I have read tons of "Don't commit suicide" pages, and I fully understand how "wrong" it may be to commit suicide, but what you people don't understand is how much of a failure I am. All this, "It's going to be ok" Or "I love you" Or "You'll make it!" is nothing but a load of crap. I'm not going to make it, I'm going to continue to mess up, and be a failure, there is no hope, and there is no reason for living. If I am going to live, it's going to be for me, not for my family or some random friend. There is no point in living if I can't be happy, do what I want, or eventually get what I want. Basically, my life is worthless, and I was wondering if anyone who has been suicidal in the past has any experience to share. "See a doctor" and "Take medication" are on my to do list, but I don't see how they can fix my crazy. And even still, I don't think they can fix my constant aptitude for failing.
To be honest with you, it is not just depression.
You need to mature. that is how it worked for me.
When you mature you will realize, that pitying yourself does nothing.
If you think you are a failure, change it.
YOU are in control of your life.
You will also learn not feed into drama, and how to not let things get you down.
Go pick up some psychology books and start reading. You will be amazed at what you learn and you will mature.
keep this is mind,
2 yrs ago you probably thought you knew everything and that you were mature, now look at yourself now. how much have you grown? think about yourself 2 years from now.
......
2 years ago, my high school sweet heart was murdered my senior year of high school.
I became terribly depressed, and life was pointless.
After a terrible downward spiral and wasted time being sad I realized this.
I had two options, to either die or live.
I decided to live, and if I was going to live I was going to be happy because living depressed sucks.
I changed my life, I changed my out look, and I matured.
.....
You also need to become comfortable with yourself, and like yourself.
Stop putting yourself down.
Make a list of things about yourself that you like.
sarline answered Wednesday June 23 2010, 11:26 am: Wow you sound like you have a goal set in mind...And that goal is to kill yourself. I don't know if you are a Christian, But you should know that God put you on this earth for a reason, you shouldn't take your life away, only he can do that..you are right, maybe I don't fully understand you, or what you have been through, but i do understand that you want to end your life (and that is not okay). You don't want to live for your family, fine! you don't want to live for your love ones, fine! you say you only want to live for you? then go ahead live for you and you only...everyone has failed once in awhile, but what you do is you get back up and try again...If you set your mind on failing, then you will, set you mind on a different goal..
hotpotato answered Monday June 21 2010, 7:45 pm: A lot of it has to with attitude. That kind of mentality sets you up for failure. It's kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It's funny how you say you're a failure, but what I'm reading here, to me seem like the thoughts of a mature and articulate individual. You're capitalizing, punctuating, and spelling correctly.. using quotation marks and a vocabulary word like "aptitude". Maybe that stuff sounds insignificant, but that doesn't seem like the marks of a failure to me. You already researched reasons why not to commit suicide and you're asking for advice here. You think you're a failure, and everyone is most harsh on themselves.
I don't have any way to help you because I go through this myself. All I know is that the present may suck, but there is a lot of time for me to alter that. = You're definitely right about living for yourself and not for other people. I think shitty situations leave people with no hope and the only option that sounds appealing is suicide, but there must be some way to change your circumstances, which are probably what are causing you to feel this way. I don't know why you feel like a failure in general. Your mistakes don't sum you up as a human being. You're more than your supposed "failures". This sounds silly, but suicide would be the ultimate "failing at life". It's taking the easy way out. I am glad you're at least trying. That also isn't failure.
Sometimes seeing a therapist/psychologist/psychiatrist or taking medication has helped people, believe it or not. It could really just be something biological. [ hotpotato's advice column | Ask hotpotato A Question ]
NinjaNeer answered Monday June 21 2010, 7:38 pm: "You people don't understand"
That's a little presumptuous, don't you think? Do you really think that all of us here on Advicenators are so squeaky-clean and carefree that we can't possibly empathize with you? There's a reason we're here... we all have our own life experiences, and we're here to share them with others.
Myself, I deal with bipolar disorder. I experience intense highs and lows at a rapid rate, accompanied by occasional delusions, hallucinations and paranoia. Let me tell you about what I've experienced at the age of 22.
I have failed out of university/college FOUR times. I have lost contact with most of my friends, lost my relationship with my family, racked up debt, and attempted suicide several times. I was, by all definitions, a failure.
2 years ago, I ran off into a snow storm with no coat because I was convinced that my doctor, my fiance and my friends were all trying to kill me. My fiance had to call the police to find me, and I ended up being put in a mental hospital for several weeks. That got me started on my road to recovery, and things improved rapidly from there. I started to see a psychiatrist on a regular basis, got on medication and managed to hold down a summer job. Everything was fine for a year, even though my psychiatrist dropped me as a patient.
This fall, things started to go wrong again. I started to have panic attacks again, stopped going to school, and entered a huge depressive spiral. I ended up failing out of school again. I was miserable. So much work had gone into making me better, and now it was all unraveling. I tried to overdose on pills, and succeeded only in making myself severely ill.
Then my fiance called my community's mental health hotline. He explained what was happening, and they sent a team out to assess me. I was put into a program where I deal with a nurse, a counsellor, a psychiatrist and an occupational therapist. I see them every few weeks. They keep track of my mood and performance in school, and make changes to my treatment as needed. If I don't like a medication I'm put on (as has happened twice now), they find a new one. Most of all, though, they help me to cope with living, not just surviving.
Because of my special circumstances, I'm able to receive accommodations at school, and will continue to do so when I enter the workforce. I've just passed my first term of a new program in college, and I'm holding on just fine. I'm not going to lie and tell you that it's all sunshine and roses. At times, I get sick of having to deal with all of this. I get sick of being on pills, dealing with side effects, having to go to a counsellor, having to write tests in a separate room. It sucks, but it's a whole heck of a lot better than the alternative. I'm turning my life around, one baby step at a time.
I've been where you are. I've felt like there's no point in going on. In fact, I feel that way on a fairly regular basis, on and off. You are absolutely right, though, in thinking that you should be living for yourself and not for others. The reason I've been able to throw myself heart and soul into my recovery is that it's the first time that I've been doing this for me.
Seeing a doctor and taking medication are only a tiny part of the puzzle. They won't 'take the crazy away'. They just make the crazy easier to handle. I've found that on a good medication I don't get nearly so extreme in my thinking. I handle failure and stress a lot better than when I'm not on them. 'A lot better', however, is the key phrase here. It's not effortless. The biggest part of treatment is learning coping skills. Learning how to handle stress, failure and all that fun stuff. For that, you need a counselor. Doctors are fine and all, but you need someone who can help you to work out the kinks. Someone who can help you teach yourself how to deal with whatever life throws at you.
As for putting an end to failure, you'd be surprised at what a little clarity can do for you. For instance, once I was out of the fog, I was able to see that maybe the reason I wasn't doing so well in school was the fact that I wasn't too keen on what I was taking. All of a sudden, I'm on the dean's honour list. It's easier to prioritize, to perform, and to decide what you want out of life and how you're going to achieve it. Your life won't be perfect. Nobody's is. The key is to take joy in your successes while letting the failures go.
trueadvice3 answered Monday June 21 2010, 6:09 pm: Hey, to fully understand and help you, I need a detailed explanation of why it is you consider yourself a failure?
as well as a list of the things that might be bothering you at this point in your life... it can be anything from school, friends etc.
- feel free to add anything else that you think might make me fully understand your situation I really want to help you.
- I know you can move on I just need YOUR help to be able to do give you the most solid advice I can offer you.
brokensunshine answered Monday June 21 2010, 6:07 pm: no one is a failure. every human makes mistakes, including myself. I am always making mistakes and sometimes i become depressed for periods of time. the best thing for you is to talk about everything that is on your mind or that may make you feel suicidal. talk to a close friend, family member, anyone who will listen. I have dealt with one if my best friends wanting to commit suicide. she bottles everything up inside of her for very very long periods of time. i have done that before and I notice I feel so much better when I tell someone why I'm hurting. when she talks to me about her issues and why she's upset she admits a lot of hidden stuff deep inside of her and it does make her feel better. I have noticed she likes to draw graphic pictures to get her feelings out. try those things. and you can always call a suicide prevention hotline. they will deffinetly try to help you. in the end if you do decide to commit suicide, just know that everyone close to you will be distrought. you are doing a good thing by trying to get help or opinions on this site. don't give up hope. best of luck! [ brokensunshine's advice column | Ask brokensunshine A Question ]
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