about

"Do not pity the dead, Harry. Pity the living, and, above all those who live without love" - Albus Dumbledore

Hi, I'm Laura. I'm a senior in college & I'm slowly deciding what I want to do with my life. I love Harry Potter, coffee, writing, and sleeping (amongst other things). I'll never claim to know everything, but I'm confident in my ability to help people with their problems. Feel free to send me an inbox question; I'll get back to you!




A few thoughts I've gathered from my teenage years (and being on this site for most of them!):
1. If you Google song lyrics, the song will come up 99% of the time.
2. Dress to fit your body type, and buy the size that fits. If you're a size 6, squeezing into a 4 won't make you look skinnier. It makes you look fat when you aren't.
3. You will never regret waiting to lose your virginity.
4. There is such a thing as a stupid question, but we're all allowed to ask them.




BU 2014 :)


wicked awesome conversations

^my forum, liven it up a little?

advice

I don't think my boyfriend's mom likes me. I mentioned this once to my boyfriend but he said, "No, she LOVES you!"

Go with what my boyfriend said or go with my gut? Can't you tell when someone doesn't like you?

Your boyfriend is probably telling the truth. I always thought my ex's mom hated me, but never actually asked. We're still friends and I brought it up once day, and he said that his mom actually really did like me, haha. So my gut feeling was totally wrong - and it usually isn't.


Assuming your boyfriend is close (or reasonably so) with his mother, he will probably value her opinion and only want to date a girl she approves of. If you trust your boyfriend, trust what he's telling you.


If there's a particular incident making you think that she doesn't like you, ask him about it, but otherwise accept his answer and don't nag him about it.


-LM
[20/f]


[view]


I'm 18. In high school. I live with my mom & grandma.

I've been having serious issues with granny lately. She is ALWAYS in my business. And not like typical parenting stuff.

She goes through all of my stuff.

She looks through my notebook, pulls out tests I did poorly on, and bitches to my mom about my grades. (And I'm a damn good student. One 80 isn't going to kill me) She finds dates of upcoming tests and discloses them to my mother as well (who doesn't even care to ask me about them).

If I leave the room, I have to turn my monitor off or she'll read what's on the screen.

If I have a friend over, she comes down every three seconds to see what we're doing.

I have no privacy.

She also does shit like yelling at me in front of my mom. She is desperate to be in control of the household despite the fact that she makes absolutely no money and jsut...well, lives here. When she has a problem with soemthing i did, she says "IF I WERE YOUR MOTHER, I would ____" when my mom is clearly in earshot. Indirectly telling her what to do.

She yells at me over everything. If I wear somethign she doesn't like, she yells. If I stay up late, she yells. She threatens to wake my mom up and tell on me. I wouldn't give a shit about this except:
1) my mom works two jobs and has trouble sleeping. I comply when my grandma is having a bitch fit over something minor because i think it is just TOO CRUEL to wake her up.
2) if I don't comply, my mom yells at me, angry because she was woken up, and just makes me obey my grandma so she won't have to put up with her yelling and get some sleep.

She is convinced she knows everything. It's ridiculous. She is SURE she knows my friends and their habits better than I do. "Your friends don't stay up late." "Your friends do all their work on time." "Your friends don't dress like this." "Your friends do better in school". There's no arguing with her. And she uses these "facts" against me when telling my mom on me.

She bitches at me constantly when I'm not doing work. Funny thing is, I would gladly do my work were she not bitching in the first place. It's just that her yelling stresses me out and I can't concentrate. So I put it off. But if I don't do the work, she bitches more. Which causes me to put off my work more. And so on.

She doesn't know when to leave a person alone. If I ask her to please stop talking, she doesn't. She keeps HOVERING and yelling and bitching. This, of course, angers me, until she's yelling at me and I'm yelling back at her to shut up and leave me alone. ...And then she tells my mom that I yell at innocent little her for no reason.

She causes an intense amount of stress in the house. She immediately jumps to conclusions and causes problems that shouldn't be there. Once, I got a pimple near my upper lip. She freaked out, called my mom, and told her I had herpes. My mom came home from work panicked and angry. I had to explain myself to her. This could've been avoided if she just shut up and thought RATIONALLY for a second.

She literally has a problem with EVERYTHING not done her way. It is not normal.

This shit was okay when I was younger, but I'm an adult now. I'm going off to college in a couple of months and I will NOT be able to make the transition if I have this old lady breathing down my back and controlling me 24/7.

I've tried talking to my mom about this. She doesn't listen. She only sides with me on this issue when my grandma is bitching at HER over something and telling her how to live HER life. Otherwise, it's "you have to listen to her. my house, my rules."

I'd have moved out the second I turned 18, but I don't have any money. I have like $2k in the bank. I need that for college.

How the hell do I deal with this?

If this behavior is relatively new (or its severity is a new development) make sure her doctor is informed. It may be some form of dementia.


Otherwise, well, you've got a highly opinionated, stubborn grandma on your hands. I understand your frustration to an extent as my grandmother often gets neurotic over things like rain, soup, and the unfairness of squeeze bottles (please don't ask)


What you need to do is not rip your hair out, flip your shit, or disown your family in the next few months (or at all, ideally). Think towards the future, which hopefully includes on-campus housing.


Also you have to realize that your mother is probably only siding with your grandma in order to keep the peace. She knows you're right- she knows that you'd be doing your work if you weren't being reamed out by grandma. She knows that the way you're dressing is nothing out of the ordinary. She also knows that if she agrees with you, Grandma will NEVER leave EITHER of you alone.


So what you need to do is compromise, and try to see things from your grandmother's perspective. If she doesn't like your clothes, put on a hoodie and cover up (until you leave the house, then take it off again). Think about it- her generation seldom showed their knees while wearing a skirt and considered anything lower than a turtleneck racy! While her reaction is strange, it's just how she is.


Your mom sounds terribly stressed. Next time you both have a free moment, sit down with her and talk. You probably both feel the same way about this situation. If you both have cell phones, try and use them to your advantage to avoid future freakouts (example: send your mom a text that says "Grandma thinks I have herpes but it's just a zit, no need to come home! :)" Or at least devise a sort of system to try and warn one another of conflicts with Grandma.


In the meantime, lock yourself in your room when you need peace. Barring that, buy some earplugs or noise canceling headphones (which is a good investment 'cause they'll come in handy for college anyway). Study at the library or a friends house. Hide anything you don't want being dug through in an inconspicuous spot. A good method if she's digging through your stuff is to leave them with a friend or relative you trust, or in a safe that looks like a book from the outside.


Best of luck.
-LM
[18/f]

[view]


ok, so yesterday I went to davids bridal and found 2 dresses I really like. I tried on the first dress, and it was pretty when I looked in the mirror, but inside I felt like it was just another wedding dress, and I didnt feel like myself....but the 5 girls that were with me all really loved it and thought it was beautiful.

THEN, I tried on a beautiful princess looking dress, with lots of tulle in the skirt, and the top was a beautifully beaded Halter. Not only did I think I looked pretty, but i FELT beautiful in it, I couldnt stop smiling!!

Then I asked the others what they thought...

every single person preferred the 1st dress over this one.




Yesterday when I tried on those two dresses, the pretty poofy princess dress made me feel the prettiest, and I basically had my mind made up that thats the one I wanted for sure.

Then I texted a picture of it to jay and melissa. my fiance's mom and dad.

Jay, He said he liked it and asked me to email it to him. So i emailed him 2 pictures.....

One of my favorite, the poofy princess one...

A pic of my 2nd choice, the other dress I tried on...just added it to the email to show them.


I thought everything was great....

Until I got an email from melissa.

She said, "I like the 2nd dress better..."

It really upset me because i felt like everyone preferred the 2nd dress over my favorite....

The other dress was pretty when I looked in the mirror, but I felt so uncomfortable, and felt like just another bride. I considered it a dress that people would forget what it looked like as soon as the wedding was over....

The poofy dress made me feel like a princess, and I know people would remember that dress for days....

So I'm stuck. should I go with a dress that everyone likes to see me in and thinks I'm pretty,but not really feel like myself?

or go with the dress I feel the best in and have people think I'm not as pretty?

Why did she even have to stress her opinion about the dress she preferred when I clearly stated in the email which one I wanted????

I'm just getting aggravated because she keeps trying to change my mind about almost everything!!!

If she makes me change
My mind and i have to get my 2nd choice dress I'll feel like I'm settling....

:-(

Wear the dress that you want, not anyone else.


Anyway, she probably gave her opinion because it's a natural assumption that you were looking for opinions when you sent BOTH pictures.


-LM
[17/f]

[view]


14/f
I want to get an eyebrow piercing. And I don't want to get it done without my mother knowing. I already talked about with my father and he's okay with the idea. Now I want to try to convince my mother into letting me get it done. but I dont know what to say or how to start the conversation because she's hard to convince. Any ideas?

Well, I don't know your mom. So I can't predict how she'll act. I'd just come right out and ask her. Say, 'Hey, how would you react if I got my eyebrow pierced?' If it'd be easier, try starting by looking at a magazine where someone has an eyebrow piercing [Pink does] and talk about how much you like how they look.


Make sure you've done your research, like side effects, scarring, etc. Know that its something you want done. If it would help to have your dad there too, ask for his assistance/opinion/reassurance.


Good luck!
-LM
[17/f]

[view]


i feel like my own mother dont want me. She has never came straight out and say it, but she gets so mad at me all the time and i dont know why, she just blows up. And she does it almost everyday and i think that my grandpa dont want me and it kills me because i know she loves me but i just feel like im a burden to her. Like i cry myself to sleep all the time thinking about it. I am crying right now. And i dont want to tell my friends because they will just tell me i am over reacting and my dad will just tell me to live with him. But i dont want to. I love my mom to death. But i just feel like she dont want me sometimes. And i dont want to leave and i dont want to talk to her about it because she will get more mad and i am afraid she will kick me out or loose "respect for me"...i dont know what to do but please help me...

Sometimes parents get angry and take it out on you. It sucks, but that's the way it works. I'll assume from your question that your parents are divorced or separated. Your mom might be worried about losing you- or having you go live with your dad. Next time she gets mad at you, just walk away from the conflict- literally. Avoiding unnecessary fights is a good thing. Also, saying "Mom, I don't want to fight about this, I just want to say _______ "


Talking to her might help, for example if she's making unreasonable demands for you, try to compromise. Do it at a time she's not wicked upset, maybe over dinner [or any mean you eat together]. TELL her that you love her. Sure, she knows it. But it's still nice to hear, right? Maybe you'll both start saying it more.


I hope I helped; best of luck!
-LM
[16/f]

[view]


Okay so im f/18 and my sis is 15.
Our cusins f/19 and 15 are comming down to visit for a week and they are staying at my place.
What are some cheaper things we can do... or places we could go? I think were spending a day at the amusment park and another shopping and probly go to a movie...
If any one has any other ideas, shoot!
THANKS!

When you're out shopping, pick up some cheap DVD movies you find interesting, or have strange names. Buy snacks at the supermarket and have a movie night at home too.


You could do each other's hair and nails, if you enjoy things like that. Or at least do some spa treatments ['cause really, who wouldn't benefit from a clay mask once in awhile?]


Since you're family, and know each other a little, you'll probably find ways to make your own fun. If all else fails you've got the Olympics to watch!


-LM
[16/f]

[view]


k well me and my mom are not close or anything but i feel awkward asking her somethings and watchign some shows with her i dont know why and i hate being around her !!! whatshould ido

Well you aren't being that specific here.
It's normal to feel uncomfortable talking to your mom about certain things. Some subjects, like things about your personal safety or well-being, bite the bullet and have the discussion. Other things, like irrelevant things that happen at school, you don't have to discuss if you don't want to.


I've never been uncomfortable watching most things with my parents, but I can imagine that most people would rather not watch the unrated version of the 40 Year Old Virgin with their mothers =P That's normal too- she's your mother, and thinking about your parents doing that is enough to make people want to scream and run for cover, haha.


So unless you're fighting about things, or your relationship with her is suffering, you're fine.


-LM
[16/f]

[view]


For some reason, I can't cry at funerals because I just don't cry that often.

But I was wondering if this was bad or heartless? Because once my cousin got mad at me because I wasn't crying at her dad's funeral and it makes me feel awful that I can't cry during these times.

Are there any other ways to display emotion, if not in tear-form?

Some people just don't cry. Ever. You're totally normal.


Your cousin only got mad at you because she was already upset. It's not your fault. Reverse the situation, and you'd easily be getting mad at the lawn for being too green. Seriously, grieving does strange things to people.


Others have already given you good suggestion on how to display emotion, and just saying 'I am sorr for your loss' and offering a hug is enough compassion.


-LM
[16/f]

[view]


17/f. My older sister and I are really close, and recently her boyfriend has done something that is freaking me out b/c I am so worried for him.

He graduated college w/ a theater degree, and he is like an amazingly gifted actor. However, to make money until he can find a solid acting job, he got inspired by that show Deadliest Catch, and so he took a deckhand job in Alaska on one of those boats! When he first told me, I laughed, because he so isn't the type to do something macho like that. I mean, we're from the South, so we don't do cold that well to start w/, and he's also like tall, un-athletic, and lanky w/ no real muscles. He's now making a lot of money, and sending some of it to my sister to help her out until he gets back, but she and I are totally freaked out that he's doing something so dangerous. Is it really as dangerous a job as people say it is? I'm just so scared that something is going to happen to him, because he's been the best boyfriend that my sis has ever had, and he's the coolest man that I've ever been around personally.

I highly doubt it's as dangerous. At least for the people being filmed for the show. I mean, there's a camera crew with them all the time. That adds an element of safety.

But still, they wouldn't let anyone on the show that was physically incapable of being on it. That'd be a lawsuit waiting to happen.

[view]


i really wanna put some blue in my hair. not the whole head, just like, underneath so it'll show when its up in a ponytail and when i straighten my hair. but my parents INSIST that i cant. how can i convince them to let me due my hairr???
HEELPP!

Do what they ask of you, without complaint. Show maturity. Be reasonable. Ask again in a few weeks and ask specifically why you can't.


Possible "arguments" [but in a civil tone or you'll get nowhere]
- It's just hair, and will grow out.
- I can use temporary dye first, to see how it looks.
- Would another color be okay? [BRIGHT Red is a good alternative, because its closer to a natural hair color]
- It's underneath and can be hidden for 'proper' events.



-LM
[16/f]

[view]


Well, i have this best friend who is a guy. we met a couple years ago and get along great. he recently asked if it was okay with me if we could be friends with benefits. i like him a lot and so i agreed. neither one of us really wants to date, and we want to see how this goes and maybe we'll hook up later. =]

well, the thing is, i've never really done this before. my question is...are there any kind of "rules" or "establishments" that follows being friends with benefits? i don't understand really how it goes. (and yes i've had bf's before so i'm not completely clueless). the idea is new to me, so i just need some info.

16/f
thanks. :)

Everyone sets their own rules.
You've already established the most important part- neither of you want to date, and you want to see how it goes. A common problem with this setup is that one party wants something more (i.e. a relationship) while the other just wants someone to make out with.

As for what you two do, that's completely your decision to make. Draw the line wherever you want, nothing we say will change your mind if you're set on it already. Keep in mind that if you have sex, one or both of you could easily become a lot more emotionally attached than you intended. Not to mention the risks involved with being sexually active [whether this means intercourse or just oral, there's still risks regardless if your relationship status] Actually, that could happen even if you don't sleep together. Just warning you in advance.


-LM
[16/f]

[view]


i want to be able to go out with my friends like every other weekend but my parents wont let me, they make up excuses so i dont go. like 'oh your rooms not clean.' or 'no do this' or 'you have to watch ur brother tonight' they only let me go out like once a month with my friends.

how do i let them get me to go out more?

Do the things they're asking of you without complaining.

They'll realize you're more responsible, and willing to cooperate with them.

If you truly think they're being unreasonable [like, your room would pass the white glove test and is cleaner than an operating room] sit down with them [maye during dinner, when no one's stressed] and ask if you can have more time to spend with your friends. Explain that nurturing friendships is important, and you don't want to miss out on things.


Good luck!
-LM
[16/f]

[view]


im 13 years old and a female and my mom treats me like im 30
she wants me to wash the dishes every night and clean the kitchen , and the bathroom , and my room, even my 8 year old brother's room
am like cinderella?
the worst part is that when i do these things she wont even say thank you or tell me that i did a good job, she just acts like's it's nothing.
but wen i do something wrong she yells so much till i just feel like crying.
at the same time of cleaning those and doing all the chores, she also expects me to get straight a's in skool
like she'll freak out if a get an 82 on test and tell me that ill never get anywhere in life if i dont do good in skool.

how do i get her to let me be a kid and just have fun and hang out with my friends and relax

thnxx

Okay, I can see her making you clean the bathroom and your room and the kitchen. They're called CHORES. I do, however, think that an 8 year old is capable of cleaning his room (besides maybe vaccumming) so ask NICELY if you can be relieved of that duty. Explain that everyone else cleans their own room, and maybe he should start doing it, too. Do chores without complaint- your mom's doing a lot for you in return: a place to live, food every day, buying you clothes.

Parents expect a lot out of their kids. They may freak out when you bring home an 82. Mine do quite frequently. Why? They know that I'm capable of straight A's if I try a little. So all they're doing is pushing me to do my best & achieve all I can.

Sometimes it all gets overwhelming. Find a good friend to vent to, write in a journal, scream into a pillow, play music really loud, do whatever it takes to chill out. And you should be fine :D.


-LM
[15/f]

[view]


My sister found out i have a boyfriend and she's 13 im 15 and im scared she'll tell my parents i just want a sister i can trust and talk to but as much as i try to she just back fires i want her to tell me when she has a boyfriend but she always thinks im gonna tell my parents which i won't i want her to trust me as much as i try to talk to her she won't listen and now she knows i havea boyfriend i can't even look at her anymore
=[

What's the question here?
Tell your parents you have a boyfriend.
They'll find out eventually anyways.
If you want you sister to trust you, stop hiding things from each other.
If you edit this and actually clarify what you're asking we can help you out better.


EDIT: Well if you want to be closer to your sister, talk to her more, and not just "hey don't tell Mom&Dad that I have a boyfriend k?"
And if you were referring to your parents never finding out, they will eventually despite what you might believe.
-LM
[15/f]

[view]


well ive been homskooled all my life, until last year we moved to my dad's home town and they finally agreed to let me go away to public skool! i was sooo happy when they let me go to skool cuz for about a year or so i had thought about klling myself cauz i never did anything i was always at church or at hom ewith my family who ignores me! well i did my very best last year and i got all A's! but this year i over heard my parents talking and they sadi that if i made just one bad grade on my report card that they would pull me out cauz my parents told me if i didnt that they would pull me out of skool and id be back to homskooling. the bad thing is im making a c in english and the report cards are coming out thsi friday! i really dont want to be pulled out cauz then i will go back into my depression state, only this time i would cut myself cauz then they'd have to send me back to skool or i'd keep cutting myself, and if they dont do that they'll have to send me to the place for crazy ppl! i know thats a rally bad place cauz ive had friends go there an d come back adn they sadi it was awfull, but i dont care just as long as i dont come back to this god forsaken house everyday doing nothing but homeskooling and going to church!
how do i get me parents to understand that im not their perfect genius who will always make A'S?

Talk to your parents. They obviously have no idea how much you love public school & how much you hated homeschooling. Also, talk to your english teacher and ask him about extra credit, re-doing a test you did badly on & possibly changing grades on some assignments you may have been graded unfairly on (for example, making an honest effort may often get a C bumped to a B-). Have your parents go in for a conference with your teachers- especially all the teachers whose classes you excel in. If they realize that you're realy trying in public school, and that homeschooling just isn't right for you, they may reconsider.

Good luck!
-LM
[15/f]

[view]


would it be weird if you go to a dance with your cousin?? iam just wondering because i really want to know if it would be..but it would be in a friendly way..no attachment or else that would be weird to like your family member...gross..so if u think it is weird can you tell me!!!

People used to go to proms with their parents. And my aunt went to hers with her sister's husband. As long as you're not dating, it's not weird at all. Other people might think so, but o what. It's not an everyday thing, granted. But if you both just want to go to the dance, go ahead.


-LM
[15/f]

[view]


14/f

ok my parents are way too over protective!!

but anyway, they put parental controls on the tv and blocked MTV and VH1, even though im going in to highschool now!!

is this unreasonable? and does anyone else's parents do this??

i really wanna know so i can stop being so mad about it and stop feeling so annoyed about my parents cause its really getting on my last nerve lol.

thanks!!

Parental controls are sometimes there by default. They may not even know they're activated. Ask them [calmly] if they can allow you to watch those channels now. VH1 & MTV aren't the greatest channels, but they won't like, destroy your future. They're OK shows to watch sometimes & by 14 there's really no reason that you can't.


-LM
[15/f]

[view]


my mom just heard me swear real bad. and now she wants me to think of a punishment. what do u recommend? maybe something a bit light. and she's also telling me that i've changed alot its like she doesn't know me anymore.please help.

Lulu
13ƒ=r°

Wash your mouth out with soap, its nasty but it's over pretty quickly haha.

Swearing in front of parents isn't exactly the most intelligent thing to do, but it slips out at some point anyways. We're human and make mistakes. If that's all your mom's worried about, tell her you're sorry but that it was accidental. If you're doing OTHER things that make your mom see you differently, fix that. She's probably worried about you, talk to her.


-LM
[15/f]

[view]


How can I get my mom to trust me more.
She's really strict, and she wont even let me go to the park sometimes because she thinks im "seeing guys".
Which sometimes I am but who cares its not like we do anything.
Ive tried a lot of things and shes just getting worst.

Have her meet your friends. I had a similar problem with my parents- they were reluctant at first to let me hang out with my friends, since they're mostly guys. Once they all came over a couple times, my parents realized that they were decent individuals that they didn't mind their daughter socializing with.


Another thing, carry a cellphone if you can and call her a couple times when you're out, just to check in (or borrow someone else's) and reassure her that everything's fine. You can also gain her trust by being a responsible person. Do your chores without (much) complaining, go the extra mile and dust the house without being asked, walk the dog, do your homework (once you're in school again), things like that.


-LM
[15/f]

[view]



Hey.
So my girlfriend invited me over to dinner with her parents next week.
She said that her dad was very nosy and would want to know everything about me.
Where my parents work, What im taking in school, Where I want to got to college, Etc.
Its fine with me that he wants to know everything about his daughters boyfriend. I am prepared to answer all the questions except the one about where my parents work. When he asks im going to say, “My dad owns his own company, my step-mom is a Doctor of Environmental Engineering, and she also runs part of her parents Oil Company.”
Is that too descriptive? Should I be like “My dads owns a company and my step-mom works for the Government.”

Thanks

Cody*

I think that's fine. No matter how you say it, it'll spark a conversation. That's all he's trying ot do- get to know you and your family, since guys from good families have more respect for others and such.

[view]




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