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He's ended our relationship as he feels we're just friends
I'm a female,35, and my boyfriend's 32. We started going out 4 years ago and things were good and he said he loved me, then after about 8 months he broke up with me saying the last couple of months had felt more like a friendship and the spark had gone. I was devastated as I really loved him. We stayed in contact then about 4 months later things happened and although he had some reservations, we gave it another shot. Anyway it worked out and he said he loved me again, he didn't know what had been going through his head before. He moved in with me about 2 years ago. Our sex life over that time has got less frequent. About 3 months ago we decided to buy a flat together (my idea and I did have to persuade him a bit), but the purchase fell through and he's now just ended our relationship again for the same reason as before. He's been thinking this for the last 4 months or so, thought that buying the flat might help, but now that's fallen through he's not willing to try to inject a spark back into the relationship as he says that for him it's over. I really love him and don't know if I should let things go or if not how I can try to get him back.
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The flat issue might have been more pressure than he wanted in terms of responsibility. It thus seems that when things get too heavy emotionally and in terms of responsibilities he flees.
Thus, I think you need a different partner who is a little more settled in his thinking.
You might also ask yourself if you are into guys who aren't totally there for you. For example, many women, if they had a father who wasn't very present either physically or emotionally, women will often repeat that in their personal lives in the men they choose to go out with. Humans are funny that way in that we often tend to settle for what we know, even if it is destructive or counterproductive. If what I have said is accurate in your case, seek some counseling so you can work past this. Good luck.
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Dear "He's ended our relationship as he feels we're just friends",
Do you like amusement parks? Because this relationship reminds me a lot of a roller-coaster! Silly comparison right? Well not as silly as you putting your all into this relationship with a guy who to me, sounds very uncertain of things.
You are 35 years old and from what I have read, you know what you want and you mean business! A woman like you deserves a man who is just as sure of what he wants in life-if not more so! Your taking life by the reins while your now ex was not.
My advice to you; I understand love, and I understand that you really love him BUT I think it's time you move on before the next time he decides to end things (assuming you got back together) you're dollars-deep invested in a house. Then what? It becomes a whole different problem. You have the means to find you're Mr. Right and who knows, maybe your ex is Mr. Right? But until he realizes what he wants, don't put yourself through anymore turmoil.
Not a fan of roller-coasters,
Braylen
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I've been in a fairly similar situation before, and from experience I can tell you the best thing you can do is let him go. It's definitely hard, I know, but the sooner you do it the easier it's going to be for you. You deserve someone who's going to love you as much as you love them, not mess with your head because they have no idea what they want.
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Let it go.
The best case scenario here is that you get back together with him, and this whole cycle repeats. In a few years you find yourself in the the exact same position as you are today - only having wasted more time and money in a guy who is only settling for you. This guy hardly cuts it as a friend.
Even at it's best, you deserve much better than this relationship. You need much more, if you are going to have a shot at any lasting happiness.
It's over. Let it be over.
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