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IS there a light at the end of this tunnel. or does he just have to go?
pros.
-babys father
-talented, and with the right mind I know he will have success in the music industry....not lil wayne sucess, or even fame, but he can support us.
-I am somewhat attracted to him
-he doesnt check out other girls or talk about them...wich i find is a rare quality
-he has been a dedicated person (before i knew him) and worked very very hard
-we share and have shared the same group of BESTFRIENDs for 6 years (we were together for 3 of them) really, like a very tight knit cirlce of best friends...that 70s show status.
Cons
-The abuse in the past has clouded my love for him
-I feel like I cant even respect him anymore
-He has bad employment history, (aside from the one timehe was a hard worker) he will work a job for a few months and get sick of it or fired....he hasnt had a job in 11 months now.
-he has said unforgivable things to me..from fat cunt (i weigh 115 lbs and have a small pudge from the baby, and big thighs and a rounded face...im working toward being tiny again though but i dont like feeling like i have to for someone else) to suck your brother's dick you would like it (i was touched by my brother when I was younger...not very badly, not even molestation but it was uncomfortable...and he uses it against me) and how im a huge bitch with no friends (also not true, i am easy to get along with and everyone loves me)
-he tried making em choose between him and my brother (because my brother beat him up after everyone found out he had been putting his hands on me for the last 6 months) I ended up throwing him out and telling him i wont chose, he now says he wont make me and he is back
-I cant leave my daughter with him at home bc he doesnt take very good care of her and throws a fit if he watches her more than once a week...so I have her in day care instead
-he feels entitled to the free ride he is recieveing at my moms house
-he hates my family...he recently tries to pretend he doesnt but i can see through it
-he usually leaves the house and goes frisbee golfing right as I get home with our daughter (now only 2 days a week...used to be everyday)
-I cant file for child support because he lives with me (my thought on that was he would get a court order saying he needs to be paying someone something and realize he needs a job..this was my last resort and i just found out it wont happen)
-not that i wanna...but i feel like he should have manned up and married me a while ago if he really had his heart in this and wasnt in it for the free ride.
-the abuse started when I was pregnant....continued until this valenties day when I called the police...(yes, he fucking ditched me on vday and told me he wanted nothing to do with my fat ass...then the next day got pissed bc he was hung over, I had to work so I needed him to wash bottles so I could take our daughter to grandmas...n he flipped callin me all sorts of terrible shit, said he was leaving.. I said FINE GO..and he wouldnt so I started throwing things at him, so he got up and chased me through the house slamming me against walls, choking me and eventually pushed me down the stairs...that was the worst it got and the last it happened)
-on mothers day, he went frisbee golfing after he promised he wouldnt...i asked him why and he said i dont wanna fucking be around you
Lately, after I have made it clear I am done with the bull...he is poutting an 80 percent effort in. He says he is looking for a job, but I dont really think he is....I HATE living at my moms, I feel terrible about it, this is MY problem I dug MYSELF a hole and I want to get out of it and into my pwn place....My dad wants to actually buy me a house but wont because babydaddy isnt doing his part and my dad doesnt want to help him....My bestfriend literally since I was three has a baby now too, and we have talked about taking advantage of that house offer together and my dad is totally for it. but i dont want to give up. I want my baby to have a daddy who is there all of the time, which i know he isnt right now but he swears hes gonna change and everytime he says he will he does for a minute, then he backtracks and theres only a small amount of change that stays. We had alot in common, but now its like were two different people...I mean we were 17 when we got together and now we are 20/21. I am not who I was when I was 17, I am much more mature than most 23 year olds I have ever met and he is still stuck at age 17. I know in my heart what I need to do, I just wish there was a better option.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Yet another instance of a woman falling for a guy who treats her like crap. It is a veritable broken record.
Now the question is, how much control of your own life do you want to take? No matter who your friends and family are, you are the only one who can experience and live your life. My advice, of course, is to stop associating with the loser. But do you have the gumption to do it?
You can probably forget about child support since he can't hold a job. And artists, especially guys in the music industry, and I have been in that field myself, are notoriously undependable in terms of the normal world. Learn from this and don't make the same mistake.
As for your weight, as a number, you are fine. If you want to do some body sculpting, you can get a personal trainer to help you with that. A lot of what happens with your body is genetic anyway, so as long as you are in the healthy range for your height then don't worry about it other than just remembering to stay on a low fat diet and get plenty of exercise everyday.
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I will be short and direct. Once an abuser always an abuser, you can't change him and you don't have to put up with his abuse. Throw him out of your house, file for an order of protection and see a lawyer.
I find it hard to believe that just because he is unemployed his responsibilities as a father are negated. Find a lawyer who is well versed in your states family laws then follow the lawyers advice.
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Your cons include abuse and child neglect that could easily endanger your small daughter's life. In the face of that, any possible 'pros' are meaningless.
You've been asking basically the same question here for nearly two years. I hope so much that you finally are getting the strength to do what you've been advised to do over and over again. You've rated a bunch of people 5 for telling you to dump him, but you are still here, asking the exact same question.
Remove this man from your home. He is a squatter. If he refuses to leave, your mother is free to call the cops and have them help him leave.
You are an awfully mature young woman - but you still have the thirteen year old girl's fantasy of happy little family with mommy and daddy and baby too. You will not be your best until you let go of that illusion, face facts, and get rid of the dead weight.
PLEASE, please make the change and remove this man from your life. Let him see his daughter, of course, but under controlled and supervised visits. Stay civil. Try to be friends if you can. But get him the fuck out of your house and put an end to this sham of a 'relationship' where he gets free room and board from people he treats like dirt, and you get used and abused.
It is going to break my heart if you come back here in three months and ask again "What should I do?". You (and your mother) should tell him to leave. You should have told him to leave three months ago. You should tell him to leave today. The answer will be the same three months from now.
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This seems like a no brainer. Look at your list of pros. Now look at your list of cons. Hello? Its huge! You already know what you need to do. Put on your big girl panties and stand up for yourself and your child. Make a better life for yourself. There's all kinds of help available to young women in your situation, so you have no excuses. Do it. Before its too late.
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Im going to tell you a little story. I got married at 18. My husband 23. Its been 2 years. My husband just started a job 2 weeks ago part time mowing and taking care of a golf course. I love him to much to leave him if we get in an argument instead of talking it out he sits there he wont look at me he wont talk to me he wont do anything until he feels we both are over it and I hate it. We have had many fights we fight about our kids i Have one He has one and we have one. Life sucks and sometimes I wish I never got in this mess but im married now and im going to do my best to keep my fmaily together. You shouldnt your not married and if your on here with a millions cons get out while you can. your friends will support you if they are truely your friends and do it for your daughter would you want this for her if she was in your situation if the answer is no then get out.
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