|
I cheated on my boyfriend :( What do I do?
We are in a long distance relationship. We met when he was visiting my city 5 months ago.
I was extremely drunk last night at a bar with some friends. We were all dancing and the entire evening I made sure that no guys would try to grind up on me, etc. I got more and more intoxicated as the night went on, and towards the end of the night, some dude grabbed me to dance with me and I didn't resist. We made out briefly, pulling away maybe two or three times, before my friends found me.
I was extremely torn up. I began to sob immediately after I realized what I'd done and I told my boyfriend the next morning. He was upset but said that he forgives me; however, he doesn't know if we will be able to get through the inevitable trust issues that will arise from this.
I've never been in such a situation before. I guess I just need some wisdom. What do I do?
Thank you :)
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
You may or may not get his trust back but show him you love him. Don't tell but show him. But it never hurts to say I love you. But don't be hurt if a long distance relationship doesn't work. your boyfriend might cheat on you without the influence of alcohol. But for now love him like crazy
]
You already came clean about it, there's not much else you can do. You can't go back in time or anything.
The best thing you can do at this point is try to gain back his trust. If he loves you, he'll know that you knew it was a mistake and it was because you were drinking too much. So right now, you just need to be a good and faithful girlfriend.
If he can't handle it, you're just going to have to accept it.
From now on, I'd start learning when to stop drinking because you don't want to have another situation like this happen again.
]
The best thing for next time is to recognize what your limit is regarding drinking and stick to it. Never let yourself get to the point where your clarity of mind is compromised. The amount of alcohol that one person can drink before being affected in judgement and motor control is going to be different than another persons. The safest thing to do is to have one drink or glass of wine, then switch to non alcoholic drinks for the rest of the evening. All a person needs to relax a bit and enjoy themselves generally is one drink.
An LDR is hard on a relationship. The ones that work somewhat are two people who got a chance to know each other well before one had to move away for college. Once college is over they are back together is their feelings for each other havent cooled off. In your case, it sounds like you got to meet in person. I don't know what the chances are to be living in the same city in the near future. Even though you did meet, the majority of what a relationship is about can't be experienced through a computer screen or phone. Yes, you do get somewhat of an idea of who they are but the parts we can't experience, we create in our minds and fantasize about and so the person becomes so wonderful and great and once the two are able to date regularly face to face, they discover that although the other is a very nice person, they are not what they were dreaming of and waiting for while doing the LDR, and it falls apart. Some LDR's fail because of trust issues, even if neither once has done anything with someone else. Trust is hard to establish when both realize that live persons are in contact with their LDR partner on a daily basis and one of them just might catch their eyes and they either break things off or try to carry two relationships, one over the net and one in real life. I don't know your situation and possibility of being able to be in person with him. So its hard to tell you what to do.
But I will say that when we get drunk, our guard is down and inhibitions lowered, and whatever is stored emotionally in our subconscious mind will rise to the surface. That is why you see some mean, angry drunks and others are silly or extra loving. A young female without a sweetheart is likely to be desiring to feel a warm body to hug and cuddle, to feel his arm around your shoulders, his hand in yours, the romance, time spent in each others company. So when your inhibitions were lowered, your innermost wants came to the surface, so you allowed a guy to begin kissing and touching you or whatever else he did. If you are honest with yourself, you probably long for this part of a relationship, not just the meeting of minds which is all you are getting on the computer. You need to be fair to the guy on line. Are you waiting for a relationship that has a 50/50 chance of surviving to the point where you can continue on in person?
There is a saying I want you to keep in mind. A bird in the hand is better than two in the bush. Right now, he is the only one who you find attractive. However, if another was to come along, where you got to know him, minus the sex or making out and you both fall for each other, dont say no to the one right there in front of you because of one in another city, state or country who may or may not work out. But be honest and let the one on line know if you are calling off your commitment to him.
My feeling is that it is better to keep oneself available to date several different guys at the same time if it so happens that a couple are intersted in her and her in them at the same time, as long as she advises each male that she is going to date around until she finds the one that she is ready to commit to a long term relationship with.
Try to avoid commitment to one guy at the attraction stage, when you haven't had time to get to know each other in depth yet. From the little I know from your letter, I think you may not have had a chance to get to know your guy all that well. Hopefully, it still all works out for you and he is able to let it go and trust you. Trust in hard though in a face to face relationship, and even harder long distance. I hope all turns out for the best for you.
]
More Questions: |