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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

advice

i am thinking of taking my life. does any one know of after life experiences of those who tried and came back?

I have never heard of any such stories shared in a book, only those who died in some accident and came back.
If you are serious about it, no one here is going to help you figure out how to.
Its best that you look up the 24 hr hotline for crisis intervention for your area and call them. It is best if you can talk out what you are feeling and the reasoning behind wanting to end your life with someone who is trained to help in this kind of situation. Perhaps in your state of mind, you can't see any avenue of help or relief or path to take...kinda like a mouse lost in a maze not knowing which way to turn. It may take someone outside of your situation with a different perspective to help show you several other solutions that you may not have thought of before or realized were a possibility.

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I have been dating a guy not very long. He was working at a pizza place. He quit because he has an interview for a better job. I have been buying his ciggeretes and some other stuffs. I have bought gift cards he got for christmas off of him so he could have cash. He reward my kids good. But he hates the world hes racist. Pretty bad i feel a conection with him like we are meant to be together we have more good things than bad. I also have a friend i was talking to before him we became really good friends and we meet online hadnt meet but can just talk about everything ( the friend ) ive been seperated since july im not divorced yet bc i had to wait 6 Months of living in a new state. If you can tell i have a lot on my mind and im not coping well. Any advice would help please

When it comes to relationships, the sooner a woman gets in touch with her self, her needs and wants and is able to discover what her own hopes and dreams are, her beliefs, her morals, her talents, her weaknesses, her strengths, her hobbies, her goals are, then she will be able to become a strong confident woman who knows what she needs and wants, and won't settle for less, or for a man trying to change her and model her into something else. Stay true to yourself and all you stand for. Once you can do all that without a man, then you may go looking for a mate, not before then as you'll be too weak minded without any particular direction you're headed in and you're more likely to end up with a guy who is not the best person for you and will somehow prevent you or keep you from becoming all you can be.
Now, on the other hand, if you listen to my advice a learn how to be strong and confident and know what you stand for and are pursueing it, then it is safe to add a man into your life. For you will be able to determine if that man has similar hopes and dreams, if he is the kind of man who will accept you as you are, not try to change you, he will support and uphold all you are trying to be, the support comes in encouragement, financially, helping with tasks and schedules so you have the time to devote to what you are best at, he is loving and caring towards all people, has unconditional love for his woman etc. Until I really learned to love myself and do what was right for my mental, emotional, and physical welfare, I was in a bad place with lots on my mind, an abusive marriage and I had to decide to leave. I was not going to jump from the frying pan into the fire and date any guy I could find, I could not settle for a different version of "negative traits" from what i had before. Don't settle for less. Always look for someone much better. If you are unable to work on yourself as I did and achieve some personal changes and growth and healings, you will not be able to attract a whole healthy man who will treat you like a Queen. You will find you seem to attract guys as bad as the ex. How many times has a woman asked, How come I keep running into and getting hooked up with jerks? Because something crucial hasn't changed in her yet. Until she learns what it is that needs to change and what she needs to learn, her future success with men isn't going to be much better than with the lasthttp://www.squidoo.com/marilyn-monroe. I am not trying to make you sound like a messed up person. I just know this because I went through it. I only wished I had learned sooner and didnt need to stay with the 1st guy 30 yrs to learn. If you have any other specific thing you want addressed, perhaps I can give you more specific advice. Other than that, this is the best I can tell you.

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I'm a 15 year old girl with a physical disability that prevents me from losing weight easily, but I'm still trying to lose it. I know that obesity and being overweight causes you to be bigger in places, but my calfs are quite big.. and they're not 'fat' either.. it's muscle!

I just don't know how to get them to be smaller.. I work out at the gym, play racquetball and walk the treadmill.. but nothing. And please don't just respond with; lose weight. I know losing weight will obviously help. That's why I'm trying. Like I said they're MUSCLE they don't 'jiggle' or anything.. I have really strong legs. Just help??

I don't see what the problem is, if there is no fat to lose and your legs are pure muscle, then that is their normal size, it's hereditary...passed down in the family genes somewhere, even if mom doesnt look like you do.
When you say you are trying to lose weight, are you weighing yourself on a scale, assuming a lower number means you are healthier?
Thats not always the case. Water and fat can weigh alot if a person is very obese. But a fit person with no extra fat can weigh the same as another person who is overweight. The reason is that muscle mass is heavier than fat and water. Its like comparing the weight of rocks to jello and water. There is no comparing the weight differences to determine if you are as healthy as possible. Whats more important is the amount of fat per body mass and how much aerobic exercise you get along with a healthy diet. I don't know what kind of physical disability would prevent a person from losing weight easy. Usually when weight loss Is recommended by a doctor, it is hard for any person to lose. Weight comes on easier than it goes off. Has a Doctor recommended that you do something to lose weight? If so, you should be talking to your doctor or have the parents talk to your doctor.
My guess is that like most teen age girls, you have issues with how you look and don't think you look pretty enough, lack self confidence perhaps, and are trying to look like the images of women that the media feed us that aren't even real or attainable. The latest craze I hear is about having a thigh gap or somethings wrong with your looks? Females learn at an early age to fret about their looks and buy all sorts of products that promise to make them look more like the models in photos. But the photos of the models have been digitally altered, even they don't look that good. If you compare what used to be considered the model of beauty to go after such as Marilyn Monroe in the 50's to what a model in a swimsuit looks like today, you will see a very big difference in the body size and proportions.
Follow this link to an article about Marilyn and scan down to two photos of her in a white swimsuit.
http://www.squidoo.com/marilyn-monroe

You will note that she doesn't have a tiny waist, has large hips and there is no thigh gap. In fact she has quite large thighs. And her chest seems average size, not overly large from implants and spilling out of the top. This is what used to be the standard. If there really was a fair standard for beauty, it wouldn't have to change. The only reason it changes is because some marketing executives idea of what should be considered beautiful today changes the standard usually to make money on beauty products which for the most part don't work anyways. Be happy with who you are dear.

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My dad is SUCH a mean, inconsiderate jerk. I wish I'd written this last night because I'm dying for someone to give me advice right now. I also wish I could tell you
all about my family history, but I'll try to keep it short.

My granddad (mom's dad) is in the hospital right now and my dad's being a jerk about it. I grew up with my grandparents living about a block from my home. They were a part of our daily lives. They helped raise me and my sister and have done an awful lot for all of us that we should be grateful for, as has my mom's entire family basically.

After my grandmother died, my sister and I were grown and she had moved away, but I was still in town and helped my mom take care of my granddad daily. My dad hardly does anything. He gets mad at my mom because he says that she takes better care of my granddad than she does of him, which is a lie and hypocritical because he takes better care of his parents and niece than he does of us.

My granddad fell in his driveway on January 11 and hit his head so hard on the concrete that he was diagnosed with a cracked skull, a concussion, and bleeding around the brain. My mom and I took him to the doctor, who said he'd be fine as long as it didn't get any worse, but this past saturday night, he has headaches that indicated that it WAS getting worse. We took him to the emergency room and he was airlifted to a bigger hospital in a city about an hour away. It's not quite as bad as it sounds, but he is having surgery tomorrow to drain the blood that is
building up.

Saturday, my dad sat on his fat butt, ate, and watched tv while we were at the emergency room. When I came home just for a moment to get some things, I told him what was going on and he still just sat there. Later, when my mom and I came home to pack, preparing to stay in the city that my granddad's hospital is in until we knew what was going to be done about his condition, my dad STILL just sat there and didn't come with us. Saturday night, all day sunday, and most of monday went by and all we got from him were a few texts. He didn't visit and he didn't even call to talk to us in person. He couldn't even pretend to care. Monday, he finally visited, but only because he was in town anyway to help a friend of his with something.

We got home yesterday and my parents invited me out to dinner. We went out and my dad, who was the one who WANTED to go out, was in a bad mood. He talked rudely and hatefully to us, so I stopped trying to pretend that I wasn't mad at him like I'd been doing for the sake of getting through thd dinner. Then, he asked how late I stayed up the previous night. It's like he thinks he's so amazing that the only logical explanation for how I could ever be mad at him is if I was tired, on my period, or someone poisoned me against him.

Then tonight, after I'd encouraged my mom to tell my dad how she felt, they had a HUGE fight that, lucky for me, I got to be there for. It was horrible. My dad started screaming at her for things that were not all that relevant to what was happening. My dad unjustly accused her and her family of things he has no right to accuse them of. Basically he just had a big pity party because he knew he was wrong, but has always been too egotistical to admit it, or at least that's what I think.

He accused my mom and her family of things, probably in an attempt to make excuses for why he hasn't been there for my granddad, but everything accusation he made were things that his own family has done and done worse. My mom's family treats him like a blood relative. They're more generous to him than he could ever repay them for and my uncle even paid for him to go to the Master's with hi. My dad's family leaves me and my mom out all the time. They plan things around our schedule, not to make sure we CAN come, but to make sure we CAN'T. However, can't say anything to him about it because he'll get mad and defend them. He advised my engaged sister to hold her tongue about her problems with her future in laws because that's what he wants my mom to do for him and what he feels is right. He's alright with his relatives treating his wife and daughters like scum, just not with us saying anything about it. However, He's constantly saying bad things about my mom's family.

My dad's sense of right and wrong is very distorted. I'm sick of him being a hypocrite and I'm sick of him being mean and thoughtless to us and our extended family, especially my mom. Does anyone have any good advice?

I can understand you are hurting because Dad shows no emotion and doesnt seem capable of being grateful,loving, caring, supportive, etc. It's probably due to the family he was raised with. Theres a likelihood they never showed emotion, never showed love for each other and the only thing they had was a sense of pride in was their bloodline. Being related by blood means more than unconditional love to them. They may not even love each other but they show preference in taking care of out of duty to someone of their own blood. This alone, does not make a healthy functioning family. Sounds very disfunctional to me. Makes me wonder why your mom ever married him in the first place.
You are the one asking, not your mom, so I can't say what she should be doing. Your Dad is stuck in life, having had many good examples of what a loving caring family is, for him to have decided to make some changes in his personality. Change is hard for people. Some take an entire lifetime to make one small change and others never do at all. Its up to mom to decide whether she wants to stay with him even though life with him is a dead end and will never get better, or if she wants to leave. What needs to be dealt with is your feelings. I can understand being very angry at your father. My daughters have felt the same. My oldest said she hated him so much she didn't want him to ever meet his grandchild. My youngest and her boyfriend are so upset with his recent treatment of them in last 6 mo. that she says when she does marry the guy she wont invite Dad. I simply told them what I will basically tell you here:
What you do, how you react is entirely your choice. Dad is not likely to get any better. (I left their dad over 6 yrs ago) So I can understand how for your own mental health and well being if you limit your time with him or choose not to ever see him again. But will you as a loving caring person find yourself with regrets once you are on your death bed? Some times in life, the child ends up more mature and loving and adult-like in behavior than their actual parent or parents. Just because someone is biologically your parent and older than you doesn't mean they have a good grasp on life and are living theirs to the best and the fullest. You can not force anyone to grow up including a parent. In fact, we as humans are incapable of making any person change for the better. We can at most present a good example for them to follow but the desire to change ones behavior must start in their minds with will power kicking in to see it through. When a person is stuck, they don't want to hear about how what they do makes you feel. They are not open to hearing what is lacking or what expectations anyone has of them. They are not in a place where mentally and emotionally they are even capable of receiving and dealing with such information. So both of you confronting your dad as you have, which you can see, did not produce favorable results. So what can you gain from having had him as a father? Determination to not marry someone just as bad and repeat the same story because you can see what effects it has had on mom and you kids. But love can blind us to someone faults, we can end up lying to ourselves about the warning signs we see early on and instead of bailing then, we hang on thinking it will miraculously get better cus we are praying to God asking him to help. God can not answer a prayer that involves the will and decisions of another person in relation to you because He's given that same choice of free will to every people, not only the ones who are doing the best with it. So if God isn't going to step in and change your Dad, there isn't much you can do but pray that God or dads angels are able to influence the thoughts in his mind and heart, so he finally decides to change for the better.
You need to be able to forgive him for not having been a better father. You just need to feel it inside, its not something you say to him cus he won't receive it and start a fight. If he's not asking for forgiveness, say nothing to him. What I am talking about is letting go of the disappointments and to really forgive, cus not forgiving won't hurt him at all, but it will hurt you over time bringing on all sorts of illness.
If Dads biggest lesson to learn in life was to be more loving and supportive to everyone and he failed. And what if one of your big lessons to learn in life is forgiveness, are you going to choose to fail at your lesson just because he failed at his? It doesnt make sense when looked at that way, does it? I had to decide to forgive my ex husband for the many hurtful things he said or did to me during 30 years. I found it easier to forgive if I found a different way to feel about the situation, looking at it from a different point of view. Instead of looking at it from a standpoint of all the negative done towards me, I chose to realize that without adversity, there is no impetus for myself to have grown. I learned to love myself enough to remove myself from an abusive relationship that was finally beginning to affect my physical health the last 5 of those years. I learned better how to understand God and how all that works, with prayer, people having free will, and of course the need to forgive. I realized that if my ex had not been the harsh man he was, I would have never grown as a soul in the areas I did. Personal growth for each of us souls is the end goal, to become more like our creator. So I decided I was happy to have had the opportunity to learn to grow, as painful as it was, but looking back, it was all worth it. If forgiveness is one of the things you need to experience, if you don't master it with your dad, the lesson will keep repeating throughout your life in other circumstances until you pass the test...thats the way it works. I know its not easy. You may need to go through grieving, the fact of never having had the dad you really wanted, before you are ready to forgive. Other than all this, I can't think of any else. By the way, each of my daughter have come to grips with the fact that Dad will never be any better than he currently is, so they limit their time visiting him and the moment his behavior or words or lack of caring begins to affect them, they leave. So they dont have to deal with guilt over keeping Dad out of their live, they keep things on their terms and when he is unreasonable or says hurtful things, they don't take it personally because they know he is emotionally crippled and also mentally got some illness going on, they do the smart thing and avoid taking on more negative vibes from him than is neccesary and leave the moment he starts. It doesnt seem to affect him adversely when they just say they have to go and just upbruptly leave. It's like he is coasting through life oblivious to what he is doing and how its affecting others. Perhaps your Dad is oblivious, maybe due to some undiagnosed mental impairment like my kids dad. Their Dad is on a never ending cycle that keeps repeating: cheery happy, irritated, loses his patience, angry and then hurtful, apologizes and then repeat, rinse, do over again. Haha, but sadly thats what some peoples lives are like. Hope this gives you a broader perspective on whats going on.

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I'm having trouble understanding what masturbation is?

You didn't say whether you are male or female so i will explain for both.
First lets see what Wikipedia says of Masturbation:

Masturbation is the sexual stimulation of one's own genitals, usually to the point of orgasm. The stimulation can be performed using the hands, fingers, everyday objects, or dedicated sex toys.

For a girl, this would include rubbing her clitoris until she has an orgasm. Using some lube on the area, helps with the friction and enhances the stimulation. She also has a G spot which she may be able to reach herself and stroke it until she has an orgasm. It is best to watch videos that explain how the mechanics of orgasm work in a female, I will include that.
For a male, it involves the stroking of his penis with his hand in any way that produces these wonderful feelings. If the penis is erect at the time, stroking it can get it to become engorged with blood. The reason people masturbate is several.
First, its a good way for a young person going through puberty to begin to explore their sexuality. Its not a matter of losing virginity but a series of different experiences or steps they come across in their sexual debut or experience. Some people use it to relieve the high level of horniness they feels. Others use it also as a stress relief. Its one of the best stress relievers around for all kinds of stress, not just sexual stress. Some couples like to do mutual masturbation on each other so a person would use their hands on their male partners penis, and for the girl, her partner would use their fingers or hands on the girl.
As you can imagine, this is slightly more difficult than doing it yourself because you can't feel the stimulation through nerve endings as they are and therefore have no idea if what you are doing is working right. So requires a good level of constant communication between partners, saying when something does feel good and asking to change something to go faster/slower, harder/softer change location. It is a good idea to master getting yourself to orgasm first before trying to explain it to a partner. No there isn't just one way. Everyone is different, so with every sex partner, you have to learn from scratch, what works for them. If you do a search online, or even for videos on you tube, I am sure you can find lots of info. Here's the one video I promised.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WVL_GudwAOI

The Univ. of Ore who put out this video had many in the series, 9, this is number 4. So you might want to go check out the others too

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I'm 15 and have 38 D breasts and I cant get them to have the effect of a push up bra. (They don't round at the top and they don't go touch together.) It annoys me so much!! My friend has 34 A breasts and hers do exactly what I want mine to do. How can I get them to have that cleavage 'effect'?

Have you asked yourself why you think rounder breasts touching in the middle to produce a cleavage is more desirable? Breasts come in many different shapes, sizes, and nipples that vary as much as the breasts do. The range of difference can even be in the same family. And guess what! It is all natural and every female has to learn to be content with what she has. Young people today, girls and boys are being inundated with media that tells them what the perfect body is supposed to look like. God never intended humans to look like the makeup tricks, camera angled, botox, face lifts, implants, computer manipulated photos of what we are shown as what we need to strive for. It pretty much doesnt exist. The rarity of one female being born meeting todays standards of beauty without having anything done to her is rare, like 1 in 1,000 because thats the oddity, the rest of us with all of our differences are normal and yes we all can be desireable.

At 15, boys haven't yet had time to figure out what they like for real yet. Too many are tricked into going after the girls that they first see pushed at them in the media, even through movies. Beauty on the outside doesn't mean there is beauty on the inside. Eventually in time, they will veer away from the images media tells both girls and guys that is the perfect looking girl or guy, and the males will develop their own personal tastes in women which do not follow at all the images of models or hollywood. Males as they get older, in college years, sometimes beyond, discover that they find the personalities of women just as important if its going to be someone they want to love for the rest of their life. Older men in interviews and in shows on relationships and dating, have stated that what they find the most attractive on a woman is "Confidence". Its not the makeup, the clothes, a models body, that get most the guys to like them. In fact if you had two twin girls in the same place and one was not confident, one was, the male would be attracted to the confident one. Hate to have to tell you that beauty is over rated. It isn't just our looks that make us who we are, its everything else that is as important if not more so.
So to answer your question, is there anything to make your breasts look the way You want them to, short of surgery, probably not. Even then its no guarantee. I used to work for a claims company filing when i was younger. I got a chance to see all the photos from doctors wanting to do reconstructive surgery to breast enhancements gone wrong. Never saw any surgerys needs to reconstruct face lifts gone bad, or other cosmetic stuff, just the breasts. And it was gruesome to see how mutilated looking their chests were now. Just on the off chance that you were one of the breast surgery recipients whose body rejected the implants, grew scar tissues, created cysts and nodules due to the presense of implants or was allergic to, etc... and the best Dr. in the world had very little they could do to make you look anywhere near your normal self again, if your only choices were deformed grotesque chest and your normal self, which would you choose. Thats easy, no one would choose to be grotesque looking, not really having much of anything that could even be recognized as breasts again. However, the choice is yours. Someone may say to try particular bras. Bras can only push and reposition what you have to a degree but I doubt you'll ever find one that does exactly what you want and if its possible, perhaps it hasnt been invented yet.
My advice is to learn to be happy with what you have. I have a site for you to look at. Females your age through nursing moms age, submitted photos of their breasts for this study on what normal breasts really look like. The females were able to add comments with their photo. Some were flat and said their boyfriend or husband or fiancee loved them just like that never wanting them to look different thru a particular bra or surgery. Some had two differing sizes, small, large, pointed sideways or frontwards, with and with out cleavage, and more differences in nipples and areolas (area around nipple) than differences in breasts. None of these gals had a problem with their breasts and as a result, since they accepted themselves, to the male who was attracted to them, their breasts or overall looks wasn't a deciding factor on whether they loved the gal or not. At 15, you're just starting to define who you are. Don't let media, or your friends, or a boyfriend or your parents try to define who you are. And, you do not need to have fully figured out who you are yet either. Its a process that will go on your whole lifetime with the bigger discoveries made first and biggest changes perhaps earlier in life and the smaller minor adjustments that come as you grow older and wiser. Now heres the link. Please watch dear.

http://www.007b.com/breast_gallery.php

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I have a religious family. I'm Gay and My family knows but pretend it's not there. I'm 22 years old and the guy I date is 33years old. I want my family to meet him. But, I'm afraid that my family wouldn't want to have anything to deal with me anymore after I tell them that i'm gay and officially in a relationship with a guy. My grandparents are my pastors and i'm not sure what to do. I can't help that i'm gay it's not a choice. I have tried to change whom I am. Plenty of times and Nothing has changed. I haven't seen my family for about 2 close to 3 months now. I have a niece who is 4years old and is my world and my nephew is almost a year old and he is my world. I'm not sure who to turn too and who would be there for me when they disown me. I need HELP!!! PLEASE ANYONE!!! :/ I Can't do this. I just want them to love me no matter what. I love them so much and i'm not sure what to do. Please. I Have realized I want them to meet the person i'm in love with and who I really care about. advice please!:)

Since you say they know but choose to pretend its not so by not discussing it, the fact is, they don't need to be told that you are gay, they simply need to be open to hearing you out. Most people fear and hide from that which is different from themselves, and always view anyone who isn't just like them as not being of the norm. So its going to be a process for most family members of gays who are coming out about it. I think the idea of seeking out the most supportive understanding family member to stand with you is a good thing. I have heard of churches who accept members who are gay, or have pastors who are gay and are on the whole, or are pretty much gay supportive with mostly gay members. Since your grandparents are pastors, I think it would be good if you are religious yourself, to find yourself a gay church or gay pastor. Let that pastor come to know you as a parishioner, and bring the pastor to meet your family and support your feelings and views if you can't find one family member who is open to it and accepting.
I think having a Gay pastor to speak to your family, especially from the standpoint of being on equal ground as far as religious knowledge is a favorable thing as far as getting a chance to be heard by all family including your Pastor grandparents. I think the biggest thing your family may have to deal with is how they will look in the eyes of any of the congregation to be found to have a child who is gay. That could be where they get hung up on this until they decide to accept you and be proud of you for who you are, and seeing this as part of who you are, not a choice you made. So many withhold their love and support. I have watched you tube videos made by gay people who show how they broke the news to family or got them to the point of listening to them. Perhaps just viewing the victories of other gay individuals will give you hope. As for springing a meeting of your sweetheart on the family before they have come at least to the point of tolerating the idea, is going to make things uncomfortable for your partner and he may not be willing to have to go through such an uncomfortable situation. As for the niece and nephew, check with your siblings if they don't mind you coming over to see them. Find out if they have no problem with you doing something special with them like taking them out for pizza, to the zoo or the park so that your sibling and their mate can have some romantic alone time with each other without kids around. Its a thoughtful thing and gives a particular reason for them to say yes if they are a bit hesitant.
Be patient cus it takes time for someone to go from their pre-concieved idea's of how things should be in their minds, to reality. Just for one moment, think...what if I had a choice which family I could be born into as a soul, and I chose this one cus I knew I was strong enough to bring about a change in each family member, with Gods help, where they experience some personal growth, becoming a little more like our Creator.
With as strongly as you love them, I have a feeling that eventually your love despite their biases, will win them over. Don't forget to pray for God and their angels to soften their hearts before you speak to them...that often does wonders in making someone more open, receptive and loving. The choice of course is yours, so if you just choose to show up with him to introduce him to the family, don't be upset if they aren't instantly receptive. If they aren't ready to accept you or don't know what to think of having a gay family member, how can they do any better being receptive of the boyfriend of their gay family member. I wish you had it as easy as my brother in law. He tried dating girls and brought em home to the parents at Christmas but then nothing. Eventually later in life, he wanted to bring bring his male partner over for Christmas, He lived in another state and so family didnt have much contact except for Christmas. So he told my mom in law first and her response was, "All I want is for my babies to be happy. If this is what makes you happy dear, I am all for it."
Difference is she wasn't highly religious but a very open minded person.
You don't know ahead of time that they would disown you or whether if they did they would change their minds at some point. So don't dwell on it, fearing it and letting that hold you back from living your life and enjoying it. Perhaps you will have all if not some family members be loving and supportive. Worst case scenerio, if your family rejects you, or disowns you as you say, we can choose our friends and choose who becomes our extended, and adopted family, surrounding yourself with truly loving supportive family of a different sort. Hope this helps give you some cheer.

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Sometimes I wish we had never met. I love you and you’ve made a great impact on my life but often times I don’t know if that’s what I want. You seem like the perfect guy for me..with our inside jokes and being cute with eachother but its been almost 10 months and starting to feel different. I don’t know what it is and im trying to avoid finding out. Could I be bored of you? is it normal to feel this way? Whenever im with you I love it but we always do the same thing…its like a cycle almost every weekend. You have all these rules about me talking to other guys and other stupid stuff like deleting all my other guy contacts and checking my text messages but sometimes I wish we could just take a break in this relationship and be free. You make me feel amazing and I love you, I don’t know why I feel this way honestly. They say once you have the best you cant do better but I don’t know what the best is…I miss being able to hangout with guys friends and be flirty and try new things but I know if id done that for the past 10 months id be writing this same thing except the opposite…I wish we could just take a break and try and do new things with new people but I know id get hurt if he was with another girl…I don’t know what to do…please help! Is this just what a long term relationship feels like?

I am going to pull out statements you made and comment on them dear.

" I love you and you’ve made a great impact on my life"
> First time you feel those special feelings for another is going to have a great impact because it is the first experience in a new realm of your life, of interacting with the opposite sex. But one can't automatically have 10 years worth of experience in dating and relationships with the first experience. It doesnt work that way.

"..often times I don’t know if that’s what I want."
> It's okay to not just know what you want when you start entering into relationships and dating. At that age, we assume that with going through puberty, that somehow, we are mysteriously endowed also with the mental knowledge of how to handle dating and to know what we want. Our teen and college years are all a time of 'school for dating' years. The subject is the opposite sex. There is no teacher holding your hand through the learning process, cus this one must be learned by 'personal experience'. Therefore, the less guys you get a chance to experience, the longer your learning process to find the right one.

"its been almost 10 months and starting to feel different."
>Don't worry dear...this is normal. Its called New relationship energy. Every couple feels it when they first get together no matter what your age or experience. It's like both peoples bodies overproduce those 'feel-good' hormones so both are riding a 'high', like being on a drug...in fact often people get addicted to this feeling and will start dating and break up over and over as soon as the intensity of this feeling fades. I would personally describe it as feeling like your head is up in the clouds, feeling giddy, giggly all the time, heart doing lots of somersaults, everything the other person says or does seems wonderful, even if its not really.

" I don’t know what it is and im trying to avoid finding out"
>I can't say if NRE is solely responsible or if there are other issues, but trying to not discover what it is means that you will never really learn how to find a good guy. Did you ever do perfect on every test you've ever taken in school? No. Nobody does. You make mistakes and the teacher shows you where you went wrong. Making mistakes and not doing well is part of the learning process. The same goes for dating. But since there's no teacher for this kind of learning, the only way you can learn is by experiencing things about a guy, things that you don't like and then break up with him. If you see the same traits in another guy, back away from him and don't get involved cus you already know you don't like those traits or its a sign of some destructive behavior in the guy.


"Could I be bored of you?"
>I must bring up NRE. That energy in the beginning of a dating relationship can actually mask the fact that the two have very little in common. Once it wears off, like the effects of any drug does after a while (for NRE could be a few months up to a year) then you begin to notice a difference in how the relationship feels. Its a good indicator once NRE is gone, if you really have enough in common to continue or should break it off. There is absolutely no commitment you own a guy if you once promised to date him, because dating is only a process to learn about the guy and if he is right for you. Once you know he is not, that is the time to break up. Don't stay out of guilt or commitment issues or fear of not finding someone else.

"You have all these rules about me talking to other guys and other stupid stuff like deleting all my other guy contacts and checking my text messages".
>When I saw this, all the warning flags went up. You're going to have to trust me on this, but you can study for yourself on psychology of and the type of behaviors of controlling people. This is not the behavior of someone who understands and practices 'unconditional love'. He has conditions mainly born out of jealousy and feeling inferior to other guys and maybe even inferior to certain women, so a guy like this will not choose to date a strong female, who thinks for herself and will not allow a man to dictate what she does and doesn't do. Inner confidence and knowing what you want sometimes doesn't happen until much later in life. And that is why young females are more susceptible of getting into such an abusive relationship like this. You heard right, controlling like your guy is doing, is ABUSE, its a form of bullying. Its too easy when you don't know yet from experience that this detailed attention he pays to you is not because of how much he cares about you. I can't say why some guys are like this but sadly most will never get better. I know...I married one at age 20. Stayed for 30 yrs of verbal abuse. I finally left. I hope you can learn these hard lessons sooner than I did. Thats why I am taking the time to go into great detail dear. So pay close attention. Perhaps it is a chosen behavior by him, modeling himself after dad or another male role model or even friends, but every person has a choice to be as bad as their parents were or to consciously choose to do better in life. YOur boyfriend has not chosen the right path.

"You make me feel amazing and I love you"
>Again from psychology, there is something that young teen females do. It is born out of their need to be validated as a female when they are just beginning to experience their sexuality. What we all do is seek approval of males. It helps us build self condidence that we are desireable, attractive, and sexy among other things. But those are the most significant. Some young teens hang out around Dad more and seek his attention and even ask what he thinks of how they look like in certain outfits. But they had to be very close to Dad to seek approval there. Others go straight to seeking validation of their desirability from the fact that a guy wants to date them. Thats why its so important to a gal at this age that a guy pays them attention. But this can be playing with fire, cus some guys will give a girl the type of attention the girl needs so the guy can get the sex they want, but sometimes way before the girl is really ready to go there. There are ways to gain self confidence and know you are appealing to not just one but many at many guys. I am 55 and still very desirable to many guys but happy with my 2nd husband. (If you want me to go into details about becomiing confident as a female, write me back asking for that specifically.)

"They say once you have the best you cant do better but I don’t know what the best is"
>You are right, no one can know what the best is until they have something else to compare it too. Only one other example isn't enough cus it might be a better guy but better is still not the best. Do you see the importance of spending time with many guys. Theres a good saying, "Don't settle for less." But sticking with the first or 2nd guy you meet, theres a chance you are settling for less. If there is bad behavior from a guy such as in your case, and a girl stays with him, she is settling for less. My advice is to tell guys right off the bat if they ask to hang out or ask you to be their girlfriend, is to tell them you will 'hang out' with several guys until you have finally decided on who you want to date exclusively...meaning he's the only one then from that point on. Yes, most guys that are worth dating are not going to have a problem with you spending time with and going out with others (most friends will call this dating--let them call it what they want or you can explain-what matters is that you are dedicated to doing whats best for you, and that goal is finding the best through dating or hanging out with many) If a guy says he won't hang out with you unless you have no contact with other guys, you tell him,
"Thats not your choice to make, it is mine. I am going to spend time with enough different guys to form an idea of what I am looking for. If you don't like it, then bug off." By standing up and not giving your 'choice making rights' away, you are showing yourself to be strong and confident and the not so desirable guys are going to avoid you...which is what you want.

"I miss being able to hangout with guys friends and be flirty and try new things"
>This was a statement dear, from your true inner self, your subconscious mind, where all your emotions are...your hopes and dreams too. Your conscious mind and subconscious mind should not be at odds, forcing each other to experience things that the other does not like or want. Its like being conjoined twins---like Abby and Britanny from the TV show...they have two minds with different likes but they have to make decisions that both can live with. If you force yourself to stay with boyfriend because of the heart feelings, even though its an abusive one for one thing and your subconscious misses your other guy friends, you will make your sub upset with you and will grow up fighting yourself all your life until you learn to treat your two minds like conjoined twins have to do. Be best friends with yourself first. Part of you wants to hangout and flirt with your guy friends, so go do it. Otherwise you are fighting yourself, and you should never ever be your own worst enemy. You are not shackled or chained to the one boyfriend. There is nothing holding you to him but your thoughts and feelings. So really, only you can lock yourself up, and chose to not be available to be with friends.

"I wish we could just take a break...but I know id get hurt if he was with another girl"
>And this is what really holds you back from making a break away from this guy for good. It is good that you are willing to admit you know you'd feel jealous if he had another girl.But jealousy isn't something to fear having or to avoid at all costs. Jealousy is nothing more than like an indicator light of the dashboard of a car indicating that something is wrong, door left ajar, low on gas or oil for example. So if something is wrong, it is usually to be found in your thought processes, more to be exact thoughts without an truth to them, faulty, twisted thinking that Ive seen labeled "stinking thinking". Jealousy is usually a fear of loss of someething. So ask yourself what you really fear losing? Would yous be losing that validation that you are still desireable? Remember, theres not just one male on the planet who can validate you...there are many. Are you fearing that he will like the other girl better than he ever liked you? That can be true if neither of you were the best matches personality wise. Its high time you learn an important fact in life right now that will help you not feel inadequate or rejected cus somesthings wrong with you.

Whats your favorite icecream flavor? Can you explain why? I like chocolate chip mint. Does that mean if your favorite is Rocky road, I should switch to Rocky road because your view point is thats the best icecream? No. We base all our choices in life on personal taste. We have personal taste in foods, clothings, hobbies, so why shouldn't we in relationships? What I find attractive in a guy, you might not agree with me. Many think Brad Pitt is hot...well good...he's hot looking to their personal tastes. For me, he does not look hot at all. I could care less if he was sitting next to me right now. Do you see what I am saying? You can not ever in your lifetime be the favorite woman to every living breathing male on the planet. They have their personal tastes. In our teens, we haven't quite discovered what all our personal tastes are. Some don't discover until college years, and some don't discover until they are married as I did...guess I was a late learner. But I know better now so I am passing this on to you. So right now, teen boys are not going to know what they want and they may end up with girls who don't appreciate a good guy, girls who are bitches in one way or another, etc. Teen boys are hopefully going to learn the same way you do, from experiences with many of the opposite sex. We really never can own a person like we own a pet, a house, a car, or a pair of shoes. Its a hard concept to get, one many adults have trouble with but I don't own my husband, he doesnt own me, we are each our own person. We both decide to share our lives with the other, not give away our life to the other such as in giving them ownership or control of what we do and don't do. Therein lies the potential for problems in a relationship. I will stop now. This should be thorough enough to give you some ideas of what you need to do. If you are still confused on any issue and need more clarification and examples, let me know. I understand you're just starting the process and its' going to take some time to learn.
Good luck.


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It's far to early but you know how girls are, we all obsess over nothing. A boy who I'm friends with has asked me to start to hang out. When we see each other on night out we both openly flirt with each other but lately he's made his intentions clear that he wants us to have more than a flirtatious friendship. I want more too but he told me to keep it on the down low and not tell anyone if I come to his house. I'd this because he dosnt want people knowing our business or thinks it's too early to let everyone know were hanging out or is he ashamed of people knowing were more than friends? This guys a real gentle man but he's good looking too and I'm sure he could get any other girl so this could just be an act I don't know? Help!


Do you really think all the other people your age worry about people finding out who they are interested in, who they're talking to and flirting with and hanging out with? No.
Was he worried about what others would think when he hung out a couple times flirting with you? Did he say to keep it secret then? No. Why did it change then when he decided he wants something more serious, and you did not implicitly say, but I am guessing it will include being sexual pretty soon.

Do you really think girls have a problem with obsessing over nothing? No. They have a problem with not asking questions, or asking for clarification when a guy says something. The moment you don't understand what a guy meant by what he said, ask. If the explanation is not satisfactory, or your intuition is saying somethings not quite right yet, reword what he said in your own words and feed it back to him.

It sounds like this is progressing quite quickly. I don't know how long you've known him as a friend and how in depth you got a chance to know his character.
Maybe I should be asking if you even know what you are looking for in a boyfriend, in a dating relationship? Are you simply wanting attention from a guy to help validate that you are a desirable gal? Yes, some women never look any further ahead than that. My first thought is that he has something to hide as has already been suggested. Is there any chance that this "friend" is possibly not available, meaning he is already dating someone else or several someones, or is he engaged? I assume he isn't married if inviting you to his home. Something just doesnt sound kosher. It may be nothing and he just used a poor choice of words and did not explain what he meant. So if I were you, I'd ask and find out ahead of time.
One more thing hon, you can't rely on good looks and someone being a real gentleman out in public situations to know what he would be like in private with you. I married such a guy at 20. In about a years time, he finally let his real self show. Fooled my family too. He was a verbally abusive man. If you are going to spend any time with him, make sure it is quality time rather than the majority of it being make out sessions or sex, that is no way to really get to know a person. All you will know is if you're a good sexual match, but it takes a guy also being your best friend too for it to work out. You will need to spend time talking about things to find what he stands for, his morals, beliefs, hopes,dreams, fears, interests, hobbies, how he gets along with and treats female members of his family, how he treats other females he does not know, what he is like on a good day, versus and bad day, when he is tired, sick or worried or stressed. All of this is very important. So ask him and then decide based on his answer whether you are going to start dating him or not but keep your eyes wide open and don't let your guard down. It takes time to earn the trust of ones partner by a persons consistant good behavior. The first time you see him let his guard down, you will begin to see the real him and if you don't like what you see, leave then. Or if you discover he has other girl friends too, leave and don't look back. There is no such thing as second chances for something like that. If he's a player, he doesn't want to change, some guys like variety with no commitment. But they know how to say the things that might mislead a gal to believe he is inlove with her. Don't accept his words at face value, always dig deeper. You dont have to sound like you are interrogating him, but ask nice and sweetly with a smile.
Lastly, make sure that you aren't lying to yourself, that something isn't wrong when all your senses all telling you there is. Women have intuition and should learn to rely on it. Your's is obviously working cus your title asked "Is he using me?"

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My parents fight a lot. It all began when my older sister was born. My mom worked while my dad got a degree and "watched" my sis, Sophie. Then I was born and my mom quit so my dad worked really hard to get his degree and then a job. They would always fight about little things ( my moms heritage is the same as my dad but my dad wasn't raised here ) and they took their anger out on us. Sometimes they would get so angry, things were broken and once , the cops were called. Then my brother was born. The fighting never stopped but more attention was paid to him, Adam , then fighting. Nevertheless, the fighting was taken out on us constantly and started to not make us fragile but as hard as stone. I learned what real pain was like while other girls sobbed about their clothes or boyfriend . Now you may ask, why are they still together? My mom stays with him cause she new if she divorced, we would not be able to do the fun things we do with my dad's high paying job. My dad , well I don't no why he stays with my mom. You may also ask how I know all this? Well when my dad or mom or in a mood, they reveal info and little by little I no the hole story. It's getting really bad though. My dad once traumatized my mom for a week causing her to barly or do anything. Now that my Sophie is a little older, 17, she causes problems and it makes matters worse. My dad can't handle it and once he threw a ball at her, hard. It's not all his fault though, my mom emotionally attacks him constantly, saying this or that, it's enough to make a person want to curl up in a ball and hide not for a day,month,year,decade but forever( in other words commit suicide) my dad also is weird a bout the dad thing. He won't do all the things a dad does such as go on family vacations or go to a back to school night event. It hurts me, sometimes I wonder if its because he doesn't love me enough or if he really is tired. My mom also seems to always complain,even at a family get together. The thing that starts a lot of the fighting is tHe money issue. We make round 180 a year but my dad only let's us spend 800 a month! And with Adams increasing hunger and Sophie's desire to own more clothes than abercrombie has, 800is NOT enough. My mom has to use the money we use for emergencies cause my dad won't pay. The weird thing is, my mom doesn't no where the money is going. It gets me worried that my dad might be spending it on.
But through all that fighting they don't genuinely love each other and I feel bad that they only stay together for us.
I don't want to live the rest of freshmen year living this way . Help?!!!!!!

There is no easy answer on how you can live a stress free year. You've grown up with two disfunctional parents. What I mean is though they may be able to show you love at times in their own way, in other areas, they have zero social skills, zero control over their emotions and feelings which is something I expect from grade school junior and high school ages. Apparently they either never really grew up into adults mentally and emotionally or one or both of them have some mental issues. Maybe the money stress led them into depression or there may be some undiagnosed mental illness of sorts that could account for their behavior. Unless a parent is on some brain altering substance such as street drugs or is alcoholic but you did not mention that.
Parents are not expected by law to do anything other than provide a roof over your head, clothing on your back and food in your stomach. You mentioned hunger, so if there is sufficient money for food and it is not being provided, it may be up to an outside party to determine if the kids are being neglected in that area. It doesn't sound like CPS, child protective services is needed but if any of you are being hit or beaten or fear for your welfare because of certain actions taken against you by the parents, then it is time to talk to school counselors, talk to any relatives you are close to who may be willing to get involved. Living like this is emotionally traumatizing for children to witness and I am sure all of you are going to need counseling as adults to be able to lead a normal life. The whole family, parents included need counseling right now. If Dad earns that much and it's no where to be seen, it could be that he loses it all in gambling. When large chunks of money disappear, it is going to feed a drug habit or gambling.

About the fastest way for you to find a more stress free living environment is to find a relative who'd agree to let you come live with them until you graduate. At that point, you might want to start working and go in with several friends on getting an apartment/a place of your own. It sounds like your siblings are old enough to decide to reach out for help too. Perhaps they find home life easy to tolerate, or have gotten to the point where they just dont care anymore.
I really don't know what options if any there are for you but it all will start with talking to a school counselor and relatives.

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15/F. I'm irritated so much I could CRY!!!! My vergina *̩s burning and I have to pee the whole time. I had UTI a few weeks ago. But I'm not sure if it still *̩s! Becaise I don't have any pain only the burning and urge to pee. Plz help

Hon, I want you to know that it is common for females to get UTI's and vaginal infections and thats regardless if the female is sexually active or not so this is nothing to be embarrassed about. The urge to pee is the most common symptom of a UTI.
Yes, cranberry juice can get rid of it but using natural means like this can take longer and it sounds like you have already had it for a handful of weeks. So once it's hung around this long, the best thing is to get it treated by a medical person whether you go see a family doctor or go to Planned Parenthood, they can help with this too.

As for the burning sensation in the vagina, I looked all over the web and found a few studies of thousands of females who had a UTI and only 5 had burning of the vagina symptoms as well. So while its possible it could be related to the UTI, the greater likihood is that it is not. You probably have a separate infection of the vagina at the same time. I have had both yeast infection (once) and bacterial vaginosis (several times) The yeast infection was so painful that it hurt to switch from standing to sitting, or walking. There are products at the pharmacy that take care of a yeast infection, the Myconostat or other similar names. But you need to have a proper diagnosis first. When I've had vaginosis, it is due to the balance of the good bacteria in the vagina vs the bad bacteria being out of balance. A lack of good bacteria causes the bad kind to take over and when that happens, I have had a really bad odor with some discharge.
So my guess is there is a possibility you also have a yeast infection now. My best advice is to go see a Doctor or someone at Planned parenthood. At 15, you won't be real familiar with what the beginning symptoms feel like to self treat some of these things in the future. Until you've gone to a doctor and had a proper diagnosis so you for sure know what a UTI feels like by it self, a vaginal infection by itself, its best not to self treat. It would be a good thing to ask your doctor what contributes to or what things cause UTIs or vaginal infections. If they can't give you some informative brochures, spend some time surfing the web to discover what some possible causes are. Learn to understand what yeast is, and what it lives on for example. It feeds on sugar so a persons diet can have an effect on bringing on infections where yeast is related.
Another common but little explained cause of vaginal irritation and UTIs is bubble baths. Too much soap in those areas getting into both orifices and causing infections. Another problem is douching which strips the good bacteria out of the vagina and is not needed....Ever!! Women use it cus they think they dont smell good. Learn to be able to recognize your naturIal musty scent when you are healthy so you can tell when the smell is off. When its off, douching isn't needed, a Dr. visit is. Doctors don't always educate their patients too well cus they want repeat visits. I haven't had to go to a Dr. for vaginal or UTI's problems in dozens of years because I learned what things cause it, learned to avoid or cut down on that in my life and use natural means to self treat or purchase the vaginal yeast cream right the first day or two I think I have it. Catching it early is an important factor if self treating and treating for longer than when taking pharmacy meds. If you are unsure of the symptoms to this yet, you need to see doctors until you are sure. It wasnt until into my thirties that I finally learned.

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On dec17 I hd my period......on dec31 d an intercourse......though semen discharge ws nt done in my vagina.....bt stil m worried....as I hvn't got.mu period.....on jan18....
I am frm India

If semen is discharged outside but near the lips or on them or semen was on your or his fingers and not noticed and inserted into vagina, then there is a chance you had some surviving sperm by which to get pregnant with.
Seeing a Dr or taking a pregnancy test will confirm iif you are or are not pregnant.
There is also a chance that you are not pregnant and if your next period is late, it's due to the level of stress you are feeling. Stress and illness are two common things that will delay a period.

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I am really hoping to encompass the whole pinup glam look! I think it is beautiful, lady like and mysterious. I am looking for simple hair & makeup how to's & websites with apparel but I haven't had much luck.

Please & thank you :)

Hmm, I had no trouble finding hairstyle tutorials. I did searches under '40's hairstyles' because pin-up girls was part of that time period.

I will post a few of what I found but there's dozens upon dozens out there on the web. I don't know if you have medium to longer hair, but hopefully you'll be able to achieve the looks no matter what. You will need a trip to a beauty supply store or where ever hair products, pins and other things such as you'll see used, can be purchased.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vDSRr2k32gA

And here's one you tube site with 67 video's on pinup hairstyles, clothes accessories, etc...

http://www.youtube.com/user/AubreyLondon/videos

There's another you tube site with pin up, gibson girl, edwardian, anything vintage hairstyles called Vintagious 103 videos

http://www.youtube.com/user/oakoscar100/videos

Pinup girl makeup tutorial:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PBSwsdsKI9w

Pinup makeup 1950s look:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TyToEKgjszY

Theres a website for vintage clothing called Miskonduct but the prices may be pricey for your budget. I am giving you this to look at the clothing to get idea's of what will work for the look and look for them at 2nd hand stores or vintage clothing shops.

http://www.miskonduct.com/

and finally one more video that gives examples of what to look for and more websites to try besides the vintage shops for clothes

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uBF4g1atgis

Good luck and have fun.


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So, I have a best friend that's a guy. I do have a slight crush on him and I believe he has a slight crush on me but I'm not sure. He usually is always "talking to a girl" because I think he has a huge fear of being alone. I told him before break about someone that I was seeing, we got back from break and he told me about a girl he was "talking to." Last night we were hanging out in my dorm room and he is always on his phone, twitter, facebook, news apps, talking to this girl.. you name it. I had my phone on sound and every time I got a text, he almost looked annoyed. I'm fine with him always talking to this girl but then he gets weird when my phone goes off, my roommate was asking how this guy was that I was talking to and I answered her and he started talking to our other friend that was with us. My friend is also very tall, I don't know if it's just his nature to feel like he has to protect what is close to him but he when we are out together, he usually always stands behind me and just watches over me. I never really noticed that he did this until someone at school pointed it out to me, they waited until he left to get something and they asked me "why he is always near you? he stands behind you like he is protecting you from the world. that he is going to jump at anything that comes your way to harm you." After that, I have been noticing that he does seem like that, when he stands behind me, he leans against the wall or puts him arm against that wall behind me. He isn't a touchy person, I don't think he ever has been so he is weird about that kind of thing, hardly ever gives hugs but he is a master at solid eye contact when you talk to him. We also talk to one another about deep things. He often tells me that I am the only one he feels that he can go to with personal things because he knows that I will listen and be there for him. We were talking about relationships one night and he blatantly told me that he thinks it is the guy's job to make the first move. We also both work together for housing at college and it's been going around our staff that something is going on between us because we are always together, where you find one, you usually find the other near. It's odd, my roommate hangs out with us too but he comes up to my room when she isn't here but he will never hang out with my roommate without me but he will hang out with me without my roommate. I just feel like the little part of me that does think he might like me, gets overruled but the fact that he is a nice gentleman. He is like this with everybody and if he does like me, why is he always talking to other girls all the time? Am I reading too much into this or do you think maybe he just doesn't want to ruin our friendship?

One thing that guys dread is getting stuck in the "friend zone", and not being able to move forward to dating. So I don't think that he may worry about ruining a friendship if he has more romantic feelings towards you.
Perhaps he has made no move because he is waiting for some sign from you of romantic interest in him if thats what he's looking for.
Right now I am picturing someone like this showing interest in me and it freaks me out to be honest. I get strange vibes just from the words you chose to explain. Of course being in my fifties with lots of life experience with different relationships with men, the good, so-so and very bad, I see some things that are warning signs to me of real possible major character flaws that could result in being in an abusive relationship. He might be a quiet shy type, a bit unsure of himself and thats all...which is harmless. If others have noticed him standing near you acting like a protector, and it's okay for him to talk to women, but he becomes upset when you get a call, thinking its another guy interested in you, those right there are possible signs of a jealous man, one who can be a controller, and abusive in some way. If he is such a person, they are attracted to weak people who don't know how to stand up for themselves, don't seem to have their own lives or are very dependant on others, etc... because those are the people easy to 'control' to do their bidding. The solid piercing eye contact from a person devoid of any emotional show is also unnerving. Reminds me of a hawk waiting for its moment to pounce on prey. Saying nice things and being a gentlemen could be for real, and could be a sign of problems. How much do you know of his past, growing up, what his fears are for example. If he had abusive parents in some way, its a good possibility he could be so. If you never seen him display any warm friendly gestures, being touchy-feely, or giving hugs, good sense of humor and laughs often, then its a good possibility of him being a harsh person, who does not know mercy and forgiveness. You have not been asked to date him yet nor answered in the affirmative. But once you do, if you know how he treats you starts to change for the worse, its' time to get out immediately. Even then it may be hard. You can have feelings for a person who is wrong for you or mistreats you and take makes it hard to leave.
I know this is all one sided, sharing the possibilities of a dark side to him. I just want you to know ahead of time of this so if you do start dating and it all goes south, at least you'll understand what is happening is not healthy and to get out right away, regardless of your heart ties to him. That can heal in time. It is much harder to heal the spirit of a person who has been abused.
It could be that you left out some crucial information for me so thats why I see warning signs in the description you gave.
But if you see something you don't like in him and want him to stop hanging around you like he owns you, then you may have to stop the friendship and ask him to stop hanging around you like a shadow. Hope all goes well for you dear.

I feel that if you felt the need to write us about this to begin with, that deep down, your inner voice was trying to tell you something, that you don't feel something is quite right.

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so sitting in my bathroom on the floor with my laptop on my lap. My door is right beside me to my left and there is a long enough hallway that it ends right after you walk out of the bathroom but you can barely see some of the other side from my view. Anyways, I was typing when all of a sudden I see something moving towards me, something black and slimy. So I did what any normal person would do and I stared, nothing happened. I looked away and then it happened again and again until I stared at my shoes a pair of boots and and they start growing,they start growing as my eyes lay still on them.

Now that you've read that come up with a conclusion, but hold onto that because theres something else, I also took adderall 20mg today too (I don't have adhd) I doubt the pill did anything related to what I just saw but its 4am in the morning and I'm so scared, s.o.s.

There is the realm around us that most can't see but some develop the ability to see with their physical eyes. When this ability starts, it's usually viewing movements of blurs or real shapes in our peripheral vision. Peripheral vision is a part of vision that occurs outside the very center of our gaze, towards the edges, or sides. And once you move your head to view it full on with your gaze, it is not visible. The ability to see can grow over time to become visible in straight ahead vision too.

What a person will see will depend on their background and beliefs. I have a friend who is like a sister to me who has this ability to see. She see's angels, spirits of hers or others loved ones who have passed on, and peoples spirit guides. These are always loving, positive energy beings.
In this realm, there also exists fallen angels, the ugly scary negative things that come to torment people, rob them of their peace.

I don't know your living situation, life situation, or family to know if these negative entities are being drawn to you to manifest themselves now. Sometimes, these fallen angels or demonic creatures as some would call them, will show themselves as ugly scary creatures, and sometimes as beautiful creatures but with a dark intents and purposes. Some come with a territory, such as a particular room, or house or even territorial area such as a section of a city.
Others are drawn by the negative lives of people, whether negative energies are present in family members or in any activities you've been involved in. I could go into a list to describe what type of stuff would attract such creatures of darkness, but that would take up too much space here.

A person who is middle of the road can be open to attack, whereas those with belief in a loving good creator and his angels, in the presence of universal light and positive energy in their lives and using these energies to protective themselves, come up against little or no such attack from negative forces.

Trust me dear, you have your own personal angel or angels, everyone does, whether they have not previously believed in them or not. You can call on your angel to come protect you and chase away whatever slimy scary thing dares come near you.
That bible verse about being created in God's image has some truth to it. While we're in mortal bodies, we have souls that are much like our creator. His creative abilities are passed on to his creations, us, his children. So there are things you can do. You may or may not be able to see it, but you can put up protective shields around yourself and your house or whatever area you are when an attack comes. This is all done by visualizing. Think of a soap bubble, perfectly round and clear, now imagine a bubble of pure good light energy, white or shining like the sun that surrounds you whereever you go, moves with you, constantly protecting you from attack. Imagine this positive light energy now expanding from you to fill the room and spread to fill the house and out to the property lines, and visualize the dark creatures being pushed away by the light...actually its more like turn tail and run because creature of darkness can't stand the light. Or call for your angel close your eyes, and practice seeing your angel, it is a strong warrior angel ready to fight the negative dark forces. You might try to practice seeing your angel too at times when you are not seeing any dark scary creatures. Get used to seeing your angel too at first on your peripheral vision and then anywhere. If you find visualizing hard or don't have enough confidence to do these things, then reach out for help. Call some local churches and ask if they have anyone who knows how to deal with banishing these entities. Keep calling until you do. Not every church will have someone who really knows what they are doing. They may have people with good intent who come over and pray for you and in each room of the house, but unless they have some abilities to sense when the presence is there, or be able to see it, feel it or hear it, their help may not help. If you feel better avoiding the church but choosing a psychic who specializes in this, rather than deal with church people, remember there will be quacks in the fields of psychics as well as the real thing. My close friend does some work she calls Haunted healings, helping souls of people who have died and remained on the earth, pass on to heaven. But I know there are others who can sense these negative energies and also know when they are gone. They may not be Christians, but I have known some of these Pagan people among whom you're likely to find such psychics, and they also believe in light and positive energy and a creator and that is good enough to be effective, they need not use the name of Jesus as churches say must be done. Let me know how it works for you. In the meanwhile, I am imagining a ball of light energy surrounding you already now as I type this for you and know it is there.
Good luck to you dear. If you do nothing, it will only continue and may become worse to the point it disrupts your entire life. So take action.

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My best friend recently started dating a guy she really likes. Well let's just call my friend Lucy and the guy Jim. Okay anyways, Jim is a jerk. Sometimes, out of nowhere, he will text me and start offending me for no reason. I blocked him, but still he is really annoying and a jerk. He really makes her happy, but I just can't stand him at all. What should I do? I've told her the things he's said to me but all she says is "Ohhh".

Regardless of whether someone elses boyfriend is contacting you to have nice chat or to bug you on purpose, a guy really has no business contacting his girlfriends 'friends' on the side. If he sees you and talks to you in a group setting, thats one thing but this sends warning bells off for me. She may be starving for attention from a male so just the fact that he gives her some has her really liking him . But that doesn't mean that he is a nice guy or that he is treating her well at all. Unfortunately, there isn't much you can do regarding her hanging out with him. Blocking Jim was a good choice. Try to avoid being with Lucy when Jim plans to be around. And you could ask her before getting together if Jim will be there as you'd rather not associate with him. Hopefully the dating won't last long and they will break up soon and the situation come to an end.

Without knowing the context of what he is saying and doing towards you, whether its more to threaten you, stalking you, or what , I really can't be of more help.
For all I know, this could be a case of a foolish immature high school boy's way of having fun by bugging anyone he happens to know through association of friends or girlfriends. If this is the case,

I would have to say that the best thing to do is try to just paste a smile on your face and not react to anything he says to you. If there is no reaction to anything he says or does, he will eventually stop trying because the pay off for Jim would be the reactions he gets out of you, or even what you say to your girlfriend Lucy in private about what he does to bug you. She will at some point be telling him what you said to her so he will hear through her just how much he is getting to you and takes his pay off, and he will be encouraged to continue. So stop talking to her about Jim and what he's doing.
Good luck!


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I know this is strange, even downright crazy, but I want to know how people feel about having twins intentionally, life with fertility drugs and artificial insemination.

The thing is that I’m a second born and long story short, I haven’t been feeling very warm towards the position of the first born lately. There are problems I face as a second born and I know first borns face problems as well. My sister gets treated like a queen while I get treated like a nothing. The only people who don't make me feel less important than her are my mom, granddad, and uncle, but they can really get peed on by people for not catering to my sister.

My sister is terribly overly sensitive and her feelings are always more important than mine. So are her wants and needs. I've always gotten shafted on things because SHE had to get her way, even on my birthday.

I really can’t get over my resentment of the first born position. I'm tired of people thinking that I'm not as important or special as my sister just because she's the first born and I'm the second. I DO NOT want people to think that I don't value my younger kids as much as my first born. I also don't want my first born to be victimized by me subconsciously or anything because of how I feel about that position. Children are simply far too valuable for be treated in either of those manners.

I feel so screwed up and I know I need counseling which I will look into, but I'm still looking for good, caring advice now. The only people I've asked about this either couldn't care less and tell me to quit whining about my life, or they don't understand the question and laugh at me for, "asking how to have twins intentionally" as they think I'm doing. This reaction makes me feel bad and wish I hadn't gone to those people for advice, so I'm counting on the people here for real help.

There is a way to prevent the first born and second born problems. I’ve been thinking lately about arranging go have twins, but I have concerns about twins as well. I’ll list the pros and cons I’ve come up with below. Also just so you know, I know I'm over thinking this. I have a tendency to do that, but I still feel that this is a problem.

Pro
-It will prevent my second born from being treated like the a younger, less important version of my first born.
-No one will think that my first born is more important to me than the other kid(s).
-If their is any favoritism, it won’t be based on birth order.
-My kids will always have a friend their own age around.
-I won’t hurt my first born by favoring my second born.

Con
-They might be treated like a unit.
-They won’t have their own birthday.
-They won’t have their own high school graduation, college graduation, ect.
-They’ll go off to college at the same time, which will be twice as hard as when one goes off to college.

Razhie is right, this is not about birth order but about family with some disfunction going on. Childen can be shy or have difficulty socializing. That is natural for all of us, we go through it in some way, some gaining self confidence sooner than others and what helps is a healthy supportive family network that love and encourage the child to grow and stretch their wings, not coddling and catering to their difficulties. That only encourages them to stay stuck. It sounds like your family is perhaps unwittingly (without realising what they're doing) enabling your sister. She will have no reason to learn how to overcome her issues. It may not be intentional that parents and other relatives overlook you, they have just over time got sucked into destructive behavior of rushing to sisters aid. Like a dog can be trained, they have learned to be trained to cater to the needs of a child who again, may not realize she is doing this, but she is like an unruly child who never got any discipline or proper training, so she has learned how to control and rule those around her. Instead of the parents and other adults calling the shots, the child (your sister) is the one calling the shots. She is in for a rude awakening in the real world where no one knows her. She will have to learn to follow the wishes of a boss, and learn how to compromise, be willing to put the needs of another before her or any relationship she attempts will fail. NOt to mention, that she would make a very disfunctional mother.
If you sisters are not yet adults, I suggest that the entire family go for counseling. If you are adults now, you can't make sis go for counseling but you can. Having twins is not a solution. It justs masks and covers the issues laying deep in your subconscious undealt with. Good luck dear.

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We are in a long distance relationship. We met when he was visiting my city 5 months ago.

I was extremely drunk last night at a bar with some friends. We were all dancing and the entire evening I made sure that no guys would try to grind up on me, etc. I got more and more intoxicated as the night went on, and towards the end of the night, some dude grabbed me to dance with me and I didn't resist. We made out briefly, pulling away maybe two or three times, before my friends found me.

I was extremely torn up. I began to sob immediately after I realized what I'd done and I told my boyfriend the next morning. He was upset but said that he forgives me; however, he doesn't know if we will be able to get through the inevitable trust issues that will arise from this.

I've never been in such a situation before. I guess I just need some wisdom. What do I do?

Thank you :)


The best thing for next time is to recognize what your limit is regarding drinking and stick to it. Never let yourself get to the point where your clarity of mind is compromised. The amount of alcohol that one person can drink before being affected in judgement and motor control is going to be different than another persons. The safest thing to do is to have one drink or glass of wine, then switch to non alcoholic drinks for the rest of the evening. All a person needs to relax a bit and enjoy themselves generally is one drink.

An LDR is hard on a relationship. The ones that work somewhat are two people who got a chance to know each other well before one had to move away for college. Once college is over they are back together is their feelings for each other havent cooled off. In your case, it sounds like you got to meet in person. I don't know what the chances are to be living in the same city in the near future. Even though you did meet, the majority of what a relationship is about can't be experienced through a computer screen or phone. Yes, you do get somewhat of an idea of who they are but the parts we can't experience, we create in our minds and fantasize about and so the person becomes so wonderful and great and once the two are able to date regularly face to face, they discover that although the other is a very nice person, they are not what they were dreaming of and waiting for while doing the LDR, and it falls apart. Some LDR's fail because of trust issues, even if neither once has done anything with someone else. Trust is hard to establish when both realize that live persons are in contact with their LDR partner on a daily basis and one of them just might catch their eyes and they either break things off or try to carry two relationships, one over the net and one in real life. I don't know your situation and possibility of being able to be in person with him. So its hard to tell you what to do.

But I will say that when we get drunk, our guard is down and inhibitions lowered, and whatever is stored emotionally in our subconscious mind will rise to the surface. That is why you see some mean, angry drunks and others are silly or extra loving. A young female without a sweetheart is likely to be desiring to feel a warm body to hug and cuddle, to feel his arm around your shoulders, his hand in yours, the romance, time spent in each others company. So when your inhibitions were lowered, your innermost wants came to the surface, so you allowed a guy to begin kissing and touching you or whatever else he did. If you are honest with yourself, you probably long for this part of a relationship, not just the meeting of minds which is all you are getting on the computer. You need to be fair to the guy on line. Are you waiting for a relationship that has a 50/50 chance of surviving to the point where you can continue on in person?

There is a saying I want you to keep in mind. A bird in the hand is better than two in the bush. Right now, he is the only one who you find attractive. However, if another was to come along, where you got to know him, minus the sex or making out and you both fall for each other, dont say no to the one right there in front of you because of one in another city, state or country who may or may not work out. But be honest and let the one on line know if you are calling off your commitment to him.

My feeling is that it is better to keep oneself available to date several different guys at the same time if it so happens that a couple are intersted in her and her in them at the same time, as long as she advises each male that she is going to date around until she finds the one that she is ready to commit to a long term relationship with.

Try to avoid commitment to one guy at the attraction stage, when you haven't had time to get to know each other in depth yet. From the little I know from your letter, I think you may not have had a chance to get to know your guy all that well. Hopefully, it still all works out for you and he is able to let it go and trust you. Trust in hard though in a face to face relationship, and even harder long distance. I hope all turns out for the best for you.

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is it bad that I'm horny 24/7 like its hard as fuck being a virgin man.. should i save tip college or when i get married or if i lost my v card in high school would it be wrong/trashy

There is nothing wrong or trashy about understanding and coming to terms with our sexuality, and enjoying it. Too often, media has painted young men when 'sowing their wild oats', a term for their sexual exploration with females as a normal thing, something they do before deciding to settle down for life with one female.
On the other hand, the female who has sex with the young man is looked at as being trashy, and if she breaks up with a boyfriend after a while and moves on to a new relationship, just as the males are doing, then she is considered a slut or whore. The name calling is wrong. Also wrong is our misconception of the antiquated word "Virginity". The idea of 'virginity' was a concept created by men for the benefit of men during a time that science had not yet found a way to determine paternity as we can now. In ages past, there was no birth control either. So the only way a man could be certain a woman was not carrying another mans baby when he married her was if she was a virgin. These were the dark ages of sexuality. Erroneously, men believed that if a woman bled on her wedding night, that she was a virgin and those who didn't were not. Not all hymen tear the first time with sex. Its more likely that she bled from the male not taking the time to get her wet and ready for him and forced his way in too quickly, tearing the delicate skin of the walls of the vagina. Those who were virgins who did not bleed were often put to death. You would think society was more educated now, and yes we have birth control and paternity tests because of advances in science, but there have been not enough advances in education. In fact, it has in recent years gone greatly backwards with the cutting of funding in schools so that sex education was cut.
The only thing I see wrong with teens beginning to have sex is engaging in it without any education on it, the mechanics of how a female works, or a male, how orgasms are achieved, in what ways a female can get pregnant. Many teens write in asking if a gal can get pregnant from anal sex and that is a sad indication of total lack of education. If the parents and the schools dont teach it, then it is up to the teen to self educate. There are many sites to find on line to study everything you need to know, even about sexual preference. So my advice is that if you are thinking about it, get educated first cus if you dont, there is an increased chanced of pregnancy, disease, self caused infections, un needed worries, etc....
Here's my story. I was a church kid and believed i must be sexually pure, not having had sex by time I married. So I married at 20, and nothing much other than kissing and some petting, I had no experience with sex. My wedding night was a disappointment, there was no chemistry. I did not enjoy it. I discovered over time that though I loved him, I never had orgasms and he didn't like some things like doing oral sex..etc. my idea of how often to have sex was much more than he was content with. OUr libidos were mismatched, our likes and dislikes mismatched, and no sexual chemistry. After having 3 kids and staying with him 30 yrs. I finally woke up and realized it was time to finally find someone that would be as in love with me as I was with him. The first also admitted months before we split that he'd never been in love with me. I wondered why he f*cking married me at all if that was the case, he wanted to be normal and be part of a couple, the security of the feeling of being married he said. After I left him, I told my 3 daughters that it was best to "test drive" the man before deciding to commit to a long term relationship or marriage. I told them to check out what they wanted first. The only way to know is to have sex with more than just one man so that you have several different experiences to make comparisons between. Trust me, no matter if they got the same equipment, are all cute and all seem to know the basics of how to please a lady...it is still different when one guy does it over another.
One warning, if you want to have a sex partner who stays with you for more than once or twice but over time, I suggest you find someone who is interested in you for more than just your looks and sex. Never let the fact that you need and want sex, lower your standards to accept a guy who uses you or abuses you. The statistics of violence against teen girls from their boyfriends is extremely high. Pretty much every other girl has experienced verbal abuse or physical abuse.

If you want suggestions of websites to go to for a particular subject or question on sex, I'd be glad to help. I will give you one you tube channel of a gal in her 20's who talks to the young folk about anything relating to relationships and sexuality in a positive light. Short video's with amazing accurate facts in them. I love her video's and she is funny and entertaining. I hope you check her out.

www.youtube.com/user/lacigreen

Enjoy your sexual debut but do so wisely. A trip to Planned parenthood for birth control is a good idea and make sure you ask questions and understand how its works and under what conditions it doesnt.

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Here's my situation.

'Danny' was my close friend I made during this school year. He's funny, good-looking, charming, and one who you could rely on. I had him as my schoolmate when I was in 1st Year and 2nd year but we weren't really close then. It was 3rd Year when he became my classmate and friend. Now here's the deal.

One day, my English teacher returned my "I am Number Four" book she borrowed, and eventually, Danny found it interesting and asked if he could borrow that book, too. Of course, I said yes, not wanting to selfishly deny his request. (But before he borrowed the book, we were already friends.)

After he read and finished the book, I gave it to him and gave him it's sequel, until I gave him the latest book, 'The Fall of Five.'

He wasn't finished with the last book when our school's 'Acquaintance Ball' squeezed through our schedule. After the Ball was our Christmas break, which was two weeks. During the Ball, everything was fine, everything was the way it was supposed to go. But everything cracked and shattered when we came back from the Christmas Break.

The few days were OK, but our time together shortened, little by little. He would only talked to me if he needed something. I knew he was finished with the book, and it was just everything we talked about. I never thought it could come to the point where that book would be the cause of all this. And also a girl.

He would also mention a girl, Isabel, maybe from his neighborhood, being the girl he likes. He would talk all about her with my best friend, 'Lydia', who supports him. Me, of course, being the nerdy friend, started to develop feelings for him, which I told nobody. And, obviously, my feelings all started because of that book. While trying to get over him, already accepting the fact that he doesn't like me the way he likes her, I just fell harder for him.

I just want the pain to stop. I don't care if he doesn't love me or whatsoever, I just want our daily conversations to come back. I want him to talk to me, nothing more than a long, regular conversation that would make up most of my day. He now treats me like an old friend like years have already passed, and I don't want our relationship to stay like that as my family and I are going to immigrate to Canada this April. (He knows about the Canada thing.)

Now, how do I revive our friendship and conversation like the times we had, the memorable ones, (Like a time when you both watched the same movie and talked about that for, let's say, an hour) without romantic confessions involved? I would want our relationship like to a brother-sister thing, without being the one at loss.

To be brief: How do I revive our 'talking time'?

Let me ask you this (you dont have to answer me tho) do you have girlfriends who became your girlfriends and stayed your friends when all you have in common is liking the same books and /or movies?
There are people who meet weekly in book clubs and talk out and hash over what they felt and think about a book and they do that for an hour or two. But liking similar books or movies is the only thing they have in common, otherwise, these people never see each other.

It is common for two people to meet over one shared interest, but if there aren't other interests in common, similar personalities, dreams, goals, hopes, beliefs, how one thinks, etc... then its not likely to develop into a close friendship whether its a female or a male. Some people in your daily life are going to be nothing more than friendly class mates you can interact with a little.
You describe yourself as a nerdy girl and I am guessing, you are more of an introvert, and quiet and shy, as far as your self image.

I am also guessing that deep down inside, whether you can admit it yet or not, you long to be dating someone very badly, so much that you pinned all your hopes on the first person who would pay some attention to you and hold extended conversations on one subject with you.

Would you truly be content with only conversations with him? Maybe if you didn't have such deep feelings,it would be enough, but after a certain point in time, just a few conversations without any return of the same feelings from him towards you as you feel for him, just won't cut it, you'll find yourself wanting more and hurting even worse than you do now because the interest is still only one sided.

You said, "I just want the pain to stop." But this tactic will not get rid of the pain you claim to want to see stop, it will only prolong it.

I tend to think there's more to how you are feeling than you are ready to admit to yourself. It's evident when you talk of your feelings, how you fell hard for him.
You've already noticed he doesn't have the same interest in you as he has in Isabel. And that must hurt. So thats where the pain comes from.

So when you say, "I would want our relationship like to a brother-sister thing", I must say, "Really girl?" Who are are you trying to kid? Don't bother telling us that. We can see through it. Is it possible you are lying to yourself, hoping you can convince yourself to get over the fact he has no interest in pursuing a dating relationship with you?

Sorry if that sounds harsh. I've been there in similar situations, and lied to myself. I wasn't able to move on in life until I stopped lying to myself as my choice of a pitiful attempt to deal with the reality of my situation.

So my advice, is to let it go, don't try to find ways to revive your talking times. Go through the grieving of the realisation that nothing will come of it and move on. Find a man who has a genuine interest in you. If you're in school, and you wish to marry someday, you have plenty of time to date and discover what you like in a guy. Take the next 10 years or so to date around and don't settle for the first one you shows interest in you just because you think no one else will. Gain some self confidence. There are men who as they grow a bit older, discover that going after the model type beauty isn't to their liking cus they find nothing of substance to her character, she may be shallow, and they have more interest in the 'nerdy type' who have their own brand of natural beauty. There will always be men who find you attractive. You just have to believe that. If you don't, the vibes you send off will keep most males from wanting to get anywhere near you.

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