First of all, I'm very sorry you're going through such a hard time.

You picked a good columnist to ask, if I may say so myself, because I too dealt with "control freak" parents -- up until I signed a contract with the United States Military (mostly because I wanted to, but partially because my parents couldn't exactly call the Army and say 'she's not going').

So I understand what you're going through, I truly do (but I don't suggest signing your life away to the government).

A lot of people would assume that you haven't earned your parent's trust and that's why they treat you this way. I know that's not always the case, because I was never one to get in trouble. Not even so much as a parking ticket.

However, it could be that in their eyes, this is the case. They could be unsure about your decision-making capabilities, or if you're an only child, it could be that they are afraid of letting you go and facing that horror of horrors: The empty nest.

I grappled with my parent's reasoning for a long time. I resented them for the time I lost, and the teenage years I'll never be able to live, but then I came to realize that, although they were confused, they thought they were doing the best they could for me.

They are very loving people, and I consider myself lucky to have parents who weren't in any hurry to get rid of me, which, hard as it is to believe, is worse. Please remember, even though this is frustrating, they obviously love you or they would want you OUT.

I decided to let it go and forgive them, but I also resolved not to treat my daughter (she's due next month) the same way. As parents, we must realize that our job is to raise self-sufficient ADULTS, not to raise children.

Before I get into the advice part, I need to say that I know you aren't obligated to take it, but as someone who has been there, I hope you'll take it to heart and mull it over, at least, because if I could do it over again, I could have saved myself some heartbreak.

Now all I can do is try and save YOU some heartbreak.

I think the best course of action for you is to talk to your parents about this. Tell them, in the most rational, reasonable way that you can, how you feel. Let them know that you are a grown woman, that you need more freedom, and that you are mature enough to make your own choices.

I think the lies you've told your parents in the past have hurt your case, but I can see where you felt you had no other options. You might want to tell them that, too.

Tell them that you don't want to go behind their backs, but you don't feel you're being given age-appropriate opportunities, and that if they would give you more freedom, you could prove to them that you've become a responsible woman they can be proud of.

Let them know that you would be more willing to remain at home and finish school if you felt your freedom and privacy were respected.

If you want, you can write all this down and give it to them in a letter, so you don't run the risk of being derailed and/or interrupted.

There is one point on which I can agree with your parents. School is very important, and you do want to know exactly where you're going and what you want before you get involved in a serious relationship.

This is only common sense -- you don't want to end up dependent on a man for what you need, because even if the two of you are soul mates, you never know what will happen down the road. One day, no fault of his own, he may not be there. You may have children of your own to support, and then you'll have to HOPE your parents will take you back. You don't want to be in that situation.

You don't really know a man until you've been around him for a year or more, and see him in every situation. I say this over and over because it is of paramount importance: You have to observe him, the way he treats you, his friends, and total strangers. Don't listen to what he says. Watch what he DOES. Talk is cheap.

He will be different when you are friends.

He will change again when you are dating.

He will change if you move in with him.

He will change again, and drastically, when you get married.

He'll change yet again if you decide to have children.

You have to be absolutely certain that this is a man who deserves you, and will treat you with respect, placing you above all else in his life.

As I said, if you look at this from an objective point of view, setting aside (hard as it is) your anger and frustration, you will see that your situation may need only minor adjustments.

Best case scenario:

If you can get your parents to listen, you can stay at home and focus on your education and your anxiety issues while still living your life.

Less ideal:

Stick it out at home, trying to earn their respect through your actions. At least you'll be financially secure and working towards your independence.

Worst case:

You move out, and take your chances on your own. You're risking alienating your support group, so if something happens, you may not have a place to go. I hope it doesn't come to this, but as I said, you ARE an adult (don't let them convince you otherwise) and you ARE entitled to make your own decisions.

Just make sure they are decisions you can live with, and that they are not clouded by emotion. Rational thought is your best friend.

I very much hope this helps. Maybe someday you'll drop me a line and let me know how things worked out.

If you need anything else, don't hesitate to let me know.

Wishing you all the best.

It's not a good idea to ride horses while pregnant.

In fact, the most physical you can get while pregnant and still be safe is taking a brisk walk.

Also, I wouldn't get a perm. Chemicals can harm the baby, whether they absorb through your skin or by inhalation.

As for planning for baby, there are many websites out there...

http://www.womenshealthmatters.ca/centres/pregnancy/pregnancy/first.html

that one may help, but since every pregnancy is different (as is every mom) you'll probably want to search for yourself and use several websites depending on what you're looking for at the time.

Planning out monthly cost is difficult as well. Every family and financial situation is different. Depends on how often you plan to visit the doctor, whether or not you're insured, if you plan to start stockpiling baby supplies from the beginning (and trust me, you should), etc.

Decide where you want to be at the end of your pregnancy (do you want the works, the car seat, the baby chair, the crib, a mountain of diapers and wipes and bath supplies and tiny clothes...) and start pricing things. Once you know about how much it will cost, divide it up to see how much you should be saving each month to meet your goals.

Hope this helps.

Please go ahead and get your blood drawn. It might be scary, but it has to be better than not knowing what's wrong.

It means I'd fit in better in oh, say, the forties or the fifties or even the sixties than I do now.

Back when people used their brains for something other than simply filling the space in their heads with shiny pink-grey goo.

Hope that clarifies. ;)

Glad you don't intend to try this. It's the best way to get twice as many STDs in half the time.

www.google.com.

Search:

lyrics + "whatever lyrics you remember"

No.

If you have a removable media card in your camera (XD, SD, and so forth) see if your computer has a slot for the card and just use that. Most computers these days do have one.

If not, you can buy a removable slot that will work with your computer's USB connections.

This is coming straight from an ex-Orkin worker, so here we go:

Go to wal-mart and buy some Malathion. Not sure if you can buy it pre-mixed, but if not, mix it according to the directions on the bottle.

You may need an insecticide sprayer (you can pick one of these up at wal-mart as well).

Then spray it along the foundation of the house (or apartment), up the wall if the wall is brick, and the outside of the window sill.

If you can, find the source of the ants and HEAVILY saturate the hill with the mix.

The precautions suggested before are good, too, for the ones you already have.

Here's an answer I gave to the question 'are all guys perverts in high school?'. I think it applies here:

"Here's the uninteresting, quasi-scientific answer:

Men are biologically programmed to think more about sex than women. That's why they all do (whether they admit it or not). It's a procreation instinct meant to keep the human race going.

In high school, most guys aren't mature enough to keep that to themselves. They have no self-control, and usually aren't raised with a lot of morals, values and respect. Thus, rather than just thinking about it constantly, they TALK about it constantly.

If my son did that, I'd crack his skull.

As guys get older, some of them gain that maturity (through being dumped or ignored by more intelligent women).

And that is why all guys are perverts, but some of them have the decency to keep quiet about it."

In other words, that guy is a loser. He doesn't respect you or anyone else.

Drop him ASAP and look for a guy with a brain.

Bipolar. Funny, from line one I knew he was.

My father is bipolar. I myself am bipolar. I know exactly what you're going through.

Let me say first that I think you're an amazing, caring person, and he is so very lucky to have you in his life.

However, living with someone who is bipolar is a major strain. Most of the time, you feel like you're a nurse in the ICU, pulling week-long shifts and watching for the flatline.

Many psychiatrists claim that there is no way for a bipolar to maintain a long, healthy relationship. However, my parents have been married thirty-three years, and they're still going strong. There's hope, but I have to warn you that it's going to take a lot of work on your end. You have to be sure you're willing to live a very unstable life... but if you love him as much as it seems, I don't think you'll mind.

Tell him that counseling is a must. Tell him that you love him, but if he's not willing to get help for his condition, it isn't going to work. There are many medications for bipolar disorder.

My father is unfortunately allergic to all of them, and his doctor failed to correctly monitor his levels, causing him to have a minor stroke (if a stroke can ever be said to be "minor"), so he no longer takes any medication... but that just means that even if he doesn't take medication, there's still hope for counseling and your relationship to work out all right.

Be very glad he was discharged from the service. If you think bipolar is hard on your relationship, try the military.

My marriage has bipolar and the Army at work in it (we're both soldiers). It's working, but sometimes it's the biggest strain I have ever faced.

And distance? Again, let him know that you're willing to face the challenges of this relationship -- IF you are... think it through -- and that distance isn't the biggest one.

Whatever happens, trust that God has His hand in it. If it doesn't work, no matter how hard you try, it wasn't meant to be.

Best of luck.

Holy moly, someone on this site actually answered your question appropriately.

I agree completely.

However, there's still hope. If this is your little girl, or your little sister, you need to talk to her about this right away.

Explain to her that what she saw isn't reality. That porn is degrading to BOTH sexes, and that it isn't "the norm". Ask her questions about it. Ask her what she thought when she saw what she did, and try to set her straight (gently).

Make sure this girl grows up with a healthy self-image.

EDIT:

The above still applies. Write a letter to that little girl. Let yourself explore what you think about what you saw, and remind yourself that it has nothing to do with you.

Everything will be fine, I assure you.

Just work on that healthy self-image, and your self-worth, and don't worry about relationships right now -- you're young. Take time to live life, and don't let it revolve around seeing something that wasn't real.

That "something there" that makes you want to be with him is pity, and it sounds like he's milking it.

You don't want to be with a guy who does drugs and drinks. One of these things alone is a serious red flag, but both of them? Forget it.

He doesn't respect himself enough to take care of himself, and that means he will never respect you or treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

Also, I'm not really sure you do have commitment issues. Maybe what you think is an issue is actually a positive thing... you just know that you've got better things to do at this point in your life than get tied down.

You haven't met the right person yet. When you do, you'll know.

But please, drop this guy. He's bad news. I have experience with guys like this, and I promise you he will break your heart.

You deserve so much more.

There are no guarantees on "forever".

Anything could happen, and it could either be because of you, because of him, or because of circumstances neither of you can control. You could be separated by a move, an accident, anything.

However, your chances of staying together for the long haul are mostly dependent on the two of you. Relationships are hard work. Like most other things, the success of a relationship depends heavily on how much you want it to work, how much you're willing to put up with, and how much effort you're willing to put into it.

You're young, and relationships at this age don't usually pan out... but as long as the two of you can be mature and realize that sometimes you will have to be apart (for school, for work, for whatever) I think you've got as good at shot at forever as anyone else.

Hope this helps. :)

It's never a good idea to date a co-worker.

If things go badly, it could ruin your career.

If you're not all that into this guy, you should put your job first -- it's more important.

Oh yes... one thing I forgot.

Lawyers have to do a certain amount of pro-bono (free) work. Look up that term on Google, and see if you can find a lawyer in your area willing to consolidate or reduce your debt at little or no cost.

I think you're yet another victim of our severely messed-up, moral-free society.

While I'm glad you're not messing up your life or anyone else's by physically acting on this seemingly compulsive desire, I think you should focus your energy elsewhere.

Pornography is degrading to both sexes.

Also, any time you have to stop, look at what you're doing and ask others if something is "normal", it means you're concerned about it yourself and could probably benefit from some counseling.

Best of luck.

"Gay" is a state of sexual confusion caused by defective chemicals at birth, traumatic childhoods and misconceptions about oneself and life in general.

I very much doubt that you're "gay".

I do, however, advise that you let this guy know that he's running the risk of getting himself killed by approaching random strangers and invading their personal space.

I'll be honest with you here.

I know high school is a joke, and you probably don't care about it beyond the networking possibilities it presents between you and members of the opposite sex.

However, a bigger joke is the kid who worries about nothing but dating and relationships and not about college and having a steady job before becoming involved with someone they may have to rely on if they get pregnant. Or someone who may infect them with something life-threatening and then wave bye.

I'm not trying to be rude, here, but I'm getting very frustrated by the lack of concern people show for their future, for their pre-occupation with that great waste of time called dating, and the fact that no one seems to have enough respect for themselves to worry about living their life to the fullest before tying themselves down to someone who is likely to become the biggest mistake they ever made.

Please just worry about your friends, your life and your future.

Don't you have anything more constructive you could be doing with your time?

Member Since:
Answers:
Last Update:
Visitors:
Main Categories: