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Question Posted Saturday March 21 2009, 1:55 am

17f.We broke up about a week ago, but I couldn't stand to be apart from him, and he has openly said that he would want to get back together. The reason I left the relationship is because I have a deep rooted fear of commitment among other things (he does drugs, smokes, drinks, and is often gloomy and down). So we continued to be friends as if nothing had happened, meanwhile trying to forget what we had been through. But I don't think it ever really ended, because everytime i see him and am around him there is something there that makes me want to be with him. But I keep trying to convince myself that I can't be with him because I don't want to. And that is half true because when we broke up, I definitely thought it was over for good. I told him that I have commitment issues and that perhaps one day i will get over them and be a different person. When we were dating I acted completely distant towards him, yet now outside of the relationship I act so close to him. So today we went to a movie and there was some hand holding involved and now I feel terrible. I don't know how to handle this. I don't know what I want...I don't want us to get hurt again...:(

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henaaa answered Sunday March 22 2009, 6:00 pm:
i see what you're going through. there was a guy i dated forever and then it ended but we still stayed close but then ended up kissing and stuff and i didn't know what to do. so what i would say is you obviously still feel something but you have that fear. and i think your fear is because you think hes going to hurt you. so you should say i don't like the things you do and i can't be around that, so if you really care you would stop and then we could be good. that would show what kind of person he really is. now thats if you want to be with him.

if you decide that you can't its not going to work then you have to stay away for awhile. not forever but enough to make sure your feelings for him as something other than a friend are gone.

do what you know will make you happy.
thats what is most important.

good luck.

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Eldritch answered Saturday March 21 2009, 2:21 pm:
That "something there" that makes you want to be with him is pity, and it sounds like he's milking it.

You don't want to be with a guy who does drugs and drinks. One of these things alone is a serious red flag, but both of them? Forget it.

He doesn't respect himself enough to take care of himself, and that means he will never respect you or treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

Also, I'm not really sure you do have commitment issues. Maybe what you think is an issue is actually a positive thing... you just know that you've got better things to do at this point in your life than get tied down.

You haven't met the right person yet. When you do, you'll know.

But please, drop this guy. He's bad news. I have experience with guys like this, and I promise you he will break your heart.

You deserve so much more.

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