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Taking longer than I thought
So, like, my girlfriend broke up with me like 6 months ago. And I actually cannot get her off my mind. I mean, I think I actually still really like her which is all the worse because she doesn't want anything to do with me. We used to be friends before we went out and I really liked her for a fair few months before anything was said. So its like I went from having this fairly good friendship to a relationship to nothing. And, well, it still hurts.
I mean, I know why she broke up with me and everything, and her points are pretty fair (I was too clingy i suppose is the best way to describe it). But I only acted the way I did because, in a typically manly and ironic thing to do, I didn't want to lose what I had waited so long to get. I really cared about her, infact I still do. And given the choice I would go back and change what I did. But thats not going to happen, so I have to deal with it.
Now, your first thought might be 'wow, this guys pathetic'. Well, I don't have a particularly high opinion of myself either. But I was just wondering if anyone had any advice for what I can do?
And trust me, I have heard everything about it taking time, but 6 months and counting is far too long to wait in my opinion.
I mean, I really want to tell her how I still feel, but the thing is I havent spoken to her in literally 2 months and a random message from me detailing how I feel won't go down well I fear.
Because the thing at the bottom is telling me to, i'm 17/m and she is 17/f (duh)
Any help would be appreciated
Thanks :)
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the same thing happend to me.. Im a girl and I was too clingy to. and before we started dating we promised we wouldn't let it ruin our friendship but it did. I still kinda talk to him but it seems like he doens't want anything to do with me. and it sucks becaues I really loved him. and I still do even after everything.. I think you should just try to let it to. things don't last forever. I had a really hard time forgetting about it... but things have gotten better. I still think about him often... but sometimes you just have accept it. and if you really can't take it. maybe ask her if you guys can talk but don't seem to eager... ask for just friendship if anything. I know its hard but sometimes you have to let go.
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Aww. I don't think you're pathetic. I think you're adorable! You just need someone to point you in the right direction, and that's where I come in. :)
The people who've been giving you a time limit are wrong. Pain has no time limit. Emotions (like joy, sadness, anger, etc.) are like living, breathing things. As long as you continue to feed them, they'll remain alive and well whether it's been 6 days, 6 months, or 6 years. So don't expect to do nothing and just wake up one day and the heartache is gone. It doesn't work like that. Sorry.
What you have to do is put forth some effort to get over her. It sounds like you still have a ton of stuff to say to her. So the best thing you can do is write a letter or an email and pour your heart out. Get it all out and say every single thing you want to tell her in this letter/email. However, don't send it to her. This is just to vent and get it all out. Believe it or not, your brain doesn't know the difference between venting to yourself and venting to someone else.
You will feel relief regardless of if she sees this letter/email or not. That's why journals and blogs are so popular. Release is good. So let it out. Keep it to yourself or show a friend. Hell, send it to me! lol Just don't send it to her because then you'll be anticipating a reaction, and that's not good. You need to start phasing her out of your life and this will be a great first step. Once your mind is cleared then you can begin working on step two, which is self esteem.
You need to know that you're not pathetic, ugly, a loser, stupid, or anything negative. You may have feelings for this girl, but she is not better than you are. If you knew that you were just as valuable as she is, you wouldn't have been so clingy and insecure in the relationship. So learn to think more positively and treat yourself better. Just like you're continuing to feed the pain, you're also continuing to feed your insecurities. You have to stop this behavior right now. This book can really, really help:
(E-Mail me if you still need the link.)
Once you begin to value yourself, most of your problems will fade away. Right now you're treating yourself as someone who's inferior of others. I promise you that isn't true. If you had more confidence, you would never give someone the power to make you feel bad for as long as she has made you feel. It's time to start loving yourself and respecting yourself. Focus your attention from her to you. You need to be the one who's pulling yourself up out of this rut and telling yourself that everything will be fine - because it will be.
Finally, I got the impression that you're shy. Most people who lack self esteem are. When you begin to gain confidence, not only will your heartache melt away, but so will some of that shyness. You need to learn to be assertive, and I think the best place you could be right now is around other girls who'll take the initiative to flirt with you and make you feel good about yourself. In time, you'll learn to reciprocate, but for right now you need to interact with some girls and see that your ex isn't the only one.
There's lots of other girls, lots of other opportunities, and plenty of time for you to get out there and make the most of everything. So get off your ass, get out of that rut, and put your girlfriend in the past. Chances are, she didn't deserve you and you're just too down on yourself to know. Lift your head up and realize what a catch you are. Positivity and effort are the keys to success. I hope I've helped a little bit and that you have more of an idea about what needs to be done. Good luck and please keep me updated! :)
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Love hurts. Sometimes it can take years. Hell sometimes it doesnt go away. But ask yourself. You dont ever talk to her now right? So whats it going to hurt to tell her how you feel? I mean what is she going to do? Not talk to you anymore?
Also, i think it must be a little more than you being too clingy. Why would she never want to talk to you again for that?I would approach it in the sense that you want to know what really happened. And explain to her that you havent gotten over her yet and you need her to know that. Open yourself up like you did in this. Also, to give yourself confidence, dont be shy about it. Be very stern, dont give her the thought that you are going to beg. But let her know you still care....and that you want some closure. Good luck hun....and remember it does take time...sometimes it takes someone really special to make you forget about the scars of the past.
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omg. this just happened to my friend. its only been like 2 months since thier break up but same idea.
girls like that probably werent even worht your time in the first place. but if you still like her the only thing to do would be to tell her. shes not just going to guess. but try not to tell her over myspace or the phone. its impersonal and usually has no good outcome. dont expect to be taken back though. if she wants nothing to do with you then she most likely wont even make an attempt to see reasonably. there are other girls out there too remember!
wellhope this helps good luck.
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I know you aren't going to like this- but love isn't worth waiting for. Seriously.. I would move on. She hasn't talked to you for a reason. She isn't interested. I know if I was in your position, I would be saying, "What the hell is he trying to say- I can't just give up on my girl!". Unfortunately.. I think that's your only option.. since you think that sending a random message telling her how you feel won't go down to well. I guess you could always try sending that message telling her how you feel, but it would probably be REALLY awkward and it would just cause you more hurt. Trust me, I've been there.. and you don't want to go there...
Find a new girl. Find someone you like just as much [trust me... there are over 6 BILLION people on this planet.. you are bound to end up with someone you'll like even more than this girl].
Once you find said girl- I bet you you'll have forgotten about this other girl by the time you're with a new one. It isn't worth it to sit around and wait for something we both know won't happen. Finding a new girl to be with will be the best thing you can do at this point. Just so that that relationship doesn't end how the other did.. be open and honest about EVERYTHING and ask her how she feels about "clinginess" and that stuff, that way you can judge correctly on how to act with her.
Good luck, man!
--Jack
(15/m)
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