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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!
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I quit the dance team at church because I started drinking again and I didn't feel right about been on the dance team when I was drinking but my pastor asked me why quit the dance team and I told him that it was because I started at drinking again and he told me that every body makes nd that I am really talented and that I need to use my gift and don't let one mistake stop me from beng on that stage and that I was being to hard on myself for one mistake and I needed to give myself a break and not be so hard on myself but I don't want to be a hypocryt would that make a hypocrytif were to go back to being on the dance at church or did I make a mistake when I quit the dance team and being to hard on myself like pastor justin said ?
What one church and another church approves of can vary quite widely. There are even churches that deem any kind of dancing as unholy, a sin and inppropriate for their church members to engage in on their own, let alone in church.
Does that mean one church is right and another is not? And what about the issue of drinking? If your drinking is so excessive that it affects your ability to function in life, or it affects your ability to dance, then you may need to have concern with yourself. If you're not so drunk that it affects your ability to dance, then dance and enjoy it!
Do you really think God is so concerned on all the issues and rules and beliefs that vary so much between different churches or different religions all around the world? If there was only one or two issues that were important to God, what do you suppose they might be??
I can tell you right now two words that describe God, Love and Creative. And you get confirmation of both at the beginning of the Bible. 'In the beginning, God created, the heavens and the earth" theres that word 'created' Do you know any creative people? We are made in Gods image...so we are bound to be creative too. There's the folks who created vacines for diseases, created computers and other technologies, create through music and singing, dance, theater, creating chef quality great food dishes, creating beer and wine, creating stories-writers, creating goes on and on.
Also, the bible says "For God so loved the world...." I know theres more to the verse but this is the portion where we find the word "Love".
god is love and everything he does is prompted by love. If we are created fin his image, shouldn't we be made up of Love too. If everyone loved themselves and treated themselves according, and Loved God and loved fellow human beings with the same type of Love that God has for us, then we wouldnt have the problems that we see today on the planet.
I believe GOD is most concerned about our spiritual growth just as your mom and dad were concerned about you learning certain things as you grew up. If our spiritual growth is important, do you really think God is going to kick you out of the family (of God) because you lost your temper and yelled at someone? Or drank alcohol? even Jesus created wine at a wedding. The issue isn't with drinking as some misguided parts of society may think...its more to do with wanting to remove things from our lives that they think are a temptation, instead of the individual learning to exercise some self control. Removing something or making something taboo or considered bad or evil is not going to teach u anything now, is it? Nope. For example, your parents had to teach you not to touch the oven door when mom was baking cus it was hot and could burn you. Making alcohol or cigarettes or dancing or anything considered a temptation would mean that mom and dad would've removed the oven and anything else that gets hot, out of the house so that you as a child would not be tempted to touch it. Stupid...isn't it? After a couple of times of touching a hot stove, you learned because it hurt. Some things aren't as painful so its easier to cave in to temptations to overindulge.. To overindulge means to do more of than is healthy in a normal every day life. So only you can answer if you are overindulging in alcohol or not. If you drink to relax or forget other troubles or issues, thats like putting a bandaid on a skinned knee without using an antiseptic first to kill germs. In my life, I've had a scab or two form that had pus growing underneath it and the edges of the scab got red and puffy and eventually we figured out there was an infection.
There are better ways to deal with stress in life. If you need ideas, I have got some great info to share. Just write me back on my column , not where you rate what I answered this time.
So my conclusion is the same as the last person who answered, yes you are being too hard on yourself. Even if you are overdulging. We all overindulge in something sometimes. The thing is to learn and grow. Love yourself enough to treat yourself well, and that includes getting any emotional healing needed that drinking might make you turn to. If you enjoy a little alcohol every once in a while, it has a beneficial cleansing action in your body just as vinegar does. Drinking too much over time will kill your liver will if its not functioning, will kill you.
So theres the word Love again. Love yourself dear.
And find a creative outlet. If dancing was that for you, then go back to it. Having a creative outlet is therapeutic and will help some with the stress and craziness of life.
You are lucky to have Pastor Justin, he sounds much like the youth pastor I once had, Pastor Toby. Give him a hug and thank him for believing in you and loving you as God does. Justin is doing it right.
Ok I'm 18 and my bf is 20 we've been together for a year now he decided to go down on me and I like it but I don't feel good about it after. I don't really know how to explain how I feel but when he goes down it makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong but he always says he feels good about it idk what to do it seems like he gets more pleasure off of this then I do and I like it when he does but I don't know something in me tells me its wrong I don't know why is it because I don't love enough or if I'm selfish I don't really know. I also feel like I hold back all those pleasure/sexual feelings in me I really don't know why either whats wrong with me?
You did say "he decided to go down on me" your choice of words. So I must ask, did you decide this was something you wanted to experience, or was ready for mentally.
All girls are going to feel squeamish the first time, it's like the first time you take off your clothes and are totally nude in front of someone.
Because this is close to where we pee from and where our period flow comes from, we tend to think of this as an unclean dirty area.
Who would possibly want to get their nose down there and be smelling it or even tasting it!! Right?
It might be time that you become more comfortable with yourself sexually. Have you ever fingered yourself and then smelled what it smells like? I love that smell. Theres no perfume in this world that comes close. Then again, I have also smelled that old blood smell on period days or when I got vaginosis infection from cleaning the vagina too much or incorrectly. Douches and soap will cause the good bacteria and your vag's natural cleaning system to fail and thats when bad bacteria take over and you will catch that awful fishy odor like long dead decaying fish. If you have that smell, see a dr for antibiotics. Take good care of your vag and all will be well.
Your body secrets a clear to milky liquid in between periods that you will see deposited in your panties. This is not alot in volumn but its the bodies natural cleaning system. If this is working well, then any odors and tastes will be pleasant for him. Those who eat less meats or are totally vegetarian will have sweeter tasting fluids...both female and males. Try it sometimes, to taste your own fluids. Once you can be comfortable with yourself, it shouldn't be a big deal. I have found that not all mens tongues feel the same way on me for oral sex. Some will bring me to orgasm quite easily while others do not. A tongue is a muscle. As with the muscles elsewhere on a body, you know not all muscles look alike and so I suppose they wont all feel alike. If for some reason, you like the sensations but you don't get orgasms that way. Let him know that though you can still engage in it for his pleasure that you'd rather focus more attentionon something else like g-spot orgasms.
The battle is mostly in your mind. And yes, what we hear said about sex in society will stick in our brains and we form thoughts about sex that will shut down our bodies ability to enjoy sex.
If a guy ever goes down on you and acts like he doesn't like it, some are like that...they don't enjoy it sexually, but not because of the female.
Some guys find it hurts their neck, others have said their tongue gets tired to quick or their jaw will ache but they make the effort because they love it, it just may not last long enough for you to have orgasm by. If you love your partner, you will talk about all that you are feeling. Even during sex, I have said things like, "Did you feel that energy surge just now...like a bolt of electricity that just shot up and down inside and hit your heart? " It may be hard to put into words... but every time I have shared something I was feeling or experiecing at any moment in time, my partner could verify he felt the same thing. It is actually a beautiful thing to add to sex, the communication enhances it greatly. So talk out with him how you feel, it allows him to encourage you or change what he's doing. I am in my 50s and there is still something new that I experience every once in a while with my partner, a different response our bodies have one time over another.
Get rid of any feelings that are negative or not conducive to you enjoying yourself. There is nothing wrong in sexuality, everything goes but it must be something both partners are comfortable with and enjoy. One should never force the other to do things the other does not like or get pleasure from. If there are too many differences including fetishes, including libidos that don't match, then you may have the wrong sex partner, no matter how well you get along as friends...both areas must match. Good luck!
soo is it possible to give my bofriend a boner while he's hugging me from behind since my butt is touching his thing .. i dont know if he had a boner but i think kind of feltt it not sure because my butt was really close weel it was actually touching his penis already this was at school we had clothes on of course !!... but yeah is it possible or else how can i give him one while hes hugging me from behind..?
Sex education in schools is SO lacking in the normal stuff like this, understanding the body chemistry and sexual response stuff not to mention, where do you go to learn about regular understanding of what the opposite sex means when in a relationship or even if someone has an interest or attraction to you. Most of us who already know this stuff are indeed going to wonder why it is of any importance to you, but hey...you gotta start learning and since this is an advice column it is not the best place for you to self education of the topic of sexuality and relationships but I have a site for you to check on that caters to teens and college age and handles topics of many different types. Right now i believe the video are about 165 in number. All 3-4 min long and packed with info that is right on, coming from me, a grandma aged individual who is very open minded and have studied lots of the topics she covers and experienced lots of them too.
Here it is and then read on for my explanation on guys having a hard on.
http://www.youtube.com/user/lacigreen
Young males are able to have a boner/hard on so easily. It doesnt even take contact with a female such as in hugging you or your clothed bodys being close. Males are aroused easily just by what they see. What they see sends a message to their brains that starts sending the extra blood to the penis to make it hard. What will sexually arouse guys as they get a bit older and more particular in their likes will differ among them. One guy will be more aroused by a woman with huge boobs while another finds that overkill and only wants em big enough to big a handful. So don't ever think you have to look a certain way to be attractive to a guy. Maybe young boys going through puberty will have hard ons all the time, even when there's no female around, such as when they first wake up in the morning and there it is making a tent of the bed covers.
Some males will want to indulge in their sexual arousals and find girls to have sex with only to take care of their sexual needs and not care to please the girl, may not even have any feelings of love for her. Its easy for a guy to separate feelings for the sexual urge from love. They dont need to feel love to want sex. Girls want to be loved to have sex and are often tricked into it.
Unfortunately for guys, even the nice ones who may treat you like a princess and want to wait until you're older for sex, they can't hide their arousals, females can hide theirs easily. Theirs is out there to see and feel through clothes, whether they like it or not. So if you find a really nice guy, and he is not bringing any attention to the fact that he has an arousal, you don't need to bring it up either. He just enjoys being around you and spending time with you and will get those boners, even if all he wants is to watch a movie with you. A guy can learn to exercise self control and ignore his arousal. Eventually the blood subsides and it goes away but the smallest incident can bring it back. It can't go on for hours in that state cus its not normal to do so and can cause damage to the tissues. Thats why they warn older men using viagra if they have have erections lasting more than so many hours to go see a doctor.
I hope this helps dear. Please watch Laci's video's and look for other helpful info sites on the web. If you have trouble finding them and what stuff on a particular subject, I may have them saved in bookmarks already, so let me know. You can write to my column directly so that I can actually answer you back.
Last summer, I read a story about someone whose son had died. The person who wrote it said that losing a firstborn is more difficult than losing any other child. Being a second born, this upsets me very much. I know that my mom doesn't feel this way, but I'm Worried that my dad might. I hear people say that they love their children equally, but what good does equal love do when you feel this way?
I've heard some other sucky things about second borns, like that their parents resent them for taking their time and attention away from the first. Or that they're destructive to the family structure. I even heard that fathers fall in love with their first child at first site, but take months to feel anything for their other children. I hear a lot of things that make me resentful of the position of the first born. I also kind of hate parents who feel this way about their second child.
Be honest, does anyone here with multiple children have any of these feelings?
Razhie was right in their response. We all love others differently. Take for example the raising of children. The tips and rules parents are told to use may apply with one child but they need a totally different way to parent each additional child because each one is not a carbon copy of the other, each is unique. Siblings aren't all going to be as close to each other and parents to children because of these differences, but it doesn't mean we don't love each other.
It doesn't matter at what point a child is born into the family, you can be first born like me, middle, end or anywhere else inbetween and each one can easily find plenty reasons why being in that position in the line up sucks more than any of the others. LOL Mine as a teen was that I was responsible to look out for my siblings, especially when parents went out on weekends. As I got old enough to go out with groups of friends at 17, 18, they were still expecting me to hang around and watch over a sibling 10 years younger. The ones in between were the age I was when I first got the responsiblity. I brought it to parents attention and they realized I had a point and next time I was free to go and another teen sister had the job of watching the youngest. I was always going to be the oldest and so the pressure to be a good example was always pushed on me. I didn't really resent any of it. I had a pretty good self image/self esteem, so I didnt let it bother me. I remember the youngest one complain when all the teens got to leave to go some where on their own and mom wouldn't allow her to tag along. She resented for a while being the youngest. There was always something she wasnt old enough for.
So you need a change of thoughts, 'get rid of the stinking thinking' as one psychologist wrote in his book. First thing is to become aware of the fact that a bigger percentage of your daily thoughts are negative compared to positive. We all tend to do that to some extent. But some of us have learned to catch ourselves doing that. The book i read long ago said to capture that negative thought, such as in your case "A second born child isn't loved as much by parents". Our subconscious mind where all our feelings and emotions are stored is also like our inner child, a very undisciplined child. Your conscious mind has the responsibility to train it.
So...the moment you catch a negative belief or thought enter your head, tell yourself "I reject that thought" and then tell yourself something positive to put in its place. Use an example of something loving or supportive mom or dad said to you the other day or just make a positive general statement. "I know mom loves me cus she made the effort to stop what she was doing and ask me how my day went."
But beware that once you start trying to be aware of negative thoughts, you notice at first they drop into your mind faster than the volumn of drips from a leaky faucet. It's bad...hahaha. So don't be discouraged. The first week of daily doing this can be quite mentally exhausting. If you feel you aren't making any progress, I'd take Razhies advice and think about seeing a counselor.
Good luck dear!
i used to be a ship's captain.i was doing quite well but ofcourse i needed to be at sea for extended periods of time away from my family.I was then offered a job by my company at singapore.i took it thinking that its a land job and i would at last be with my family.But it did not work that way as my daughter who inspite of being brilliant was denied admission at the university in singapore and also i myself am not doing too well in my job! its as if my boss thinks that am mentally lacking n frankly at times i feel so since iam prone to forgetfullness n generally very nervous.what should i do? i feel like leaving n just go back home!!...pls help me.for your info even in 2006 i was offered a job at singapore but i left within 3 months coz of the same feelings and went back to sea and now too its more than 3 months but this time have decided that i wont go back to sea even if i have to sit back n reflect at my life at home!!
About the forgetfullness and having problem recalling things, I have noticed lots of people who are admitting to the same thing happening to them and it's all ages but generally people out of their twenties. I can't prove it but I believe there are things in our environment these days, whether toxins that build up over the years that affect us all that way or something else. I used to have perfect english and now in typing I catch myself making so many stupid mistakes. I dont let that stop me tho...Just try harder. I am writing a book. And I have reread each chapter about 10 times. All mistakes caught already...now I just re structure some sentences to make things clearer. Not all of us are affected the same way mentally but a good majority are now showing this problem. Most people are not aware of it cus it has been slowly getting a little worse, so slow most of us dont see it. So don't be hard on yourself, if you were doing a ship captains job, you're not stupid. But it is time for a change and you keep feeling that but as you can see in giving it an extra try, singapore isn't going to cut it. You need a job and boss who work with a more relaxed atmosphere. Willing to cover each others back in catching errors and not making a big deal of it. Start looking for a position somewhere in the maritime field, outside of the company you are with. Don't leave them yet, just start looking. You may have to take a job you like that is lots less in pay. The economy world wide is still pretty bad. Learn to live with less.
It is amazing what people can get by on when in a position where they have to. I learned to heat and cook with a woodstove at one point. Pour hot water into a tub. Get water from a well. And I was comfortable. Forget the instant and convenience foods and learn to cook from scratch, save money there. I don't know what it pays, but could there be harbour master positions? If you're willing to relocate to where the job is, that might work. You may have to take two part time jobs to make it work and them not be maritime related. Try thinking creatively. I wish you the best
Hi,
I'm a thirteen-year-old girl, and I hate my life for several reasons. I'm going to focus on just one reason right now so you don't have to read a super long question. This question is already long enough as it is with only one reason why I want to die.
One thing I should say is that I like girls. I just don't see guys in that way. I have a girlfriend too. She is my only reason to keep living right now.
Then another girl tricked me into cheating on my girlfriend. She lied to me to get me to do it. The fact is, I didn't even know what cheating was until this happened. After educating myself a little bit on what is and isn't acceptable, I realized what she had gotten me to do. Now I hate myself even more than I did before this happened.
I told the girl that I do not want to be a disloyal person. She told me again that what we were doing was not cheating, and I explained why it was actually cheating and why I didn't want to do it. She got all angry at me about it, and then she said that I had to tell my girlfriend.
But I talked to my mom about it, and she said that I shouldn't tell my girlfriend. She said I had already learned my lesson about cheating and realized that I had been lured into it. And she said that I would only hurt my girlfriend if I told her. So I decided that I would rather listen to my mom than the other girl.
After that, however, the other girl said that if I didn't tell my girlfriend, she would. This really stressed me out. My mom thinks I shouldn't tell my girlfriend, but if I don't, the other girl might tell her.
I can't believe how stupid I am. I don't have any common sense. I just want to die. I hate so many people right now -- especially myself. Besides, my girlfriend is my only reason to live anymore, and who knows what I would do if she broke up with me?
One thing I should add is that I have made plans before (you know, plans to kill myself), but they were ruined every time. And I have struggled on and off with cutting for a while now. If that helps anything.
P.S. I'm sorry for the length. And sorry that this didn't make any sense.
It sounds to me like girl #2 who lured you into something may be somewhat of a controlling type of personality. What makes me suspicious is her trying first to convince you a 2nd time that there was nothing wrong with what you did. And when you showed some personal strength and stood your ground and held onto your beliefs and convictions, she got angry. And then she began to make threats in a last attempt to regain control of you. She doesn't want you to think for yourself, she wants a puppet who will do whatever she says, someone who will give up all rights to think for themselves and allow another to control your life. Your just 13 hon. You can't possibly have learned how to be a good judge of character yet when it comes to your peers. But as soon as you do discover it and stand your ground, it shows that you are of more stable moral character than she is. You're in a learning process. We all are supposed to make mistakes and learn from them. That is normal. The people who do not learn from their mistakes, they are the one with serious issues which among them can be a mental illness of some sort or a family life where this is the only behavior she's ever witnessed so she thinks it is normal and has no clue that her family life is F$%ked up. It's hard growing up yes...but you may a have little of the perfectionist in you and are being too hard on yourself. You have a wonderful supportive mom.
Girl #2 is hoping that either you will freak out and cave in and come back to her, or go tell your friend so you can be first when she has no intention of doing so, just hoping to spoil the relationship between you and your girlfriend. Your girlfriend is in the same spot as you in just beginning to learn to judge peoples characters. And she could easily be fooled too.
Soooo, if at worst case scenerio, girl #2 decides to say something to her to spoil things for you so your friend is hurt and won't talk. All you need to do is talk to mom and ask her if she'd be willing to step in and help. If the girl #1 gets thinks you chose not to fess up to her and thats why shes hurt, mom can tell her that all adults you consulted including her, suggested you don't say anything based on the fact #2 may just have been making empty threats. Your mom might have to be willing to talk to her, and her mom if mom knows you guys, and both moms then can explain what a trouble making, controlling type of person is and how even she could easily have been suckered in. You explained yourself well, so I can tell you're a very intelligent, bright young lady who will likely have a very successful satisfying life. I am grandma age...I have enough life experience to be able to pick up these things from what a person writes. The very fact that you wrote in asking for advice and telling your story shows that you want to do well in life, you really do care about being the best you can be.
About hating others....not a single person on the planet can "Make" anyone do something they don't want to do, or make them want to make changes for the better. That is something that must come from inside of them so your words or actions are not going to get anywhere. The world is full of souls not as mature as yours. Some of them you might even call evil or malicious. They just have a longer road ahead to getting to where you are. You can try to avoid people like that in situations where you have a choice, such as not inviting them into your circle of friends and acquaintances. But in life, we must come into contact with such people in school, as adults on the job, as neighbors living near you. So think of it as an opportunity to learn how to control your thoughts, anger, frustration and not stoop to their level. Be civil and courteous if forced to speak to such a person but give nothing more. Let their hateful or teasing words roll off your back like water off a duck. Good luck dear. You sound like a wonderful daughter, Your mom must be very proud of you.
20/f
For the past year probably, I've been feeling so bad. Crabby, tired, upset, don't care... just overall in a bad mood. I think a few things could have led to this, such as a break up with someone I really cared about or not doing as well as I wanted in school. I just really don't know what to do about it anymore. Its gotten to the point where I just don't care about anything anymore. I've been playing soccer for about 10 years and recently I just quit my college team because I'm not happy. My parents said it is really unusual that I'd quit this sport because when I was younger I was in love with it.
I'm currently in a relationship now, been dating for a month. It's going well but I guess I've just given up on hope that I will find the right man for me. Sometimes I can just feel myself getting crabby or irritated for no reason with him. Then some times he will do something like lie to me and usually I would get upset but now I just don't even care.
I always feel tired. I've been getting about 8-9 hours of sleep every night but all throughout the day I just feel soo exhausted and lazy. It just makes me sad because 2 years ago I would be so happy about this awesome fall weather and going to football games etc. I had mono when I was 14 and this kind of feels similar, but I don't think I have it again.
I just really want some advice on how to start feeling better again. I've tried getting more sleep on the weekends but I still feel so crappy and lazy. I went on a bike ride yesterday and that sort of helped only for a little bit. Can anybody help me?
The bike ride helped a little and theres a reason for it, but you are so seriously drained of the "happy" hormone levels in your brain that you can't function right.
The crabby irritated feeling can be related. I'm no psychiatrist or professional but I know what has worked for me, daughters and some friends. I have heard it discussed as two different subjects, one being the 'raising of your vibrational energy' which sounds new agey but it is for real. and the other is raising the levels of the neuro transmitters (NT's) in your brain which produce the hormones needed for us to function well.(Oxytocin,serotonin for example) When it is seriously low due to stress, things like a break up or death in family, loss of job, money related problems, our hormone levels get all used up faster and if we arent putting more in, we' are basically running on empty. A person who does not feed their body Food, the fuel it needs to function, it will slowly over time become emaciated.
Your brain requires these hormones to always be at top levels and it need DAILY deposits towards the stock of NT's to keep functioning well.
There are always going to be people who are born with bodies that lack the ability to create their own and they need to take prescriptions of manufactured versions of the real thing, anti depression meds. For one of my daughters, that is the case. Another daughter was overwhelmed with being dumped, 3 times so for, job used to be part time, financial troubles, etc.. and she became very depressed. After 6 months of not caring about anything anymore and ready to give up, she asked me what to do, I told her. She did not try it. Instead she took her one free visit the employers cover to see a counselor. The guy knowing she couldn't come in for regular visits, told her what she could do to get back to normal, it was the same stuff I told her. She does not have a malfunction in her brains ability to create these NT's, they just were seriously depleted. Is it a one time do it and be fixed? No, it's a new routine you have to incorporate into your life, getting to know your body and know how you feel so that at the slightest change, before you hit where youre at now, you can already start measures to up those NT levels.
Movement/physical activity most often mentioned are running, jogging, dancing, exercise. No one hardly mentions quality sexual activity..that is also a stress reducer because it releases the needed hormones. I like skipping because it makes me feel silly and like a kid again and I cant do it without laughing.
That brings me to the next remedy: Laughter. Easiest way to get laughing when you don't feel like it is to watch a seriously funny comedian on the net or a funny movie. They don't say the laughter is good medicine for nothing.
Another is singing. Sing along to the songs. If you don't know the words, just do the melody.
Along with singing come listening to tunes that is uplifting to you. Its not the words here that are key but the melody. You are going for the tunes that before you got to this state, were the kind of melodies that made your soul or your heart feel so light and bouyant in your chest as if it was going to float away. For me, one melody that does it is the song Clocks by Coldplay. There are others but thats a good example.
And lastly, hugging... REAL hugging, not the loose- quick -nervous-pat-on-the-shoulder-included hug that lasts 2 seconds. I am talking about the long lasting bear hug. There are articles on line about the subject of just hug therapy. You cant give one without getting one in return. This also seriously raises serotonin and other hormones levels. They do recommend on some articles no less than 8 hugs a day. Most people don't even get one. I am sure you can see the problem. All this is like your daily vitamins you need to take. When you begin to slack off you risk getting into a funk again or if stressful things come along, then falling into depression again. Give this all a try and write me again at my column and let me know how it is working for you. In the meanwhile, do keep getting the extra sleep cus it does help some while you're in the process of trying to get better.
I am 14 years old and have been living in India since i was born but i don't want to live here anymore because i hate thing like the corruption,poverty,dirt on the streets,pollution etc.How can i convince my parents to move to another country?
About the only thing that you can do is to work at getting scholarships and find a way to become an exchange student in another country for high school or college. Once in the other country, find out what it takes to get the official government okay to become permanent resident, you'd have to be old enough to find job and support yourself. Research the countries carefully. Not all the ones that seem great in ads for vacationers are going to be that easy or pleasant to live in.
20/f
So I'm halfway done with college. And I feel stuck. I feel like this is the time when people start realizing who they are, what they want to do with their lives, and then they have all these changes going on. Well I feel like my life hasn't changed at all since like high school. Everyone I know is getting internships or serious relationships, or even just their attitudes are maturing. And I just feel the same as I've always been.
I'm the kind of person that get's bored with my life so I am always looking for some kind of change. Recently I've been craving a change so I quit my sport that I played in college. i have all this free time now and I'm still indifferent about how i feel about it.
I guess I'm just asking if anybody else has felt this way? What did you do about it? Wait it out and hope to find that change? or go out and do something about it? I just hate this "stuck" feeling....
Some passions in life, we stumble across accidently but if our lives are too predictable and routine without much opportunity to become exposed to something new that you may take a likingAu to or find purpose in, then you have to make those opportunities for exposure.
Not all of us realize who we really are all at once at a young age. FOr many it unfolds and is revealed slowly over our life and yet others never get a clue and go to their death bed that way. I wouldn't worry so much about not comparing to your friends.
Its like being a rat in a maze. Yor're at the entrance, refusing to move and take one of the tunnels cus you don't know which path to take. You see all your friends taking off down a path as if they have their life purpose figured out.
As you know with mazes, only one path leads to the prize or the exit. So most of the friends who looked like they had something going for them come to a dead end, turn around, come back years later and re evaluate. That's life.
You sound like the type who will get too antsy sitting around waiting to find that change fall into your lap. All I can think of right now is to try Meetups.com an online venue for helping people get together. Pretty much each major city should have meetups scheduled, just do a search for your town and see what type of groups are currently in existance. Some may be on topics that you never thought to investigate like natural health options, energy healing for examples. THen others meet to play board games. So the thing to do is expose yourself to subjects you haven't any particular feeling of like or dislike for and investigate it. Tell them why you're at their meeting wanting to get exposed to new things to find new possible passions and you'll have many willing to explain and teach about their passion. Other than that, being in college, it might be hard with studies to find time to explore new stuff. Only you know how much time you really have. Does the college have clubs you can join?
My fiance is seeking employment and on Thursday he lost his job. We are getting married Oct 13th and he had requested Oct 13-16th off which was approved. Now he lost his job and if he gets an interview before this date what should he say? We do not want to blow any chances of him getting hired. Please help!
He doesn't have to volunteer that information ahead and best not to at initial interview. Remember, theres lots of people unemployed and sometimes many for the same position. So he will not want to distract them from looking seriously at his qualifications as an employee because of 4 days leaave without pay that he requires.
He should wait to tell them until there is a 2nd interview or they are telling him, we want to hire you. Thats when he should tell them of the situation, if they really want him, then 4 days fora preplanned wedding should be no issue. Some employers aren't looking to hire immediately anyways and the job start date may not be for a couple of weeks due to their scheduling and needing someone available to train him if applicable.
People can be funny though and may rule him out at an initial interview just because of that and not look at his actual qualifications when he may be best prospect for a position.
I fingerd my girlfriend after she gave blowjob ...i inserted my finger after couple of minutes ....im scared where she will get pregnant ...i touched my cock and sperm was in my hand but it was dried ...will she get pregnant ...?what are the steps to avoid it
Next time, wash your hands thoroughly first...maybe it doesnt sound romantic to stop what you are doing, but its better than her getting pregnant.
Whenever we're talking about semen on hands or penis and it getting near entrance or into vagina, whether you believe it all to be dried or not, you youcan't be 100% sure that all sperm were dead. So she should take plan B available at pharmacy. There may an age limit to purchase it. If so, she should go to Planned parenthood for it. As long as its taken with 3 days /72 hrs of the incident, then it will be effective, after that, not likely to help and she could get pregnant if she was ovulating. Make sure she takes that as soon as possible as a precaution. Hopefully she's not pregnant, but you might support her going to PP and getting on some birth control, even if you're not ready for intercourse, just being naked together, and you having precum on the tip and it getting anywhere near her vagina accidently as you innocently cuddle, is enough to risk getting pregnant. Both of you can be more relaxed by just making sure she is always protected
I am a 14 year old "girl." First off, I'd like to tell u I'm very mature for my age and I attract people from left to rite. Also i do NOT like being the center of attention. My mom, little sister and I were at my mothers friends' house and she had a little son. He was about 3 and he kept chasing me, wanting me to hold him and of course I did..I didn't want to hurt his feelings anyways but every time he sees me he whines and wants me to hold him. My parents are divorced, I don't like admitting that btw but every weekend I come back home from my fathers(which is very early in the morning) my sister will always get out of bed and start kissing me, hugging me and my mother tells me I'm all she talks about when I'm out of her sight. The same with my two little cousins. Whenever they see me they are all over me, they keep hugging me, wanting me to play games with them, encouraging me to. They always invite me to come over to their house. Also my pastors wife told me one night that she felt in her heart that I am very important to God and I need to read Jeremiah 29:11 and put my name in that verse. My loved ones have even said they have always felt God has something really special for me. Another thing, I am creativingly inclined(so they say) I play guitar, saxophone, clarinet. I also enjoy singing, dancing, sports, photography and making things. I am also very modest, self conscious, and sweet.. I've also always felt like Earth isn't where I belong and I'm from somewhere else...and no matter how much I love or work hard in a relationship I'll never be good enough.. One more thing.. Satan has tried discouraging me soo many times but I've always defeated him with verses from the bible.. I am very close to God btw and I am on a Praise and Worship Team at my church. Sorry for the lengthy description but Thank u in advance(:
Not all churches teach or believe in incarnation so its interesting to hear you wonder about it. There is so much of the spiritual realm that would be too hard for us all to grasp so God doesnt reveal it all and most of it wouldn't change the life we are living and it's experiences anyways. I have heard mention of incarnations of aliens, angels, fairys, and something different called walk-ins.
I have also studied and read on the topic of souls and other spiritual beings like angels, seraphim, cherubim. From what I gather angel and other heavenly creatures were never meant to incarnate ever, they are constructed totally different from souls and that is not and never will be one of their experiences. A soul can act very angel like and that is likely what attracts the young children.
I do believe that our souls can incarnate, that God gives us many lifetimes in many places as opportunities to learn and grow to be more like Him. So I am more inclined to see a soul as having experiences in mortal lives which would include alien and likely fairies realm if they are real (I believe they are) just living in a higher dimension alongside our own so we usually can't see. are real (I tend to believe they are) don't see them. I believe in angels too tho I've never seen them. What matters most dear is your spiritual awareness at your age...not all have that. I was spiritually aware at your age too and have continued to grow with God throughout my life. It's been an amazing adventure.
To explain why you feel like you're not from earth, could be that your soul just senses lifetimes spent on another planet or that maybe it is a very old evolved soul and soon will no longer need to incarnate and it already identifies so closely with heaven as it's home. We all go there someday but not everyone thinks of it as home yet.
So if you had sex with someone who wasn't totally a stranger (like a one night stand)but then left once the 'deed was done' and did not stay the full night and go to sleep, what would the other person (still in bed) be thinking? Or is this a fairly common occurrence?
As to what the partner is thinking if you leave, it all depends on the person. If the both of you succumbed to attraction and just went for the sexual experience, likely the other person did not have any expectations. There is a period of time after sex when hormones are released that make most people feel good and feel closer to the person but it only lasts a few hours afterwards. Thats why so many enjoy cuddling and closeness after sex. But then again that's usually with someone you are dating, not a one night stand.
If the person leaving, leaves immediately after their orgasm, getting dressed and disappearing, gone in minutes....that would leave the partner feeling self conscious like what was the hurry to leave so quickly ?? Was it that bad? And their mind can concoct all sorts of paranoia. So if you get a bad reaction from leaving too soon, it may be the timing, not that you arent staying overnight.
This is Lilliana. Alri8 I need help I seriously do !!!!!
Your answer to that particular " TELL ME SOME WAYS TO COMMIT SUICIDE" question helped Me too, Coz I was on my way to finding some ways for fast painless death. Nd ur'e answer brought me back or made me think, about my little "I'm on a suicidal mission" mind or whatever was it .
but I need to tell u dat m an ordinary girl who dreams of Damon Salvatore at night. Nd that I hv family issues.My mother nd I nowadays hv man-eater troublesome fights nd my daddy's, nature towards me is hectic. He is always blaming me of every thing that happens in our house nd BCOZ of him my mamma nd I hv physical fights I never ever wanted my life too turn out like this .I feel like everything is over it's finished. Today we had a fight once I again and I felt there's, no need for me to live if I'm the reason behind chaos crafted in the house . Tell me wt to do???
When there is fighting, abuse and/or violence at home, the kids almost always think that they caused it. Any psychiatrist could tell you that. The fact is, it is not true.
If your parents fight with you physically, thats physical abuse, if they verbally put you down and name call and such, thats verbal abuse. There are some issues going on internally with your parents that would still be there even if you had never been born. It sounds like they need to see counselors and you would need it to recover from the abuse. So family would be what I suggest but I dont think your parents would be willing to do this is they have not come to the conclusion on their own that they need some mental health and that what they do is affecting you. It may come better from another adult. So talk to any adult relatives and ask for their help. Talk to officials in school and ask them what can be done. You have nothing to be embarassed about personally so though it might be uncomfortable, share with them how home life has made you feel. to what extent it has brought you to wanting to end your life. There must be some agencies in your country that can help. You just need to discover who they are and perhaps other adults can help you do so.
Hey guys.. I'm super excited because my one year anniversary with my boyfriend is coming up this Saturday. Problem is I don't know what to give him because he is doing well financially and he can basically afford anything he wants.
I only came up with this- puting my favorite picture of us(from a studio photo shoot)into a nice frame.
Or..buying lingerie,candles and wine and having mind blowing sex :-)
HELP.
Congratulations on making one year. Anniversaries and observances of other special dates are a bigger thing to many females than it is to males. The fact that they have you in their life is celebration enough, a daily celebration in their heart every time they see you. Some guys remember dates like this and others don't. Has he mentioned the anniversary coming up? Have you mentioned something to him? If not, better say something soon to bring it to his attention ask him what he wants to do for it. If you don't say anything and he is surprised by all the fuss you went through and a gift you have for him when he is unprepared and doesnt have one for you, he will feel bad. The fact he doesn't remember a date like a female might doesnt mean he doesn't care. It's what he decides to do once he is reminded of the date that shows if he cares or not.
Since you've already mentioned a photo and also mentioned lingerie, I was reminded of something I used to see at the malls years ago, a photo place called Glamour shots. I don't know if there's something of the equivalent near you...but the photographers have staff who do the makeup and hair and have some lingerie or sexy top for a head and torso shot that make a person look like a sexy celebrity. I don't think you have time for that but it might make a nice gift for Christmas.
If you guys are sex partners, then perhaps a book on the kama sutra and you guys can have fun trying all the positions. There are other racy things you can do too, one favorite I read in a book to bring spice into the marriage was to lay some towels over the bed for easy cleanup later. You lay down and put whipping cream and little bits of fruit on you and you are basically the plate he eats it off. Whipping cream melts and slides off quickly due to body heat. Any movie scene with whipping cream that stays in place while the person is standing is because it was shaving cream, not whipping cream. So theres a couple of ideas for you.
I use 14-day contact lenses (Acuvue Oasys) and have a few boxes left for a prescription I was given almost two years ago. I still want to continue using them, it's financially difficult for me to get a new prescription and lenses, so I hope the ones I have will do. My question is, are prescriptions pretty much stable after 2 years? For about how much longer can I use my contacts before I absolutely have to get another prescription? I am 29 years old, so as far as I know, my vision should be stable and I should hopefully be able to use the lenses for a while longer, but I just want to make sure.
Yes, you can use them. I always found I had contacts left by time it was time for my next appt. So if my eyesight had not changed, i let the dr. know how many I had left.
I always wore mine for longer than they suggest. You kind of can tell when a pair no longer feels comfortable even after cleaning and you must break out a new pair. They say they worry about a person getting germs, infections if you dont use a new pair often enough. I personally think it was a gimmick to make more money on re-sales of lenses.
I think the solution that new contacts sit in is what preserves them. The solution doesn't age because air can't get to it, its sealed. However, its another story if its an old pair you discover in a contact case at the back of the medicine cabinet that you've worn before and forgot to toss and now due to a broken contact have no choice but to wear. That's old and I wouldn't trust it except longer enough to wear to drive to dr. to get replacements.
i just hate this life i want to die i don't understand for what am i living i am a big loser i lost everything in life nothing is left i want to die i don't know what to do
Obviously, if you continue to do whatever you have been doing, you can expect no change.
So logically, anything you try and do differently should bring a change for the better, especially for a person who has hit rock bottom and feels they want to die.
For there to be growth, opportunity to learn, and advance in life, there has to be some catalyst, something that causes that friction, muscles that are strengthened through the experience such as butterflies struggle to emerge from cocoon and a baby chicken from its shell. If you were to help out a butterfly to get out of it's cocoon, it would be crippled for life cus it was robbed of the experience to grow strong through the struggle. IN a way, thats how it is for humans, we either grow stronger from the circumstances life throws at us or we decide to give up and not fight against them. If a chick thought it was too hard to get out of a shell and gave up struggling, what do you suppose would happen to him? Well, he would die because his growth in a shell part of his life experience has come to an end, he is meant to walk around breath air, grow feathers and peck around for food, so if he didn't try, he'd die in the shell for lack of food.the opportunity
I don't know if you are getting my point yet but every human is given their own set of circumstances that is meant to help them grow stronger through the struggle against it like the struggle against the cocoon or the shell.
The reality is that the circumstances each individual faces isn't going to be the same. Like where's the battle for a kid born into a rich family?
There are people right this very minute facing exactly the same set of circumstances as you. SOme feel like you, some find it even harder than you do, and others face the same things and yet still have a joy in life. I am not making that up. I and hubby for example are unemployed, and someone took us in, otherwise we'd have no place to live. The fact that my ancient lap top that consistantly has operational problems will still function one more day means I am able to take my focus off myself, and think about how I can possibly encourage or help others by giving advice on here.
So lets say if two people face the same crappy life,
but one feels like ending it
the other feels a joy and purpose yet in life,
then where is the difference? For a clue, what one word do you find present in both phrases?
Feels
The battle is done in our minds, feelings and emotions which come from our subconcious mind and affect our heart. You can not control your circumstances, but you can control how you respond and react to them and it starts with your thinking, and thoughts. If your thoughts stink, then so will you feel in life.
I had to cut short a FB chat with my sister yesterday because her thinking is lots more negative than mine. Every thing she tried to tell me of things she thought would help me came out as all the things that won't work no matter what I try. But halfway through the convo. I began to get upset, began to feel nauseous and sick to my stomach and could feel my peace and joy, draining away. I had to make an excuse to cut it short. Then I did what I usually do first when I feel that way, boost my vibrational energy by singing favorite songs, or listening to the ones where the melody makes my soul and heart feel light like a balloon, movement helps too, so I did some stretches and excercise, focused on taking some deep breaths, and got a couple long bear hugs from hubby. Hugging releases something in people that naturally helps their brain feel better about whatever was troubliing it. We cannot face lifes difficulties if the levels of our neuro-transmitters are too low. And other than people born with a chemical imbalance in the brain that requires they take medication to make up for it, the majority of us can treat it ourselves by doing some of the things I mentioned I do. It works for me, it worked for my daughter when she was depressed over a 2nd boyfriend dumping her again. Recently, a 3rd guy left her. She used these methods to avoid going into depression this time. After 3 different guys dumping a gal, thats enough reason for some women to give up and want to end their life...not my daughter, she is finding joy in life despite her circumstances. Another way to boost low NTs, neuro-transmitters in brain is laughter, so watching really good comedies is helpful.
For where you are at, I know what I mentioned sounds useless, or too hard to do, no motivation to give it a try. Do I "feel" like doing the things that help me cope? No, not always but I have to push myself through it initially by sheer stubborn willpower until it begins to take effect and my attitudes and feelings self correct.
If you'd like someone to talk to further, you can write me again. Just go to my column dear and post a message to me. And things you put in comments where you evaluate what I wrote you, I cannot respond to.
I bought a promise ring for my boyfriend of two years. He works at a hotel, and I want to give it to him in a very spontaneous way. I was thinking of post-it noting his car while he's working, getting someone to call his work phone and telling them his car was getting towed, and when he comes running out, I was going to jump out from behind the car and telling him I love him and even though I made some mistakes, I want to give him a promise that I want a forever with him when we're older/can afford it.
Does this sound like a good idea? Do you think he'd get in trouble? I was going to do it towards the time he gets off.
The only folks I know of who are into promise rings are the Christians. So unless he is from a church going christian family and aware of what a promise ring is, it may be a shock to a guy to have a girl present him with a ring, ask him to wear it, promising to remain a virgin until his wedding night with her? If I were a young guy christian or not, I would be freaking out.
I may be totally misinterpreting what you wrote so if I have this wrong, I apologize. I can only answer based on how I interpret what you wrote.
I don't mean to burst your bubble. You sound like a romantic. But theres not enough info. in your description to assure me that you both have professed love to each other and having discussed marrying in the future.
You say you love him, not that he feels the same way back. You may think he does, but if he hasnt come to the conclusion in his mind that he is in love with you, giving him a ring and saying that this ring means you promise to each other that you will marry some day. Thats a lot of pressure on a guy just starting his own life. I don't know how young you are. I don't know what these mistakes you made are. If giving a ring is your way of apologizing, I think it may be better to just have a conversation and apologize. I hope you both have had many conversations up to this point on the topic of your love for each other with both of you imagining the future of you both together. Cus if you have, then it would be appropriate to surprise him with a ring, not at work, just going out to a nice intimate dinner should be sufficient. Its not the setting that will make it any more special for him...guys aren't like that. It maybe means something to a girl if a guy gets creative in giving her a gift, not so much for guys.
If on the other hand, the two of you have not openly professed to each other that you love each other, and you have never told him, and this is how you want to tell him that you love him for the very first time..., not a good idea.
But then you don't have to believe me. Follow your heart, go ahead try it and find out for yourself how he reacts. If you scare him away, then I suggest you start buying and reading books about the differences between men and women like one example "Men are from Mars, Women are from venus" but there are many others that teach how to understand the opposite sex better and how to use that knowledge to have a better relationship communicating to each other without misunderstanding, and misinterpretations etc... that can lead to fights and arguing
How can I win my wife back? I am a 34 year old female. I have been married for a year, but we have been together for 5yrs.
You don't share much. We dont know if she's still with you but acting cold and aloof or if she left you after 4 yrs of dating and 1 yr of marriage.
If you were not right for each other in the first place and tried to force this to work cus you both were "nice" people, nice isn't always enough...eventually a relationship or marriage without that spark or real chemistry is going to run out of gas so to speak, break down.
Or, if everything was fine and then abruptly changed, it could be something you said or did that has her upset enough to not talk or to leave you.
See, without knowing what caused your situation, all we can do is guess. Length of time together doesn't guarantee a healthy realtionship. Happily ever after doesnt happen just because you wish it so, it only happens when both parties put in maximum effort to make it so. That piece of advice can fit many situations. For anything more specific, give us more detail.
Okay, well, I'm a 14 year old girl. Typical teen but everyday is like a constant reminder of how much I have failed. The weird thing is no one says anything to me. I wake up every day wondering what the fuck my life is about. I wake up every day feeling like a failure to everything. I talk to myself. I think myself as fat and I weigh 155. I feel so horrible about myself that it is effecting my personality. I used to be happy and hyper but lately at lunch at school everyone seems to be annoying to me. Everyone talks about the same damn things. I really feel like I can't get out of this so called slump. Trust me, I have no friends at all that I would consider good friends cause they all hate me and talk behind my back. I get fucking sick and tired of this shit. I don't know what to do. I don't like telling my parents or family about it nor do I go to my counselor I used to see. What's wrong and how can I fix it because I feel like i"m done. Completely done. :/
Maybe its simply that there's a lack of purpose of goals or dreams for yourself. I will say its hard at 14 to know what your purpose in life is, what you are meant to accomplish in this lifetime. Do you think George Washington when he was 14 knew that one of his biggest life accomplishments was going to be the 1st president of the US. At 15 he couldnt go to school any longer. They were poor cus dad died when he was 11.
If I recall correctly he became a leader in the militia of 1,000 men. He had to think of more than himself, he had to think of the others under his command.
So he had a bad stroke of luck when he was young. He didn't focus on where he was at though.
So my only advice at this point is to try something, taking your focus off yourself and seeing what you can do for others. There are always opportunities to do something that will benefit others....the list is endless. The reason I stress volunteering help to someone or to an organization is that it will build character. It will also help put things into perspective, what you think is an awful life versus what others have to face. Use your imagination. Here's some examples to get you thinking in that direction. You could start with asking any teachers you like and get along with if you could help them out with anything before or after school, photocopying, and such. As a parent I volunteered an hour of time every morning in grade school and believe me, that teacher always had lots of stuff for me to do and really needed the help. Go back to a teacher in grade school and stop by after highschool and ask if you can help with correcting tests, making photocopies, etc... You'd be helping her and also building your self worth and self esteem.
I remember as a caregiver taking my client to a churches 'soup kitchen' dinner once a week for those of low income. They used who ever would volunteer to place servings of food on peoples plates. They didn't all cook. Some just served up portions and there were always teenagers as half the people in the buffet line dishing up food. You could check if there is a local church or soup kitchen you could offer to help at. Or offer to help at a local food bank.
Do you like animals? Animals are so trusting and accepting of anymore who will give them love and attention. Find out where the closest pet shelter is for pets awaiting adoption. Tell the people you love pets and want to volunteer your time to give some love and attention to the animals. If its too hard to get to, go just on weekend and ask mom or a relative to take you there or maybe learn if theres bus service to it. I wish I had thought of volunteering time at a pet shelter as a teen, that wouldve been loads of fun.
Guess what, here's a real fun one time thing you can do for Halloween. If you as well known by a neighbor who has little kids, volunteer to take them trick or treating for her. You can still dress up. or not. Lots of teens at this age feel silly going trick or treating. I did this as a teem for a sis 9 years younger. Lucky I had big pockets on me cus the folks insisted on giving me treats for being such a good sister.
Then there's Christmas and Toys for Tots or various other wishing trees or other places that will need volunteer help.
Do you like to read? B thankful you have vision to be able to read. Some old folks can hardly see anymore to read. Talk to a director of an old folks home. Some people there don't have anyone visiting ever. I don't like hospitals and it felt a little like that and its uncomfortable at first but this one place let me bring in our rabbits for people to have on their lap for a short while petting, even our big black lab. The people love the change of pace. Some people are losing their minds and wont make sense, you dont have to deal with them Seek out the ones who are lonely but still in their right mind. Read to them. Ask them what it was like when they were a kid, older folks can remember their past better than just last week. I even found that some people wanted help decorating for Christmas. Once I made paper snowflakes for one lady, everyone else wanted them too so I got the okay from staff to put snowflakes taped to the windows of the dining room. Once you start thinking about it and start keeping yourself busy with maybe several volunteer things, you'll find you don't have time to think about yourself.
No, its not an avoiding reality thing but getting busy doing all this stuff. It might seem like that but I am pretty sure if you give yourself the time for your heart to really get into it and keep doing it, not just one month and stop or a year and then stop cus you feel a tiny bit better, do it because the purpose of life is love, learning how to love and be loved, everything revolves around love. If people could really love each other, no matter sex, skin color,age, differeence of any kind, there'd be no war, no starving people, no homeless, no people who couldn't afford health care...everyone would be equally taken care of in a loving world.No, you can't fix the whole world but you can make a different in your little bit of the world. If every person alive made a difference in their little bit of the world...we would have a world full of love and happy people. This was long but I felt I had to give lots of details cus you may have been too depressed to think of it on your own. Good luck dear.
aptaken