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is he out of line?
Me- 21f, Dan- 21m, Mike- 28m
This is long but I really hope you guys will help me out! Please!
Dan & I have been together since 2002. Dan & Mike have been friends since Dan was a kid. They basically grew up together. Mike was in jail for a few years & just got out.
Last month or so Dan & I broke up because he was going through some stuff in his life. Mike somehow got my number & called me. I don't even know how. He started talking about Dan, saying that he loves me & he was telling me that I should call Dan to talk things out with him. That was fine, I appreciated the fact that he was trying to help me out but some of the other things he was saying kind of made me feel weirded out. Although Mike seemed like he was trying to get us back together, he was saying that maybe the reason why he broke up with me is because Dan wants to mess with other girls. He also said how him & Dan used to just have sex with girls when they were younger together & now that he's out of jail, Dan probably wants to go back to that with Mike. He was also telling me that before he went to jail, & that was when me & Dan just started our relationship, that I was just the "asian jawn" at the moment. I kind of got the feeling that Mike was trying to put negative thoughts in my head because I trusted Dan when he told me the reason for our break up. Dan was honest to me before when he had broke up a different time & told me he wants to talk to other girls so I don't see why he wouldn't be honest this time. Anyway, Mike was telling me also that Dan said to him that he wants me to date other guys to see if he really is 'the one' for me. Mike then said that he thought that was stupid of Dan because if "hypothetically" I was to date him, he said I would never go back to Dan because the sex he'd give me will be too excellent. He said, hypothetically speaking, but did he really have to use himself as an example? Hmm. Another thing I thought was a little too weird was when he asked me what I thought of his body. I said 'I don't know." He then said, "you've seen me with my shirt off before haven't you?" I said "um.. I don't know, I don't think I would check you out anyway." He kept going on saying that girls love his body & tells him he's sexy & so on & so forth. I'm like, okay... Why is he asking his friends gf or whatever what I think of his body? Moreover, he told me that if I was his girl, he'd never let me go & that I'm "perfect" etc. Once we were done talking, he told me to not tell Dan that we talked on the phone. I agreed. But it made me think, why not?
Mike did help me out to call Dan & after that call Dan & I have been good again... But thing is, Mike is sort of living with Dan. He comes in & out of the house & there are times when I'm there alone while Dan's at work. Matter of fact, mike only comes to the house when Dans at work. While I'm in his room, Mike would barge in & talk to me or bother me. He'd never knock or ask for permission to come in. He'd come in when I'd be laying on the bed in sleeping clothes or a bra & just does not care at all. He'd wake me up when I'm sleeping & will tickle my feet. He even walked into the room with only his boxers on. He has no respect for me or Dan by barging into Dan's room like that.
I also have one more thing to say. Before all this happened, I had a convo with Mike & we were talking about how he just got out of jail & how he's like.. sleeping with all these random chicks. Our other friend, named Ryan, who is also Dans cousin & all three of them grew up together as well, had sex with this girl awhile back ago. Mike said she was the first girl he had sex with since he's been out of jail. So I asked him, "umm.. If Ryan had sex with her before you, why would you have sex with her too? He already had her. Isn't that wrong?" He said, "see, Ryan isn't my friend. He's not my bul. He's my youngbul. There's a difference between friends & a youngbul. Youngbuls aren't on my level & I don't need to respect them." (Keep in mind he is 8 years older than all of us.) He went on, "Like Dan, he's my youngbul, he's not my friend or my bul." Now after hearing that I felt that was so wrong & that just because he's older than Dan, that he shouldn't need to give him respect. & now that I think about it, it makes me feel like maybe Mike has been trying something on me since he doesn't care that I'm Dan's gf & has no respect for him.
So.. Very long, I know. I'm sorry. But do you think Mike had crossed the line? I feel like even though he helped, he may have came on to me. Do you think Dan deserves to know the things he said about him & the things he said to me about the hypothetically speaking crap, & the perfect gf crap, & the "youngbul" crap? I told Dan that Mike keeps coming into our room when I'm alone but I never told him that he came in almost naked & with me almost naked because its kind of embarrassing. I'm also afraid that if I tell Dan, that there might be a fight. I don't want to come between two friends that have been friends way longer than the relationship Dan & I have. I think well, Dan should know. But I'm just scared to open my mouth. I know I didn't do anything wrong, however, I may have been wrong for talking on the phone with his friend. I'd be pissed if it was the other way around. I'm also afraid that Dan will ask me why didn't I tell him earlier & I would have to say "because Mike told me not to tell you." He'd probably say, "who is Mike to you to keep secrets with or for him?" I don't know. This whole thing is stupid, weird, & wrong (on mikes part, I think). I wouldn't care so much if Mike didn't have the key to Dans house & didn't keep coming into our room when I'm alone. I mean, fine, if he wants to come bother me fine but why would he come in with only boxers on!? That's so disrespectful! If you wanna talk to me put your damn clothes on, you know! I shouldn't need to see my boyfriends friend like that & he shouldn't let his friends girlfriend see him like that.
Ugh!! Any advice or thoughts are greatly appreciated it. Please help me decide what to do! Thank you so much!
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Who does he think he is? From what you've written, he doesn't show any respect for you, for Dan, for Ryan, or any of the other women he's mentioned to have slept with. The whole boxer situation...or even just barging in whenever is uncalled for. I think you need to tell Dan everything. Before you start though if it makes you feel more comfortable - you could change the locks of your place so that he can't just barge in anymore in case things don't go so well between Dan and Mike.
Don't be afraid to tell Dan this, because if it was the other way around and one of your friends was coming off on Dan you would want to know about it, right? I know you said that things are OK between you now, but even as a friend or just a person you know, he should know that. It really does seem like he was coming off onto you, and maybe even just trying to 'give you support' just for a moment so he can get to you.
It really does seem like a lose-lose situation because you said that you don't want to go between two friends like that. From what Mike said, it seems like he doesn't have the same level of respect for him hat Dan might have. Also, what kind of person treats his best friends girlfriend that way? To bother you outside the home is one thing, but when you are asleep or under-dressed doesn't seem right at all, no matter how close they are...because I'm sure you wouldn't want one of your friends doing the same with Dan, even if you and Dan were just friends and not even dating seriously.
So my advice to you is to try to minimize contact with Mike and tell Dan about this situation. Tell Dan how you feel about it, what happened, and why you are telling him - because you think that he should know about this. If Mike is as good of a friend of Dan as he says he is, then not only should this be of no surprise to Dan, but he might also feel taken aback for pointing out Mike's actions in the way that you did. In other words, Dan would feel that everything he does is completely OK and would feel a bit upset that you don't think so too...which doesn't seem to be that way right now. Again, don't be afraid to talk to Dan about it because for any relationship and friendship, trust and communication is crucial. This could be a lot to put on Dan's plate right now, but there should be no reason for you to feel insecure and unsafe in your own bedroom or when you sleep because of a lazy friend who hasn't grown up yet or respects either of you. Try to be there for him if he is having a rough time, and don't put too much pressure on him about this right away. Hope that helped and best of luck to you.
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You need to talk to your boyfriend about this.He deserves to know what's going on wheither or not their bestfriends for so long.It's about respect and he has none between you and him.He lost all respect to you and it needs to stop.I understand he has gave you imformation about him and his friend (your b/f), But there is a limit to it.He can't sit there and come on to you.You don't need to talk to him about anything except that.Then again, you shouldn't be talking to his supposively bestfriend behind his back.Your boyfriend may be ticked off you've been talking to him behind his back, But he needs to know.That his bestfriend comes in his room with no permission or concern that you may be exposed or he is for that matter.Handle this with your boyfriend.Hope I helped and if you need more advice..message me! :]
<3 Lacey
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