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IF YOU ARE A TEENAGE MOTHER !
is it all that bad? i have MANY MANY friends who are teenage parents and they just say oh i love my baby and i dont regret having it. and blah blah blah. they make it seem like its the best thing. i want to know what its really like. but i dont dare ask them because i know they wont tell me the bad things. so what did you go through or going through? do you honestly regret keeping it and all that? I DONT MEAN DO YOU REGRET YOUR BABY! because i know that its your child and you love it so you wouldnt regret that but if you could go back in time would you change things?
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I am a teenage mom. I got pregnant when I was 15 years old and now I am 17. You are right they probably really wouldn't tell you the bad things. But honestly, all of the hardships don't get that bad because of what you have in the end, I'm not saying I recommend being a teenage mom, but I'm saying that when you go through it, it has its ups and downs, but your baby makes it worth it. Thats why they don't tell you the bad things. Because they know that they are worth all of it, and it really changes you as a person. It makes you stronger. It makes you responsible.
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I had my first baby at age 16. I had no idea what I was getting into. I had to get up every morning at 5 am because of morning sickness. My boyfriend now husband was there for me the whole time. But, lots of girls are not that lucky. Guys dont always take resposability. So, the girls winds up being single moms. I had to grow up so fast. After all I couldnt be the kid anymore. I had to learn to get up at all hours of the night just to feed my baby or rock her back to sleep. You have to make sure they have plenty to eat, have clean clothes, make sure they are safe, they get all the shots they need, take them to checkups. I realized I couldnt hang out with my friends like I used to cause I had to stay home and take care of my baby.
I am now 26 with four great kids whom I love very much. But, being a teenage mom isnt as fun as you may think. Trust me.
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I'm not a teenage mother, but I know a few. And I think you're right... most teenage mothers won't tell you how tough it is, or that they regret it. That's because (1) They love their babies and would feel terribly guilty saying (or even thining) that they regret having them; and (2) They're trying to keep positive and make the best of their situation. Dwelling on the negative will to make it harder, so they focus on the good things to get themselves through motherhood (which isn't easy at any age).
But yes, it is tough. A baby changes your entire life. Once that baby is born, you no longer live for yourself; it's all about your child, and it will be for the rest of your life. This is true for all mothers, no matter what age they are. But when you're older, you can look back and say, "I spent my part of my life doing what I wanted, pursuing my goals, experiencing life as an independant person, and making choices based on what I wanted". So the sacrifices you now make for your children don't seem so bad, because you've already lived some of your life just for yourself. But when you have a baby as a teenager, you don't get the chance to be your own person. You never get a chance to be "you" you could've become; you're now, and forever will be, somebody's mother. If a teenage mother has any regrets, it's that... that they never had a chance to experience life as an independant person.
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Well I'm not a teenage Mother but I almost was. Unfortunately, I had a miscarriage at 5 months and was unable to get pregnant for almost 4-5 years after that. At that time there was nothing in the world I wanted more than a baby. However, now as an adult, who has 5 children I look back and see how selfish I was being.
Yes I did say selfish, because I wanted a baby and it didn't matter to me how many things my child would have to go without because their Mother would have been a struggling teen Mom. In fact it didn't even occur to me because I was just so focused on what I wanted. Never did I stop to think about all the things a baby needs, not to mention the things you want them to have.
Sure it can be done, there are young girls doing it everyday. Struggling to make ends meet, and more often than not, having to leave their little one's in someone else's care while they go take care of the things that need to be done. The thing is, if your not in a place in life where you can be around to enjoy your baby, why would you want to have a child your dropping off daily for someone else to raise??
Another consideration is really understanding that your baby only stays a baby for a little while. Soon you have a kid standing up telling you "No" and "Mine". Thats just the begining! Let me go back though to those sweet baby days. It's not only cute and cuddly stuff. I'm sure your aware of night time feedings, dirty diapers and the usual stuff. What you may not be aware of is some other stuff.
I as a Mother of 5 can tell you about some of those things. As I'm sure you already know, all babies are different. They have there own very special surprises. First for us there was colic. Which happens with some babies and they just cry, and cry, forever it seems, and nothing you can do quiets them. You try the football carry, you try the sound of a vacuum running, you try musical lullabye tapes, and car rides, etc. Most of these things work but only for a short time then they begin to cry again. Colic can last anywhere between 6 weeks and 3 months. Another great unexpected treat is projectile vomiting!! Yes it is just as bad as it sounds. Usually babies just spit up a little here and there, but sometimes you get one that projectile vomits. When that happens, you have vomit violently erupting from the babies mouth and shooting about 5 feet across the room!! Imagine the joy in cleaning that up? While we are on subject of vomiting there is also those babies who are born and there stomachs just haven't quite matured enough, which is totally normal in babies. What it causes though, is for every bottle you feed them, it seems at least half comes back up! When my oldest Son was the baby my Husband and I would not say it's time to burb the baby. Instead we called it exactly what it was. It was time to puke the baby!!
Then of course, there is diarhea that could happen at any time for no reason at all it seems. If your not careful your baby will quickly develop diaper rash which is a whole new experience. If the rash is not taken care of and given air to the skin, it can start to crack and even bleed! You have to get the right meds from the Dr. Over the counter medicines just dont seem to work as well.
Something else you may have never heard of is thrush. Babies can get it from anything they put in their mouth. If you know anything about babies you know everthing goes in their mouth. Thrush is a bacterial infection that covers the inside of the baby's mouth with painful blisters making it horribly painful to eat. Of course, it's treatable but it takes time to get better. In the meantime your baby is suffering in pain and you feel helpless cause there is nothing you can do to get them better any faster.
One other consideration you need to think of is healthy and normal is not a guarantee. My youngest Daughter was born and everything seemed completely normal but when she began to walk it became clear she was severly bow-legged. From the age of around 1 yr. old till a little past 3 years old she had to be in complete leg braces at all times to correct the disformity. She even had to learn to sleep with those heavy bulky things strapped onto her. She had just learned to walk and when the leg braces came, not only did she have to learn to walk with them on, but she had to relearn how to even get up off the floor!!!
These are just a few of the things I have experienced over the years. I haven't even touched on allergic reactions, immunizations, teething pain, various injuries that can range anywhere between skinned knees, slammed and injured teeth from falling against a curb at 3 years old, or broken arms from falling wrong on what looked like plush thick soft grass!!!
I haven't spoke of the intense pain involved with giving birth to a living human being, or the stitches sewn in that area between the vagina and anus after having been cut to allow enough room for the baby to pass through. Nor have I shared with you the frustration of dealing with schools when your child just wont behave or complete his work like he is supposed to.
As the parent you are supposed to be able to fix, treat, or control all these things. In the most ideal of situations Motherhood is a tall order. I can tell you honestly, My kids and the joy they have brought me over the years is worth it all, but I'm sure glad I didn't have to face it when I was a teen. Truthfully, I dont know that I could have handled it as well and I know my kids would have been the one's to suffer because of my inability to cope.
Children deserve the best you can offer of yourself and the things they need and want. Don't make the mistake of cheating yourself or your babies out of the calm, patient, and capable Mom you can someday be.
Keep in mind your friends have to say it's all so great. They are in that position now, like it or not. So of course, they have to say all good things. Not to would be admitting their kids would be better off had they been born to Mom's who already had there life together and their minds in the right place! Do your baby a huge favor. Wait till you can give it all it deserves in life, including A Mom who is really ready to be A Mom. Be Smart, Take Care, and Take your time creating the life and family your baby deserves to enter into.
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I personally haven't had a baby. I'm 17. Though I've seen my sister who became pregnant at the young age of 15. Whether they want to admit it or not, it is a very hard thing to go through. My sister has gone through so much from her husband leaving her and yes (she was married at only 16 years old) She doesn't regret her baby. She loves him with all her heart but I've asked her more then once about the whole issue. She does say she wishes she would have waited until she settled down, found someone who she was in love with, and worked on her career. She's went through a lot of things. At 16 and being a mom it's hard to do anything you want to do. When your friends are out having a good time, your at home running around after a little rugrat. Not that I don't want to have kids, I love kids. I'm waiting until I find someone I'm in love with and settled down doing something I love. My sister still struggles with bills and being able to hang out with friends.
xoxo,
dottie4
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