The answer to all of this? Budget, budget, budget.

Sure, you might not be spending all of your cash intake. That's how it should be.

You need to break down your expenses into categories. You've got your regular bills planned out, but what about clothing, medical expenses, and all that stuff that isn't a regular expense, but pops up from time to time? You need to plan where your money is going no matter how you handle expenses.

We figured out what we needed to pay our bills every month, plus putting some aside in an emergency fund (for if you lose a job, or something else catastrophic happens) and some into savings. In addition, we worked out what we could spend on necessities in a year, then divided it by 12 and added that to the total. We then had a lump amount that would cover all of our expenses every month. We keep a few bank accounts; a savings account and mutual funds for savings, and two chequing accounts. One account gets the amount we need monthly deposited into it on the first of every month. The other account accumulates any extra, which we can use however we like: for instance, this spring we had extra, so we did some renovations. You can even have more accounts if you want to save for something special, like buying a car or putting a down payment on a house.

You should never spend exactly what you make (and NEVER more than what you make!). It's never too early to start thinking about retirement, because compound interest is best taken advantage of by saving at a young age. Plus, that way you have a cushion in case you lose a job, or go on maternity leave, or break a leg.

As for personal purchases, what we do is we each have a weekly allowance. We can spend it on whatever we want, guilt-free; a beer with friends for him, a new video game for me, etc. It's worked out fine, because each of us has an equal amount to spend on ourselves.

Personally, I wouldn't split everything exactly in half. To me, marriage is a team effort, and each partner contributes equally in the end, although it might not be financial in nature (for instance, I work less than my fiance, but I do more housework). Counting pennies and going "YOU have to pay this" and "I have to pay this" is such a sad way to go about things. I'd much rather be working together with my guy to achieve common goals.

I hope that answered your question :)

Not really.

Stacy is tall and thin. Not really skinny and super tall. Just generally of a tall and thin build.

Average covers a huge range of sizes. Anywhere from a 2-14 depending on what sort of shape the person is. So being tall and thin can fit inside the description of average.

It's not illegal to date someone who's 14. Depending on the area you live in, she may even be within the age of consent. If you're not sure, though, don't have sex with her.

My concern comes from the statement "by the time she's old enough we prolly won't be friends". If she's everything you look for, personality-wise, wouldn't you remain friends no matter how old you two are? Is it worth going into a relationship that you have already predicted failing once she's older?

Also keep in mind that when she's 16, you'll be 20. That's a big difference in maturity levels. However, I know a couple where the girls are 35 and 22, and they're perfectly happy together.

She will change a lot over the next 4 years, and hopefully, should you choose to start a relationship, she would grow with you rather than apart from you. The choice is yours; just make sure you stay within the bounds of the law. Safely within.

I'm going to guess that you're a teenager? About 15 or so?

This will be kind of a downer, but you probably won't get a ton of dates in high school. I certainly didn't. I was surrounded by guys, but they were all my friends, and I was stuck in the 'friend' zone.

It took getting out of high school and into university for the guys to grow up enough to realize that they SHOULD be dating their friends, because that's who you relate to best.

Don't worry. Once you're past the stupid teenage boy phase, you'll have to carry a big stick to keep them off of you with. Till then, rejoice in the fact that you're not dating anyone you'll regret later. Trust me; teenage boys? Not so appealing when you look back on them.

It sounds to me like 'Stacy' is reading way to much into all of this.

'Wendy' thinks 'Stacy' is average sized, meaning she doesn't need to shop at specialty stores. She also thinks that 'Stacy' is between a size 2 and 8... reasonable for someone who's tall and thin, because tall people are often a bigger size just because of length and proportions.

If 'Stacy' has a reasonable idea of self-image, then she won't have to worry about exactly what her friends mean when they're talking casually, and she won't see little things like this as veiled insults.

My suggestion? 'Stacy' should take a good hard look in the mirror. If she likes what she sees, then she'll be just fine. If not, she can work on it from there.

Personally, I'd keep up with the French. It's better to be more proficient in one language than to be able to introduce yourself in two.

If you want to be a psychologist, the requirements vary depending on where you live.

In most parts of Canada (where I'm from), you need a bachelor's, a master's, and a PhD in psychology.

As for the specialization:

First off, you have to realize that OCD isn't an isolated condition (I should know... I have it!). It's what's termed as an anxiety disorder, which often goes hand in hand with other anxiety disorders. As such, you can't really specialize in just OCD. You would have to broaden your scope a little bit. It's like being a doctor who specializes in heart attacks. You need to be a cardiologist before you can really zone in.

In order to specialize, you would need to find a clinic that specializes in anxiety disorders. I know there's one in my city. You may need to move, to do time as a research assistant, or to work in areas that you aren't so interested in. But it is all worth it to do what you want to.

On behalf of all the OCDelicious people out there, thank you for wanting to help!

I'm 22, engaged to my 23 year old fiance. We own a house, so our situation is a bit different from yours.

There are a few options. There is no right way to work with your finances. There is a wrong way; the way that leaves one or both of you unhappy!

1) Total merging:

This is what my guy and I did. We have joint bank accounts, put everything into them and budget out of that. It makes it a lot easier. That way there's no debating over whose responsibility what was, and there's no sense of "I contributed more than you did". All money earned is OUR money, not his or mine.

2) Proportional bill splitting:

You don't mention what each of you makes. If he makes more than you, then he should be paying more of the bills, right? It's not fair for him to have proportionally more disposable income, or vice versa.

3) He pays more:

I wouldn't recommend this. What did feminists fight for for years upon years? Equality. Equality doesn't mean that he doesn't take you out to a nice dinner every once in a while, or that he can't open a door here or there. It means that you don't need to be 'taken care of' if you have the means to support yourself. Now, I am in a situation right now where I am in school for 16 months straight, and cannot work part time. At the moment, my fiance is supporting me. However, once I graduate I will very likely earn more than he does. It all comes out in the wash. That's different from what you're talking about, though. It's all personal choice, but I think that if you're going to act like less than an equal partner, he's going to treat you like one.

This guy is obviously a huge jerk, and if he's willing to jump to conclusions without even meeting you, then I highly doubt that he's willing to come to a reasonable, adult agreement.

Don't confront him one on one, because that COULD lead to you getting in serious trouble, especially if the situation escalates. Since this is a workplace issue, your boss or HR manager is required by law to step in if you complain about being sexually harassed (which is what this is). Most workplaces have a zero tolerance policy.

Let your boss (or the appropriate person) know that this person who you have never met has taken offense with you, and that they are spreading rumours about your sexual orientation and making threats against you. You cannot be penalized for complaining.

"You people don't understand"

That's a little presumptuous, don't you think? Do you really think that all of us here on Advicenators are so squeaky-clean and carefree that we can't possibly empathize with you? There's a reason we're here... we all have our own life experiences, and we're here to share them with others.

Myself, I deal with bipolar disorder. I experience intense highs and lows at a rapid rate, accompanied by occasional delusions, hallucinations and paranoia. Let me tell you about what I've experienced at the age of 22.

I have failed out of university/college FOUR times. I have lost contact with most of my friends, lost my relationship with my family, racked up debt, and attempted suicide several times. I was, by all definitions, a failure.

2 years ago, I ran off into a snow storm with no coat because I was convinced that my doctor, my fiance and my friends were all trying to kill me. My fiance had to call the police to find me, and I ended up being put in a mental hospital for several weeks. That got me started on my road to recovery, and things improved rapidly from there. I started to see a psychiatrist on a regular basis, got on medication and managed to hold down a summer job. Everything was fine for a year, even though my psychiatrist dropped me as a patient.

This fall, things started to go wrong again. I started to have panic attacks again, stopped going to school, and entered a huge depressive spiral. I ended up failing out of school again. I was miserable. So much work had gone into making me better, and now it was all unraveling. I tried to overdose on pills, and succeeded only in making myself severely ill.

Then my fiance called my community's mental health hotline. He explained what was happening, and they sent a team out to assess me. I was put into a program where I deal with a nurse, a counsellor, a psychiatrist and an occupational therapist. I see them every few weeks. They keep track of my mood and performance in school, and make changes to my treatment as needed. If I don't like a medication I'm put on (as has happened twice now), they find a new one. Most of all, though, they help me to cope with living, not just surviving.

Because of my special circumstances, I'm able to receive accommodations at school, and will continue to do so when I enter the workforce. I've just passed my first term of a new program in college, and I'm holding on just fine. I'm not going to lie and tell you that it's all sunshine and roses. At times, I get sick of having to deal with all of this. I get sick of being on pills, dealing with side effects, having to go to a counsellor, having to write tests in a separate room. It sucks, but it's a whole heck of a lot better than the alternative. I'm turning my life around, one baby step at a time.

I've been where you are. I've felt like there's no point in going on. In fact, I feel that way on a fairly regular basis, on and off. You are absolutely right, though, in thinking that you should be living for yourself and not for others. The reason I've been able to throw myself heart and soul into my recovery is that it's the first time that I've been doing this for me.

Seeing a doctor and taking medication are only a tiny part of the puzzle. They won't 'take the crazy away'. They just make the crazy easier to handle. I've found that on a good medication I don't get nearly so extreme in my thinking. I handle failure and stress a lot better than when I'm not on them. 'A lot better', however, is the key phrase here. It's not effortless. The biggest part of treatment is learning coping skills. Learning how to handle stress, failure and all that fun stuff. For that, you need a counselor. Doctors are fine and all, but you need someone who can help you to work out the kinks. Someone who can help you teach yourself how to deal with whatever life throws at you.

As for putting an end to failure, you'd be surprised at what a little clarity can do for you. For instance, once I was out of the fog, I was able to see that maybe the reason I wasn't doing so well in school was the fact that I wasn't too keen on what I was taking. All of a sudden, I'm on the dean's honour list. It's easier to prioritize, to perform, and to decide what you want out of life and how you're going to achieve it. Your life won't be perfect. Nobody's is. The key is to take joy in your successes while letting the failures go.

If you have any questions, or just want to talk, or whatever, feel free to inbox me.

You say you've been dating for a while, but there's a difference between 'dating' and 'exclusive'. Just because you start dating a guy doesn't mean that you're his girlfriend.

Have you had 'the talk' with him? Figured out where each of you sees this going, are you exclusively dating each other, that sort of thing? If you haven't, then you need to, pronto.

He might be confused as to the status of your relationship. He might feel as if you're going to bolt if he starts putting a 'girlfriend' designation on you. He might also be overly cautious when it comes to cementing new relationships.

Don't immediately demand to be called his girlfriend, and whatever you do, don't call him out in front of other people! That will piss him off.

As for not having met his close friends or family, that's perfectly normal. I have dated guys and not met their family or friends for months. When you are more committed, feel free to ask to meet his family and friends. Till then, ease up on the poor guy.

I freaked out once when this happened to me. Turns out it was just a sebacious cyst, which is just a big pimple (gross, I know!) Otherwise, it could be a swollen lymph node.

Your best bet is to get to a doctor. They'll be able to diagnose you better than unqualified internet strangers or Dr. Google :)

Losing water weight is NOT DANGEROUS.

I lost 7 lbs in 2 days once. Not a word of a lie. What had I changed? I stopped drinking diet soda and started drinking tons of water. Turns out, I had been dehydrated beforehand, and my body was retaining water as a result. When I started drinking more water, I lost all that water weight in no time flat. Same thing happens to me when I cut out super-processed food, or start eating more fibre, or cut out salty food.

What you should make sure of is that you're getting in at least 1500 calories a day, mostly from lean protein, veggies and whole grains. Drink tons of water, and any weight loss you experience will be healthy.

Quick weight loss only affects you if it's unhealthy. If it is, then you will gain it back and then some.

Ah, the Milton Hilton ;)

Here is their address. I'm not quite certain as to how you would send it to a specific inmate. However, there is a phone number you can contact the facility at.

661 Martin St.
Box 10
Milton, ON
L9T 2Y3

905-878-8141

You may want to get re-evaluated by a psychiatrist, because this sounds an awful lot like a symptom used to diagnose bipolar disorder (which I have). Bipolar disorder is often misdiagnosed as depression (mine was early on) because the highs won't cause you to seek treatment, since you feel great. I'm not saying your diagnosis is wrong, but it is something to keep your mind open about.

I can tell you a bit about what I've dealt with in this area. Most people have nightmares that scare them. For instance, they're in shark-infested waters. They wake up terrified. I've had a dream where I was in shark-infested waters, and I felt them tearing me apart, could feel every bite, could hear myself screaming and crying for help and could taste my blood in the water. Sound anything like what you've experienced?

The grogginess and spacing out can be attributed to another common symptom of mental illness called sleep inertia. It is often hard for me to get out of bed, because I'm so tired. I'll sleep through a half hour of my alarm going off. I'm tired when I get up, and it lasts hours. My fiance basically has to pull me out of bed, put me in the shower and put breakfast in my mouth, or I'd miss school half the time. It often follows really vivid dreams. That's because you're not really resting while you dream like that.

People who don't deal with this sort of thing won't really understand. There's a difference between the nightmares that most people have and the nightmares that people like you and I have. I know there are times that I'm terrified to go to sleep because I can't take the dreaming anymore. So I get where you're coming from.

It's all very well and good for us to suggest therapy, but you've got to sleep at some point in the near future! Until you can see a doctor, your biggest concern right now is to relax. Surround yourself with happy things. Watch a Disney movie, play a board game, go for a walk. Drink some herbal tea :) Avoid anything violent or overtly sexual in nature. Can you sleep in the same room as someone else, or do you have a pet who can share the room with you? It might help you feel safer and more relaxed.

Here are some online resources about bipolar disorder, vivid dreaming and sleep inertia. If you have any questions or want to discuss anything, feel free to inbox me.

http://www.bipolarchild.com/Newsletters/0410.html

http://bipolar.about.com/od/sleepissues/a/040729_dreams.htm

http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/bipolar-disorder/complete-index.shtml#pub3

Are you ready to deal with an accidental pregnancy?

If you're not, then you should be using a condom.

The reason I exist is because my mom was on the pill and it failed. The reason one of my good high school friends dropped out at age 15 is because she was on the pill and it failed. The reason I have a fourth new cousin on the way is because my uncle's girlfriend was on the pill, and it failed.

I'm not saying the pill doesn't work, but it's not infallible. At your age, you want infallible. You want iron-clad guarantee that you won't get pregnant.

Yes, you're both clean, but until you're ready to deal with the possibility of a pregnancy, you should be doing everything in your power to avoid it.

Whoa. I'm going to disagree with pinkcherries there. If you're not supposed to talk to other guys when you're engaged, I'm doing it all wrong, and I wouldn't be able to talk to anyone that I go to school with!

Personally, I think that your fiance made a choice when he did something that would get him arrested. He knew you were pregnant, and that you were supposed to get married, and he still broke the law. I'm all for sticking out tough circumstances, but prison is something else entirely. I think that the emotional wellbeing of your child is at stake, because a man who will miss the first year of his child's life for the sake of breaking the law is very likely to do it again.

Keep in mind that you are bound to your fiance forever because you have his child. You'll have to maintain some sort of relationship with him for the rest of your life, no matter whether you stay with him or not.

For that reason, don't cheat on him. If you want to give things with this other guy a shot, break up with your guy. Be honest with him. He hasn't been there for you while you were raising his child.

It all boils down to how much you love and trust your fiance. Do you love him enough to wait for him for another year? Two years? Three years? What if it happens again? Do you love him enough to be faithful to him even when other opportunities arise? It's not a crime to feel otherwise. I know I certainly wouldn't be sticking with my fiance if he was in jail.

First and foremost, though, think of the safety and happiness of your baby. Baby comes first :)

You sound like you're about my colouring (except my eyes are blue/green/grey), so I'll tell you what I do, with some modifications.

Personally, I would say you're too young to be using foundation. Heck, I'M too young to use that junk. If your skin is clear enough you're better off going without. Despite what their commercials might say, foundations clog the pores and keep your skin from breathing, which causes premature aging. If your skin is really bad, then you're better off without anyhow, because you can really tell when someone with acne is wearing foundation, and it can make the condition worse. Get a touch-up stick, or something of the sort for when you have a problem area. Personally, I leave that stuff alone. Instead, go for a really light facial moisturizer with sunscreen. No matter what season it is, you should have SPF protection, because sun damage can happen even when it's cloudy! Sun damage = premature aging.

Mascara all depends on the length of your eyelashes. Mine are absurdly long, to the point where when I open my eyes they brush against my eyebrows. Since they don't look all that long, I use Define-A-Lash by Maybelline. It doesn't lengthen (which is hard to find these days) and it doesn't clump, either. It's got a great silicone brush that doesn't get gummed up. Reasonably priced, as well.

I don't use liquid eyeliner because I don't have the finesse required, but I do keep a few colours of eyeliner on hand. Black, for special occasions when I want to do a smoky eye, green, because it makes the eyes pop (especially yours!), brown for everyday wear, and kind of an eggplant colour.

I only keep a couple of colours of nail polish on hand. I have a blue-green and a hot pink for my toenails (both are Rimmel 60 Seconds) and a pale peachy pink colour for my nails (think the colour you'd use for a french manicure. I don't like wearing noticeable colours on my nails, because I find that when it chips, it drives me nuts. Make sure you invest in a base coat and top coat!

I don't currently own blush, but I had one that I loved. You don't specify exactly how pale you are. I am incredibly white, especially my face. They had to give me the lightest colour of blush possible so that I didn't look like a clown. It was lighter than most foundations! Try Cover Girl TRUBlend Microminerals in Shimmering Sands.

Brushes? I use cheapies from the drug store, because I personally don't see the appeal of human hair brushes. Eew. They've always worked fine for me.

Perfume is going to be a personal choice. Make sure you try it on your skin, walk around for a while, and see if you still like it. Once it's been warmed up by your skin, it will change slightly, and there have been times I've fallen in love with one only to discover that I hate it on me. I use Vera Wang Princess, which has lavender and chocolate notes. My guy picked it out for me :) Make sure you bring a little baggie of coffee beans to sniff in between smelling perfumes, or else you'll kill your nose.

There's this funny thing called 'personality'. The girls who 'aren't even pretty' tend to have it in spades. I was one of those weird girls in high school (band geek, science nerd, model parliament) but I wasn't exactly lacking in male attention. In fact, because I did have to develop a real personality, I was the first of my high school friends to get engaged despite being overweight and unattractive.

Are these girls really annoying? Seriously, think about it. Is it because they don't really care about appearances? Is it because they tend to be more outspoken, more humorous? You see, to me, that's not annoying. That's being a real human being, and not a shell of a woman who thinks only of celebrities and shoes.

You want to know how to get guys? I would consider myself an expert, seeing as 90% of my friends are guys.

- Stop being so darn concerned with your appearance. Guys hate girls who come across as prissy.

- Stop looking down on people for being less attractive than you. They're probably great people, and you can't see that past their less-than-perfect exterior. That goes for guys too.

- Find guys who you get along with on a personal level. Don't date someone 'cause he's hot'. Date him because you can have a long conversation with him about something other than clothes or sports.

- How do you find these guys? Join a club. I made tons of guy friends because we had an interest in common.

- Don't shy away from dating a friend. If you're not attracted to him, leave it as friendship. If you do feel attracted to him, remember that you're friends for a reason! You like him for who he is, so go get'im!

- Don't try so hard. Seriously. Sounds like you've been hunched over in your bedroom agonizing and gritting your teeth over why these girls are successful. Stop focusing so much on other peoples' successes, and focus on your own.

- Above all, be nice. To EVERYONE. Guys won't go for you if they see you being rude to someone, then you come over to them batting your eyelashes. You come across as a serious hypocrite that way. So even if the nerd won't leave you alone, keep smiling and being nice to her, because the hottie might be watching you and judging you based on your actions.

Wow! Maybe it's because they were all too busy dying of "old age". Nobody's died of THAT since 1951, though.

People were less specific in their cause of death determinations before. It wasn't that it didn't exist, they just didn't see a need to go poking around to find out.

Yes, you're being exposed to second-hand smoke. Smoke can move freely through cracks in doors, or when you open and close your door, so yes, you can be exposed when in your room. If you can smell it, you're inhaling it.

Will you die of lung cancer? Only if you plan on living there for a long time. You will have damage done to you by the exposure you receive, but if you move out as soon as you can and don't smoke, you'll be fine. Your lungs can regenerate from the damage done. Within 15 years, it'll be like you were never exposed, but the negative effects will start going away immediately.

Your best bet is to keep your room as a safe zone; keep the windows open, weather permitting, put a towel across the bottom of the door, keep a fan by the window. You may be able to put up something like weather stripping on your bedroom door to help keep the smoke out.

The people who die from second hand smoke exposure are often people like waitresses who work in smoky bars for 20 years, people who marry smokers, and people with lung disease. If you get out of the house, you'll be fine.

My Personal Forum

My name is Amanda and I'm 26 years old. I'm currently studying electrical engineering. Armed with a fairly odd sense of humour and a sunny outlook on life, I'll take on just about anything. I'm also cussedly stubborn, which has its ups and downs. Things get tough sometimes, and I've never been one to run from it.

In my last 8 years with Advicenators, I've gone from honours student to failing out of university (and getting back on top again!), from single to married, from tenant to homeowner.

Until lately, I have been struggling with a diagnosis of bipolar disorder and OCD, which had basically ruined my life and taken just about everything from me. I'm thankful every day for every experience I've had because of this ordeal, because it's helped to make me who I am today. Things like that really make you appreciate what you do have. Now that I'm back in work and school and starting to become myself again, I couldn't be happier. I credit Advicenators with saving my life back when I was a teenager, which is a big part of why I'm still here.

I won't necessarily give you the answers you want to hear, but I'll always be honest and do my best to help.

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