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I Can't Take it Anymore. I was tricked into cheating now I want to die
Hi,
I'm a thirteen-year-old girl, and I hate my life for several reasons. I'm going to focus on just one reason right now so you don't have to read a super long question. This question is already long enough as it is with only one reason why I want to die.
One thing I should say is that I like girls. I just don't see guys in that way. I have a girlfriend too. She is my only reason to keep living right now.
Then another girl tricked me into cheating on my girlfriend. She lied to me to get me to do it. The fact is, I didn't even know what cheating was until this happened. After educating myself a little bit on what is and isn't acceptable, I realized what she had gotten me to do. Now I hate myself even more than I did before this happened.
I told the girl that I do not want to be a disloyal person. She told me again that what we were doing was not cheating, and I explained why it was actually cheating and why I didn't want to do it. She got all angry at me about it, and then she said that I had to tell my girlfriend.
But I talked to my mom about it, and she said that I shouldn't tell my girlfriend. She said I had already learned my lesson about cheating and realized that I had been lured into it. And she said that I would only hurt my girlfriend if I told her. So I decided that I would rather listen to my mom than the other girl.
After that, however, the other girl said that if I didn't tell my girlfriend, she would. This really stressed me out. My mom thinks I shouldn't tell my girlfriend, but if I don't, the other girl might tell her.
I can't believe how stupid I am. I don't have any common sense. I just want to die. I hate so many people right now -- especially myself. Besides, my girlfriend is my only reason to live anymore, and who knows what I would do if she broke up with me?
One thing I should add is that I have made plans before (you know, plans to kill myself), but they were ruined every time. And I have struggled on and off with cutting for a while now. If that helps anything.
P.S. I'm sorry for the length. And sorry that this didn't make any sense.
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Okay, sweetheart. let me preface this with my own experience. I am bisexual, and was once a cutter. So I understand how you are feeling.
I firmly believe that most people cheat at least once. I've done it. And your mom is right, it really would hurt your girlfriend. But it is a lot better that she hear it from you, and not the other girl. You should sit down with your girlfriend and explain to her what happened, and how you were tricked. Then go on to say that you needed to be honest with her, and need her. I'm sure she knows of your self harm, and thoughts of suicide, so make sure to then mention that you feel really guilty about it, and it has made you very upset and led to more self harm and thoughts of suicide.
Everything will work out fine! :)
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It sounds to me like girl #2 who lured you into something may be somewhat of a controlling type of personality. What makes me suspicious is her trying first to convince you a 2nd time that there was nothing wrong with what you did. And when you showed some personal strength and stood your ground and held onto your beliefs and convictions, she got angry. And then she began to make threats in a last attempt to regain control of you. She doesn't want you to think for yourself, she wants a puppet who will do whatever she says, someone who will give up all rights to think for themselves and allow another to control your life. Your just 13 hon. You can't possibly have learned how to be a good judge of character yet when it comes to your peers. But as soon as you do discover it and stand your ground, it shows that you are of more stable moral character than she is. You're in a learning process. We all are supposed to make mistakes and learn from them. That is normal. The people who do not learn from their mistakes, they are the one with serious issues which among them can be a mental illness of some sort or a family life where this is the only behavior she's ever witnessed so she thinks it is normal and has no clue that her family life is F$%ked up. It's hard growing up yes...but you may a have little of the perfectionist in you and are being too hard on yourself. You have a wonderful supportive mom.
Girl #2 is hoping that either you will freak out and cave in and come back to her, or go tell your friend so you can be first when she has no intention of doing so, just hoping to spoil the relationship between you and your girlfriend. Your girlfriend is in the same spot as you in just beginning to learn to judge peoples characters. And she could easily be fooled too.
Soooo, if at worst case scenerio, girl #2 decides to say something to her to spoil things for you so your friend is hurt and won't talk. All you need to do is talk to mom and ask her if she'd be willing to step in and help. If the girl #1 gets thinks you chose not to fess up to her and thats why shes hurt, mom can tell her that all adults you consulted including her, suggested you don't say anything based on the fact #2 may just have been making empty threats. Your mom might have to be willing to talk to her, and her mom if mom knows you guys, and both moms then can explain what a trouble making, controlling type of person is and how even she could easily have been suckered in. You explained yourself well, so I can tell you're a very intelligent, bright young lady who will likely have a very successful satisfying life. I am grandma age...I have enough life experience to be able to pick up these things from what a person writes. The very fact that you wrote in asking for advice and telling your story shows that you want to do well in life, you really do care about being the best you can be.
About hating others....not a single person on the planet can "Make" anyone do something they don't want to do, or make them want to make changes for the better. That is something that must come from inside of them so your words or actions are not going to get anywhere. The world is full of souls not as mature as yours. Some of them you might even call evil or malicious. They just have a longer road ahead to getting to where you are. You can try to avoid people like that in situations where you have a choice, such as not inviting them into your circle of friends and acquaintances. But in life, we must come into contact with such people in school, as adults on the job, as neighbors living near you. So think of it as an opportunity to learn how to control your thoughts, anger, frustration and not stoop to their level. Be civil and courteous if forced to speak to such a person but give nothing more. Let their hateful or teasing words roll off your back like water off a duck. Good luck dear. You sound like a wonderful daughter, Your mom must be very proud of you.
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It's good that you know now what you did. But you honestly shouldn't be in a relationship when you don't know what cheating is.
Anyways, why are you still talking to this other girl? She should be out of the picture. You cheated with her, now she wants revenge because you're not doing what you were doing with her, you're letting her manipulate you.
Cut this girl out of your life.
It's completely up to you to tell your girlfriend about this. Most people can't live with the guilt and then it comes out later and hurts even worse. Just keep that in mind.
But seriously, you're 13. You're only reason to live should not be your girlfriend. That's extremely unhealthy. When I hear people say that their significant other is their only reason to live, I'm extremely disappointed.
So, my advice would be to not be in this relationship. It's not good for you right now. You need to talk to your mom to get some help with your suicidal thoughts and cutting.
When you're in a relationship, you need to know what cheating is.
Also, what if you this never happened, but her feelings had changed and she didn't want the relationship? You can't just end your life because of that.
You need to get your life on track first. You need to get help. Make sure a girl isn't the only reason you're living and then you can be in a healthy relationship.
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First, You didn't go into detail to exactly what happened.
Second, Nobody can "trick" you into cheating. It's either you do or you don't unless of course you were FORCED to do something sexual then this would be sexual assault, rape.
There is a huge difference between being sexually assault and tricked into doing something.
Now as for telling your girlfriend, This is entirely up to you. Just know that if she did find out and confronted you about the situation, It would be really wrong on your part to come out and lie about it. If you really care for her, Be honest and don't keep things from her.
Unfortunately, You have learned a lesson. Remember, Nobody can make you do anything you do not want to do. NEVER allow someone to manipulate you or take advantage of you. You are your own person who has your own rights.
Relationships will come and go, We learn, We grow and we make mistakes. It's apart of life hun and at the age of 13, You are going to experience a lot more in your life then this relationship.
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