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Q: Is it acceptable to go out with someone you known for years is he or she is married?
No.

Q: So there's this one and he basically owns my heart and my world. I know that he struggles with depression and I honestly do believe that he's suicidal. We have this thing going on, and I don't mind it when it's going well, I love talking to him and he always makes me feel good about myself. However when it's not going well and he's shutting me out, it hurts like a mother fucker.

I don't think that he's playing games, his family knows about me, he sought me out from day one, he was the first one to say I love you, and this summer he even told my brother that he liked me. Yet I'm on this emotional roller coaster with him and have been since Christmas time. It's like whenever it gets closer to the time that we'll see each other, he wants to push me away. I believe that he's afraid of getting closer with me and perhaps having his heart broken. He thinks that pushing me away is better thing to do, and it always hurts me.

He feels like a failure, like he's failed our relationship. Yet our “relationship” even though it's barely begun has so much potential, and he does as a person too. But he's so used to his dad putting him down, his father really isn't the positive male role model and I don't know how long it's been like that for. He's always put down by his dad and I think that in the end his dad is one of the reasons why he has so many problems with letting people in. That, and his grandmother died when he was 9 years old, he's been like this since for almost 10 years (he's 19 now) and he thinks that he's this big tough guy and can get through it on his own, but he can't... this is going to wind up killing him and I don't know how I'm going to be once his commits suicide.

I want him to know that my intentions aren't to hurt him. I honestly want to be with him, every time I give him his space and I'm close to giving up on him he doesn't want me to, he's right back in my life. This is the only thing that I would change about him as a person, the fact that he does this stuff to me.

He's an amazing person as far as I'm concerned, he just needs to get through this thing. I'm trying to convince him to go to counseling. He went and he was doing really well, he was starting to see the guy that I see in him, instead of just this lame asshole who bluntly sucks.

Do I just give up on him, or try to talk him into going to counseling? I don't really know how to do that, most of my friends are like tell him that he either goes to counseling or he loses you. My family just wants me to give up on him, but in a way I don't blame them... I don't know what do anymore. All I know is that I don't want to get hurt again anymore. Has anyone been in a similar situation? What did you do? What do you think I should do?

I'm seriously praying to God for help in this, and just trying to give him what he says that he wants.
Bipolar. Funny, from line one I knew he was.

My father is bipolar. I myself am bipolar. I know exactly what you're going through.

Let me say first that I think you're an amazing, caring person, and he is so very lucky to have you in his life.

However, living with someone who is bipolar is a major strain. Most of the time, you feel like you're a nurse in the ICU, pulling week-long shifts and watching for the flatline.

Many psychiatrists claim that there is no way for a bipolar to maintain a long, healthy relationship. However, my parents have been married thirty-three years, and they're still going strong. There's hope, but I have to warn you that it's going to take a lot of work on your end. You have to be sure you're willing to live a very unstable life... but if you love him as much as it seems, I don't think you'll mind.

Tell him that counseling is a must. Tell him that you love him, but if he's not willing to get help for his condition, it isn't going to work. There are many medications for bipolar disorder.

My father is unfortunately allergic to all of them, and his doctor failed to correctly monitor his levels, causing him to have a minor stroke (if a stroke can ever be said to be "minor"), so he no longer takes any medication... but that just means that even if he doesn't take medication, there's still hope for counseling and your relationship to work out all right.

Be very glad he was discharged from the service. If you think bipolar is hard on your relationship, try the military.

My marriage has bipolar and the Army at work in it (we're both soldiers). It's working, but sometimes it's the biggest strain I have ever faced.

And distance? Again, let him know that you're willing to face the challenges of this relationship -- IF you are... think it through -- and that distance isn't the biggest one.

Whatever happens, trust that God has His hand in it. If it doesn't work, no matter how hard you try, it wasn't meant to be.

Best of luck.

Q: 17f.We broke up about a week ago, but I couldn't stand to be apart from him, and he has openly said that he would want to get back together. The reason I left the relationship is because I have a deep rooted fear of commitment among other things (he does drugs, smokes, drinks, and is often gloomy and down). So we continued to be friends as if nothing had happened, meanwhile trying to forget what we had been through. But I don't think it ever really ended, because everytime i see him and am around him there is something there that makes me want to be with him. But I keep trying to convince myself that I can't be with him because I don't want to. And that is half true because when we broke up, I definitely thought it was over for good. I told him that I have commitment issues and that perhaps one day i will get over them and be a different person. When we were dating I acted completely distant towards him, yet now outside of the relationship I act so close to him. So today we went to a movie and there was some hand holding involved and now I feel terrible. I don't know how to handle this. I don't know what I want...I don't want us to get hurt again...:(
That "something there" that makes you want to be with him is pity, and it sounds like he's milking it.

You don't want to be with a guy who does drugs and drinks. One of these things alone is a serious red flag, but both of them? Forget it.

He doesn't respect himself enough to take care of himself, and that means he will never respect you or treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

Also, I'm not really sure you do have commitment issues. Maybe what you think is an issue is actually a positive thing... you just know that you've got better things to do at this point in your life than get tied down.

You haven't met the right person yet. When you do, you'll know.

But please, drop this guy. He's bad news. I have experience with guys like this, and I promise you he will break your heart.

You deserve so much more.

Q: Okay so I'm 14 and my boyfriend is too. And I absolutely love him ! He makes me so happy and I never felt this way about a guy before. Like he's the first guy I lasted half a year with and I'm planning to stay with him longer. But we promised each other to stay together forever but I'm just scared that it won't last. I mean everything is perfect and we did have several arguments but we came through. But does forever really happen? I'm the type of girl who can stay faithful to a guy for a long time. And he is too but do you think forever is ever going to happen?
There are no guarantees on "forever".

Anything could happen, and it could either be because of you, because of him, or because of circumstances neither of you can control. You could be separated by a move, an accident, anything.

However, your chances of staying together for the long haul are mostly dependent on the two of you. Relationships are hard work. Like most other things, the success of a relationship depends heavily on how much you want it to work, how much you're willing to put up with, and how much effort you're willing to put into it.

You're young, and relationships at this age don't usually pan out... but as long as the two of you can be mature and realize that sometimes you will have to be apart (for school, for work, for whatever) I think you've got as good at shot at forever as anyone else.

Hope this helps. :)

Q: i love sex i mean i really love it i dont do it but i watch it on the computer im over 21. do you think its normal?
I think you're yet another victim of our severely messed-up, moral-free society.

While I'm glad you're not messing up your life or anyone else's by physically acting on this seemingly compulsive desire, I think you should focus your energy elsewhere.

Pornography is degrading to both sexes.

Also, any time you have to stop, look at what you're doing and ask others if something is "normal", it means you're concerned about it yourself and could probably benefit from some counseling.

Best of luck.


Q: To be able to establish context and to get more information I urge you to check my previouse question at http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=560267

That said.

I mustered the courage to go talk to him today. I seem to have implied wrongly that we talk on a frequent casual basis which is utterly untrue... (unfortunately!).

With some effort today (considering the scarce unusual free time i had on my hand) I managed to look a little more attractive and "easy" to the eye... a little grown up so to speak. For some reason the only eyes that seem to turn are the eyes I don't want looking. I even mustered the courage to come up with a reason to go ask for information at the info desk where he was today. Fortunately i only resorted partially the idiotic plan my friends gave me... I indeed had a research paper and went to ask for some references (which would have taken me more time to find on my own but not impossible) we talked for a few seconds... obviously my question was idiotic and obvious... but I didn't care... even though I sort of got the hint that I am not really attracting him that much... he checked me out but there was no signs of interests beyond that.... in a moment of rationality (devoid of any emotional bias -I promise!) I realized that he seems to be nice because i'm so transparent and in a way i boost his ego...? I don't know... I might be over analyzing but i find it so hard to ignore my head even though it's emotionally tormenting me!!
what way is there, for me to establish a conversation or create a situation without me having to initiate it? in other words: is it humanly possible for me to get him to come to me on his own? without any direct influence...

Today is the first time I talked to him in a long time (since last summer? which was when we were able to make small talk) and i wouldn't even consider it talking (since i could have been talking to anyone else in the same way)... I can't read him anymore... i know he knows me but it's like it went back to formalities again even though we both recognize this bridge has been crossed already. He tenses up when he sees me and I don't know if it's nerves or if he is cringing at the sight of me since i no longer give that ego boost...

arghhh what is wrong with me? I've never been this irrational, nor have I been this emotional, or giddy :(

advice! how to eliminate these feeling, block them or otherwise, or how do i make it work!? I can't focus on Hume anymore!!!!!!
Unfortunately, there's not really a way to get him to come to you. If he's not interested, he's just not interested.

However, a lot of the time a guy will pay attention to a girl he would otherwise ignore if it seems she's lost interest.

I know it's hard, but it seems like you need some space and some time to think, to sort out your emotions, so try pulling away and showing him the same indifference he's showing you. He might just start to wonder why you don't talk to him anymore and strike up a dialogue himself.

As long as he knows you're interested, he doesn't feel obligated to put in any work. He gets attention, and he doesn't have to do anything at all.

Could also be that's the sign of a guy you don't want to be around... and if he doesn't start talking once you've given him the civil cold shoulder, he's probably not right for you anyway.

I really hope this helps, and I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time!

Q: Last year at this summer camp i go to (im 13/f) i fell for this coach at my camp. obviously i couldnt get up the guts to talk to him. but i made it pretty obvious that i liked him. when he smiled around me i collapsed once. anyways the last week of camp it was really awkward around him. i mean REALLY baddddd. i have to go back this year and since its been awhile since we've even seen each other im afraid it'll be worse.

any suggestions on how to deal with this ??


Hopefully you've gotten over him since, and if you haven't, you should.

You're way too young to be concerned about this stuff right now.

Q: okay so im 15, in november i met this guy, lets call him jake. he was working and my friend is friends with him [jakes 17]. anyway so my best friend is friends with jake but hes never tried anything with her or anything so i know theyre just friends. anyway, he was working ad we walked by him and he texxted my friend saying "whos that girl your with" and my friend said "natalie, why" and he said "just wonderign". so they were texting and i was telling her that i think hes really hot and i wanna like get to know him. so while she was texting him her phone died and she asked me to text him from my phone and tell him that. so it exted him saying "hey this is natalie, kates friend, she said to text you and tell u that her phone died" and he replied saying "oh okk..guess ill have to text you now =)" so we started taklign then and we were texting all nightt. long story shortt, he made me a bet that if i wasnt at his work at 8:00 am the next morning i would have to kiss him. well, me and my friend forgot to wake up so we werent there the next morning. so that day we were texting a lot and he said i had to pay up and of course i wasnt complaining because i thought he was really cool and not to mention hott =] . so anyway, then that night he was asking me to tell him about myself and he was asking me my birthdayy, my friendss, my relationship statuss, all that stuff. so then i asked him the same questions. when i asked him if he was singlee he said 'as of a few hours ago', which means i agreed to kiss him while he had a girlfiend. but anyway, so this guy and i ended up kissing the next day and we were always texting. every time we saw eachother he kissed me hello and kissed me goodbye, and we hooked up a few times. he walked me to all of my classes and always texted me and everything. then he told me that he really liked me and i told him i liked him too. we had kind of a flirty relationship where i would text him with something like "heyy jerkk" and he would say "hey b*tch" or somethingg, but we knew we were just kidding around. so then there were rumors that we were dating but we weren't, we justs liked eachotherr and we kissed in schooland stuff. so then after like 3 months of this, we got in a big fight and didnt tlk for about 4 days. during the 4 days, my friend thats also friends with him told me that she was at his work again with one of our other friends and he texted my friend saying "whos that girl your with" and he started talking to that friend, and he said he would hook up with her. after our fight he still liked me and he said that he doesnt usually fall for girls like he fell for me and stuff. well, lately we've stopped talking and im almost positive he doesn't like me anymore, but i can't really stop thinking about him. everyone warned me about him and told me hes a player and be careful and that hes going to hurt me, but i believe him when he said he really was falling for meand stuff. i guess i was wrong about him but every time i see him i wanna talkt o him or kiss him but i dont. i really miss him a lot, but its over. does anyone have any advice for me? like how i can forget about him or maybe a way for him to start talking to me again without mentioning i miss him or like him or anything? thanks so muchh & sorry this was so long!
... please read my column and the advice I've given others in similar situations.

This guy is a loser, plain and simple. You need to forget him and fast, and then focus on your future, not on dating.

Q: ok so ive been dating my boyfriend for about 10 months. he has always been a fan of smoking weed and so am i so it was never a big deal. but now he smokes every day and likes to smoke before everything he does. its not affecting our relationship because he is never high when we hang out alone, only when we hang out with his friends in which case i smoke too and we have a great time. but for some reason lately it has started to bother me a lot how frequently he smokes even though it doesnt affect me in any way. i want to tell him this but if i do i feel like he wont understand if its not affecting me in any way why its bothering me. i dont even know why it bothers me so much! im very confused.
A lot of your confusion will go away if you heed this one little gem of advice:

Stop smoking weed.

Q: I know advicenators is starting to flood with all these love questions, (let alone long entries) and I always thought I would be the ONE exception. needless to say i am not. and i am quite an idiot (bare with me you'll see how ridicules my question is and agree with me)... and i am going to ask another dumb mind-numbing and empathy-absolving question... however, I am going to make a fool out of myself to be able to establish context (so this isn't going to be easy to write, again bare with me)....








SO... i am female. 23. Never had a "real" boyfriend. you can already tell how problematic this may be to any girl at this point in life....

I've had extensive "exposure" to various guys (mostly friends, but very seldom potential lovers that never really go anywhere beyond formalities- i.e he saw me i saw him, we smiled said hi spoke for ten mins, he decided something is wrong with me and moved on)...

that said I really like this guy, but we're from different worlds. I don't necessarily belong to a certain stereotype or category of society but i do sport a brow piercing, thick brown rimmed "art" glasses, majoring in the fine arts and philosophy, and usually can be found in my favorite sneakers (ripped mind you!) and jeans. when i am on campus i am not really THAT concerned with my attire (in so far as i look decent, but still comfortable) i can't walk in heels for the life of me no matter how much i try and have a horrible hair(short)cut due to a new hairdresser's experimental inexperienced hands... (it's not too bad -it looks like two versions of katie holm's hair: a shorter and even shorter version. and it can be disguised with a LOT of time, which i'd rather devote to an art project or paper) i do dress up when i go out (and i promise i look good because i certainly attract all sorts of men) i am kind of reserved though when it comes to that because they see me all powdered up and not when and how i look on a daily basis...

i am not saying i look terrible during the day i just don't look like a conventional long-haired light make up girl... I don't shop very much (being in art puts you on a tight budget) and i don't look horrible without it.....anyway i don't know if this affects how he sees me. he's a graduate student who works at the library, so he's around 3 years older... always dressed in pants (never jeans) has his shirt tucked in his pants (not geeky, more of a professional office look). the reason i like him was because we had a couple of conversations all academia related and he really has a beautiful mind (maybe my philosophy part talking!)...

anyway, i know there is something there, at least i know he knows i like him, we always exchange looks but he breaks them, he smiles if we're face to face and he's very sweet (a reputation that others certainly don't attribute to him) when/if i decided i really really need help with something and I HAVE to ask him, no one else.... my friends tell me i should pretend to need something and talk to him, but i don't know how (i am not good at coming up with "something" without the risk of sounding redundantly fake)... but i really like him and i am even considering changing my look a little (as ridiculous as this may sound) to reel him in with some feminine mystique.... i am not as boring as my writing, i am usually very cheerful and "normal" face to face and not what you would call "socially impaired" (i would contest otherwise! lol)




I guess after this book-long entry (apologies!) .. what I am trying to know basically, since i lack the amorous skills that others seem to have, and since my social skills don't really reflect me (as my boring writing does) how do i, under this situation, act? what should I do? i don't want to pretend i am something i am not... and I AM NOT COURAGEOUS ENOUGH TO be the one who takes the first move. should I just ignore it? and how do I do that with out eliminating the library from my end of semester hot-spots.... i am starting my masters next term, and will probably be seeing more of him.... help!
A lot of the advice I'd give you I've already covered in my column. Maybe if you give some of my answers a read, they'll help. Also, I'd rather not type all that again. ;)

However, with the stuff that deals with you specifically, I'll delve a bit:

I know how you feel, being an "older" woman just getting into "dating". I too grew up an introverted, artsy "I'd rather focus on my future than on you hormonal dirtbags" kind of girl. Also, I didn't bother dating until I was twenty-three, and I too share your "short-haired and mousy until I dress up" look.

However, take hope! There ARE guys out there who are attracted to short-haired girls with brains, and not just long-haired girls whose chests are padded with the matter which might have been intended to fill their empty skulls.

This is echoing my previous advice a bit, but it bears repeating:

Be yourself! Stay true to yourself, and don't change just to attract some guy. If you do, then he won't know you for who you are and you'll face endless headaches down the road.

Also, if you like him and he isn't going to make the first move, be direct, open and honest. Guys like that. Maybe it doesn't go against your nature -- maybe just the standard, "giggly female moron trying to flirt" thing does.

Anyway... read my column, like I said. I really hope it helps you.

Best of luck!

Q: 17/f


I met my current boyfriend two months ago but we have only been dating for a few days now. I am a virgin (prior to meeting my boyfriend I was too busy to care about serious relationships and didn't want to have sex with someone I was casually dating). My boyfriend is not a virgin.

We have been teasing each other since the moment we met so the sexual tension is hardly bearable. I feel obligated to wait until we take things to the next level. On the other hand, I had been hoping to be single when I start university in the fall (I could change my mind) - regardless, I want us both to enjoy however long we get to spend together.

What wins out? Feeling obligated to wait or enjoying the potentially short time we have?
Okay... no offense to the person who gave the advice, but "It is ohkay to do it if and ONLY IF you do not get attatched" is THE WORST advice you could possibly get. There's no point to it if you're not ALREADY attached.

Not to mention, you're a woman, and he's a man, and you know what that means: if something happens, if you get pregnant, if you catch something from him, he can happily wave bye to you and his obligations. Then you're left with bills, responsbilities and regret.

That's why I strongly feel like women should never, ever fold to pressure from a guy who wants to fool around.

If he wants to have sex, and he's not willing to wait until you're in a serious, commited, meaningful relationship, it means he does not love you. Maybe he thinks he does. Maybe he SAYS he does, but I assure you (I know, I'm older than these guys AND I'm married), he does not.

And two months? Date for a year, if you want to keep him. You can't know him until you've seen him in every possible situation. He's still showing off his peacock feathers and hiding his faults to keep you around.

If you can't enjoy your time together without sex, he's not worth it.

Enjoy your life. Start your career. Get your feet under you and make sure you can support yourself before you get tied up with someone.

Q: Ok. So im Around an age where About all the kids at my middle school have already amde out. Well im the only person that hasnt. I feel so stupid. I mean i know my bf wants to but i seriously dont know how! If someone could atleast explian to me How. I mean I know thres tounge and Stuff. Ha(; Thansk!
Truth is, not all the kids at your middle school HAVE "made out", and the ones who actually have are the ones who should feel stupid.

From what I've seen on this site so far, I seem to be one of the oldest "columnists", so trust me: if you're more focused on your future, your education, and learning about life, you're ahead of these kids who obviously aren't thinking at all.

Please decide to be ahead of the curve. There are more important things in life -- and later on, when you're prepared to deal with relationships and sex (after you can support yourself, and not rely on these scumbag guys to keep you and whatever children you may end up having alive), you'll be glad you did.

Q: do you believe in soul mates? why or why not?
Yes, I do.

My parents are proof that soul mates do exist. They met, fought like cats and dogs for a week because neither of them wanted to get married again, and then they got married.

They've been together for many, many years, and there is no sign of their relationship ending any time soon.

They face tremendous hardships and they always persevere.

However, I also believe that relationships between "non-soul mates" are workable... they just require a little more work. :)

Q: okey so theres this guys at my skool and i liked him for a long time. & i told my friend who then told him but then i told the kid that i didnt like him. then i started to not like him, i do not no why. but i stopped. now that i stopped and he nos i dont like him nemore, he is talking to me more & like 2day he like stepped in front of me quikly 2 scare me. & im really confuzed b/c i thought he did not like me. but at the beginning of the year he liked me i think cuz he flirted w/ me..... or at least it seemed like it so mayb he didnt like me. but my question is, i want him to like me. so how can i do it? i cannot text him b/c when i do, he barely texts back in a way i can reply. bad texter i think. what flirty things can i do that send him a flirty message but do not straight out say "i like you!"? thnks.
Sounds to me like you're crushing on the concept of crushing.

I think you like the idea of liking someone and being liked, but you don't really like this guy. Make sense?

I get this idea because, when your friend clued this guy in, you suddenly stopped.

Also, the reason he's acting as if he's interested in you is because you stopped being interested in him.

You both want the attention, but it sounds like you don't want the relationship (and if you're still in school, you shouldn't).

My advice? Concentrate on your life right now, not on guys.

Q: okay so all my boyfriend talks about is having sex with me and doing things with me. and i'm sooo not that type of girl...like ill do some things with him but not to the point of having sex with him... like thats just not who i am. but stupid stupid me went and said to him okay ill have sex with you!! i feel sooo stupid and i feel like im setting him up and getting him all excitted for it and im not even going to have sex with him... like this is allll he talks about and i guess im asking....how do i break it to him that im not who he thinks i am and i dont want to have sex with him?????

any questions about my question just ask.
any advicee is so GREATLY appreciatedd!!!!
please and thanks
-cuttechick26
My advice?

Your guy is defective.

I don't know either of your ages, so I can't say just how messed up this guy is, but any guy who doesn't act civilized and respectful towards his girlfriend/wife/whatever is simply not worth the time and effort you're wasting on him.

I'm glad you're not the kind of girl he's looking for, and you need to let him know that you're not.

Remember that in this kind of situation, emotions are not your friend. Look at this objectively. The best thing to do is tell him how you feel and then break things off.

A cautionary word, though: if you break up with him, do so in a public place. Guys like the one you're describing can and often do get violent when rejected, and I would hate for anything to happen to you.

Take care.

Q: Well me and my ex recently just got back together. he just doesnt want to let anybody know that we're even "talking" like about to date. so i have to act like im his friend and i cant even kiss him or hold hands. but then again, me and him talk hour after hour on the phone we're even planning on moving in together in a year or two.. but i dont want to keep our relationship a secret anymore... it just hurts because i really love him alot. even though i was the one who left him. what do i do?
I'm going to sling an opinion here, because I'm acquainted with this situation myself.

He's shopping around.

He doesn't want anyone to know he's seeing you, because he's afraid that you may not be a sure thing.

That way, if things don't work, he's still "available".

Sometimes, men do stupid things like that.

Worse, he could still be seeing someone he met after the two of you broke up, and he doesn't want to jeopardize that relationship (also because he's afraid).

Mind you, maybe I'm wrong. The best thing to do is gather up your courage and ask him. If he doesn't give you a straight answer, then it could be time to move on.

Q: 16f
I've like my guyfriend from school for about 2 and a half months now (it seems so much longer...) and it's possible he likes me but he might not. And there have been a lot of signs saying he does and also certain things saying he just sees me as a friend. I can't tell anymore, I'm so bad at this, I've never had a boyfriend before. Recently I feel like I'm not getting as far with him as I have before, everything is just the same and we're friends. I feel like I'm not getting through to him and it's hard for me to just drop hints that I like him because I'm just bad at this. I'm considering admitting that I like him. But I don't know how, everytime a guy has found out I liked him its just like a complete epic fail, and I feel like it's just going to continue to happen to me. And the only time a guy has found out directly from me was a couple months after my friend blabbed it and I had initially denied it, and that was a big disaster, so I have no idea when, where, and how I would admit it to him. But the thing is compared to other guys I've liked I have a much better chance I'd think and he's much better and more of a keeper than any other guys I've liked, but I wouldn't want to ruin our friendship if this were to backfire. I don't know what to do! Should I tell him and risk rejection and possibly mess up a friendship? And if so how the hell should I do it? I'm so bad at this, please help!
Sounds complicated!

Let's simplify:

Generally, guys like girls who are direct and do not drop hints or play headgames. They also like girls who are confident and self-assured.

If a guy stops talking to you when he finds out that you like him, it probably means he's too immature to handle the situation, in which case you didn't need him anyway (nobody likes a coward).

Right now the ball is in your court. You need to make a decision you'll be comfortable with, and then follow through. If you tell him and it ends badly, he just wasn't right for you.

All that said, here's some other advice, and feel free to skip it, but you might someday regret it:

You're young. I'm not saying you're too young to be in a relationship (everyone has different maturity levels), but you are too young to be considering a serious, long-term relationship.

This time in your life should be for you. It should be about having fun, about enjoying your friends, and about learning -- about relationships, life, and whatever goals you have for the future (and if you don't have any goals, you should definitely be focusing on those instead).

You do not want to get into a serious relationship when you're young, and here's why:

Women need to be independent. Make sure you've got a good education and a stable job. If you don't, you'll be at some guy's mercy, and when he does something stupid, you'll be back at square one and trying to figure out how to support yourself (and your kids, should you choose to have them).

If you still want to get into a committed relationship, then make sure you know this guy.

Date him for a year or more (I'm not kidding).

Observe the way he treats you, his family, and strangers. Make sure you pay attention to what he DOES, and not what he SAYS. People are always perfect when they're trying to get you to go out with them.

Also, be yourself. Talk to him. Tell him what you think, how you feel, and don't feel obligated to change for him. If he doesn't like you look when you're not dressed up, if he doesn't talk to you when you're not in the best of moods, you're not compatible.

Be genuine, and you will only attract people who like you for you.

Hope this helps. Best of luck!

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Eldritch

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