HectorJr's advice column

askHectorJr

advice column ask question view feedback favorite columnist advicenators

Q: i got my period in school yesterday and now everyones making suchhh a big deal out of it and being really mean :( im already not very popular but ugh..i got an honesty box message about it on facebook and its beginning to get me down a lot, what do i do?

Hey I think you should just do your best to let it go. Forget about it. Whenever anything really embarrassing happens, thats the best thing to do. Learn from any mistakes and things you can do to prevent the situation from happening again. Honestly, if everyone is making a big deal about it then it will be forgotten when everyone starts to make a big deal about something else. Besides, a few months, or even years from now, you'll have forgotten about it and realize you really didn't need to brood over it and that it isn't a big deal after all. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: well my boyfriend and i r really close and just recently started dating even tho we have liked each other for a while. before we were best friends and still r and share everything with each other. andyway so i am probably moving this summer and its really hard for the both of us and he doesnt want me to move at all. he hates the idea. im 14 and hes 15 almost 16. the thing is we arent sure if we should have a long distance relationship. honestly i dont think either of us want to but we both dont want to leave each other either. it is extremely difficult for him to except this because we both care for each other so much and love each other like best friends. we are best friends. so my ? is iwant to hear what pple think about long distance relationships and if they work out well or not. i would only be able to visit like twice a yr too. i dont think its going to work tho but the thought of leaving him and losing him breaks myheart. the thing is i wouldnt be able to see him in person and hug him and hold hands and kiss him and stuff. we go to different schools and already hate having to go weekend to weekend cause i just switched schools a couple months ago and we used to have classes together and see each other everyday. thank you so much and i really appreciate it :]

Long distance relationships can work. It really does depend on both people and the circumstances.

If you are going to remain within a close enough distance (even if its a two hour drive) to see each other a few times a year, then it can work. Making a long distance relationship work is up to the willingness of both of you to make it work. You can both call each other and talk to each other online, send pictures and videos, etc. So in terms of keeping in touch and getting closer, you could actually pull it off. If you could think things through and plan out how and when possible chances of meeting up can occur, then I don't see how things wouldn't work.

Oh of course...long distance relationships are based largely on trust. Do you trust him enough to be honest and faithful even though you aren't physically with him on a day- or week-to-week basis? And same goes for him on that trust for you. If you both are best friends and really trust each other in that respect then I do believe it can work for both of you. There will be bumpy roads and things will come up that will make it seem like you can't keep going or get to meet up for a few months..but thats OK. As long as you both communicate with each other, grow closer, trust each other, and are willing to do whatever it takes to make things work, then its definitely possible.

You need to talk things out with him though. If you aren't sure that things will work out, and he isn't either, then maybe it would be best to not to continue things. Again, this is something you need to sit down and talk about - all the possibilities that can let you keep the relationship. It will be difficult to keep things going long distance but you both need to be completely sure and patient about it. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: f/16
Last night. My boyfriend and I were alone together in his car. There was no one around at all. We moved to the back of his car and things got pretty heated up, but he knows not to try too much because I've told him that I'm not ready to take my pants off at all yet.
But. He took my hand and put it down his pants.
Since I like him... I wanted to at least try. But I just ended up pulling my hand out and getting really scared. I stopped him from doing anything else. We just stopped completely. I guess that was a bad thing. Because then we just sat there silent in the back of his car. He asked me what was wrong but I couldn't really explain anything. Wasn't it obvious? I guess he needed it spelled out for him. When I couldn't do that he got really upset.
He ended up getting really pissed and not even talking to me and overreacting. He started pacing and then just told me to get in the car. At that point I was ready to cry.
So he's driving me home, completely upset and frustrated. And he speeds and runs a red light. A cop pulls us over and he got a ticket.

When I got home late my parents bitched at me and took away my cell phone.
I tried to talk to my boyfriend about things but. He. I don't know. I feel like what he said to me was just.
He told me that he's scared.
I told him that I was upset still and his response was. Well I just got a ticket.. so...

I guess I just. I wasn't ready for what he wanted me to do. I know he probably would have been cool with slowing down but I couldn't communicate and that made everything worse.

Please tell me what you think about everything. Help me figure out what to say to him now, because I don't know how to tell him what I'm feeling. I don't feel like he'd even try to understand.

Thanks.

Thats no way to treat a lady! Understandably, if you weren't ready to do things with him, then he should respect your decision on that, as a boyfriend, friend, and even just as person. I can see why it was difficult for you to explain it to him, and probably even embarrassing. I think he overreacted with the situation and was frustrated for trying to take things far and not getting the results he expected.

If you don't feel like he would try to understand...
If he became frustrated and angry with you for not going through with things in the car...
If he was speeding and running a red light (which just thankfully didn't get either of you hurt) because he was too mad...
Then why should he stay around? If in a relationship it takes a lot to deal with a problem, get over it, and becomes to difficult to communicate and help each other, then sticking around usually makes things worse. He got mad, overreacted, and didn't control his driving or how he treated you. Nobody should ever make you do things you don't feel comfortable with in a relationship. If he has a problem with that, then he has a problem with you. Try talking to him about it, tell him how you felt about the situation, and consider moving on from him... He doesn't seem to have the respect or decency to maintain a safe relationship. If you choose to stay with him, that is of course up to you. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: What are some good ways to practice?

Some good habits?

Should I practice everyday or every other day?

How long should I practice for?

Thanks in Advance,
Andy

Practice! I never really grasped the importance of it until I was taught how to practice.

When I had music lessons in high school- playing flute and piccolo - my teacher would spend time teaching me new fingerings, new scales, and new pieces. However short that lesson was, she always made sure to end it by giving me a summary of how I should practice each scale, piece, etc. That really made all the difference for me.

A good habit of practice is to start out with some scales. I don't know what level of music playing you are at, but you can start off by playing some major. I usually practice all twelve - starting with the low note, going to the top and coming back down without repeating. You don't need to start out that way! Warm up by playing at least 3 to 5 different scales, perhaps even repeating some of them and keeping them at different note values. For example, you can start of with the C scale at whole notes and when you are finished do the F scale at quarter notes, and if you do the C scale again, in triplets. You get the idea.

You should practice as often and for as long as you can. I know that sounds ridiculous. During a regular week, I would practice with the band for 35 minutes every day, and once a week had a private lesson with my teacher for 30 minutes- roughly 3 to 4 hours during the school week. It isn't difficult to actually get done, so if you can find the time to practice only 30-40 minutes a day (trust me it will go by quickly), then that will also be a good habit.

Nobody ever told me this either and I never really bothered to ask anyone about it, but something I always tried other than practicing was just 'playing around'. Literally. I would just take my instrument and try to play songs I knew, like the Super Mario theme or Tetris. It was a good habit, because I was learning to recognize sounds and fingerings by ear and it was also fun, which made practice less of a drag. It also made my 40 minute practice sessions last almost 2 hours sometimes.

Anyways, sorry for rambling. So to wrap it up, warm up with a few scales prior to practicing your pieces. When you practice a piece, trying taking it line by line, or measure by measure if it is difficult. Always carry a pencil to write in reminders, either to play louder/softer, slow down, etc. Make photocopies of the sheet music you have so that you can write on those a bit more freely in case you have to return the originals (which you most likely will). Hope that helped and good luck. If you have any more music questions just let me know in my inbox.

Q: I'm really sorry if it's the wrong category!
15/f
Anyway, I live in Belgium, and I have friends from Italy, France, Spain and Portugal.
I also visit France a lot, and make new friends there.
In my school when you see your friends you do the air kiss cheek thing to their right cheek.
(if that makes sense)
But I'm wondering what you're supposed to do in France, Italy, Spain and Portugal.
Also I was on a skiing holiday last week in France, and I went to ski school. The last time I saw my teacher-the night before I left he put his cheek forward when we said bye and I did the cheek thing-but on the left side.
Was that right...or wrong...?
I mean I'm probably going back to the place next year and I will see him again- so I don't want to make a mistake next time.

Sorry it was long...but this is all quite important to me.

Thanks!

I agree with both of the answers before me, since that is what I've seen at least in Italy. Always start with the right. If you are unsure of one or two, go for one and just be a little bit slower to see if the other person is going for two, then just catch up and you should be fine. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: I have a lot of guy friends...but they are all FRIENDS.

I want them to notice me more as someone they could go out with...rather than a good friend.
I'm not tomboyish or anything...I'm not a bimbo..not a whore..slut.. or anything like that.
I'm just normal..I look like a girl...act like one that's it.

So any tips would be much appreciated.

15/F

Getting them all to notice you more as someone they could go out with might require you to make some big changes with the way you act and what you say. I think that the best way for you to become closer to your friends is just be there for them. I don't know if all your guy friends hang out as a group or if they are all scattered. In any event, when you talk to a guy on a one-on-one, just try to be more of a friend. What I mean by that is get to know him more, what he really likes and dislikes, his thoughts on different people and things, any problems he is having, etc. I'm sure you already do that to some extent.

When you keep up with a guy's problems and ask them about it later, it shows that you care for them as a really good friend. Since you are looking for more than that, make things mutual with a few of your guy friends by letting them know more about you and what you think about things, your problems, etc. If you can gradually get closer even just as friends to a some of your guy friends, then sooner rather than later they will probably consider you someone they could go out with. And don't be afraid of getting close to anyone...some might make it more difficult than others but be sure to give everyone a fair chance. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: Ok so normally, i would be the person to solve everyone elses love problems. but now i have my own problem and im stumped. So theres this guy that i am still in love with. We dated for 3 months and we just recently broke up. We have decided not to get back together because he is currently seeing someone else. His ex whom he dated before me. I found out when we were dating that he called her all the time and told her he still had feelings for her and one time i read a text message he sent her that said goodnight baby. So i told him i couldnt do it anymore because i was tired of feeling like i was always coming in second place to him when i always made him my priority. I felt like it just wasnt fair to myself. So he is dating her now. But he keeps telling me that he still likes me alot and knows that one day we will be together again but right now he just needs to be with her because he cant hurt her again and he just needs to do that for now. But i still just cant let go. so my question is do I just walk away and move on? or do i wait for him like i want to? We both know that were going to get back together again but what am i suppose to do while he is with her???
Thanks
*SM

Tell him to make up his mind!!!

OK, well I'm not saying that he is 'cheating' on you or his girlfriend or whatever, but it doesn't seem fair that he is going back and forth just to not hurt feelings. What if he is going back to you and telling his girlfriend that he is doing it not to hurt your feelings? Whatever the case may be, you need to sit him down and ask him to sort out his feelings. Its not the worst thing in the world if the person you like has feelings for somebody else and you at the same time. When that happens, dating back and forth between the two can just complicate things. I think it would be best for him to not be dating any of you at the moment until he sorts things out. It seems that both of you also like him. Unless you and his girlfriend are OK with both dating him at the same time, he should try to decide on one of you to make things fair and not lead on the other. There will probably be some hurt, hopefully its not on your side. If you want to wait it our like he said then it might complicate things, but thats up to you. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: ok so my bff and a guy had a major thing at the begining of last school year. It kind or died away when she moved on. A few months later i started hanging out with that guy. We got close, she really doesnt like it when we hang out im not sure if she is jealous even though she is the one who left him or what but she doesnt like it. anyways ok so me and this guy were hangin out one night and i lost my virginty to him. this was like 2 months ago and i still havent told my friend. she knows everything about me but this ahh should i tell her and take the chance of her being really mad or just live by the "what she doesnt know wont hurt her" standard???!?!!?

helpppp

I've noticed that the best way to deal with situations like this is to be honest. I think that if the topic of hanging out with him comes up, that you should let her know what happened. Tell her that you are telling her because you would rather her hear it from you and not somebody else. Of course, if your friend had something to tell you, I'm sure you would want her telling you and confronting you about it instead of hearing it from somebody else or a comment about it on the internet. Waiting for that to happen might make things seem (as is the case most of the time) that you were hiding things from her.

If you really are best friends, then just tell her. You have nothing to lose with telling her. If she doesn't want to be your friend because of what happened and doesn't want to accept you either, then the same thing would probably have happened if she found out by somebody else...only waiting for that to happen would probably turn out to be a nastier situation. So don't be afraid to tell her, but this seems like something that you should be the one to tell her and not wait to hear it from someone else. Best friends shouldn't have to keep things from each other to 'not hurt their feelings', because thats why you are best friends - you know you will eventually get over that stuff. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: So, I dated a boy for over a year. He was really great, but I just had to leave, I wasn't feeling the relationship anymore.
It's been two months, and he just messaged me, a very long message, saying if I'd like to go out on a date ,it was long and very sweet but he also sounded really sad.
The thing is i don't want a relationship with him again, and I have another boyfriend.
I just don't want to hurt him, can i tell him we can have dinner as friends? I don't want to get his hopes us. I feel very awkward saying we can't get back together.

Can you try to suggest having dinner with other friends as well? Chances are it will feel a lot less like a 'real date' if you invite a few more people that you are both friends with, or even some of your own. It doesn't have to be your boyfriend there, but if you feel comfortable with bringing him you can do that. As for going on a date, if you choose to do that specify that it would be just going to dinner. Does he know you have a boyfriend? Even though you don't want to hurt him by drawing the line, it would be a lot heavier on him leading him on and having him wait on you only to be crushed weeks or months later. You're right in saying that you shouldn't get his hopes up. If that means talking before or after the dinner (because maybe during might not be the best time) then sit him down and just ask him if he is on the same page with you with everything - that you are just friends and that it is best things remain that way. It wouldn't be fair to your boyfriend if you just lead him on so you don't hurt your friend's feelings either. Draw the line and have a talk with him to so you're both on the same page; you aren't doing anything wrong by doing so. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: I am 16 and a girl and need just a little advice...When i first moved to this house i saw this 1 guy at my bus stop in 8th grade that was like3 yrs ago. and he also rode my bus in 9th and 10th grade and i REALLYYYYYYY like him even when i first saw him, but now in 11th grade he doesnt ride my bus and i wanted to finally talk to him this yr to see if he actually liked me back, now i never see him and i have not 1 clue on what to do! i seriously think that he is like the cutest guy that i have ever seen and i just need some advice on what to do.please help, thanks.

If you don't see him as much, then try to talk and become friends if you do see him at all. Of course, you probably wouldn't feel too confident just walking up to him and straight out asking him if he likes you. I think that the best way for you to really find out if you two are compatible and he has feelings for you is to just keep talking to him whenever you can and try to become really good friends. You didn't say much in the question, but I'm not sure if you are good friends with him or not. Its not always safe to go by those lists made up of 'signs to know if he likes you'. I never really believed in those. If he is your friend, then you know he at least likes you as a friend, and thats where you start - friendship. Within time you'll get to know each other and some of your answers will come to you, and for those that don't you might have to just ask him. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: I'm 16 and a girl and need a little help...This 1 boy asked me out by a note and i didnt know what to say especially since i only liked him as a friend and nothing more. i would feel really bad if i told him no so i just didnt respond. now this year when he sees me he'll look at me and smile at me and i just dont know if he still likes me like that and if he does, what should i do?hes nice and sweet and stuff but i only want to be friends.

If you are just friends, then make sure that its clear to him. I know you might not want to hurt his feelings by telling him that you don't want to be more than friends. If you let him entertain the idea that there is hope for him for too long, then it will just be harder for him to get over it when you break it to him. So honestly, the sooner you let him know the better off. It doesn't have to be harsh and make sure you let him know that you either appreciate it or thought it was nice that he liked you, but that you feel it would be better for the both of you if you just stayed as friends. Remember, honesty is the best policy. If he really does like you, I'm sure he will understand and still want to be your friend anyway. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: 15/F
sorry for the length.
please, just read and respond.

Here's the deal. This isn't one of those stories where I ask advice for my friend. It really is him. Alright, well a little while ago I went to my cousins house and I met his neighbor whom I clicked with immedietly. We had this instant atraction that was werid because Iusualy wouldn't go for guys like him. I'm a good girl, because of the choices I make, and he's more of the bad boy who's been through alot. So we liked eachother a little bit, but he lives about an hour away and I have a boyfriend, and he had a girlfriend.The feelings faded how I wanted them too. When we got to know eachother, he told me that he cuts. I got him to stop and he promied me that he'd never do it again, but only because he loves me and that he wants to make sure that I trust him. I got him through alot of stuff and I became his "hero" as he says. A little while after that he told me that he missed his ex and that his life meant nothing to him anymore and I had to convince him to not take his life. I don't say anything inconsiderate and I talk to him about his feelings. I know how to play. He thanked me for the help and everything was fine for awhile. Then, yesturday, he told me that he broke up with the girlfriend that he currently had because they lived far away. I asked him if I could help and he said no, because, "It scares me how much I care about you, and I can't take loving you anymore." I didn't understand what he meant by this and I tried over and over again to ask him but he never gave me the explaination that I wanted. I thought we were over what we had, but maybe he doens't like me anymore. I asked if he still had feelings for me and he said yes, but I just really don't know. I asked him if he broke up with his girlfriend because of me and he said that he didn't know. I'm gonig up to my aunts house on monday and I'm gonig to see him because he is my aunts neighbor. I'm just afraid that things will be different and that I'll make him feel weird. We had somthing, I'll admit. I love the boyfriend that I have right now and I don't want anything to rekindle with my aunts neighbor. I want to be there for him, but I don't wnat to fall for him. I had a big problem with this last time and it almost caused me and my boyfriend to brake up. This kid means alot to me, and he changed me as a person and I see life alot differently. I just recently lost one of my best friends and he helped me get through. Now I want to be there for him. I can't have him take his life or hurt himself. Please...please help me. I sound desperate, but what would you do if you were me.

you could help me, help him save his LIFE.

thankyou and God bless all who resppond.

I've seen this situation before and I know where this is going. Before going any further, no matter how much he feels for you, make sure that you don't fall for him. I mean to say that he might threaten to take his life or hurt himself if you don't love him back the way he loves you.

It is a very delicate situation. You should keep being there for him, but also make sure that some other people are too, that you aren't the only one. If you can, try to get in touch with either his close friends or his parents/family and let them know about this situation. Let them know that he harms himself and that he needs help. If you try to take this on your own, it could consume you and things could end up horribly. Be there for him but don't let him get too attached to you either. You are too young to have these kinds of pressures on you with school and the rest of your life going on right now. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: I need you to tell me some good FREE virus blocks, and virus scanner programs. I have a good paid program..but the year is over, my dad hasn't got round to re-newing it..so I am quite worried about my laptop since there are no virus blocks, and I use LimeWire.

thanks!!

Try AVG, and to scan files use SpyBot Search and Destroy, and Ad-Aware. If you are willing to pay some money for it, try to use Norton 360. Works like a charm on my laptop, not a single pop-up or infection yet. Hope that helped.

Q: 15/f I'm new to the whole bf/gf thing right now, but I reallllly like the guy I'm with, and I want to show him, but I don't know how. We hold hands and he puts his arm around me and stuff, but what else? We aren't very close right now... so I don't want to move too fast, but I want to start something up.

Be his best friend. Make sure you make him yours. if you can accomplish that much, then you guys should be set for years. I mean I know it doesn't always work for everyone, but for the people that I personally know have lasted together more than a year, its because they are also best friends. Talk to him about everything and be there to listen to him. In terms of physicalness, don't worry about it. Don't go too far with each other too soon, it will mess things up. Also, anything 'cute' that you want him to do or say to you...is what you should do for him. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: how should i make out? like wat should i do with my toungue? how should i more my tounge? thanx in advance. please no links by tha way. videos and advice r fine.

1. Be kissable. Use lipbalm, especially if your lips tend to get dry and chapped. Soft, silky smooth lips are simply more inviting. Most importantly, nobody wants to kiss someone with a stinky mouth, so carry some breath mints or gum with you, especially if you’re going out on a date. Breath mints are preferable, because you can use them in a pinch and not have to worry about getting rid of them. Also be sure to stay well hydrated; a dry mouth usually will smell worse. Of course, make sure you don’t have anything stuck in your teeth, either.

2. Test the waters. Pay attention to signals that the other person is into you and is ready for a kiss. Does he or she seem comfortable touching you. Do they brush up against you or frequently enter your personal space with playful, innocent touches. Has the subject of kissing or love come up in conversation? If you haven’t noticed any of these signals, but the person does seem “into you,” try discreetly and innocently breaking the touch barrier (guys will generally be very receptive to this, many girls will not) or bringing up kissing when you’re talking. The key is to be subtle and to watch the other person’s reaction.

3. Wait for the right moment. There’s usually no hurry for a kiss, especially a first kiss with someone, so be patient and wait until the mood is right. Some good times are at a romantic movie after or during an onscreen kiss, walking in the moonlight, or during a particularly intimate conversation. Wait until the two of you are alone so that the other person will feel more comfortable and so that nobody will see if your attempt to kiss is rejected.

4. Get permission for the kiss. You usually don’t have to ask if you can kiss someone, but you do need to make sure your partner is willing to kiss you. The easiest way, of course, is to ask, but it just makes things awkward so don't . Ask “May I kiss you?” or say “I’d like to kiss you,” and lean in right away. Many girls (and guys) don't want to be asked: they prefer that you be confident enough to take a risk and just go for it. One way to do so is to stop whatever you’re doing and silently look into the person’s eyes for a moment or two. If your partner's eyes drift down to your lips that’s a pretty good sign that he or she is ready for a kiss—chances are the reaction may be subtler, however. Another good way to get permission is to just lean in and try to kiss the person or gently pull him toward you for a kiss. If the person pulls away at any time, he or she is not ready for a kiss.

5. Approach for the kiss. Approach slowly and smoothly. Depending on your starting position you may need only to turn your head, or you may need to lean in a bit. You may want to use your hands to gently urge your partner’s body or head into position—you just want to guide his or her movement a little, you don’t want to forcibly move any part of his or her body or hold your partner in an uncomfortable position—but in general you just want to position yourself correctly and let your partner meet you. As you near your partner’s lips, maintain eye contact. You may want to close your eyes after your lips meet to heighten the sensuality of the kiss (and to avoid staring at the pores on his or her face).

6. Kiss gently. There are many kinds of kisses, from quick pecks to sweet, passionate kisses. There’s a time and place for all of these, but your first kiss with someone should be gentle and romantic. Don’t press your mouth onto your partner’s--just let your lips meet--and don’t try to push your tongue into his or her mouth. A soft, closed-mouth-to-closed-mouth kiss is perfect. Break the kiss for a moment, keeping your head close to your partner’s, and if your partner moves to kiss you back or seems to like it and doesn’t pull away, go in for another, longer, but still gentle, kiss.

7. Make the kiss the reason for the kiss. A lot of people (mostly men) seem to treat kisses as nothing more than a prelude to something else, and will try to quickly move into French kissing or start putting their hands in inappropriate places. Good kissers concentrate on the kiss, and they kiss, at least seemingly, expecting nothing more. Enjoy the experience, and don’t move too fast.

8. Let your partner participate in the kiss. Good kissing requires give-and-take, so read your partner’s body language and pay attention to clues (sighs or moans) that tell you you’re doing something he or she likes. Let your partner kiss you back, and move with him or her as long as you’re comfortable with what he or she is doing.

9. Breathe. If you’re kissing for an extended period, it’s easy to forget to breathe. Gasping, however, or turning blue is not romantic. Take small breaths through your nose as you kiss. You do not forget how to breathe!

10. Use your hands. While you should keep your hands polite, especially on a first kiss, you don’t necessarily want them just dangling at your sides. Embrace your partner, cup his or her face very gently in your hands, or run your hands through his or her hair. Another turn on for the first kiss is to gently caress their shoulder while you kiss. It shows you are comferable with him/her. Don't forget your manners! Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: Well, here's the thing.
I've been dating my boyfriend Fred for 2 months. It'll be our two month anniversary tomorrow! Nothing has ever gotten in the way of our realationship, at least nothing until I went to Massachuttes. I mean, I've attracted other boys before, but I've always shrugged them off. I would say, "I have an amazing boyfriend, what else could I ask for?" But then I met Brandon. It was an instant attraction. So we would talk. Flirt. Talk. Flirt. And Flirt. I don't usually trust people but I instantly trusted him. When I left he gave me a hug and all his contact info. We talk like all the time and we both like eachother. He's not the the type that I usually go for. He's been through alot but he's really mature but at the same time so funny. I think that's what attracts me to him. We're so different, but at the same time, so much alike. Opposites attract. I mean, It's not like I don't love my boyfriend anymore. It's just differnt. I've talked to him about how I'm feeling, but I don't seem to say the right thing. Does this mean I've fallen out of love? Do I really have a choice anymore? Maybe I'm too young for anything. Please help. All advice is accepted.

In hope of help,
cheapxphotography

Thanks for dropping one in my inbox, feel free to do so again anytime.

It seems that you are emotionally confused. Of course you still have a choice, because you really do need to choose you love. You need to sort out your feelings before you continue or make any drastic changes. Ask yourself a few questions, like:
-Are things between me and Fred serious?
-Why am I dating Fred?
-How would Fred react to this if I told him what had happened?
-Does our relationship or even just friendship really mean a lot to me?
-Is breaking things up with Fred worth taking a chance with Brandon?

You just met Brandon, so I really don't think its "love". If you've been friends with Fred for a long time now, and you know you have strong feelings for him, then its a safer bet to stay with him.

Why? Well because you just met Brandon, and while you did have a good time...did you say he's in Massachusetts? Is that far from you? Do you really think it would be a good idea to sacrifice something you have going just for a mere 'chance' at things with Brandon? I don't think it would be a good idea.

You need to sort out your feelings and decide on your own. Personally I say stay with Fred because the Brandon thing was a come-and-go, and doesn't seem so serious. You can still talk to him, but keep in mind that it wouldn't go anything past a friendship. Keep things real with Fred, he's the one you see all the time...right? Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: i want to get the new ipod nano but i dont know if it would be worth it? what are some pros and cons about it?

The good: The third-generation iPod Nano offers crisp, bright video playback, an exceptionally thin all-metal body, above-average battery life, built-in games, and an advanced user interface.

The bad: We're not crazy about the wider body, the smaller scroll wheel, the lack of video output, and the average-sounding audio quality.

The bottom line: The shape may have changed, but Apple's relentless attention to detail remains. The third generation of the iPod Nano provides loads of entertainment for a down-to-earth price.

This review is from www.cnet.com

Check out the rest of the review here:
http://reviews.cnet.com/portable-video-players-pvps/apple-ipod-nano-third/4505-6499_7-32595966.html?tag=prod.txt.2#more
Hope that helped.

Q: How realistic is it to want to self-teach yourself to play the piano?

As in, learning how to read music as well not just actually play?

It is very realistic. Look for a beginner piano book for adults and read through that. I self taught myself how to play the piano three summers ago, and I still remember what I learned. It takes a lot of patience, but it is very rewarding - just make sure to practice everything over and over again. Hope that helped and good luck.

Q: wut exactly is fafsa?how often do i receive money? and do pay it back?

Free Application for Federal Student Aid.

Before you begin:
http://www.fafsa.ed.gov/before001.htm

Submitting it online, which I found to be much easier and quicker:
http://www.fafsa.ed.gov/complete001.htm

Receiving money and paying back all depends on your income, your status, etc. They let you know everything after filling out the application. You will probably need help from your parents, they ask for tax returns information. Hope that helped.

Q: Me- 21f, Dan- 21m, Mike- 28m

This is long but I really hope you guys will help me out! Please!

Dan & I have been together since 2002. Dan & Mike have been friends since Dan was a kid. They basically grew up together. Mike was in jail for a few years & just got out.

Last month or so Dan & I broke up because he was going through some stuff in his life. Mike somehow got my number & called me. I don't even know how. He started talking about Dan, saying that he loves me & he was telling me that I should call Dan to talk things out with him. That was fine, I appreciated the fact that he was trying to help me out but some of the other things he was saying kind of made me feel weirded out. Although Mike seemed like he was trying to get us back together, he was saying that maybe the reason why he broke up with me is because Dan wants to mess with other girls. He also said how him & Dan used to just have sex with girls when they were younger together & now that he's out of jail, Dan probably wants to go back to that with Mike. He was also telling me that before he went to jail, & that was when me & Dan just started our relationship, that I was just the "asian jawn" at the moment. I kind of got the feeling that Mike was trying to put negative thoughts in my head because I trusted Dan when he told me the reason for our break up. Dan was honest to me before when he had broke up a different time & told me he wants to talk to other girls so I don't see why he wouldn't be honest this time. Anyway, Mike was telling me also that Dan said to him that he wants me to date other guys to see if he really is 'the one' for me. Mike then said that he thought that was stupid of Dan because if "hypothetically" I was to date him, he said I would never go back to Dan because the sex he'd give me will be too excellent. He said, hypothetically speaking, but did he really have to use himself as an example? Hmm. Another thing I thought was a little too weird was when he asked me what I thought of his body. I said 'I don't know." He then said, "you've seen me with my shirt off before haven't you?" I said "um.. I don't know, I don't think I would check you out anyway." He kept going on saying that girls love his body & tells him he's sexy & so on & so forth. I'm like, okay... Why is he asking his friends gf or whatever what I think of his body? Moreover, he told me that if I was his girl, he'd never let me go & that I'm "perfect" etc. Once we were done talking, he told me to not tell Dan that we talked on the phone. I agreed. But it made me think, why not?

Mike did help me out to call Dan & after that call Dan & I have been good again... But thing is, Mike is sort of living with Dan. He comes in & out of the house & there are times when I'm there alone while Dan's at work. Matter of fact, mike only comes to the house when Dans at work. While I'm in his room, Mike would barge in & talk to me or bother me. He'd never knock or ask for permission to come in. He'd come in when I'd be laying on the bed in sleeping clothes or a bra & just does not care at all. He'd wake me up when I'm sleeping & will tickle my feet. He even walked into the room with only his boxers on. He has no respect for me or Dan by barging into Dan's room like that.

I also have one more thing to say. Before all this happened, I had a convo with Mike & we were talking about how he just got out of jail & how he's like.. sleeping with all these random chicks. Our other friend, named Ryan, who is also Dans cousin & all three of them grew up together as well, had sex with this girl awhile back ago. Mike said she was the first girl he had sex with since he's been out of jail. So I asked him, "umm.. If Ryan had sex with her before you, why would you have sex with her too? He already had her. Isn't that wrong?" He said, "see, Ryan isn't my friend. He's not my bul. He's my youngbul. There's a difference between friends & a youngbul. Youngbuls aren't on my level & I don't need to respect them." (Keep in mind he is 8 years older than all of us.) He went on, "Like Dan, he's my youngbul, he's not my friend or my bul." Now after hearing that I felt that was so wrong & that just because he's older than Dan, that he shouldn't need to give him respect. & now that I think about it, it makes me feel like maybe Mike has been trying something on me since he doesn't care that I'm Dan's gf & has no respect for him.

So.. Very long, I know. I'm sorry. But do you think Mike had crossed the line? I feel like even though he helped, he may have came on to me. Do you think Dan deserves to know the things he said about him & the things he said to me about the hypothetically speaking crap, & the perfect gf crap, & the "youngbul" crap? I told Dan that Mike keeps coming into our room when I'm alone but I never told him that he came in almost naked & with me almost naked because its kind of embarrassing. I'm also afraid that if I tell Dan, that there might be a fight. I don't want to come between two friends that have been friends way longer than the relationship Dan & I have. I think well, Dan should know. But I'm just scared to open my mouth. I know I didn't do anything wrong, however, I may have been wrong for talking on the phone with his friend. I'd be pissed if it was the other way around. I'm also afraid that Dan will ask me why didn't I tell him earlier & I would have to say "because Mike told me not to tell you." He'd probably say, "who is Mike to you to keep secrets with or for him?" I don't know. This whole thing is stupid, weird, & wrong (on mikes part, I think). I wouldn't care so much if Mike didn't have the key to Dans house & didn't keep coming into our room when I'm alone. I mean, fine, if he wants to come bother me fine but why would he come in with only boxers on!? That's so disrespectful! If you wanna talk to me put your damn clothes on, you know! I shouldn't need to see my boyfriends friend like that & he shouldn't let his friends girlfriend see him like that.

Ugh!! Any advice or thoughts are greatly appreciated it. Please help me decide what to do! Thank you so much!

Who does he think he is? From what you've written, he doesn't show any respect for you, for Dan, for Ryan, or any of the other women he's mentioned to have slept with. The whole boxer situation...or even just barging in whenever is uncalled for. I think you need to tell Dan everything. Before you start though if it makes you feel more comfortable - you could change the locks of your place so that he can't just barge in anymore in case things don't go so well between Dan and Mike.

Don't be afraid to tell Dan this, because if it was the other way around and one of your friends was coming off on Dan you would want to know about it, right? I know you said that things are OK between you now, but even as a friend or just a person you know, he should know that. It really does seem like he was coming off onto you, and maybe even just trying to 'give you support' just for a moment so he can get to you.

It really does seem like a lose-lose situation because you said that you don't want to go between two friends like that. From what Mike said, it seems like he doesn't have the same level of respect for him hat Dan might have. Also, what kind of person treats his best friends girlfriend that way? To bother you outside the home is one thing, but when you are asleep or under-dressed doesn't seem right at all, no matter how close they are...because I'm sure you wouldn't want one of your friends doing the same with Dan, even if you and Dan were just friends and not even dating seriously.

So my advice to you is to try to minimize contact with Mike and tell Dan about this situation. Tell Dan how you feel about it, what happened, and why you are telling him - because you think that he should know about this. If Mike is as good of a friend of Dan as he says he is, then not only should this be of no surprise to Dan, but he might also feel taken aback for pointing out Mike's actions in the way that you did. In other words, Dan would feel that everything he does is completely OK and would feel a bit upset that you don't think so too...which doesn't seem to be that way right now. Again, don't be afraid to talk to Dan about it because for any relationship and friendship, trust and communication is crucial. This could be a lot to put on Dan's plate right now, but there should be no reason for you to feel insecure and unsafe in your own bedroom or when you sleep because of a lazy friend who hasn't grown up yet or respects either of you. Try to be there for him if he is having a rough time, and don't put too much pressure on him about this right away. Hope that helped and best of luck to you.

bio

Feel free to ask me any questions or for an alternate way of contacting me through my inbox.

I really like giving advice, so thats why I have a column here. I've been inactive for a long time, but I'm back and will do my best to catch up. Advicenators is a great site and it is what we make it. Having my own advice column helped me learn a lot of new things, even about myself, while giving me the chance to help others along the way. Thanks.