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My bff's Abusive Mother
please help me. my friend she left her mom's house and her mom is abusive and now shes living with her dad permanetly because her parents recently divorced but now that she is living with her dad should either she or i tell her dad? she has a little brother too and he still lives with his mom sometimes but she doesnt hit him. just my friend (shes older). my mom said that the dad must know and they divorced so he probably knows about her behavior but i dont know if he does really. my friend said she things he doesnt know how serious it is so should we tell him? cause i dont want to tell him if he already knows and it be awkward but i know making sure he knows is more important and i think to myself if he knew she was abusive why would he let her stay with her mom? right?? thank you so much this is so important-thank you :)
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Actually I'm not sure the best thing to do is tell the Father. Having just divorced the authorities may suspect that he is just fabricating abuse stories to get back at his ex-wife.
If you and your friend really want to help her little brother then that's what you need to do! Tell your friend she needs to pick up the phone, call the child protective services in your area, and tell them everything that happened to her at her mother's hands. They will then investigate and get her Father involved by asking him if he is willing to take custody of the child if/when they find his current home with Mom to be unsafe. The Social workers you contact can help your friend's brother quicker and more effectively than her Dad can.
Also, if you first tell him, he may go and confront the Mom and things could get ugly. More often than not in situations like that, women have a way of turning things on guys and getting them sent to jail for alledgedly abusing them!If things played out like that he would lose all credibility, and the kids would lose their safe haven with him. The best way to handle this is a surprise attack in which your friend establishes protection for herself and her little brother using the help of social workers. That's why they are there. To help. Their goal is not to rip apart families but to intervene when needed and provide assistance to rebuild and strengthen families.
The good thing here is that your friend doesn't need to worry about her or little brother being placed in foster care because Dad is there. However being a parent, I know how angry someone abusing my child would make me, and might cause me to do something without thinking. If that happens with her Dad, the authority's may look at this as an ugly custody dispute between the parent's. The fact that it is actually an abuse case reported by the child could get lost in the muck and mire of their divorce issues. Don't let that happen.
You and your friend may be young, but your old enough to save her little brother. Just speak up to the right people. The on-going silence is giving her Mother the oppurtunity to vent her rage on whoever is available. Right now thats her little brother. If your old enough to read this your old enough to make all the difference. It doesn't take an adult to do the right thing here, it just takes one strong and brave person (child) to expose the truth.
I want you both to understand you don't have to be a grown up to do whats right, you just have to be willing to stand up and DO what is right!! Help your friend to understand she has the knowledge and power to save her brother much more effectively than her Dad will be able to. She doesn't have to be the victim anymore, and neither does her brother. She can utilize the system to save them both, and get her Mother the help and/or counseling it sounds like she so desperately needs.
There is a quote that apply's here; "All it takes for Evil to prevail, is for good people to do nothing!" Be brave, be bold, look beyond the number of your years, and know that you don't have to wait till your grown to stand up for what is right. Take Care of yourselves and each other. Good Luck
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What her parents do is between them. I think that's it's unlikely that the dad left your friend and her brother at your friend's mum if she's abusive.
But there is always the possibility that he doesn't know. If you do tell him, you've got to be CAREFUL because anything you say to the father could result in something much worse like mum wants to move far away and takes your friend and her brother with her or the kids staying with the mum whilst the dad moves away. The best senario which I can think of would be the mum moving and your friend and her brother staying with dad or visa versa.
But first, let's take a look at what your friend's mum could be thinking and see whether this could be a possibility:
The abuse could be anger from the divorce and that she still feels sad. One thing which could be sparking this sadness and anger could be seeing her eldest daughter, the result of the love which her mum and her ex used to have and seeing her (your friend) could be making her remember the realtionship and that could be hurting your friend's mum.
BUT IT ISN'T YOUR FRIEND'S FAULT. IT'S NOBODIES FAULT. HER MUM IS MAY STILL SAD ABOUT THE SEPERATION.
You didn't exactly say as to how long this was going on so I assume that it's only been happening recently.
I hope this helped,
triquetra
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Well the divorce is between her father and her mother. This implies that he does not know that she was abusive toward her because she simply could be taking the divorce out on her. He definitely needs to know esp. with another sibbling in the house with her. I know your friend knows how it feels to be abused by her mother, and that she does not want her little brother to be abused. Also by telling her father, he will be able to get the authorities involved and get her mother some help. The cause of the abusive behavior may be fixable if she is given the help she needs, but you nor the rest of her family can help her because she is too dangerous so don't try to get involved. And believe me telling him about the abusive behavior will help and be a good thing. I have also experienced an abusive mother, and my father did not know until I was choked by her, it was not until that day that I got the message I should have told him when my mother began to abuse me that way I would not have to live a life of fear. So your friend and you should sit her father down and let him know what is going on. This way he can protect his family from the evils of his x-wife.
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Well, they may be divorced for other reasons, and he doubtfully knows she is abusive towards his daughter. She could have hidden her abusive behavior from him even when they were living as a married couple.
You are right in thinking if he knew she treated his daughter this way, he wouldn't have left his children with her. If he IS aware that she abuses her child, then he is just as bad as she is for allowing/ignoring it.
YES. He needs to know. He can't protect his children from harm if he doesn't know they are being harmed. He has the right to know. He would WANT to know. I'm a parent, and I'll tell you, if my children were being harmed by someone, I'd damn sure want to know so I can protect them.
Your friend needs to be the one to tell him, and she should tell him EXACTLY how her mother treats her. He needs to know what is going on, and how bad it is. If she doesn't want to tell him, that is when you should say something on her behalf.
Nobody, especially a child, deserves to put up with abuse at anytime from anyone.
Remember that. Remind your friend of that.
ygs-29/f
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