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Am I really a slut because of this?
17/f
My brother just said I was a slut because he saw the hickey on my neck.
I made out with this guy, he's one of my friends and I've liked him for over a year. We like each other and stuff but aren't dating, he's 19 though, which is why we aren't dating and are planning to wait.
Does it make me a slut for making out with him? It's not like I'm doing this with every random guy right?
Then my friend told me I wasn't a slut, I would have been if I had sex with him.
Does that mean if I had sex with him it would have made me a slut?
I know this isn't really a big deal but it kinda bothers me so I might as well get people's opinions on it.
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No, it does not make you a slut, even if you had sex with him you wouldn't be a slut.
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Remember this: there is no such thing as a slut. Such terms were created by an insecure and screwed up by religion patriarchal society in order to prevent women from freely exercising their natural sexual inclinations.
Listen, it is your life and yours alone. Nobody else can live it for you nor should you let others dictate to you how to live it (though you have to be responsible about the latter point). So do what you want and find your own happiness.
To wax hypocritical a bit, though, personally, I don't think you should be getting tied down to a guy at your age. Your brain will keep on developing up until age 25 and so your sensibilities will evolve a lot over that span. In other words, what you want now and what you want as a fully realized mature adult could be two different things. So stay in exploratory mode for this phase of your life, position yourself so you don't get hamstrung by things that reduce people's options (early marriage, pregnancy, debt, criminality, addiction, etc). This means you need to have some guts. So be in charge of your life and don't be so tempted to follow the instincts of the herd around you.
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I agree with Erin completely.
First of all you are NOT a slut. You didn't have sex with him? Okay, cool. You didn't have sex with him. If you did have sex with, guess what? That's your choice. That doesn't make you a slut either.
I don't call anyone sluts, whores, ho's, whatever. I believe as women it is our choice to have sex with whoever we want. I know a lot of people disagree with me. That's cool too. Society has taught us that as women, if we have multiple sex partners we are easy. Personally I believe it just means we are liberated, know what we want, and aren't afraid to go after it. I don't believe in denying ourselves of our bodily desires. If you are a single woman and choose to have sex with someone, that's YOUR choice. That doesn't make you a whore. It just makes you a woman who goes after what she wants.
I'm sure I will be severely chastised for saying that, but I don't care. It's my opinion that I have formed over the past twenty years. Personally I've only ever been with one man. But as I said, that's my choice. You just have to make yours.
Don't get me wrong! Having multiple sex parnters can be dangerous to your health. Unplanned pregnancies, STDS, and emotional heartbreak are all negative aspects of having sex. But they are negative aspects that can happen whether you are in a committed relationship, married, or having casual sex with different people.
Don't worry about what other people say. All that matters is the opinion you have about yourself. Because at the end of the day, that's who you are going to have to answer to.
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I disagree with every answer to this question thus far. No, not because I think you're a slut; my issue is that these people are using the word "slut" in the first place. Slut shaming isn't cool. You have complete control over your sexuality. You are entitled to do whatever you please with it. The word "slut" only came about to oppress women. It only perpetuates rape culture and gives men excuses to shame a women.
You are not a slut for making out with a guy you like. I think anyone can agree with that one. Your brother is just trying to get a rise out of you. Furthermore, if you feel you are ready, you can have sex with him. Reject the word "slut." Your body, your choice.
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My answer is going to be slightly different then the others.
Having a hickey on your neck does not make you a slut but in my personal opinion I do find it sort of gross when someone has a hickey where everyone can see it.
If you were to have sex with someone of age 19, In many states that would be considered statutory rape because you are not legally an adult. So, It is smart of you too wait.
If you were to have sex with this man when you are 18, No this doesn't make you a slut.
The definition of slut, Often means sleeping around with many men, A slut is often related to someone who is "loose" and gets around.
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As a parent I think your brother is just jerking your chain.
To me the definition of a slut is someone who has sex with every person she dates, be they one night stands or long term relationships. Frankly the word slut when used in reference to someone is open to anyone's interpretation. An example would be if you were 14 and french kissed a boy, back in my day, you were called a slut.
Tell your brother he can keep his opinions to himself, for that is really all it is, an opinion. You know your not a slut and that is all that matters.
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You're not a slut. For starters, you didn't have sex with him. And you aren't having sex with other guys either. If you HAD had sex with him (as your friend said) as opposed to kissing and whatnot, the situation would be different. Your behavior could make you seem slutty, just because of how most people would judge that - not dating + having sex = easy/slutty.
I wouldn't worry about what your brother said. He was either being a jerk or just giving his opinion. Unless he knew the situation well, it could seem to him as though you make out with and get hickeys from ALL your friends.
Also, it's possible that people already think you're dating, in which case a hickey is nothing out of the ordinary. Just don't show them off. I always thought that was weird behavior.
-LM
[19/f]
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