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my boyfriends ex-girlfriends
my boyfriend has had 3 other girlfriends besides me and has slept with 6 other girls. this boy is my first serious boyfriend and the first and only person i have ever slept with. now, i know i cant do anything about all the people he has been with but the other day i was in his room looking through some pictures that he had in a basket and i found many many pictures of all his old girlfriends. there were ones from his prom and when he was very young and even sexual pictures with his first girlfriend. it really hurt me that he still had these and i that i saw them. i dont like thinking that he has been with other people the same way he has been with me. it hurts a lot.
he also slept with another girl while we were dating and it just really hurts whenever i have to be reminded of things like that. i just wanted to know how to get passed all these other girls.
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Hey girl, you should talk to him about it. I know you might think this sounds really conry, but he can't help unless he knows what is wrong. Also it's not good to keep things botteled up inside. Just remember he is with you not those other girls. He loves you not those other girls.
Thanks and remember to come back for more advice.
volunteergirl
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First of all the girls in his past you have to realize are just that. In his past. You shouldn't expect him to throw away things including pictures to make you more comfortable. If him not being a virgin before you is an issue, you should have not gotten involved with him to begin with.
Another thing you need to consider is that making a big deal out of those things you found, just makes you look insecure to him. Which is the last thing you want to do with a guy period, but especially with a guy like him. Instead, you should ask him who's who in the pics and why they didn't work out? Why not ask what it was that attracted him to them and what drove them apart. I know this may sound weird but it does 2 things for you. 1. It may give you insight on what he is all about. By hearing about his past relationships you can figure out some pretty important things about him. For example: what does he consider a deal breaker? and other things... # 2. You show yourself to be confident in yourself by not being intimidated or whiny about his past. Instead You are strong and mature enough to see it, acknowledge it, and then treat it exactly like what it is and let it go. It's the past for a reason. Accept that knowledge and stop letting jealous feelings get the best of you. Doing that will just sabotage any chance you have of being happy with him.
However, then we come to the real problem here. Which is not his past, but the past you share with him. That is what I believe is really bothering you, because unlike the girls in his past, this girl is a symbol of his direct betrayel of you, and the relationship you have with him. Some people say you can forgive and forget. Some people say you can get past an affair. While others say once a cheating dog always a cheating dog!! It's up to you to decide which category you want to be in.
Speaking from personal experience though I will tell you that most men who cheat once have already shown you who they really are. When a guy or a person SHOWS you who they are, you should believe their actions not their words!! I spent four years of my life trying to believe it would never happen again. But it did. Then I would use Love as an excuse for staying. When I was in tears and broken-hearted people would ask 'why are you still with him?' Inevitably I would answer because "I Love Him"
What I didn't get back then but understand now is simple. Not all Loves are created equal. Some Loves are toxic and cause you doubt,and eventually pain. The thing you need to realize is good strong Love can, and does exist. You just have to be strong enough to not settle for less!Love should make you feel safe and secure. Love should give you strength and self confidence. Most importantly, when you've found good Love, you should find yourself smiling and laughing more days than you cry.
Ask yourself, does being with this guy make you feel stronger, more confident, and wanted? Or does being with him make you feel worried, stressed, and not quite good enough? If it's good Love I have now told you how to recognize it. So be truthful to yourself and do whats right for you, even if it's hard. Trust me staying in a bad Love is one of the lonliest places in the world. Demand better for yourself from those in your life, and you just might get it. Take care and Good Luck.
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first of all, i dont agree with the girl below me. i dont think this is your fault that you got curious and found what you did. no one sets themself up for heartbreak. thats just ridiculous.
sometimes people do keep old memories of them and the person they were with. i guess its somewhat of a reminder of what they had, but that doesnt mean he cares for his old girlfriends more than he does you. i wouldnt take it that way at all.
its hard to forget about the people you once loved, we all know that. so you cant be mad at him for something we all have done.
i think you should talk to him about how your feeling right now. tell him whats upsetting you so much and hopefully you two can come to a conclusion on how to fix it.
as for him cheating on you, thats messed up. im guessing you feel the need to 'forgive, but never forget.' which is totally understandable. because if you really care about someone, sometimes forgiving them is all you can do if you want to be with them that bad.
i really believe in the forgiving but never forgetting thing. life is too short to hold a grude on people you know?
but definatly let him know whats going on in your mind right now about all of this. let him know what this is a serious matter for you, and if he really does care about you, he will do what he can to make things better.
good luck
(:
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you replied and I want to say thank you and I have been with my boyfriend for over 2 years as well now so Dont listen to the people that tell you to forget because it's just not possible. PLus, follow your heart
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he slept with another girl while you were going out? why would you stay with him? and if you continue to thats your own fault and you set yourself up for finding those picture by snooping threw your cheating boyfriends stuff.
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