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im 20 years old dating a 14 year old.
im a 20 year old male and i live in Canada
im dating a 14 soon to be 15 year old girl.
i wanna know if this is wrong? and if i have a problem.
i didnt think i did, but all my friends say i do.
so now idont know
i really love this girl
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Damn... This was added in 2008. Well everything peeps just said I would 100% absolutely agree on. Actually... I'm on the same boat as you.. See it kind of works out, though. She turns 15 in 4 more days. I turn 21 dec 1st. Um... I cant say whar I have with her is a 'fling'. Because I do genuinelu and absolutely love her. Hell... She feels the same. I know it comes off as unsettling and creepy to people of todays societies. But that is because they are for,e fed garbage that prettu tells them what is right and what is wrong. Actually, look in other countries. Stuff like this is .ormal. Shit, years ago it was normal. As a matter of fact it IS normal. It happens everyday, but laws also make it illegal to have any sexual contact at all. To be honest I do believe a kiss on the cheek is fine. Everyone kisses on the cheek. Point is... Ad long as there is no form of manipulation or sexual contact. All is good and you are in the clear. If you say you are truly inlove, keep on keeping on. Whatever happens along the way and as long as you never went to jail everything is golden. People who find it disgusting are just assholes who have nothing better to do than to judge byou for your form of happiness. I hope everything worked out great with you guys.
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It is odd only because you are both in very different places in life and quickly growing into who you will become. Neither of you have matured enough to be on the same level (which would probably come around 25/30 or later, depending on your own personalities and life experiences).
I do not have room to say much. I am dating (and have been dating) a 38 year old man and I am a 22 year old woman (actually, JUST turned 22).
The problem we face with age differences is that he knows everything that I haven't gone through yet. He's already had those life-changing experiences that I have no clue are about to hit me. He has grown, seen, learned, done, and I have just been here, growing a little bit here and there.
14 is a big age, and so is 15. She is going through peer pressure. Her body is growing and maturing rapidly. She doesn't have a decent schooling yet. She hasn't done enough bad/good things to know how to avoid accidents, bad consequences, unwanted results, hurt and pain, etc. In essence, she is vulnerable and, well, ignorant.
You have had a lot more time than she has. You know how to step around some things. You know that if you do THIS then THAT will happen so you know to avoid it. You have more abilities--manipulation comes easier, for one, and that is the main thing people think about when it comes to this relationship. Many people will see this as: "He is manipulating a young, fragile girl into being with him so he can use her for sex and hurt her."
It is AGAINST THE LAW to have sex with her or have any sort of physical relationship. Even if "it's a secret" there is a HUGE lesson you need to learn:
She is a 14/15 year old girl. She will write it down somewhere. She will tell ONE friend. She will do something that will make the issue very vulnerable. If it slips out that you two "made-out" (or "more") one night then it can be OVER for you. You WILL go to jail. All that needs to happen is somebody tells the authorities and they will come and arrest you on the spot.
There are simply things you cannot do with her that you could with a girl your age right now. There are so many things you both need to learn, and are going through, that will be difficult to make it through together since you two are in separate areas in life.
No kissing--not anywhere, not even on the face.
No boyfriend/girlfriend affection. You MUST treat her, physically, as a friend, and only a friend.
No "dancing" (what they call dancing now, aka grinding)
No petting or groping.
No dirty talk (including the simple phrase, "I'm horny.")
No hugging beyond something you would do with a friend
No compliments of her body (example: "Wow, you have a nice butt!" or "That makes your chest look good!")
No spending nights--even if you two don't even sleep in the same room!
No sex.
All of the above = ILLEGAL
All of the above = JAIL TIME FOR YOU
You can:
Hold hands.
Spend time together.
Talk about every-day things and get to know each other.
Go on dates.
Things like: Reading together, watching movies or television together, karaoke, volunteering various places together, consoling each other like friends would during rough times.
Being with her isn't going to "ruin her natural development" if you know your boundaries and keep to them. As a matter of fact, you can HELP her grow as a human being by helping her make it through difficult stages. Give her time to mature as you two are together. Do not rush anything. Do not put yourself in a possibly-bad situation. People that go to jail for this usually think, "Oh, she'd NEVER tell that we did this," and by the end of it, they've lost what they thought was life.
Things to think of:
Someone can CLAIM that you two, say, had sex and you and her will be questioned, at the VERY LEAST.
You will ALWAYS be seen as the bad guy.
If ONE person knows, they can "accidentally" mention it to someone else--which will start a chain reaction and will land you in jail.
I know a guy that was seeing a 15 year old girl when he was over 20. She had lied and said she was 18, they even celebrated her "19th" birthday together. Turns out she was 14, going on 15 on that birthday. Well, she got arrested for shoplifting and, while in jail, let it out that she had been with him. He was, IMMEDIATELY, taken into custody. He told the story about her lying and him not knowing it and they didn't care. He now has been pegged with "child molester" for the rest of his life. He is a registered sex offender because A GIRL LIED ABOUT HER AGE! He's now 40 and miserable. He can't find a job because nobody wants to hire a sex offender and he is LEGALLY not allowed to work where minors are (working, hanging out, etc.). He is only allowed to have a computer, which is monitored heavily and someone has to be in the room with him when he surfs the 'net. Women do not want to be with him because he's a registered sex offender. He cannot find a decent place to live (read: he must live with his mother) because people find out about the sex offender thing and harass him. His life is in the toilet.
Keep boundaries and you'll be okay.
Do not make promises like "we'll get married" or "things will be better when..." because it will only cause things to be strained.
Relax and think about this.
Think about the logic.
Is this seriously something you want to do?
It takes a lot to keep those boundaries in this age, but it MUST be done if you want to be with this girl.
Keep your head on straight and take time out to think about the possibilities of this sort of relationship. Can you handle this? If you have any more questions, please feel free to ask me!
P.S. You CAN love her, it isn't like she's 3 and you're 30. When she's 25 and you're 30, this will seem like no big deal, trust me.
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Take a look at this link, perhaps it can help a little. [Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
From my point of view, be VERY careful with what you do with this girl... keep in mind she is 6 years younger than you, probably doesn't have much experiance in life, and is naiive.. most girls at that age are. OR maybe she might not be, but youre still playing with fire. I havent read up on Canadian laws, but i personally think you shouldnt consider this. You're much more developed mentally and physically, and she's just starting to develop her mind.. these stages are critical. DON'T mess this up. I wish i could change your mind, from personal experiance, but you are your own person. Just be careful, and do not let her convince you into anything that you know can probably bring consequences in the future... good luck...
flirty
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um.
do you just want to fuck her?
cuz that is what most guys your age do with young girls.
they dont really care about them.
so its kinda surprising you say you love her.
how did you meet her?
and like how often do you get to see her.
love is such an over used word.
i really dont think you love her.
adn if you do then wait for her.
cuz in 5 years it wont seem as weird if you guys date...
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i'm really sorry, but this falls under the category of "creepy". it's also illegal. i would let it drop.
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[1) honestly, this to me falls under the categorie of creepy. dating someone that young is a little weird. i actually dont think you 'love' her. its just a fling.
[2) if you love her let her go. its not only creepy to your friends. its most likely scarying her own friends. i know if one of my friends around that age were dating a 2O yearold id think they were a bit of a loserr.
[3) plus ya'll live really far away from eachother. shes still in school your old enough to be in college. theres other people.
[4) if ya'll are having ANY sexual contact, that is considered rape. well im not sure about canada, but in the U.S. it is. you could get in major trouble.
[5) how are you sure her moms okay with it? did she tell you face to face. because fourteen year old girls are sneaky like that. she could of just told you that so itd be 'okay' for yall to go out.
[6) this kind of stuff could really mess her up emotionally. so id drop it while you can. its not healthy for a growing teenager to be dating a grownman. its way more than she needs.
well i hope i helped.
if you have any questions feel free to ask.
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Yes, I'm afraid your friends are right and what you're doing falls under the category of "unsettling" and "creepy."
14 year old girls are nowhere near emotionally ready to date a grown man. You have more life experience than she has and your brain is developed. You can drink alcohol, drive, go to college, vote, get married... and she can't even get a learner's permit.
People likely look at you and think there is something wrong with a grown man that dates young girls. She's not even halfway through puberty yet.
If you love her, let her go. With this age difference for a 14 year old, you are interfering with her natural development and what you are doing is not legal.
A 14-year-old can be with a 19 year-old and a 15-year-old can be with a 20-year-old. When she turns 15, and you're 21 it'll be illegal again. You're breaking the intent of the law. Her parents can charge you.
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it is wrong unless she was older. dont ask me why thats just the way the law goes. i mean you two could be dating with no sexual contact what so ever. just dates movies.. and that would have to go on until your law always you to, to be together in that sort of way.
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Okay rememeber that you are a grown man and she is still young and growing up.
Do you really think it is morally correct for you to be seeing someone so young?
If you really love her than i think that you should break things off because you can get in trouble with the law.
Also do you really think this is good for her to be dating someone much older than her forcing her to grow up faster than she needs to?
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You have a problem called Canadian law.
If you are having any affectionate touching with this young girl, then you are breaking Canadian Age of Consent laws. Any kissing, caressing, and god-fobid sex, can be interpreted as against the law in Canada until she is sixteen.
Sure, there are some gray zones in this law, but with your amount of age difference you are NOT in the gray zone. It is simply illegal for you to have any sexual contact with her at all until she is sixteen. You face up to five years in prison if you do.
There are lots of other reasons why this is a problem, but that is big one.
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