askEldritch
advice column ask question view feedback favorite columnist advicenators

Q: hey i need to write a huckleberry finn essay, would anyoen be interested in doing it for me and ill pay?
get back to me asap

My advice: Mark Twain is the bomb.

Do it yourself, you'll be glad you did.

However, as your spelling, punctuation and grammar seem a little off (maybe it's just that you're a lazy typist... I do that sometimes), there are plenty of online tools to help you learn how to better your grades in that respect.

Q: okey so theres this guys at my skool and i liked him for a long time. & i told my friend who then told him but then i told the kid that i didnt like him. then i started to not like him, i do not no why. but i stopped. now that i stopped and he nos i dont like him nemore, he is talking to me more & like 2day he like stepped in front of me quikly 2 scare me. & im really confuzed b/c i thought he did not like me. but at the beginning of the year he liked me i think cuz he flirted w/ me..... or at least it seemed like it so mayb he didnt like me. but my question is, i want him to like me. so how can i do it? i cannot text him b/c when i do, he barely texts back in a way i can reply. bad texter i think. what flirty things can i do that send him a flirty message but do not straight out say "i like you!"? thnks.
Sounds to me like you're crushing on the concept of crushing.

I think you like the idea of liking someone and being liked, but you don't really like this guy. Make sense?

I get this idea because, when your friend clued this guy in, you suddenly stopped.

Also, the reason he's acting as if he's interested in you is because you stopped being interested in him.

You both want the attention, but it sounds like you don't want the relationship (and if you're still in school, you shouldn't).

My advice? Concentrate on your life right now, not on guys.

Q: My Ex and myself waited about 7 months before having sex. The sex came natural, we loved one another. I felt very comfortable with him. He was my first.

After breaking up after 2 years of dating, we still had sex as friends. As time grew on, we drifted apart and I found myself sexually attracted to others.

Recently, I had sex with a friend of a very long time. The sex wasn't as easy because we weren't completely comfortable with each other. I realize you must trust you sex partner, and I did. It just wasn't as comfortable.. ya know?

I didn't know how to break out of my shell. I realy need help. I honestly don't know the fundementals of sex.. if thats what you want to call it.

I have a few questions, answering any of them would be Awesomeeee!

1) When girls are on bottom are they supposed to do anything?

2) How do you REALLY ride a dick. Not being funny, I seriously feel awkward sometimes when I'm on top. HELP!!!! (Hahaha)


Basically, I need as much detail as possible. How do I truely break out of my shell?

3) Guys WHAT DO YOU LIKE! HELP! :)
There is no sure-fire formula for good sex.

Everyone is different, we all have our own comfort levels and preferences. Even if it's fireworks and shooting stars every time with one person, the next might not be impressed.

This whole thing works through practice. There are no "rules", except that you both respect one another's boundaries and preferences and (ideally) discuss them ahead of time so there are no unpleasant surprises.

However, a few things hold true in all situations:

It will be a more enjoyable experience for both of you (as you already stated) if you are in a committed, loving relationship.

Also, be confident. Don't worry so much about what he likes as what you like, and what works for you. A tip: most women find it easier to reach orgasm when on top. Coincidentally, a lot of guys prefer woman-on-top because they're lazy (just kidding, guys).

That way, you know what you want and, as a result, you'll probably be a better partner.

Don't get self-absorbed, though. Be sure to listen to your partner's input and consider his opinions.


Q: I do some disgusting things during sex. I have a sever foot fetish, I like getting urinated on and drinking the urine, bondage, torture, strangulation etc....I have very severe depression. Is it conected? I love what I do in bed but other people think im sick...
Mental health is a touchy, complex subject, so here's my disclaimer: I am not a mental health professional. Do not take my advice as cold hard fact.

However, I do have some experience with depression and its effects on behavior, so I'll lend a hand:

It's my opinion that these things are related to your depression. Some of them are obviously self-destructive, such as:

"I like getting urinated on and drinking the urine."

That's very risky behavior, and could result in severe health problems and, eventually, death. You never know what you could contract from bodily fluids, and the consequences could be catastrophic.

That alone is why I advise you seek professional help for your depression.

Also, if you're going so far with the other things that they cause you or your partner harm or injury, those things are sure signs of your condition as well.

Please talk to someone about this as soon as possible.

Q: help!! i want to talk to my crush but whenever i see him i get all nervous and scared how do i work up the nerve to approach him? and what do i talk about when i do talk to him?

thnks so much im so desperate for advice
Well...

I'm going to need some extra information to answer this appropriately.

Hopefully you don't mind (and if you do, you can e-mail me for confidentiality, and I'll e-mail you my advice back, keeping it off the site).

First of all, how old are you? How old is he?

Second, why is he your crush? What attracts you to him in the first place? How long have you known him?


Q: Soo I'm pretty sure I was a couple days if not a week or so late for my period. When i finaly got it it only lasted not even two days. Is this a problem or should I just not be worried?
This is very common. If you're under a lot of stress, you may not even get your period for several months.

Also, if you're under eighteen, the fact that you're still developing could be a contributor. Your hormones may have undergone a change, triggering a shorter period which will return to normal eventually, or possibly just stay lighter.

Still, anything abnormal should be checked by a healthcare professional, especially if it is accompanied by increased pain or if you experienced cramping when you usually don't (or no cramping when you usually do).

Q: okay so all my boyfriend talks about is having sex with me and doing things with me. and i'm sooo not that type of girl...like ill do some things with him but not to the point of having sex with him... like thats just not who i am. but stupid stupid me went and said to him okay ill have sex with you!! i feel sooo stupid and i feel like im setting him up and getting him all excitted for it and im not even going to have sex with him... like this is allll he talks about and i guess im asking....how do i break it to him that im not who he thinks i am and i dont want to have sex with him?????

any questions about my question just ask.
any advicee is so GREATLY appreciatedd!!!!
please and thanks
-cuttechick26
My advice?

Your guy is defective.

I don't know either of your ages, so I can't say just how messed up this guy is, but any guy who doesn't act civilized and respectful towards his girlfriend/wife/whatever is simply not worth the time and effort you're wasting on him.

I'm glad you're not the kind of girl he's looking for, and you need to let him know that you're not.

Remember that in this kind of situation, emotions are not your friend. Look at this objectively. The best thing to do is tell him how you feel and then break things off.

A cautionary word, though: if you break up with him, do so in a public place. Guys like the one you're describing can and often do get violent when rejected, and I would hate for anything to happen to you.

Take care.

Q: I am 18/f. I am so attracted to my boyfriend, and I trust him with all of my heart. When we hook up, things get really heated, and I always feel like I'm restraining myself by not having sex with him. My body feels so ready, but I don't know if I am. I'm a virgin and I feel like my virginity is part of my identity and something I am proud of. How could I give it away? I don't know when I'll ever feel ready. How does one know? Should I have sex with my boyfriend? He is sexually experienced, but I know he's not pressuring me into anything.
I applaud you for valuing yourself enough to wait.

My advice is that if you've waited this long, and you're sure this guy is the one, your best bet is waiting to see if the two of you are compatible enough for marriage. From the sounds of it, you'd be happier if you maintain your virginity until he's committed himself to you.

Trust that instinct that brought the doubt to your mind: "I don't know if I am."

Never make a decision to do ANYTHING you aren't certain about.

If he's the one, he'll respect your decision.

Q: Well me and my ex recently just got back together. he just doesnt want to let anybody know that we're even "talking" like about to date. so i have to act like im his friend and i cant even kiss him or hold hands. but then again, me and him talk hour after hour on the phone we're even planning on moving in together in a year or two.. but i dont want to keep our relationship a secret anymore... it just hurts because i really love him alot. even though i was the one who left him. what do i do?
I'm going to sling an opinion here, because I'm acquainted with this situation myself.

He's shopping around.

He doesn't want anyone to know he's seeing you, because he's afraid that you may not be a sure thing.

That way, if things don't work, he's still "available".

Sometimes, men do stupid things like that.

Worse, he could still be seeing someone he met after the two of you broke up, and he doesn't want to jeopardize that relationship (also because he's afraid).

Mind you, maybe I'm wrong. The best thing to do is gather up your courage and ask him. If he doesn't give you a straight answer, then it could be time to move on.

Q: 16f
I've like my guyfriend from school for about 2 and a half months now (it seems so much longer...) and it's possible he likes me but he might not. And there have been a lot of signs saying he does and also certain things saying he just sees me as a friend. I can't tell anymore, I'm so bad at this, I've never had a boyfriend before. Recently I feel like I'm not getting as far with him as I have before, everything is just the same and we're friends. I feel like I'm not getting through to him and it's hard for me to just drop hints that I like him because I'm just bad at this. I'm considering admitting that I like him. But I don't know how, everytime a guy has found out I liked him its just like a complete epic fail, and I feel like it's just going to continue to happen to me. And the only time a guy has found out directly from me was a couple months after my friend blabbed it and I had initially denied it, and that was a big disaster, so I have no idea when, where, and how I would admit it to him. But the thing is compared to other guys I've liked I have a much better chance I'd think and he's much better and more of a keeper than any other guys I've liked, but I wouldn't want to ruin our friendship if this were to backfire. I don't know what to do! Should I tell him and risk rejection and possibly mess up a friendship? And if so how the hell should I do it? I'm so bad at this, please help!
Sounds complicated!

Let's simplify:

Generally, guys like girls who are direct and do not drop hints or play headgames. They also like girls who are confident and self-assured.

If a guy stops talking to you when he finds out that you like him, it probably means he's too immature to handle the situation, in which case you didn't need him anyway (nobody likes a coward).

Right now the ball is in your court. You need to make a decision you'll be comfortable with, and then follow through. If you tell him and it ends badly, he just wasn't right for you.

All that said, here's some other advice, and feel free to skip it, but you might someday regret it:

You're young. I'm not saying you're too young to be in a relationship (everyone has different maturity levels), but you are too young to be considering a serious, long-term relationship.

This time in your life should be for you. It should be about having fun, about enjoying your friends, and about learning -- about relationships, life, and whatever goals you have for the future (and if you don't have any goals, you should definitely be focusing on those instead).

You do not want to get into a serious relationship when you're young, and here's why:

Women need to be independent. Make sure you've got a good education and a stable job. If you don't, you'll be at some guy's mercy, and when he does something stupid, you'll be back at square one and trying to figure out how to support yourself (and your kids, should you choose to have them).

If you still want to get into a committed relationship, then make sure you know this guy.

Date him for a year or more (I'm not kidding).

Observe the way he treats you, his family, and strangers. Make sure you pay attention to what he DOES, and not what he SAYS. People are always perfect when they're trying to get you to go out with them.

Also, be yourself. Talk to him. Tell him what you think, how you feel, and don't feel obligated to change for him. If he doesn't like you look when you're not dressed up, if he doesn't talk to you when you're not in the best of moods, you're not compatible.

Be genuine, and you will only attract people who like you for you.

Hope this helps. Best of luck!

Q: I have cheerleading tryouts this weekend, and our tumbling tryouts are tomorrow. today i was running to my car and scraped my toe on the concrete and it cut open and started bleeding. a bunch of my skin was ripped off. its on like the tip of my toe, right where my cheer shoes push the hardest against! it hurts to walk, so how will i tumble! any suggestions how to make it feel better before tumbling or how to wrap it up?! THANKS!!
First off, never run in open-toed shoes. :)

That could have been more than a toe injury.

Make sure you disinfect the cut first, then try not to wear anything on your feet so the cut can breathe and heal.

Tomorrow, before putting on your shoes, clean the cut again and apply an an anesthetic cream... but read this first:

http://www.sddefenselawyers.com/defectivedrugs/topicalanesthetic.html

and avoid those products.

Then, wrap the toe in an Ace bandage (cut it to size, if necessary).

As soon as you can, though, get those shoes off and wash the cut again.

Hope this helps.

Q: so we all know that for a girl, when she loses her virginity, its painful for the first time. the more you have sex, the pain is supposed to go away and turn into pleasure. ive had sex 14 times and i still dont really enjoy it. i know that as soon as u do it, your not going to get that mind blowing action. no, i just am curious why its not pleasurable. any clue? i feel retarted for asking that.
Never feel "retarded" for asking questions. What's stupid is dealing with a troubling issue in silence.

What concerns me is your mention of pain.

Some women are born with conditions that cause intercourse to be painful. These conditions can be corrected through advice from your doctor and through some surgical techniques.

Pain is your body's way of telling you something isn't right. If you ignore it, there may be serious consequences later on.

It may be embarrassing to seek professional help on issues like these, but your health is more important than your pride.

Hope this helps. Good luck.




bio
Eldritch

Info
Member Since:
March 17, 2009

Answers:
72

Last Update:
March 30, 2009

Visitors:
4799

Main Categories:







layout by Adam Particka


eXTReMe Tracker