BIOGRAPHY:
My name is Carrie, and I just recently turned 25. I've been told that I give excellent advice, so I created this column last year with the intention of helping as many people as possible. Although I do believe I succeeded, I ultimately turned my back on this column when I discovered just how cruel and thankless some people can be. Almost one year later a lot has changed. I've gained a whole new perspective on life and the world around me. I'm much more positive, sympathetic, and willing to listen when people truly need help. So now I've decided to come back and focus my attention on the individuals who are truly in need of advice.
ADVICE:
I'm very genuine when it comes to giving advice. I try to be sympathetic to the person asking the question, but I don't ever sugar coat things. I've learned quickly that many people who ask for help don't really want advice - they want someone who will say what they want to hear. Sorry, but you're not going to get that with me. I'm not here to make friends (if a friendship happens though, yay for me!). You'll always get the truth from me whether you like it or not. While the truth may sting just a bit to begin with, it will absolutely set you free in the long run. If you want to be lied to, please seek advice from somebody else.
CONTACT INFO:
If you like my advice and have additional questions for me, click on the link right underneath this profile that says "Ask Me A Question." If you leave your follow-up question for me in my feedback, I have no way of replying to it. Please use the link. Also, I have an e-mail address where people can get in touch with me if they need to. Feel free to use it.
IMPORTANT:
This may be a hobby in some people's eyes, but I don't like it when people waste my time regardless of whatever it is I'm doing, which in this case, is providing a free service out of the kindness of my heart. So please don't ask me stupid questions, and please make an effort to type sensibly so that I can read and understand your question. I know there are a lot of young people on this site, but that's no excuse to type like you're brain dead. Proper grammar, spelling, and punctuation is highly appreciated with me. The more intelligent your question is, the more intelligent of a response you'll get from me.
ABOUT ME:
Here are some facts about me. I like pop music (especially Madonna). I like horror movies (especially Scream). I like to chat (on MSN). I love to write (poetry, screenplays, short stories). I love shopping (Best Buy). I'm a gamer (I'm better than a guy - Xbox 360 all the way). I have a MySpace (Click "Ask Carrie" for the link). I love my doggies (I have 2). I'm not a bitch (...well, sometimes). I love to laugh (and sometimes I pee a little when I do). It happens.
Website: Ask Carrie
E-mail: soundslikepink@gmail.com
Gender: Female
Location: South Carolina
Occupation: What's that?
Age: 25
Member Since: June 10, 2007
Answers: 195
Last Update: September 13, 2008
Visitors: 17109
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one of my best friends, let's say his name is michael, has been dating another one of my friends for a very long time. his girlfriend is gone for the summer but comes back in a couple months. me and him flirty like CRAZY. everyone sees it, the things he says to me, the way sometimes he touches me, it's usually us two drinking or something together. i dont' know. i really really like him a lot, and i don't know what to do. and he flirts with me SO much, i can't ignore it, anddd, he's one of my b est friends, i'm with him every single day. just the only thing standing in the way is his girlfriend, who i really adore. i knwo they won't break up any time soon, i knwo that for a fact. id on't konw. i hate it, and i want to know what to do. (link)
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You really need to quit flirting with your friend's boyfriend. How would you like it if you went away for the summer and some girl was flirting with the guy you were with, trying to break the two of you up? I doubt you'd like it at all. I know that I wouldn't like it one bit.
Also, I think we all know that you know what you need to do - you just don't want to do it. You have two choices: you can be immature and let your emotions control you or you can be mature and control your emotions. It really is that simple if you stop and think about what you're doing.
Finally, I would ask the guy why he's flirting with you so much if he's in a relationship with your other friend. Maybe he doesn't want to be with her anymore and depending on how good of friends you and the girl are, you can pursue him and forget about your friendship. It's up to you.
Just be careful. Karma really is a bitch.
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okay so i've been in relationships before, but none like this. i broke up with my ex boyfriend chris about a month ago, and we were together for 2 and half years. however about a year ago i started seeing this guy around the place i work.. and he always caught my eye. now i find him attractive of course but its like the eye contact and stuff, i dunno i just feel so happy and excited that i saw him. well it went on about probably 8-10 times since i first saw him. i wanted nothing more then to talk to him! well one day in may, he saw me, i was getting food to go from where i work, and he had just finished eating there, so i was outside and he stopped me. he said hi and we talked for just a few minutes and ended up exchanging phone numbers. well he calls and says "oh we need to hang out sometime" and i was so EXCITED! i cant even explain!
well the whole month of june, just about, it was off and on texting.. but i felt like i was sort of bothering him.. you know i would say "hey you (: whats up?" and i'd get "nuthin" im like "thats cool.." and then he wouldnt say anything back.. "then im like are you okay?" (after about the 3 time he'd done that to me" and he said "yeah im just busy" so i was like alright then thats cool. well apparently he was trying to straighten things out with this girl.. who he had been talking with for awhile and stuff. so hey thats cool, i was in the middle of breaking up with my bf, but it didnt kill me so much because it was something i've known for awhile that i wanted to do.
anywayy. so we get into this texting deal just about everyday.. the whole "good morning beautiful (:" etc.. he told me it felt like we were meant to meet eachother because we both had that happy feeling.. i always saw him looking at me before too. anyway. well he doesnt have his license yet, supposed to but his parents wont let him cause he kinda got into trouble for always arguing and stuff, so he cant drive to see me. he lives about 20 mins or so away.. well its cool you know i see him when hes by my work, which is about maybe once a week, i talk to him everyday so why be complaining you know?
well were still talking and he told me "i honestly like everything about you, and its not just looks, your so unique and i actually feel happy. i dont know why i didnt see it before (:" and i was so unsure on what to say back. i mean is that good or bad?! ha. so we keep talking and i tell him that i too really like him hes different then all the guys i've ever dated and i need change in my life. theres just some conection honestly.. and he apparently feels it too. however.. this phone call issue has sort of gotten to me.. he will say "okay im gunna call you in a bit (:" then two hours go by and he calls for like two minutes.. and that time he says "hey whats up?" i said "nothin getting ready for the concert" and he said "oh cool cool" then i said "what are you up to" and he said "oh im gunna go to this youth group thing in (blank) with one of my girlfriends, known he forever shes like me sister is that okay?" and im thinking.. i cant even get him to come see me 20 mins away, but hes gunna go through my city, to get to another town with this girlfriend of his, but yet he likes me oh so much? but i cant tell him no.. so i said yeah sure go ahead.. then he rushes off the phone and thats it. doesnt call til later that night.. becuase i felt worried.. i mean he says all this stuff but yet i felt like i was nothing to him.. so i asked "where do i stand with you honestly?" and he said "you stand really good, someone i can see myself with. honestly i know you like me for me and thats one thing that most girls dont do..i always get the "your so hott" instead of it being my personality"
occasionally he will mention "doing stuff" and i told him i dont just hook up with random people.. its someone i like and am in a relationship with.. and he said oh thats cool, well im not random (:.. and im thinking so what you just want some from me now? then he says how he likes to be single but if he finds that right girl he can be a boyfriend to someone too. well we talked last night for like 4 hours and i asked him why his last relationship didnt work out.. and he tells me.. he really loved her but she had a boyfriend and they're was so much drama, he just realized it wont work.. but then he also said how he called her yesterday to see her in person and talk about stuff.. i just dont understand..
i did see him the day before the concert and he came into my work, while i waited for a friend so we could eat there.. and he came in to say hi and gave me the biggest hug. he told me i looked beautiful and i was so nervous and happy.. and on his way out of the door, he was nervous and turned around to look at me.. he pushed on the wrong side of the door handle that he couldnt get it open.. haha.
so what do you think? does he like me, or no? one minute it seems like it.. then the next i feel like he's just being a sweet talker ya know? i thank you honestly for reading this.. i dont know how to make it any smaller lol.
thank you (:
(link)
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Wow, that was a long question.
I'm gonna try to make this short and sweet because people who like to write a lot generally don't like to read a lot, so I'm gonna try to help you as much as possible without taking up all of your time...
You just got out of a relationship that lasted two and a half years, and people who get out of relationships that last that long tend to forget how to approach new situations. The dating scene is hard for anyone to break into, but it's especially hard for people who haven't been in the scene for a while. Because of this, I think your expectations were too high and that you came on way too strong.
The first way you came on too strong was by getting overly excited the first time he showed you some attention. You shouldn't be that excited about anyone wanting to hang out with you. The second way you came on too strong was by texting him so often. That kind of clingy behavior usually scares most guys away unless they want to use it to their advantage to get you into bed. Now you've fallen in his trap.
Before he didn't seem interested, now that he thinks of you as desperate, he's suddenly very interested. That sounds suspicious to me, and I advise you to be careful. If you want a fun and meaningless fling with this guy, I think he's just the guy for the job. If you're investing any kind of emotion into him, I think you're making a mistake. You've got something that he wants, and I think now he's excited thinking it'll be easy to get it from you.
So no, I don't think he genuinely likes you, but I think he's interested in making you think that he does. You should see this guy as a danger sign and realize that you need to slow way down. Going from being with someone for almost three years to already liking someone else and questioning their motives is crazy fast. Consider taking some time for yourself that doesn't involve boys. Being the girl who always needs a guy isn't the kind of girl you should be.
Don't neglect yourself for the attention of others. :)
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I'm coming onto the 1 year anniversary of my fiancee's death. She was 27, but after 1 year, I still can't get over her. I had waited almost 30 years for someone like her, and she was the love of my life. I'm a wreck, and I don't know what to do. Is this normal? What can I do? (link)
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Losing anyone, especially someone as close to you as a fiance, is always going to be painful. There is no set amount of time to how long the mourning process is going to take. First, you need to give yourself permission and time to be sad. If you are (or anyone else around you is) pressuring you to be over it by now, that's not a very healthy thing to do. Grief has no clock, so allow yourself to feel what you feel and don't worry about what's considered normal.
Second, you should consider talking to someone like a therapist. They can be a great deal of assistance in times like these when talking to someone and making sense of things is the key to the healing process. There's many different types of therapy, and going to talk to a therapist can help you see just how many routes there are to the road to recovery. Just knowing that you have options and that there is hope for the future will probably help to make you feel better all by itself - of course, not completely.
Third, engage in activities that you enjoy and surround yourself with people who cheer you up. It's normal for human beings to want to withdrawal when we're suffering, but unfortunately the withdrawing only feeds the pain and isolation. You might have to force yourself to do those activities and be around those people, but you don't have to force yourself to enjoy them. That will all come back to you in time. The most important thing to remember is not to lose yourself in sadness.
Just know that heartache and pain never last. They always heal, and I promise you that you will heal as well. Just put for some effort to mend this wound and time will do the rest. If your fiance were still here, she would not want you to be sad and suffering. She would want you living life to its fullest and being as happy as possible. So get better for your sake and for hers. Take solace in the fact that she's in a better place and one day the two of you will be reunited. Good luck and God bless. :)
Please email me if you need anything - more advice, someone to talk to, etc.. I'll be happy to help.
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Hi. There's this guy (18/m). Let's call him 'A".
I'm 15/f (I turn 16 in 3 months).
I'm pretty shy.
Anyways, we were hanging out with my older brother and another guy.
They decided to drop by one of their other guy friends' house (call him 'B') without phoning first.
So everyone decides that I should go up to his door and knock because it would be most unexpected and I'm not really close to B...therefore funny.
They try to persuade me, and A tells me I should do it because B "won't be able to turn you down."
By the way, there is no love interest between me and B. Also, they had a fair idea I wouldn't really do it.
So, what did A mean?
These are the possible reasons I've oome up with:
1. A is saying that no one can resist me (ha, ha).
2. It was just a random thing he said--no meaning at all.
3. B is the kind of person who always wants a girlfriend, yet can't get one... meaning that B is so desperate, he wouldn't turn even ME down.
4. It had a sexual implication-- I would offer myself to B. "Turn you down"
5. He was just trying to persuade me to knock on the door.
6. Whatever you think.
As you can tell, I like A and I want the reason to be A.
But please tell me what you honestly think.
Thanks. (link)
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I've read this question from top to bottom several times and even read it to a couple of my friends (my male panel of experts), and unfortunately we all unanimously agree on the same answer - "A" does not like you. None of us (especially me) are happy to report this. It would make me very happy if he did like you since you seem to like him a lot, but all the signs point to him not liking you. I'll explain why below...
You have to realize that guys are naturally very competitive. If he liked you (even the least possible amount), instead of encouraging you to go through with the dare involving "B", he most likely would have sulked and said nothing at all or made some kind of petty insult towards him. That's what all the guys I know would have done. Most guys are petty and immature when it comes to jealousy, especially guys who are his age.
I think you should move on for two reasons. Reason #1. He doesn't like you and you have to get beyond that. You have a wonderful life ahead of you and you shouldn't let some boy keep you from enjoying it to the fullest. Reason #2. If this boy is ever going to like you, it's not going to happen if he sees you as a buddy. He needs to see you being an individual with a life of her own, not some little girl with a crush.
So my advice is to work on getting over this crush and try to accept him for what he's willing to offer - a friendship. This may cause you pain, but it will pass, I promise. Life is made up of ups and downs and until you get used to the emotional roller coaster you're going to suffer needlessly. There will be lots of other guys who don't see you as just a friend and those are the ones you should devote your time and effort to.
Your crush may be a great guy, but you have to remember that you're also a great girl. You deserve more. :)
Good luck!
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The 6-month guy. Just so you know. My username is Antnorwe. I can't exactly remember what i said in the rating comment but I think I said something which is phrased as a question lol :) (link)
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In my feedback you said the following:
"Thank you for the veritable essay lol. And although everything you say is registering with me as useful, I have trouble believing it. See, the problem is that people have flirted with me for their own devices, or for kicks, or whatever. But not for good reasons. And I have spent all my life dealing with verbal abuse from my school 'mates' and even my peers (in this case teachers). So when you say i'm not inferior to others, everything that has been done to me in my relatively short life works against this. I do appreciate all your kind words though, especially the adorable thing lol. I cant see it myself, but then sometimes whats staring back at us from the mirror is blind to us. Thank you again :)"
First of all, you're welcome for everything. It's my pleasure to be able to help someone on this site who can type correctly and seems to have a fully functioning brain. I'm very happy about that. Second of all, I always type an essay. I don't set out to do it, but it just happens. Just go with it, and you'll get used to it.
Third of all, if you deal with verbal abuse it's because the people in your life are jealous of you, seriously. Think of life as a race. If you were winning in a race, would you stop and take the time to turn around and insult the person behind you? No. The only time you would do that is if you were losing and you knew it.
The people around you are insecure and are afraid that you're going to pass them by (and you probably will). That's why they're doing their best to insult you, trip you up, and keep you behind. So for all those people who say negative stuff to you - tune 'em out. You don't need those kinds of attitudes in your life.
Finally, negativity is a very bad and addictive habit. Most people practice it all their life because they learn it from negative parents who learned it from their parents and so on. It's addicting and misery loves company. That saying is the truth. So any amount of positivity you tell yourself is going to fall on deaf ears right now.
You have to practice to make positivity effective. You have to live it, eat it, breathe it, and make love to it. Not only are you undoing a bad habit, but you're starting a new one. So it takes time. Even if you don't see it or feel it, give it time because positivity will make an outstanding and lasting impression on your life and your mood.
Human beings are not equipped mentally to know what's best for ourselves. Our parents are our teachers and most of the time they don't teach us positivity - they teach us negative things trying to prepare us for life. So you're gonna have to do a lot of work and go AGAINST your natural instinct to do what feels comfortable.
Good luck! :)
PS: I typed another essay just for you. Enjoy.
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this is from: a lil lost
Well I just want to say that when I told her I was moving away is because I don’t have money to stay where I live and I am going to move away with my parents to live with them, but get my place there when I have the money. And I thought it’ll be good to move away so I don’t have to deal with my feelings. I didn’t tell her that I told her that I want to move away from my past issues and find out who I am. She said “it’s not right to get away from your problems but I can’t stop you.” And she’s right, but I want to find out who I am but I will still call her and write to her too. I don’t mean to let that happen but I just can’t take it no more. I love our friendship and I cherish it too. I don’t now how the future will look like but I hope we will still be friends forever.
Thanx for your advice ;)
(link)
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You're welcome. Feel free to ask for more and please keep me updated. :)
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...and written a letter.
It's not a piece of art, and it won't win a literary prize anytime soon, but i'd appreciate it if you would read it over for me :)
NOTE: Even if I don't intend sending it, I have to end the letter as I would end a letter I would send. Just for clarification :)
Right, so, here is my piece. Here is what I have to say. As pathetic as it may seem to you, for the past 6 months I have been trying to deal with the fact that you broke up with me and that my feelings haven't changed. Big surprise, eh? Well, its the truth. Maybe I was hasty in saying I loved you. Infact, its almost certain I was. But you have to understand, I had like you longer than you had liked me. So, my feelings were slightly more mature than yours were. And in my own mind, what I said was right. But what I can't get over is that you didn't talk to me about it. You just went ahead and broke up with me, as if some terrible evil would be commited if you told me that I was making you uncomfortable. For christ sake, I would have changed in a heart beat if you had told me. I was the clay and you were the sculpter. But instead of trying to mould me into something you could work with, you tossed me away instead. I mean, what the hell? Did you think I would bite your head off or get angry or something if you had told me? Surely you know i wouldn't have done that. I was as inexperienced as you were, which brings into question if you really did like me in the first place. You told me on that wednesday night that you were worried that, to me, you were like a girl of opportunity - I only seemed interested because you were there, and not because I actually liked you. Well, I have to say I am calling into question your own motives. Did you really like me? Or did you just 'like' me because I was there? It just seems to me if you really did like me, you would have told me what was wrong instead of breaking up with me you know?
Maybe everything everyone has said was right. Maybe you aren't worth my time. Maybe you don't deserve me. Perhaps you just used me and then threw me away when I didn't act the way you wanted me to act.
Whatever it is, that fact is that I have had all of this swirling around my head for months now. And its done a number on me. And its only added to other problems that have been going on...but that would be divulging.
Anyway, thats what I have to say. Despite everything, I wish you the best of luck in life and future endeavors. And I hope that perhaps next time you'll speak to your boyfriend about what's bugging you instead of breaking up with him. (link)
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Hey, I really liked your letter. Did you hand write it or type it up (obviously you typed it up to show me :-P) and save it to your computer? Either way, I hope you saved it so that you can add to it just in case you feel there's more to say. How did writing this make you feel?
If you felt a little silly at first, that's to be expected since it was something new for you (I assume) and doing new things can sometimes make us feel like we're not doing it right or it's not worth our time, etc. You just have to push past that and keep up the good work.
Hopefully you're feeling a little better - a little less burdened by all these things you want to say but haven't. I hope this can bring you some peace and help you to move on. It sounds like she was a little immature to begin with and that you deserve someone who will respect you.
You might not see your potential awesomeness, but it's there. If you're going to be with someone, it should be someone who rips that awesomeness out of you and shows it to you. You deserve to be respected and treated with care. The chances of you finding that with someone else increase if you find it with yourself first.
Good luck and keep me updated. Sorry for the delay in my response. :)
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Hi. I'm 15/f.
Well there's this guy who is friends with my older brother.
Anyways sometimes we "talk", but I like him as a friend. My brother thinks I like "like" him, but is ok with it.
We were supposed to hang out yesterday night, but I was too tired so I stayed home and said we could hang out today.
This morning I called him and we hung out-- and drove around for hours (it was a bit awkward).
When my brother got off work, we picked him up. Then I went to a church thing with my other friend (a girl).
Afterwards, my brother and the guy were being complete jerks. I mean, they usually tease us, but they've never been really mean to me before. It sounds stupid, but I cried (I don't think they saw, though).
My friend and I were going to hang out with them, but instead we just left.
So why was he like that (my guy friend)?
Thanks. (link)
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You have to remember that girls mature much faster than boys do even if the guy looks more mature physically. It can be very confusing for teenage girls because you see this guy who you're attracted to, and he's taller than you are, and it looks like he's an adult, which makes him even more appealing, but he's not an adult at all. In fact, most teenage guys still act like little boys. It's a truth that many girls have to learn the hard way.
The best thing you can do is to find a guy who's more mature and isn't friends with your brother. Guys are always going to be guys, and they need time to bond with their guy friends. By liking one of your brother's friends, you're exposing yourself to all the immature, hurtful, behind the scenes guy behavior you aren't supposed to see. I'm sorry you were hurt, and I'm very sorry that they made you cry. I'm sure that didn't feel good at all - you have my sympathy.
However, I'm afraid you're going to experience a lot of pain like this if you continue to express interest in your brother's friend. Boys their age can be mean, and you deserve to be with a guy who strives to be with a man, not a guy who enjoys being a little boy. So please don't feel like you were stupid. You weren't at all. You were naive and sincere - both can be very good qualities. You didn't know you were dealing with jerk. Now you know. You can do better.
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my friends grandfather died this morning. hes really hurt. but i dont know what to say to him. im scared ill say something wrong. what should i tell him? (link)
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There's two things your friend needs from you right now - someone who'll make him feel better and someone who'll help him forget the pain he's in.
You can achieve the first thing by telling him that you're very sorry for his loss and assuring him that he'll be OK. Tell him that if he needs anything that you'll be there for him and that if he needs anyone to talk to that you'll be there to listen. If he takes you up on that offer, listen only. Don't ask questions and don't tell him stories about how you can relate. Listen and talk only if he asks you questions. That'll be a great help to him.
You can achieve the second thing by treating him as if nothing happened. For example, when my dad died, my brother and sister helped me out tremendously by playing video games with me, watching TV with me, etc. Everyone else was treating me like a fragile piece of glass that was about to break. It became annoying and made the problem worse. Losing myself in normal activities helped me to get over losing my father much more quickly.
So just remember that if he doesn't open up to you to vent, you can still be an outstanding amount of help just by being the friend you always were before.
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what do people mean when they say "be true to yourself?" (link)
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There are many times in life where we'd fit in more with others and be liked by more people if there was something different about us - if we looked different, thought different, had different opinions, different religions, wore different clothing, weighed less, etc. Being true to yourself means ignoring the expectations and desires other have for you and being the person you're comfortable being. It's a hard thing to do because there's so much pressure, but it's the best way to meet people who genuinely like and respect you for who you are.
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So, like, my girlfriend broke up with me like 6 months ago. And I actually cannot get her off my mind. I mean, I think I actually still really like her which is all the worse because she doesn't want anything to do with me. We used to be friends before we went out and I really liked her for a fair few months before anything was said. So its like I went from having this fairly good friendship to a relationship to nothing. And, well, it still hurts.
I mean, I know why she broke up with me and everything, and her points are pretty fair (I was too clingy i suppose is the best way to describe it). But I only acted the way I did because, in a typically manly and ironic thing to do, I didn't want to lose what I had waited so long to get. I really cared about her, infact I still do. And given the choice I would go back and change what I did. But thats not going to happen, so I have to deal with it.
Now, your first thought might be 'wow, this guys pathetic'. Well, I don't have a particularly high opinion of myself either. But I was just wondering if anyone had any advice for what I can do?
And trust me, I have heard everything about it taking time, but 6 months and counting is far too long to wait in my opinion.
I mean, I really want to tell her how I still feel, but the thing is I havent spoken to her in literally 2 months and a random message from me detailing how I feel won't go down well I fear.
Because the thing at the bottom is telling me to, i'm 17/m and she is 17/f (duh)
Any help would be appreciated
Thanks :) (link)
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Aww. I don't think you're pathetic. I think you're adorable! You just need someone to point you in the right direction, and that's where I come in. :)
The people who've been giving you a time limit are wrong. Pain has no time limit. Emotions (like joy, sadness, anger, etc.) are like living, breathing things. As long as you continue to feed them, they'll remain alive and well whether it's been 6 days, 6 months, or 6 years. So don't expect to do nothing and just wake up one day and the heartache is gone. It doesn't work like that. Sorry.
What you have to do is put forth some effort to get over her. It sounds like you still have a ton of stuff to say to her. So the best thing you can do is write a letter or an email and pour your heart out. Get it all out and say every single thing you want to tell her in this letter/email. However, don't send it to her. This is just to vent and get it all out. Believe it or not, your brain doesn't know the difference between venting to yourself and venting to someone else.
You will feel relief regardless of if she sees this letter/email or not. That's why journals and blogs are so popular. Release is good. So let it out. Keep it to yourself or show a friend. Hell, send it to me! lol Just don't send it to her because then you'll be anticipating a reaction, and that's not good. You need to start phasing her out of your life and this will be a great first step. Once your mind is cleared then you can begin working on step two, which is self esteem.
You need to know that you're not pathetic, ugly, a loser, stupid, or anything negative. You may have feelings for this girl, but she is not better than you are. If you knew that you were just as valuable as she is, you wouldn't have been so clingy and insecure in the relationship. So learn to think more positively and treat yourself better. Just like you're continuing to feed the pain, you're also continuing to feed your insecurities. You have to stop this behavior right now. This book can really, really help:
(E-Mail me if you still need the link.)
Once you begin to value yourself, most of your problems will fade away. Right now you're treating yourself as someone who's inferior of others. I promise you that isn't true. If you had more confidence, you would never give someone the power to make you feel bad for as long as she has made you feel. It's time to start loving yourself and respecting yourself. Focus your attention from her to you. You need to be the one who's pulling yourself up out of this rut and telling yourself that everything will be fine - because it will be.
Finally, I got the impression that you're shy. Most people who lack self esteem are. When you begin to gain confidence, not only will your heartache melt away, but so will some of that shyness. You need to learn to be assertive, and I think the best place you could be right now is around other girls who'll take the initiative to flirt with you and make you feel good about yourself. In time, you'll learn to reciprocate, but for right now you need to interact with some girls and see that your ex isn't the only one.
There's lots of other girls, lots of other opportunities, and plenty of time for you to get out there and make the most of everything. So get off your ass, get out of that rut, and put your girlfriend in the past. Chances are, she didn't deserve you and you're just too down on yourself to know. Lift your head up and realize what a catch you are. Positivity and effort are the keys to success. I hope I've helped a little bit and that you have more of an idea about what needs to be done. Good luck and please keep me updated! :)
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lets say you've been text messaging with a guy for the past days about him taking you "on a ride" and he then says "hey..no one ever got hurt going on an innocent car ride before" whats a good flirty response for that? it doesn't even have to be flirty..just fun, or funny in general.. because if i dont answer something the conversation will die out and i love texting with him! thanks! (link)
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"Who says it has to be innocent?"
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okay so i started to date this guy at the end of the school year and on the fourth of july was our three month aniversary. well i had him over a couple times and my parents freaked out. my dad said i couldn't see him or any of my guy friends for the whole summer. but i keep making plans with my girl friends and my guy friends and my boyfriend just "happen" to be there. well i feel bad because i'm lieing to my parents and i don't want to do that. i love them both. what should i do? follow my parents and suffer in my heart or keep lieing to my parents? when i think about not being with my boyfriend i just cry and when i think about lieing to my parents i just cry. what should i do? (link)
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I think you should stop lying to your parents and obey their wishes. Yes, it will be painful, but you'll be 16 soon and this will be a great test of your boyfriend's loyalty for you. If he can wait for you until you have your parents' permission, then you'll know that he's a sweet, wonderful guy who's worthy of being with you. If he becomes impatient and/or his eye begins to wander to other girls, then you'll know he's a jerk and that you can do better.
Don't look at this as a prison sentence. Your parents are wiser than you are and have been through what you're going through before. They have your best interest in mind. It's probably hurting your parents that they're hurting you. They don't want you to be sad, but they want what's best for you and this is what they believe is best. So tell your boyfriend that you're sorry but you have to obey your parent's rules - hopefully he'll understand.
Not only will you feel a lot less guilt, but 16 will be all the more sweeter when you finally get the permission to be with the one you love.
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My friend's boyfriend is terrible. He smokes, drinks, does drugs. Basically, all the things she'd never do. And now we barely talk anymore and I don't know what to do. They've been together for a while now, but we've been friends 5 times longer. I try talking to her, but she pushes me away. How can I tell her that she can do so much better? What should I say? (link)
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Unfortunately, there's nothing you can do about this right now. Your friend has made up her mind and has prioritized the people in her life, and as much as it hurts to know, she's placed her boyfriend ahead of you. I think it's sad when people get boyfriends or girlfriends and completely ignore the other people in their lives. It's a selfish and hurtful thing to do, and I sympathize with you completely.
If you really want to play a more important role in your friend's life, try to support her and keep your opinion of her boyfriend to yourself. If her boyfriend is as bad as you say he is, there's very little doubt in my mind that the relationship won't last. When it does end, she'll remember that you were the one who supported her unconditionally through it all. So just hang in there.
If I were you, I would ask myself this: do I really want to remain friends with someone who pushes me away and chooses a boyfriend with many flaws over me when I've been there for her for so many years? My answer would be no, but your answer might be different from mine. Either way, hopefully you give this question some consideration and give it a lot of thought. You place a lot of value into your friendship, but you deserve to be valued too. Good luck. :)
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15/f yes i know, im kinda young, but i have a boyfriend and weve been dating for 4 months. Im haveing a delema here, my dad and mom were highschool sweethearts till they got divorsed. Soooo my dad thinks that when i have a boyfriend it shouldnt be a loong relationship. I told my dad that i like him a lot and that im not going to make the same mistake he did, i also told him that im not stupid and that im happy with the person im with. My mom and dad didnt get along at all. My question here is how do i convince my dad into letting me date for a long time. [ps] im not saying that im gonnna be with him forever but lets just say were gonnabe together for a while --> thanks =]
(link)
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You need to remind your father that no two relationships are alike. Just because he had an experience that ended badly doesn't mean that you will. While your relationship is similar to your father's because you met your boyfriend in high school just like he met your mom in high school, I'm sure that you met in different ways, interacted differently, and will eventually have different problems and different obstacles to face.
Tell your father that you respect his authority, but that you would prefer it if he let you make your own mistakes and learn things on your own. Tell him that his good intentions to protect you from the pain of heartbreak are appreciated and that you love him for it, but at the same time he's keeping you from experiencing the joys of first love and true love. If you approach talking to your father with maturity and have an appreciative attitude (because he is trying to do a good thing), he'll be much easier to persuade to give you a chance to make your own decision.
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i would really like to know how i could get a love life of some sort, like how to interest a guy or how to know if he's interested in the first place.
ive only 'sort of' dated two guys in my life but it wasn't anything serious, just hanging out. it was more like good friends than a relationship.
i dont think i give off an 'interested' vibe. one guy told a friend of mine that he thought i wasn't interested because of the way i acted, but i have no idea how i acted. i would also like some advice on how to give off the single and interested vibe instead.
well, im not exactly gorgeous or anything. im pretty i guess, but not like super model gorgeous and i dont have a perfect body so i would like to know what exactly guys look for instead of just looks and bodywise.
if you can answer all of these questions i would so appreciate it. (link)
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I think one problem I've noticed just in your question is that you seem indecisive to things. You say you're not gorgeous, but pretty you guess, but not super model gorgeous... That kind of unsure, in the middle, flip flop attitude won't attract quality people to you. Before you try to sell yourself to someone else, you have to believe in yourself first. So my first piece of advice would be to work on your confidence and self esteem.
With indecisiveness comes indifference, and that's where the guy that talked to your friend picked up that uninterested vibe. I'm guessing that you lack assertiveness, which is why even though you want to be dating you're not dating. You need to work on yourself. You need to get some confidence and some assertiveness and put yourself out there. Let the world know that you're going to get what you want no matter what. You don't let things around you impact you, you impact the things around you.
Once you have a more take charge attitude, guys will see that you are a catch. When you begin to find yourself attractive and appealing (and you don't guess it - you know it!) everyone else will realize how attractive you are too. Beauty comes from within, and right now you're in a place that's insecure and off putting. Lucky for you, that can be changed with practice. This book can help you:
(E-Mail me if you still need the link.)
Guys like girls who are confident and secure. A little insecurity can be cute, but getting into any kind of relationship when you don't even know your own self worth is a huge mistake. You have to love yourself before anyone else will love you. You seem really sweet, so I don't think it'd be hard to love you at all. Just make some adjustments to your attitude and the way you view yourself and the world. Instead of waiting for what you want, go get it! You'll be happy you did. :)
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well i have this friend katie who i've known all my life. we used to be really good friends, but a couple years ago things changed. she became all obsessed with being popular, and only hung out with me when there was no one "better" available. eventually i gave up on our friendship. well, now things have changed again. we're in cheerleading together, and i guess now i'm cool enough for her. she's always calling me and wanting to hang out. now, i'm not a mean person and i'm really not resentful about how she acted before. i actually wouldn't mind hanging out with her sometimes, just to be nice. but the problem is, she has gotten a really bad reputation. she offers to give guys blow jobs at school, sends half naked pictures of herself to guys, and a lot of people think she's a total skank. so i'm kind of worried about hanging out with her cuz i don't want to get that kind of reputation. i usually just make excuses why i can't do stuff with her. but i'm afraid if i keep doing this, it will seem like i think i'm better than her or something. or that i'm mad about the way she treated me before (which i'm not). it's really important to me to be a nice person and i usually try to hang out with everyone, no matter what "group" they're in or what other people think of them. but i'm just not sure how to handle this one. if i start hanging out with her, will i get a bad reputation? (link)
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I understand that you're in high school, but you don't have to play into the drama that goes along with high school. "Reputations" and "groups" are something you're going to look back on and feel silly about ever participating in or being concerned with. You seem like a mature person to me, and it'd be my advice to stop associating yourself with some of the people and situations that are surrounding you.
The reality of the situation is that you're dealing with someone whose character conflicts with yours. That doesn't mean that it's because she's a bad person or that it's because she's in a more popular circle than you are. All that means is that people change and you're not always going to get along with everyone. That's not exclusive to high school. That's something you're going to deal with for your entire life.
You questioning or disagreeing with her character doesn't make you any less of a nice person. In fact, I'm questioning it too. This girl has turned her back on your friendship, has become driven by superficial things such as popularity, and is disrespecting herself by being sexually promiscuous. Just because you're a cheerleader now doesn't mean you have to be friends with her. I know you say you don't resent her, but you should.
This girl won't offer you the kind of qualities that you deserve in a friend. She's a leech and is only interested in you because you're fresh blood. Your position on the squad has given you the potential to be (more) popular and she wants to use you for that. My advice is to cut her loose. If you still want to hang out with her, there is a chance that people are going to think that you're just like her. There's nothing you can do about that.
You can either play it smart and give up on her or take the risk and put your own reputation on the line for her - someone who turned her back on you for the approval of strangers.
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Okay, so it's the 4th of July and I'm looking for something to do with my friends. We were gonna go to the beach to watch fireworks, but that happened yesterday and we didn't know. So we were still going to go to the beach, but it's POURING outside. I thought, hm, why don't I just have a cookout and maybe a bonfire, since I don't have any fireworks it'll be kind of blahh. But it'll be kind of tough to have a bonfire/cookout in the pouring rain. What could we do that'd be fun for the 4th, besides just hanging around at one of our houses?
Btw- I want to do something fun, because I didn't do anything last 4th because I just had surgery and I couldn't really move too much.
& we can't watch fireworks somewhere else because it's raining.
16/f (link)
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The cool thing about the 4th of July is that many places are desolate. While most people are having their parties, cook outs, and preparing for fireworks displays, places like the mall or the movie theater are virtually empty. You might consider going to one of those places since it seems like mother nature isn't cooperating with you. Unfortunately, because it is raining, there isn't much you can do to celebrate the 4th this year, but that doesn't mean you can't have fun. Throw an impromptu party. Have a sleepover. Have a movie night. Have a game night. There are things that you can do to still have fun. Good luck! :)
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15/f. For 7 months I was with my girlfriend. About 2 months ago we broke up & I was heartbroken, it's taken me a while to get over this, but I am finally ready to move on.
My best guy friend has always been there for me, and now he tells me that he likes me a lot. Now I am a lesbian, but I have feelings for him. I'm willing to try it out, but he is really experienced as in sexually. I've done pretty much nothing but make out with guys.
Do you think it's a good idea for me to be with him? Could I still be a lesbian and be attracted to a guy? (link)
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I think labels are so confining. Why consider yourself a lesbian? Why not just be a human being? I don't think someone your age should label who you're going to be for the rest of your life. You're so young and have so much life left to live. You're going to have so many experiences. Why close off so many opportunities by hiding behind a label? I think you should just be you. If you have even the slightest interest in this guy, go for it. See what it's all about. Just because you date someone doesn't mean you have to sleep with him no matter how sexually experienced he is. If he wants you, he has to play by your rules. So don't hesitate to take things slowly. Be yourself and have fun. :)
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17/f. It has been over a year since I broke up with my ex. And he is still my best friend. Since I met him two years ago he has been my best friend. I love him. I would do anything for him. I love him so much; I don't know what I would do if I didn't have him in my life. I want another chance with him. Problem is he has a girlfriend and they have been together for a year. Well, I want to tell him how I feel. I don't care anymore if I mess things up with them(I know, it sounds mean or whatever, but I don't). Part of me is afraid that when I tell him things will get weird between us, but we have been through a lot so that it might not. Part of me just wants to take the risk. What should I do? How should I tell him how I feel? I'm so confused. (link)
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Well, right now you're 17 and you're being controlled by your hormones and your emotions. That's a big mistake. You should be controlling them. You can't control how you feel, but you can control how you react to those feelings, and right now you're being impulsive. You were lucky enough to find this amazing guy who you claim to genuinely love (but if you genuinely loved him, wouldn't you put his happiness before your own?); you broke up, and he's still a great enough guy to stick around and be your best friend.
You sound very lucky. You've already been through the pain of losing him as your boyfriend. Are you ready to endure the pain of losing him as your friend and him no longer being in your life at all? Because that's what I fear is going to happen if you open your mouth right now. You need to be the supportive friend he can count on. That's a quality that he will look for in a mate. Inconsideration is not a quality he's going to enjoy, and that's exactly how you'll come across if you try to break up his relationship.
The truth is, you're both young (I'm assuming he's around your age), and his relationship with his girlfriend is probably not going to last. Wait for problems to occur before you begin to make your move, but don't you dare be the one to cause the problems. I'm willing to almost guarantee that his relationship with her won't last. And when it doesn't, you'll probably be the one he turns to for support. If you really want him, that will be your best opportunity to get him. In the meantime, I think you should just move on and let it go.
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