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He's Afraid of Getting Closer With Me
So there's this one and he basically owns my heart and my world. I know that he struggles with depression and I honestly do believe that he's suicidal. We have this thing going on, and I don't mind it when it's going well, I love talking to him and he always makes me feel good about myself. However when it's not going well and he's shutting me out, it hurts like a mother fucker.
I don't think that he's playing games, his family knows about me, he sought me out from day one, he was the first one to say I love you, and this summer he even told my brother that he liked me. Yet I'm on this emotional roller coaster with him and have been since Christmas time. It's like whenever it gets closer to the time that we'll see each other, he wants to push me away. I believe that he's afraid of getting closer with me and perhaps having his heart broken. He thinks that pushing me away is better thing to do, and it always hurts me.
He feels like a failure, like he's failed our relationship. Yet our “relationship” even though it's barely begun has so much potential, and he does as a person too. But he's so used to his dad putting him down, his father really isn't the positive male role model and I don't know how long it's been like that for. He's always put down by his dad and I think that in the end his dad is one of the reasons why he has so many problems with letting people in. That, and his grandmother died when he was 9 years old, he's been like this since for almost 10 years (he's 19 now) and he thinks that he's this big tough guy and can get through it on his own, but he can't... this is going to wind up killing him and I don't know how I'm going to be once his commits suicide.
I want him to know that my intentions aren't to hurt him. I honestly want to be with him, every time I give him his space and I'm close to giving up on him he doesn't want me to, he's right back in my life. This is the only thing that I would change about him as a person, the fact that he does this stuff to me.
He's an amazing person as far as I'm concerned, he just needs to get through this thing. I'm trying to convince him to go to counseling. He went and he was doing really well, he was starting to see the guy that I see in him, instead of just this lame asshole who bluntly sucks.
Do I just give up on him, or try to talk him into going to counseling? I don't really know how to do that, most of my friends are like tell him that he either goes to counseling or he loses you. My family just wants me to give up on him, but in a way I don't blame them... I don't know what do anymore. All I know is that I don't want to get hurt again anymore. Has anyone been in a similar situation? What did you do? What do you think I should do?
I'm seriously praying to God for help in this, and just trying to give him what he says that he wants.
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well i have been in a situation like this before and i do know how it feels. but your either cut out for this or your either not some people cant take the bragging and all the depression and cnt stand it so they leave the person but for me i stayed with the guy and he started to improve..as far as i can tell he needs you.i no it doesnt seem like it but he does..everyone around him hurts him and he hasnt had someone to lean on and turn to..i think you should take it easy and not suffercate him or push im into opening up to you. he needs you to be that person that makes him smile and makes him forget the rest of the world and all those things that hurt him.just always be there for him and oventually with time hell become better but if u think you cant handle it then you should tell him so and just be honest with him.from what i hear he needs you there for him
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All you can do is ask yourself if you want to deal with this everyday. Because if you don't think you can handle that then you need too tell him that you like him a lot but you can't deal with his issues and kinda mention about going to see a therapist.
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My boyfriend is the exact same way. not bipolar but always trying to push me away. saying he needs space. What you ahve to do is give him his space when he wants it. thats all you can do. but let him know that you are here if he needs you. He really needs someone like you to be there for him right now because he is going through a hard time. Dont give up on him. In time things will work out but for now you have to stay strong and if ou two get through this, you will have a very strong relationship. I know things seem really hard right now but please dont give up. Help him out and be there for him
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Bipolar. Funny, from line one I knew he was.
My father is bipolar. I myself am bipolar. I know exactly what you're going through.
Let me say first that I think you're an amazing, caring person, and he is so very lucky to have you in his life.
However, living with someone who is bipolar is a major strain. Most of the time, you feel like you're a nurse in the ICU, pulling week-long shifts and watching for the flatline.
Many psychiatrists claim that there is no way for a bipolar to maintain a long, healthy relationship. However, my parents have been married thirty-three years, and they're still going strong. There's hope, but I have to warn you that it's going to take a lot of work on your end. You have to be sure you're willing to live a very unstable life... but if you love him as much as it seems, I don't think you'll mind.
Tell him that counseling is a must. Tell him that you love him, but if he's not willing to get help for his condition, it isn't going to work. There are many medications for bipolar disorder.
My father is unfortunately allergic to all of them, and his doctor failed to correctly monitor his levels, causing him to have a minor stroke (if a stroke can ever be said to be "minor"), so he no longer takes any medication... but that just means that even if he doesn't take medication, there's still hope for counseling and your relationship to work out all right.
Be very glad he was discharged from the service. If you think bipolar is hard on your relationship, try the military.
My marriage has bipolar and the Army at work in it (we're both soldiers). It's working, but sometimes it's the biggest strain I have ever faced.
And distance? Again, let him know that you're willing to face the challenges of this relationship -- IF you are... think it through -- and that distance isn't the biggest one.
Whatever happens, trust that God has His hand in it. If it doesn't work, no matter how hard you try, it wasn't meant to be.
Best of luck.
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