about

"Do not pity the dead, Harry. Pity the living, and, above all those who live without love" - Albus Dumbledore

Hi, I'm Laura. I'm a senior in college & I'm slowly deciding what I want to do with my life. I love Harry Potter, coffee, writing, and sleeping (amongst other things). I'll never claim to know everything, but I'm confident in my ability to help people with their problems. Feel free to send me an inbox question; I'll get back to you!




A few thoughts I've gathered from my teenage years (and being on this site for most of them!):
1. If you Google song lyrics, the song will come up 99% of the time.
2. Dress to fit your body type, and buy the size that fits. If you're a size 6, squeezing into a 4 won't make you look skinnier. It makes you look fat when you aren't.
3. You will never regret waiting to lose your virginity.
4. There is such a thing as a stupid question, but we're all allowed to ask them.




BU 2014 :)


wicked awesome conversations

^my forum, liven it up a little?

advice

i didnt know my friend had a boyfriend till i find out after she broke up with him. she dated him for 3 days and broke up with him because he put his arm around her. she only told our other friend Becky about it. Lara and I know each other for 3 years more than she know about Becky, i ask Lara why she didnt tell me she had a bf and she look at me with a frown then looked away saying "i tought becky told you" "no, i found out after you broke up with him, its right for the person who is going out with someone to tell there friends not expect the other friend tell every one" i said she reply "whatever"
i just dont get why she acted that way?
i dont know the guy it was some dude in her class, and i thought friends talk about there dates i do to her?

Well if they dated for three days, they might not have considered themselves boyfriend and girlfriend that soon. Since this guy was "some dude in her class" it's entirely possible that they went on a date or something and it didn't work out so they broke up. As for why she didn't tell you, well, she'll know better than we do. If I had to guess, I'd say that she assumed you already knew (because of her telling Becky). Since she asumed this, she may not have wanted to tell you repeatedly "HEY GUESSS WHAT! I'm going out with him!" almost like rubbing it in your face; it could maybe come off as making you jealous.

Or maybe she just didn't want you to know. Some people (myself included) prefer not to tell every tiny detail about their relationships (some people don't say anything at all). Granted it's a bit extreme not telling good friends about boyfriends, but that may just be who she is. You would have found out at some point (and you did). Best bet would be to ask her what's up, but don't get mad about it unless you want her mad at you, too.


-LM
[16/f]

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my hair has been suppeeerrrr staticky lately! i know its not dry air, because im like right by the ocean. i use anti-frizz spray, but it doesnt help and just makes my hair look greasy. Could it maybe be because i havnt been using conditioner lately?? this staticky-ness only started like last week, but any way to help it go away??
Thanks:)

It's probably because you haven't been using conditioner. Even the most "weightless" formula still weighs down your hair a bit, which isn't a bad thing because it's that moisture that prevents frizz. Also, the seasons are changing again, and with that comes crazy weather. At least where I live (New England) the barometer's all over the place every day, which causes hair to do some wicked strange things =)

So try using a dryer sheet, and a light hairspray. Avoid spraying it directly on your roots; instead, spray it on your hands first & apply it that way. Use this same method with an anti-frizz serum if hairspray still isn't working for you.

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i dunno what it is...its not a disease, im sure its not from blushing, its not an allergic reaction, and nobody in my family or ANYONE else i know has it. I get suchhh a red face and nose!! how do i get my face to calm down?! its sooo annoying because people always comment on it meanly. Is there any cream or anything that can help it go away? (ive tried coverup, ive tried putting cold water on my face, NOTHING works!) this like just started a couple months ago, and its getting worse..any help???
just something that will make my face STAY normal skin colour.
THANKS:)

Try Eucerin Cream. It can be purchased almost anywhere (Target, CVS, Hannaford, etc) for less than $10 & comes in a white tub. I've used it in the past on excema (or however it's spelled) and considering that it's nonprescription & non-medicated, it's a wicked good product.

Coverup will work if you get the right one. In addition to a green-tinted concealer, get a relatively thick or "cream" concealer or coverup in your own skin tone, on top. Loose powder reduces shine & looks very natural (and will also blend the line between your makeup and skin if you're only covering the redness)

A dermatologist could also look at your skin and determine what it might be, but this could be expensive. So unless it's really bothering you, it's not a necessary step. If you do make the investment, though, they can often prescribe medication for it. Keep in mind that you'd have to use it ALL the time, though, or else it won't work. If I forget to use mine, everything flares back up again and it's annoying as anything to see redness come back.

Also, it sounds completely insane, but try soaking a cotton ball in Visine and dabbing it lightly on your skin. It can reduce redness in a breakout, so it might work for you, too.

Good luck!
-LM
[16/f]

[view]

i feel really bad. today my boyfriend came over and we were making out and he started kinda fingering me over my pants..i didnt let him go in them..but hes never done it before and it HURT! at first he was gentle then he started like jamming them and his nails were hurting me and i was like whoa stop be gentle and he stopped and then a few mins later he started doing it again and i didnt wanna hurt his feelings and be like IT HURTS! because that would make him feel REALLLY REALLY guilty because he cares about me alot. i'm crazy about him but now my crotch is really sore its like the right inside part of the lip is hurting so bad and i dont know what to do or how to tell him next time. also, i feel that things are happening too fast. im waiting to have sex, thats not the problem, its just htat i planned for all this to happen way later on and i know he loves me for who i am thats not the problem i just wanna start spending more time actually talking to each other and cuddling rather than always ending up doing this. (not that i dont like it but you know) sorry this is kinda 2 questiosn in one but any help is needed.

The fact that he stopped shows that he wasn't trying to force you into anything, which is good. You don't have to make him feel bad about it, but you SHOULD let him know that he was hurting you a bit. Ask him to be more gentle, maybe even guide his hand at first so he knows what would feel good to you. Communication is key here. I'm sure HE would tell you if you started to hurt him, so don't be afraid to speak up. Also, if you're more relaxed it'll be much more enjoyable for both of you.

If there's a time you don't want to do anything sexual, you have several options. You could say "Hey, let's just cuddle for now" or something similar. If he's a good guy (and since he stopped he appears to be) he'll respect your boundaries. But don't get mad at him for trying. If you don't set these boundaries he won't know what they are & this is his way of finding out, unless you speak up. You can move his hand(s) away or just hold them, which he probably won't mind most of the time. Or, you could go somewhere with him, which opens up MANY opportunities to simply spend time together: double (or even single) date, go for a walk, hang out with mutual friends, or spend some time talking to his family (they won't bite! and if you have a good relationship with his parents that earns major points with them too!)

Best of luck :]
-LM
[16/f]

[view]

Hello everyone.

Recently I've gotten contacts, and it's been about three weeks and I'm still not thrilled about my appearance. I know I'm really bad at adapting to change, and here's the major issue: so is the guy I like. He'd say that I didn't look bad and that it's just a new look he'd have to get used to.

During the weekend he called me and asked if I felt we had something between us. He asked if we were more than friends, and I finally told him that I liked him. I was so excited he brought it up, I mean, I thought he was gonna ask me out! But...he called to say that he felt that way about me, but he wasn't sure anymore and he couldn't explain it and he's very sorry.

So now I'm thinking that it's because I don't have my glasses and it does sound kinda crazy but before I got them he and I were so close and now, he rarely looks me in the eye. He says he's sorry and I'm not blaming him, I'm just looking for any second opinions on the glasses thing.
Thanks so much!

It's possible (actually rather likely) that you wearing glasses was something he really liked. Some guys find girls who wear glasses attractive; it's not any different than liking, say, green eyes. But just as you wouldn't like someone just for their eye color (at least not to the extent that you'd date them) it's highly unlikely that this guy liked you just because you wore glasses. He must have liked your personality too, because when the glasses come off, you're still the same person. Just partially blind ;]

So, if he doesn't like you the same way anymore, something else might have changed. Give him a few days to adjust to your new look (because glasses to contacts can be quite drastic to others) then ask him what's up. If he liked you for things OTHER than your glasses, you'll know when you ask him.


-LM
[16/f]

[view]

haha this might sound stupid but i needs some guys to answer this, what do you guys like more for kissing, burts bees chapstick or burts bees lip shimmer? thankss

Burt's Bees Chapstick has a better texture because it's not as "grainy" on your lips. Also it absorbs faster, and it smells good. Some guys like lipgloss/chapstick, others don't. Ask whoever you're kissing what he prefers :)

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why isn't it illegal to test cosmetics and silly things like shampoo and toothpaste on innocent animals? They can feel hurt and pain so why do silly humans keep torturing them like this?

I just don't understand why no laws protect animals from being foolishly tested on.

It's heartbreaking to think that my mascara blinded a bunny or that my shampoo killed a guinea pig.

=[

It has to be tested on animals, or else they'd have to test it on humans. Sure, it's a depressing side of life that a lab rat had to swallow your shampoo and have it squirted in eyes and such, but if there was no animal testing we'd have none of our lifesaving drugs we use everyday. Besides maybe penicillin (because it was discovered by accident) but that's beside the point. Think of it that way.

There are some products available that aren't tested on animals, but I can almost promise you that their predecessors WERE tested on animals.

EDIT: Actually I'm fairly certain that there ARE laws saying that products must be tested beforehand. Imagine the uproar if we started testing products on humans...

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does anyone know how much it is approximately to get moles and birth marks removed?

There's so many factors. Size, location, method of removal. Your best bet would be going to a dermatologist or regular doctor and asking them. We're not experts.

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benzoyl peroxide vs salicyclic acid? whats the diff when you need to cure acne?

They're both effective. Benzoyl peroxide is more intense, but they both work well. Some people may be sensitive to one or the other, while others (like me) use both & get really good results.

Experiment and decide what works best for your skin.

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I like this guy and a few of my friends and I go to his house alot. We've been going for almost a month now. But everytime a certain person calls his phone(I think it's his ex) he won't tell her that I'm there. He'll say the others that are there, but not me. And when I ask him about it he just says that the person would get mad if I was there. Anyways to figure out a way to talk to him about it without like complaining?

If it's his ex, he might be disregarding that you're there just to avoid adding fuel to the fire. Some girls would interpret him hanging out with a girl he likes as rubbing it in her face, or trying to make her jealous, or something.


So, since this is really bugging you, talk to him about it sometime. "Hey, why all the secrecy?" It could be something as innocent as "I really like you and I'm embarrassed to admit it around friends" or "oh, I thought I said your name, whoops!" or something. Guys brains can be quite strange sometimes. I've dealt with eccentric ex-boyfriends before, haha.


-LM
[16/f]

[view]

boyfriend cheated on my with my best friend. (now ex best friend)
so on her myspace, she mentions in her about me; my NAME && calls me 2 faced.
and shes the one who effin kissed my boy.
s0o my question is, why should she right my name? for some reason she turned everyone against me "making is my fault or something" I MEAN WTF.
ugh

Well obviously she's not your friend. Forget about her, she's not worth your time.


And since your boyfriend cheated on you (and it seems that he has made absolutely no effort to apologize) I'd dump his sorry ass before you could say "it's over".


Ignore her (or at least pretend to, I can see how that would be irritating), and she'll lose interest in making you look bad eventually.


You deserve a better guy AND a better friend.


-LM
[16/f]

[view]

Hi, my name's Rae. I'm 18 years old, female, and I'm of 100% Korean decent. I have the most amazing fiance, Christian. He's 19, male, and super Irish (He even has red hair!). Anyways, the point that I'm trying to get at is that we're obviously different nationality wise. We're in an interracial relationship and a lot of people seem to be bothered by it! I honestly don't understand what's so wrong with us. We love eachother and I don't think your ethnicity or skin color have anything to do with it. So, I was wondering what kind of opinions any of you have about this subject matter. All advice is welcome, but please be serious and honest. Thank you!

Interracial relationships don't bother me in the slightest. Some people notice skin color (actually most people probably do) but I really don't notice it any more than I would "Oh hey, so-and-so has red hair" or "Ryan has really nice blue eyes". If two people get along and want to date, I don't see why their nationality/skin color should even be a factor at all.


If YOU approve of your relationship, that's all that really matters. Someone else's negative thoughts (oh, you're a different race so your relationship is wrong, etc.) shouldn't influence you. And since you're engaged to this guy, I don't think they have.


Your fiance makes you happy, and you love each other. It's really all that matters. Don't let other people get to you. I wish both of you the best of luck =)


-LM
[16/f]

[view]

Why is it that when someone asks a questions asking for advice they get opnions...like they get told "I DONT THINK YOU SHOULDNT BE DOING THAT", "YOUR NOT A VAGETERIAN, they dont eat fish!!!", "YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE A BABY YOUR TOO YOUNG." yadah yadah yaaaah... The answers to their question for ADVICE is NOT ADVICE... if someone doesnt know the answer to give why give an anwer ESSPEICALLY one that is just rude? So im asking why is it that our columnist will give out OPINIONS instead of advice??


** and NO this does not pertain to questions like "is this hat cute????"

Thank you to all who answer

Advice IS opinions, essentially.
And by the way, vegetarians don't eat fish. Pescetarians do, though. So, sometimes, the columnist is actually providing factual information. And if a 16 year old girl is convinced she wants to have a child, most of us are going to say "You're just a child yourself; you're too young" because she IS. We're not going to give harmful advice or anything of that sort.


Although sometimes, yes, their opinions is in no way helpful. Just because they disagree with something doesn't make it right or wrong (which I think is what you were getting at). As for why they do that, it's just the way they are. If you see something inappropriate, file an abuse report. If they simply didn't answer your question, rate them down. But don't rate down jsut because it's not what you wanted to hear, either.


-LM
[16/f]

[view]

okay well this is what always seems to happen we start to like each other and then last minute when he seems to know hes got me falling for him fast again. he just leaves it at that. and it just seems to end just like that. and i really like him. and i want to go out with him again. and his best friend told me he likes me again. but today he seemed to not show it like he normally does. and i didnt want him to see that it bothered me. i wanted it to make it look like i was used to it. but i just need to know what to say to him or how to react to this situation. but it always seems to get to me. and im not sure what to do at this point.

thanks in advance ! (=

Talk to him. For all you know, he's thinking the same thing about you. Say, "Hey, I still like you, and if you feel the same way I'd like to take another shot at making a relationship work. How do you feel about that?"

That should get you a fairly straightforward answer. And if he doesn't feel the same way, well, you broke up for a reason, right? If that's the case, move on.


-LM
[16/f]

[view]

Hi I'm 15 and my best friend is in a relationship with a guy that doesnt go to our school, he just met me, and now me and him are friends, now hes adorable and a sweetheart, he is really nice, and I think I might like him, now I cant tell my best friend that I like him or it will crush her, she talks about him nonstop, and I am happy for her that shes in an awesome relationship, but I am extremely jealous and I have never been in a relationship so I feel really bad that she has the best guy I know and I have no one, Sometimes I cry myself to sleep because I feel like no one loves me, and when I first met her boyfriend he gave me a huge hug and I felt special but I know it was just a friendly hug, HELP me please I have no clue what to do!

Do nothing. It's totally normal to develop a crush on a sweet, nice guy. But a) he's taken, and b) he's with your best friend. So that makes him doubly off-limits.


You'll be much better off (infinitely so, actually) if you stay friends with both of them. But you can develop a friendship with this guy, provided you don't try to make it something more. Focus not on this guy, but on the available guys you've yet to meet, or have been overlooking.


-LM
[16/f]

[view]

15/f
ok so you no how you have the circle and then your nipple? well my "circles" are like... diffrent sizes? is that normal haha? and one boob is like bigger then the other.. i dont think anyone can notice it but im worried that my boyfriend will, like when were doing stuff?
so do i still have growing to do or is it going to be like that forever?

Nope, he'll be so happy that he's getting to see/touch them he'd probably only say something if one of them was, say, completely purple, and ten times the size of the other.

Plus you're only 15. And breasts are never totally symmetrical anyways. If you're truly concerned about it for now, get a bra that makes you feel confident/not lopsided. Light padding can help even things out.

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My friend has vouchers for a day spa next weekend and has asked me to go with her. Recently I've had to cancel on her a few times and we've been drifitng apart so we decided it would be a good opportunity to catch up. I said I would but then remembered that my boyfriend was planning on taking me to the same spa for our anniversary in a couple of weeks. I wasn't going to tell my boyfriend that I was going with my friend so as not to ruin it for him but I felt too guilty so I did. He said I could go with my friend and he'd think of something else for our anniversary but I know he's disappointed about it.

Should I go and risk upsetting my boyfriend or let my friend down again?

Go twice! It's a spa. It's not like you won't enjoy it, yaknow? If you're worried about doing the same thing twice, I suggest getting something like mani/pedi services, facials, hair, etc. with your friend, and maybe a couples massage (or a regular one depending on what's offered) with your boyfriend. He'll enjoy a massage, and you'll get a massage AND everything else when you go with your friend. I assume that you and your friend would enjoy getting your hair done more than your boyfriend would, anyways. ;)


Enjoy your day(s) at the spa & relax!
-LM
[16/f]

[view]

16/f
5'5
163 lbs.

I'm so sick of being fat. I've tried almost everything! I just can't stop eating junk food. I need to be 135-140lbs by June. So I have 67 days to lose 23-25 lbs.
I recently heard about a detox diet? Or a cleanse involving lemons?
Could someone please elaborate on those?
I am also open to other suggestions!

I'm going to feel like a hypocrite saying this (because I'm the same weight and height as you) but honestly you aren't fat. Even with BMI you're barely over the recommended range. And by barely I mean hardly at all.


So since you still want to improve yourself, focus more on how you feel and not the number on the scale. Eat less junk food, and cut out soda almost entirely if you drink a lot. Crystal Light & Speciak K Protein Water are both good choices if water is boring to you. Which brings up anothet good point- drink lots of water (6-8 glasses daily is a good number). Not just until you lose the weight you want, but for life. You'll feel so much better.


Other than checking your diet (a good balance of carbs, proteins, dairy, and fruits/vegetables will do the trick) exercise is your best option. Walk, run, Pilates, kickboxing, whatever gets you moving & those muscles working will work.


As for detox things, yes they can work, but should only be done under the close supervision of a doctor. They involve consuming virtually nothing for days at a time, which can be VERY dangerous, so I advise you not to do them. (However, if drinking 6 glasses of lemon water a day gets you to drink water, then by all means drink 6 glasses of lemon water. But eat, too!)


Good luck =)
-LM
[16/f]

[view]

f/13
i want to go farther than a makeout w/ my boyfriend but i asked him how far he would go & he said nothing past makeout. i understand that everyone moves at their own pace or w/e. but is there any way that i can get him to want to go farther?

Nope. Anything you make him do will only weaken your relationship. Let things move at their own pace and it'll be a much better experience for both of you.


Any relationship where one person pressures the other is a bad one.


-LM
[16/f]

[view]

Is phonezoo actually free or a scam? Will i get charged if i send things from it to my phone? Will it cause viruses?

Phonezoo is actually free. But as Laura said, a lot of those things ARE scams. Phonezoo isn't though.

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