust me staying in a bad Love is one of the lonliest places in the world. Demand better for yourself from those in your life, and you just might get it. Take care and Good Luck.
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im obsessed with my boyfriend v weve been going out for almost 3 years and were only in hs. weve done everything but sex and i am in love. ive tried to picture myself with someone else and i just cant. lately he has been pulling away and idk what to do because im obsessed what do i do to make him obsessed with me again and dont say talk to him because i would be right now but ive tried and he says nothing is wrong. just tell me what to do ill do anything (link)
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It seems to me you've made the classic mistake of making yourself too available to him. You see, when it comes to relationships girls and guys think and respond differently. A girl has the tendency to build her life around the guy she's with. Guy's tend to see the girl there with, as part of their life, but not their whole life! The two of you have been together a long time and he may be starting to feel a bit closed in.
My best advice to you would be to take a cue from him and pull back a little as well. Do some things on your own or with friends. If you've let all your friends fall by the wayside, its time to make some new connections. I'm not saying get another boyfriend or anything like that. I'm just saying don't be so available to him all the time. Make him have to wonder every now and then, where you might be and what you are doing. When he wants you to go somewhere with him, next time be busy and not able to go with him. Tell him your sorry but you just have other things going on right now. Join a club, or some type of sport team, take up bowling, go miniature golfing, something, anything, just go get yourself busy!! Make him see you as not so easily available to him. That way if he is still wanting to be with you, he has to pursue you a little bit, ya know??
The thing with men is that deep down they are still hunter's, and no hunter wants the easy catch. For men, it's not so much the prize they want, it's more about the thrill of the chase. He doesn't have to chase you, persue you, or please you!! Your there anyway. Whenever he gets around to wanting to be with you, he knows you'll be waiting. So what's the point, and where's the excitement a challenge would bring?? What you have set your self up to be is his plaything he can set up on the shelf and take down and dust you off to play with as he chooses. When he chooses.
If you really want him to be interested in you again, become interesting by creating parts of your life that doesn't depend on him being part of. I have been married 18 years now and I still tell my Husband 'I don't need you and I never will. I can get by just fine on my own, but I do want you.' He is and always has been aware that I am not the type of woman that will sit and wait on some shelf. I've never been the needy type. Even when I really wanted to be clingy, I wouldn't. It's like announcing your absolute dependence on their giving you attention. It is one of the biggest mistakes a girl can make in a relationship. For him it's the thrill of the chase. For you, the challenge is to make him understand it's not so much about getting the prize, as it is about keeping the prize!!!
One last thing you need to understand is in Love, you have to hold on loosely, but don't let go. Hold on too tightly and your going to lose control.
By the way I speak from experience. Before my Husband there was a guy I was with for 4 years when I was young. He was the one who taught me the danger in being too available. I knew with every part of who I was, that I would be with him forever. Unfortunately, one of those times I was sitting waiting on that shelf he left me on, he began to find other girls who were more exciting. They offered him a challenge and the excitement of not being a sure thing. Of course in the end he was sorry, he loved me, he didn't know why he did it, and I believed him and forgave him the first few times.I even still allowed myself to be put up on a shelf waiting for him again. Sure enough, each time he eventually came across someone else that enticed him, and he would do what guys do! He just had to take a chance and go for the excitement!!
I will never forget the last time I saw him and he was finally understanding we were over. It was almost a look of shock that I had found the strength to live without waiting on him. When I met the next man I dated I made sure to not make the same mistake. We have now been married 18 years and have 5 kids. Even after all these years, if I start to sense he is taking me for granted, I find a way to become unpredictable and keep him guessing. Take Care and Good Luck.
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alright... so why do we call black people(which is what i call them) "african american". now i understand the whole. i was born in africa. i now have a citizenship. they would be an african...american.... so why is it even if their parents and grand parents and great grandparents were alll born here.. we still call them african americans??.... i mean.. to me it slightly offends me (although it probbaly shouldnt being im white).. it just seems like we have a seperate name for them.. like their not fully american. can someone jsut help me out with this... it just seems like we seperate them out when i dotn see people saying "oh shes an irish american" or anything like that.. so.. anything that would help thank you (link)
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Im not sure where you live, but where I live the population is very diverse. There is a wide range of different ethnicity's. Along with African Americans, we have Mexican-Americans, Amerasians, Muslims, Jewish-Americans, and of course Native Americans. To name a few I can think of right off the top of my head. Overall white people of european descent are called caucasion. It's just a way of classifying people into their racial grouping on paper and in conversation. I can see where it could be considered offensive but I think all the terms were created to classify ethnicity without offending by not using terms of physical description. Example: calling an African American black, or calling an Asian Yellow, or an Indian a Red man. Afterall, not all African Americans are black are they? Like every race, they have a variety of shades. Therefore black doesn't really cover it. However, they all at some point in history, had ancestors that originated from the African continent. Like the Amerasians, and the Mexican-Americans, etc.
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