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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.

The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.

advice

17/f
My brother just said I was a slut because he saw the hickey on my neck.
I made out with this guy, he's one of my friends and I've liked him for over a year. We like each other and stuff but aren't dating, he's 19 though, which is why we aren't dating and are planning to wait.
Does it make me a slut for making out with him? It's not like I'm doing this with every random guy right?

Then my friend told me I wasn't a slut, I would have been if I had sex with him.
Does that mean if I had sex with him it would have made me a slut?

I know this isn't really a big deal but it kinda bothers me so I might as well get people's opinions on it.

As a parent I think your brother is just jerking your chain.


To me the definition of a slut is someone who has sex with every person she dates, be they one night stands or long term relationships. Frankly the word slut when used in reference to someone is open to anyone's interpretation. An example would be if you were 14 and french kissed a boy, back in my day, you were called a slut.


Tell your brother he can keep his opinions to himself, for that is really all it is, an opinion. You know your not a slut and that is all that matters.

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i 17 yrs old and in tha hospital, i had surgery a few days ago and got a port in my chest,i been wanting to masturbate but i'm scared that it gone to mess up my heart or somthing, i was just wonderin would that mess with anything.

I agree with WittyUsernameHere. You can also ask a nurse, male or female your choice, depending on if you are male or female.

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pros.
-babys father
-talented, and with the right mind I know he will have success in the music industry....not lil wayne sucess, or even fame, but he can support us.
-I am somewhat attracted to him
-he doesnt check out other girls or talk about them...wich i find is a rare quality
-he has been a dedicated person (before i knew him) and worked very very hard
-we share and have shared the same group of BESTFRIENDs for 6 years (we were together for 3 of them) really, like a very tight knit cirlce of best friends...that 70s show status.

Cons
-The abuse in the past has clouded my love for him
-I feel like I cant even respect him anymore
-He has bad employment history, (aside from the one timehe was a hard worker) he will work a job for a few months and get sick of it or fired....he hasnt had a job in 11 months now.
-he has said unforgivable things to me..from fat cunt (i weigh 115 lbs and have a small pudge from the baby, and big thighs and a rounded face...im working toward being tiny again though but i dont like feeling like i have to for someone else) to suck your brother's dick you would like it (i was touched by my brother when I was younger...not very badly, not even molestation but it was uncomfortable...and he uses it against me) and how im a huge bitch with no friends (also not true, i am easy to get along with and everyone loves me)
-he tried making em choose between him and my brother (because my brother beat him up after everyone found out he had been putting his hands on me for the last 6 months) I ended up throwing him out and telling him i wont chose, he now says he wont make me and he is back
-I cant leave my daughter with him at home bc he doesnt take very good care of her and throws a fit if he watches her more than once a week...so I have her in day care instead
-he feels entitled to the free ride he is recieveing at my moms house
-he hates my family...he recently tries to pretend he doesnt but i can see through it
-he usually leaves the house and goes frisbee golfing right as I get home with our daughter (now only 2 days a week...used to be everyday)
-I cant file for child support because he lives with me (my thought on that was he would get a court order saying he needs to be paying someone something and realize he needs a job..this was my last resort and i just found out it wont happen)
-not that i wanna...but i feel like he should have manned up and married me a while ago if he really had his heart in this and wasnt in it for the free ride.
-the abuse started when I was pregnant....continued until this valenties day when I called the police...(yes, he fucking ditched me on vday and told me he wanted nothing to do with my fat ass...then the next day got pissed bc he was hung over, I had to work so I needed him to wash bottles so I could take our daughter to grandmas...n he flipped callin me all sorts of terrible shit, said he was leaving.. I said FINE GO..and he wouldnt so I started throwing things at him, so he got up and chased me through the house slamming me against walls, choking me and eventually pushed me down the stairs...that was the worst it got and the last it happened)
-on mothers day, he went frisbee golfing after he promised he wouldnt...i asked him why and he said i dont wanna fucking be around you

Lately, after I have made it clear I am done with the bull...he is poutting an 80 percent effort in. He says he is looking for a job, but I dont really think he is....I HATE living at my moms, I feel terrible about it, this is MY problem I dug MYSELF a hole and I want to get out of it and into my pwn place....My dad wants to actually buy me a house but wont because babydaddy isnt doing his part and my dad doesnt want to help him....My bestfriend literally since I was three has a baby now too, and we have talked about taking advantage of that house offer together and my dad is totally for it. but i dont want to give up. I want my baby to have a daddy who is there all of the time, which i know he isnt right now but he swears hes gonna change and everytime he says he will he does for a minute, then he backtracks and theres only a small amount of change that stays. We had alot in common, but now its like were two different people...I mean we were 17 when we got together and now we are 20/21. I am not who I was when I was 17, I am much more mature than most 23 year olds I have ever met and he is still stuck at age 17. I know in my heart what I need to do, I just wish there was a better option.

I will be short and direct. Once an abuser always an abuser, you can't change him and you don't have to put up with his abuse. Throw him out of your house, file for an order of protection and see a lawyer.


I find it hard to believe that just because he is unemployed his responsibilities as a father are negated. Find a lawyer who is well versed in your states family laws then follow the lawyers advice.

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I was really angry when I was shaving and SHAVED off this huge chunk of skin near my ankle!

Down to buisness here, I had to wait a long time after putting on some pressure to stop the bleeding and then sprayed on some Poly on the Go. An hour later I stuck a bandage on.

Every day when i'm about to shower I take off the bandage, shower, dry it and place on a new bandage.

It's been a weke now and today really sucked because I was removing my bandage and the whole wound stuck on it so i had to peel the bandage off and of course it was bleeding again and looked the exact same as the first day!

This sound as if it's the first time I've goten hurt or something but honestly I haven't gotten hurt since I was like 10? And even though the diameter is about the size of my thumb it hurts so bad and I feel like i'm dying! I don't know what else to do!

It is time to have your wound treated by a doctor or a nurse practitioner. Any injury that after a week it is not healing properly with home first aid treatment needs to be treated by physician or nurse before it becomes infected.


Check around the wound you want to look for any signs of infection or if the infection is spreading. Is there any puss or oozing from the wound. Is there any redness climbing up or away from the wound. If so you need to see a doctor immediately. Big Sunday the best place to go is either a hospital Emergency room or one of the after hours clinics in your neighborhood.

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do guys like it when girls touch themselves? does it turn you on or is it unattractive?

Most guys find that a turn on.

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I'm 5'4.5" and around 120lbs, however, in my opinion I'm horribly overweight! I eat pretty well and exercise when I'm not running around doing school work or just working at my job (where on my feet for at least 8 hrs a day). So my question is would I be better off losing a couple of pounds? How can I get skinny since I'm clearly not now?

According to the height and weight chart I have included a link too. Depending on your frame size, if you are a girl you neglected to include your sex, you are anywhere from a perfect weight to grossly under weight. If your a male you are grossly under weight.


One other thing to remember. You said that you exercise; fat weighs less then muscle. So if you eat right, exercise regularly you will weigh more than some one who is of your same height and frame size.


I'm going to guess that your a teenage girl, probably just entering high school. If you were my daughter my advise would be; if you do not want to believe me then go see the family doctor. Ask the doctor what you ideal weight should be. This is the advise I am giving you. Never diet without first checking with the family doctor. All dieting should be done under your doctors supervision, even if it is only a few pounds. Let the doctor decide if you really need to loose weight.


Being under weight is just as bad and possibly even worse than being over weight. Your doctor is the one who knows you best. Based on a physical exam your doctor can make an educated decision on what your ideal weight should be.


Based on the chart I've supplied I think you are worrying about nothing. don't obsess on your weight. You have nothing to worry about.


http://www.healthchecksystems.com/heightweightchart.htm

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Yes. But no I don't have butt pimples my boyfriend does I want to help him but idk how and I've searched goggle but i guess this is better. He's 17 we've been dating for a year and four months he has butt pimples and say they hurt him and I want to know is there any way to help him get ride of them fast and painless with out having to go to a dr or making feel weird ???? Please give answers fast :) thanks

I have included two links you may want to look at that I found which have some good information on the subject of pimples on ones buttocks.


This is quite a common affliction for teenagers, especially teenage males, as acne is linked to hormonal changes. Butt acne is also linked to wearing of tight clothes or underwear. For someone who is afflicted with butt acne; cotton underwear is suggested. I would suggest white boxers, as loose fitting is better. They may not be stylish but he has to choose between style and pimple pain.


If his acne is severe he should see a dermatologist, just as he would if the acne was on his face. He should be embarrassed or feel weird about seeing a doctor for something that is causing him pain or embarrassment. The doctor will do everything he or she can do to put him at ease. The doctor will not embarrass him or tease him about the problem; only perform a quick exam, possibly ask a few questions and then suggest possible treatments he can follow.


http://www.ehow.com/how_4966524_treat-pimples-buttocks.html

http://www.healthy-skin-guide.com/pimples-on-buttocks.html

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Hey I am a 8th grader and when I was born my weight was 2 lbs. 8oz and I was 15 in. long. Because I was so little and was premature I had to take steroids. In 6 th grade I played basket ball and when I was going for tryouts I went to do a layup which I made and on my way comming down my ankle twisted and my knee popped that was the 1st time that happened to me and it hurted like hell. September 21 ,2010 ii had surgery on my left knee because it kept popping and I could take the pain anymore. Starting in february my right knee and ankles hurt and fall out of it's socket and my ligaments are so thin they could pop any second now which I KNOW will hurt. Yesterday I was a church practicing for my 8th grade graduation and my knee popped and I stayed home from school today becuse it hurts soooo bad please someone tell me what to do or what u think it is because to me my life now revolves around my bones. If you could help that would be very very much appreciated and please respond in a nice and kindly manner tnx.

I agree with Rumely in that this is something that you need to discuss with your Orthopedist. By trade I am a Sales Manager, I am also a parent, I am not a doctor. I don't know if what is happening to you is something that is normal for a developing athletic female or something that happens for an athletic female that was born prematurely.


What I do know is your Orthopedist will know. I also know that this is something I as a parent need to know about so I can help you make the right decisions. This is not something you should be hiding from your parents. Instead you should be telling your parents about this so they can help you. You may be about 14 years old which is old enough to be responsible for some of the things in your life. When it comes to things such as you physical health, while you legally have the right to medical privacy, there are certain things such as this where you would benefit from parental input.


There may be some strengthening exercises you can do to strengthen those tendons and ligaments. Your doctor will know and send you to a qualified physical therapist to supervise the strengthening with the proper techniques and exercises.


My advise: Talk to your parents and tell them what is going on. If it is something that is tied to being a premature baby they are probably prepared for this. IF it is not I'm sure they will work with you to help make things right. See your doctor and follow the doctors advice.

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im 17 years old and a guy. I realy want to have sex. I know this might seem like a really stupid question, but how do i get sex? Can you get a hooker if you are under 18?

Never having frequented a hooker I really don't know if they ask for proof of age. I think all the ask for is proof of payment.


Fact is do you really want to have sex with a street walking hooker. Not only will the sex be disgusting and disappointing. You will be leaving yourself wide open for every disease on the streets these days. Condoms do not fully protect you from all diseases.


My advise: Continue to dance with Miss Thumb and her four sisters until you meet a nice girl you can have a good relationship with. Remember once you have danced with the hooker you bring that dance to every future girl you have sex with. Is that something you really want to do?

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hello.

my name is leah i am 21 years old. i got married at 18 my personal choice so please dont juge. we both meet when i was 15 he was 14.. we feel in love pretty much right away but didnt start dateing right away. but when we did start dateing things where great we where both virgins and had sex 9 months after we started dateing. the sex was great everytime we did it. of corse being that young we did it offten...he asked me to marry him when i was 17 so 2 years in to are relationship. we both always wanted to get married young and i still love him just as much as i did back then. and so does he.

but see now we have been married for 2 years everything is great in a marrage excepted for the sex. hes only 20 this is odd for a man at that age to not want sex. i have a very high sex drive but even im ok to wait a few days to have sex but him he will go weeks with out it...we both dont work so i know hes not cheating on me cuz hes always home. he plays games all the time and i mean all the time from the time he gets up till the time he goes to bed. i just dont get it anymore

i try talking to him about it but he never has anything to say except i donno. i mean even if i come on to him try to get him in the mood he dont even get a bonner he says he gets tinggely feelings but no bonner and still dont want sex. that or he will push me away and say hes not in the mood. i love him so much but this is killing me and just makeing me not want to be with him i cant keep fighting with him about sex its crazy. does anyone have any ideas why hes like this its only been since we got married befor we got married things where great. but after we got married it just got worse and worse and now the last 6-9 months have been really bad like we go weeks now with out it use to just be days...and even if i do things he likes or tell him ill just please him it still dont seem to do nothing...he will only have sex if hes in the mood even if im not in the mood he will keep bugging tell i give in. but i dont belive in pushing a man away for sex unless theres a good reason like ur sick or something so i always say yes to him even if i dont really want to...but if i want to and he dont then its like to bad for me he wont give in even if i begg or try to do things he likes...

does anyone have any ideas why this is happening? or any adivce on things i can do that might spice it up and get him to want it or be more intrested im pretty open minded and will try anything once.

also please dont juge me about being married so young. i doubt me being married so young has anything to do with the sex life. and if he wants to leave me he can i dont stop him nore dose he stop me. we both do really love eachother and like i said everything in are marrage is good except for the sex part. thanks so much

P.S sorry for the speelling im jsut a lil stressed and try to figgure things out plus iv been up for 2 days i cant sleep with this on my mind all the time.

There are two reason off the top of my head that I can think of. One is psychological, the other is medical. There could be a third which I will get to later.


The medical reason for a males low sex drive is usually a lack of testosterone. This is something a doctor can check for. There could be other reasons as well but that this is the main reason which is generally followed by stress as as the second biggest reason. I suggest you ask your husband to see your family doctor for a check up.


The psychological reason is he is hooked on video games. This is a recent phenomena which unfortunately strikes both young and old in different ways. It is an addictive vice not unlike cigarettes or alcohol. Here again a doctors help is going to be needed to break this addiction.


The other reason that I am think off is stress. While I cannot truly quantify a reason from what you have written. What comes to mind are the following questions: You mention neither of you work, why? Are you both in school. How do you two live? Are you dependent on your parents? Are you on some type of welfare or scholarships. Where do you live? Are you living with one of your parents? Any or all of these things could be weighing on him in a manner that could effect his libido.


I'm not a doctor so I really cannot give you a good reason for why he has lost his libido. After having him get a full check up by his family doctor, if nothing is found that the doctor can correct; I would suggest counseling for both of you.

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Hi, I need some answers. I'm 15 and female.
I've had sex and I was only with my ex for an week and the condom broke and I might be pregnant, I'm very scared. My mom knows that I might be pregnant, last Saturday I snuck out of my house to go see an 19 year old guy and I love him. He loves me, I just don't know how I can tell my parents that I love him. They know him and DISLIKE him.. He's very caring and protective.. Can you tell me how I can tell them? Oh and I didn't have sex with the 19 year old guy. It was an 17 year old guy which is my ex.

In most states you are below the age of consent. Meaning you can not legally consent to do anything with this boy without getting him in real trouble with the law. Just being with him places him in the position of charges of statutory rape. Sex does not have to happen just the fact that you two are together and he is that much older than you makes it possible for the police to charge him. He can also be charged with leading to the delinquency of a minor as well as several other charges. These are real charges that will follow him for the rest of his life. If you love him you will let him go before you ruin his life.


Your 15, if you are lucky enough not to be pregnant then learn a lesson from this. You are to young and too immature to be having sex.
While condoms are a form of birth control they are not 100% effective. In fact the statistics I've seen say the are less that 85% effective when worn correctly. The fact that the condom broke says it was not worn correctly.


Did you tell this 19 year boy old how old you really are. Are you really 15 or are you 14 soon to be 15. Does he think you are closer to 17. Most boys his age, 18 and older are very familiar with the statutory rape laws. I think if he knew exactly how old you are he would not be dating or seeing you. If this boy does not know EXACTLY how old you are you need to tell him. You will not like his reaction that I am almost certain of but it is the right and fair thing to do.


Whatever you decide to tell your mom, when she finds out how old he is, she should forbid you to see him and she has every reason to do so. I know this is not the answer you are looking for. The fact that you have written to me says you know you are wrong. So do what you know is right and fess up to this young man with your true age. Stop sneaking out of the house for any and all reasons. Trust that your parents know what they are doing when they tell you something.

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Ok so my names Melinda Grace but everyone calls me Gracie. Anyway, Im 13 and I jus got my period but a little while before that I started to grow hair under my arms and on my private part and I wanna know how to shave without like hurting myself or getting bumps. And how often should I shave under my arms? The hair there is annoying. And on my vagina I have hair but it's not really alot. Should I still shave or wait? Aren't girls suppose to shave there and how often?

Gracie, being a guy I can't answer your question but I wanted to give you a word of advice.


When writing to websites like ours it is better to remain somewhat anonymous. Never use your first and last names. On this website names are not required to receive an answer. Protecting your identity is for your own benefit and safety.

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I gained some weight while I was away at school, ever since I got home I have been dieting (and sticking to it) and exercising. I have been trying to run about 2 miles a day...although I usually run 1 mile and then run/walk the second. However, I am still at the same wieght when I came home a month ago. I look the exact same. It is literally as though I could go back to school where I was drinking at least 4 days a week, eating almost whatever I wanted, and not working out at all. I am 5'4 and I weight 130, and I would really like to get my weight down to 115 - or at least 120.

Any advice? I will try anything at this point (I was going to do the Master Cleanse, but I am such a wimp and I couldn't even get the salt water flush down).

Thanks so much

The only thing I can say to you is to remind you that muscle weighs more than fat. While you are exercising now you could be trading fat for muscle, this is a good thing. You need to check you BMI (Body Mass Index) as well as your weight to height scale to get a true picture.


Whenever you diet it should be done under your doctors supervision. If you have not already done so you should check in with your doctor and find out what your ideal weight should be. Then find a nutritionist to help you with a proper diet plan based on what your doctor has told you.


From what you have written, not knowing if you are male or female, and not being a doctor; my feeling is you are probably very close to your ideal weight. It will depend, in my belief, on how much of your weight is fat and how much is muscle.


May advise: If you feel you need to diet; stay away from fad diets and quick loss schemes. The weight comes back just as fast you loose it. See your doctor, find out what your ideal weight is then get on a proper diet and exercise program. The weight may not come of as fast as you would like it too. Once it does come off you will be able to better maintain your new weight.

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so I'm 13 girl and i have had boyfriends and guys that I liked that liked me back. but I'm nervous to have my first kiss. I'm only nervous cause I don't want to be bad at it. does that make me prude? and there's a guy I like, were friends I heard he likes me but idk. i wanna kiss him but I'm too nervous. I'm even nervous talking to him. is there a way I can make myself not so nervous about having my first kiss? please help me:)

No your are not a prude. What you are is 13. There is a first time for everything. A first kiss, a first date, a first dance and so on.


We learn from doing. Sure the first time is not always perfect; we get better the second and then the third ans so on.


Being 13 and facing a multitude of first times this is a good time to set let limits on what you will do and not do. Never do things you don't want to do just because others have done so or say they have done so. What I am saying is never give in to peer pressure. You need to have your own set of principals. From them you set your limits of what you will do and not do.


This is a good time to ist down with mom and talk with her about dating. Ask her what you can expect from boys and how to react. Remember mom was once your age and has experienced everything you are about to experience.


If mom asks why you want to have such a conversation you can tell her you wrote to us and a guy who is old enough to be your grandfather suggested you do so.

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im 27 years old mother of 2 kids why do i get angry

I don't have the training required to tell you why you hit your kids in the manner you describe as to when you do so. I don't feel any of us have the training to answer you. What I see in your question is you have some anger management and some control issues you need to get some help with before you hurt your children.


Disciplining your children is one thing. Hitting your children is another. Their is a very fine line between a spanking and child abuse. Hitting with a closed fist, even in a discipline situation is child abuse. Hitting your child because you are angry is child abuse.


Should a teacher, doctor or other adult see marks on your child that are not explainable you could be in serious trouble. You need to get help; you need anger management therapy. Talk to your family doctor about this and then follow your doctors advise.

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i get very angry when my 2 kids fights and when i dont get what i want i always hit my kids why?

I don't have the training required to tell you why you hit your kids in the manner you describe as to when you do so. I don't feel any of us have the training to answer you. What I see in your question is you have some anger management and some control issues you need to get some help with before you hurt your children.


Disciplining your children is one thing. Hitting your children is another. Their is a very fine line between a spanking and child abuse. Hitting with a closed fist, even in a discipline situation is child abuse. Hitting your child because you are angry is child abuse.


Should a teacher, doctor or other adult see marks on your child that are not explainable you could be in serious trouble. You need to get help; you need anger management therapy. Talk to your family doctor about this and then follow your doctors advise.

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What is the perfect place to go on a first date? I would like you opinion to know to ask my crush to go.

First things first; what can you afford? How much do you know about your crush such, as likes and dislikes?


Bowling is a good first date. It is something most people can do, you can have fun doing it even if your not good at it and it is inexpensive. So is going to a fun park and playing miniature golf.


These are also things that your crush may not have done on other first dates and could find them not only exciting but different in away that makes you look outstanding. All of these places also offer inexpensive snacks as well.


I agree that movies are not the best places to go on a first date. Not only for the reasons mentioned by others but you may choose a movie she is totally not interested in or one you are not interested in.


If there is an aquarium, museum or zoo open during your date these are also places you can have a good time. Scenic train rides are nice and depending on where you live there may be a scenic train ride near you operated by conservators of old trains, steam or old diesel locomotives. Check the web under local interest; you will be surprised at the list of things there are.

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So I'm looking into summer internships (graphic design ones, to be specific) on craigslist, and so far I've found a couple that sound absolutely perfect - with one flaw. They usually list a handful of software that candidates should be "proficient" in, and I'm amazing with Photoshop, Microsoft Office, and Illustrator, but there's always one or two other programs they list that I've never even tried. Should I apply anyway?
Also, other internships I've come across list pursuing a degree in graphic design as a requirement. And I'm a computer science major and digital art and studio art double minor. Should I apply anyway or is lacking a requirement and still applying simply unprofessional?
Any other job tips are also appreciated!

Lacking a requirement does not always eliminate you as a candidate for a position. what the listing is saying is that the "Ideal Candidate" will possess these skills.


Not possessing these skills makes you less then an Ideal candidate but does not eliminate you from the selection process. Should you posses the majority of the skills they are looking for you may have enough skills to win an interview. Then your interviewing skills take over and that is how you win a position.


Not pursuing a degree in Graphic Design is telling you they are looking for someone they can train as an intern that hopefully they can offer a full time position to upon graduation.


In other words they are saying they would rather invest their time in training someone that will work in their field and hopefully for them. I would still send them a resume. All it cost you is the price of the envelope and stamp or computer time if it is an on-line filing.


Go ahead and apply for all the internships you feel you have the majority of the skills to qualify for. When seeking any type of position the success is in the numbers. Good luck.

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Ok my period didnt come on in may at all but the first of june it comes on what does that mean thats 31days from my last period.......i never had that happen I thought I was.pregnate I missed a whole month of a period and then the first day of the next month I get one wtf!!! What does that mean...Confused



phoenixrise gave you some good reasons as to why your period was late. I'll try to fill in the blanks a little on the stress issue.


May brings on the end of the school year. You have finals to prepare for. A prom you may have had to get ready for. If your a senior, or were a senior you also have to prepare for graduation.


This may all seem normal and you may have felt you were taking it all in stride. Your body is saying otherwise. Unknowingly your eating habits changed a bit; maybe you dieted to fit into a dress you wanted or you exercised some to fit into that dress.


These subtle and somewhat normal adjustment to life do add stress whether we think it does or not. In a young women such as yourself it will effect you in a way that adds more stress by holding back on your period.


If your period continues to be irregular, where once you were very regular than you should see your doctor.

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I had sex with this girl who i was seening. We had sex for the first time on jan 29th 2011.
We also had sex on feb 5th and 6th.
She was seeing another guy for long time before i knew her.

She called and said she is 16 weeks pregant as of June 1st.
She said there are many days in between her periods longer than normal way over 30 days.

I know by taking the dna test i will know but my attorney said to wait till the baby is born for legal reasons but i want to move on and find out now.
If someone can help it would be appreciated
She is trying to figure out who is the father she thinks it could be me or the other guy.

I counted the weeks back and figured week 1 was Feb 14th 2011.

How many weeks do you back before Feb 14th to find out who could be the daddy?

Any feedback would be appreciated.

Week one is week one, you don't go back any further than that. The math that you are using is not an exact science but is close enough.


Listen to you lawyer and wait until the baby is born to find out if your the father. There are good legal reasons for this; so follow your lawyers advice. This is what you are paying for.

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