|
Boyfriend. Hand down pants. I'm scared.
f/16
Last night. My boyfriend and I were alone together in his car. There was no one around at all. We moved to the back of his car and things got pretty heated up, but he knows not to try too much because I've told him that I'm not ready to take my pants off at all yet.
But. He took my hand and put it down his pants.
Since I like him... I wanted to at least try. But I just ended up pulling my hand out and getting really scared. I stopped him from doing anything else. We just stopped completely. I guess that was a bad thing. Because then we just sat there silent in the back of his car. He asked me what was wrong but I couldn't really explain anything. Wasn't it obvious? I guess he needed it spelled out for him. When I couldn't do that he got really upset.
He ended up getting really pissed and not even talking to me and overreacting. He started pacing and then just told me to get in the car. At that point I was ready to cry.
So he's driving me home, completely upset and frustrated. And he speeds and runs a red light. A cop pulls us over and he got a ticket.
When I got home late my parents bitched at me and took away my cell phone.
I tried to talk to my boyfriend about things but. He. I don't know. I feel like what he said to me was just.
He told me that he's scared.
I told him that I was upset still and his response was. Well I just got a ticket.. so...
I guess I just. I wasn't ready for what he wanted me to do. I know he probably would have been cool with slowing down but I couldn't communicate and that made everything worse.
Please tell me what you think about everything. Help me figure out what to say to him now, because I don't know how to tell him what I'm feeling. I don't feel like he'd even try to understand.
Thanks.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Hes inexperienced at dealing with the inexperienced. And hes young, so his patience is probably sub par.
Add to that confusion and sexual frustration, and you get his reaction.
You need to talk to him. Thats it. Just talk. If you cant come up with words, borrow a few. You're nervous. You've never done certain things before and you arent entirely comfortable doing them, even with him. Tell him that you want to try to push your own boundaries and do more, but sometimes you might accidentally push further than you are ready for and when you do that, it temporarily kills the mood for you.
Also, sometimes in life you need a little space. You need to be able to communicate that. Instead of sitting silently, tell him that you need a few minutes to compose yourself and then you can talk to him, and ask him to be patient while you compose yourself.
]
I think he did over react. If a woman tells you where her boundaries are, and you still try to cross them, then you deserve more then being stopped. What he did was uncalled for, and you had every right to stop him. As far as lack of communicating, this is normal. He shouldn't have put in that spot. If you told him that you were uncomfortable, he was liable to take it as, you aren't comfortable with him. And if you told him you weren't ready, he would probably come up with an excuse about how you will never be ready. Trust me, my gf and I are in a similar situation where she isn't ready, and I never force her. She is actually worried that I am going to leave her because she isn't ready, and that's bologna. Any guy who leaves a girl for lack of sex, or sexual activities, has shown that he doesn't really care about you.
]
Thats no way to treat a lady! Understandably, if you weren't ready to do things with him, then he should respect your decision on that, as a boyfriend, friend, and even just as person. I can see why it was difficult for you to explain it to him, and probably even embarrassing. I think he overreacted with the situation and was frustrated for trying to take things far and not getting the results he expected.
If you don't feel like he would try to understand...
If he became frustrated and angry with you for not going through with things in the car...
If he was speeding and running a red light (which just thankfully didn't get either of you hurt) because he was too mad...
Then why should he stay around? If in a relationship it takes a lot to deal with a problem, get over it, and becomes to difficult to communicate and help each other, then sticking around usually makes things worse. He got mad, overreacted, and didn't control his driving or how he treated you. Nobody should ever make you do things you don't feel comfortable with in a relationship. If he has a problem with that, then he has a problem with you. Try talking to him about it, tell him how you felt about the situation, and consider moving on from him... He doesn't seem to have the respect or decency to maintain a safe relationship. If you choose to stay with him, that is of course up to you. Hope that helped and good luck.
]
well first of all you told him you werent ready.. and if hes getting upset that you wouldnt take your pants off/do sexual things with him then you dont even need to be with a guy like that. if hes getting that upset over what you explained, he doesnt seem like a very nice guy =[. if YOU'RE not ready for it, dont be pressured. and even tho you couldnt exactly explain it, he should beable to understand that you dont want to/arent ready, and if he cant.. and gets that angry? then forget him
]
Summaries can be very helpful, so take look here at a quick summary of what happened:
You had told your boyfriend in advance about your boundaries. (Perfect)
You were uncomfortable in a situation where those pre-established boundaries were crossed. (Understandably)
You stopped the situation. (Again, perfect.)
You tried, but had some difficulty expresses why you were uncomfortable. (Normal, these things are tough to explain.)
He crossed the boundaries you thought you'd explained to him (How Rude!)
He grew impatient and frustrated with you because you were uncomfortable with him crossing your boundaries. (Dumby, of course she doesn't want you doing what she asked you not too!)
He grew unreasonably upset, would not accept your lack of a 'perfect' explanation for your choice. (Not very caring of him)
He decided to speed and run a red light. (Illegal, moronic and put you in danger!)
And now you feel like you owe him some sort of apology? That you need to work hard to earn him back because you had a struggle communicating 'NO' to him? That you are somehow responsible for the fact he behaved like a rude, dumb, uncaring, moron and broke the law?
You are not at fault here. You did your best. What he did was rude, dumb, uncaring and moronic.
You said 'no'. You never need to have a perfect reason for that. ‘I don’t want too’ IS the prefect explanation and the only thing you are required to communicate.
He was out of line. In your position, I would seriously reconsider if I wanted to be in a relationship where someone puts my life in danger by running a red just because he was frustrated.
At the very least, expect an apology from him. He might have gotten a ticket and not gotten the sexual contact he wanted, but you got frightened, shamed and terrified.
If you think he won't even attempt to understand those feelings, or how unfairly he treated you, I hope you'll have the strength to call it off with this guy and find someone with some common decency and sense.
]
More Questions: |