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My boyfriend got another girl pregnant...
Me and my boyfriend have been together for 7 months. We broke up for a month though, I left him because I wasnt sure If I really loved him or not. We got back together and everything has been great... Until last week turns out he had a one night stand and the girl is now pregnant.. shes not even done high-school and wants to keep it. He wants nothing to do with her and if she has the child he wants to be apart of its life. Im so heart broken by the whole situation and dont know what to do.. I tried to talk to the girl to ask her if she knew for sure if it was his and she didnt take that very well... I dont know what to do... I cant stop thinking about everything.. its kind of my business but at the same time its not.. Thinking about it makes me sick and I dont know if i should stay or leave.. I love him but I dont know what to do :( Please help.
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Yikes, what an awful situation to be in! I am thinking mostly about the child's future here, when I am talking about general awfulness.
What are you feeling here? Can you be honest with yourself about this? I know it is hard to think about, but that is the only way there is any hope.
Ok, from experience, when a guy hears the words: "I am not sure if I love you, how about we break up for a while?" He knows what it really means. One of two things:
"I found someone else I want to be in a relationship/have sex with and I want to see if they are better than you."
... or: "I don't love you. At all."
Either way, a guy is going to write you off completely if he is smart. Why? Because if you don't know if you love someone, then you aren't in love with them!
Really. If you are ever truly in love, you will know it... and if you ever can't tell... then you are 100% NOT in love.
So, I am taking it that when you dumped him, you expected him to sit around and weep rather than finding a rebound to try and get over the girl that broke his heart? You know he might have done just that if you hadn't said the magic words: "I am not sure if I love you..." (Or any words to that effect.)
All guys know what this means. I think it must be instinctive. It is the one thing you can say that a man will take as "This relationship is dead. It cannot be saved. Move on."
As for the pregnancy issue... sadly it really is none of your business until you decide this is the guy you want to spend the rest of your life with. The little emotional mind trip you pulled here indicates that you might not really be committed. When something better comes along, you might suddenly not know if you love him again.
If you are serious, finally, then it is your business. You will be sharing your married income with this woman/child for the next 20 years, or so. This is going to cause issues if you aren't 100% committed.
If you are going to continue to flip/flop and break his heart whenever you feel like it, then you should move along.
He is going to need the love and support of someone with a selfless streak about a mile wide to get through the next 20 years or so. If you know that isn't who you are, then don't waste any more of his time.
Yes, the one night stand was stupid. Did you have sex with anyone else during this time? If so, you could just as easily be the one pregnant in this story. If not, then why did you dump him, screw with his mind, then get back together?
What you BOTH did here was extremely immature. Now, the responsibility comes... so if you aren't up for growing up in a big way, then jump ship before he gets any more attached to you.
I hope you find what you are really looking for in life, but I have one small favor to ask: Please try not to break anyone else's heart along the way.
If someone ever says to you: "I don't really know if I love you..." then, and only then, will you truly understand why I asked this favor.
I guess you could call this a case of: "Grow up, or shut up." (tm)
Good luck making the right choice.
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This is an awful lot of drama. Why are you putting up with it?
Also, he is likely going to be on the hook for child support, which is going to limit you guys economically going forward.
You may also be feeling a sense of competitiveness with the other girl and don't want to lose him because of that. This is irrational.
Now you can demand that he ask her for a DNA test to prove he is the father. He should do that anyway because she could actually be pregnant by a real loser and sees your boyfriend as being likely to have more money coming in to support her and the child. He also has to keep in mind that only a court can decide custody and the amount of support, so whatever he or the mother feels about it or whatever support agreement you want to try to negotiate privately would have no legal foundation, so he will have to indeed go through legal channels and that will be expensive, too.
So, rationally, you need to boot the boyfriend. Don't let your emotions sabotage your life since you are the only one who can live it. And consider this as a warning to be more picky about who you hook up with from here on in.
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