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Is he using me?
It's far to early but you know how girls are, we all obsess over nothing. A boy who I'm friends with has asked me to start to hang out. When we see each other on night out we both openly flirt with each other but lately he's made his intentions clear that he wants us to have more than a flirtatious friendship. I want more too but he told me to keep it on the down low and not tell anyone if I come to his house. I'd this because he dosnt want people knowing our business or thinks it's too early to let everyone know were hanging out or is he ashamed of people knowing were more than friends? This guys a real gentle man but he's good looking too and I'm sure he could get any other girl so this could just be an act I don't know? Help!
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Do you really think all the other people your age worry about people finding out who they are interested in, who they're talking to and flirting with and hanging out with? No.
Was he worried about what others would think when he hung out a couple times flirting with you? Did he say to keep it secret then? No. Why did it change then when he decided he wants something more serious, and you did not implicitly say, but I am guessing it will include being sexual pretty soon.
Do you really think girls have a problem with obsessing over nothing? No. They have a problem with not asking questions, or asking for clarification when a guy says something. The moment you don't understand what a guy meant by what he said, ask. If the explanation is not satisfactory, or your intuition is saying somethings not quite right yet, reword what he said in your own words and feed it back to him.
It sounds like this is progressing quite quickly. I don't know how long you've known him as a friend and how in depth you got a chance to know his character.
Maybe I should be asking if you even know what you are looking for in a boyfriend, in a dating relationship? Are you simply wanting attention from a guy to help validate that you are a desirable gal? Yes, some women never look any further ahead than that. My first thought is that he has something to hide as has already been suggested. Is there any chance that this "friend" is possibly not available, meaning he is already dating someone else or several someones, or is he engaged? I assume he isn't married if inviting you to his home. Something just doesnt sound kosher. It may be nothing and he just used a poor choice of words and did not explain what he meant. So if I were you, I'd ask and find out ahead of time.
One more thing hon, you can't rely on good looks and someone being a real gentleman out in public situations to know what he would be like in private with you. I married such a guy at 20. In about a years time, he finally let his real self show. Fooled my family too. He was a verbally abusive man. If you are going to spend any time with him, make sure it is quality time rather than the majority of it being make out sessions or sex, that is no way to really get to know a person. All you will know is if you're a good sexual match, but it takes a guy also being your best friend too for it to work out. You will need to spend time talking about things to find what he stands for, his morals, beliefs, hopes,dreams, fears, interests, hobbies, how he gets along with and treats female members of his family, how he treats other females he does not know, what he is like on a good day, versus and bad day, when he is tired, sick or worried or stressed. All of this is very important. So ask him and then decide based on his answer whether you are going to start dating him or not but keep your eyes wide open and don't let your guard down. It takes time to earn the trust of ones partner by a persons consistant good behavior. The first time you see him let his guard down, you will begin to see the real him and if you don't like what you see, leave then. Or if you discover he has other girl friends too, leave and don't look back. There is no such thing as second chances for something like that. If he's a player, he doesn't want to change, some guys like variety with no commitment. But they know how to say the things that might mislead a gal to believe he is inlove with her. Don't accept his words at face value, always dig deeper. You dont have to sound like you are interrogating him, but ask nice and sweetly with a smile.
Lastly, make sure that you aren't lying to yourself, that something isn't wrong when all your senses all telling you there is. Women have intuition and should learn to rely on it. Your's is obviously working cus your title asked "Is he using me?"
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I'd straight up ask him why he doesn't want anyone to know you guys are hanging out. Let him know you find it weird and that you prefer not to hide things.
Like it's one thing to keep business between the two of you. But like not let anyone know you guys even hang out is weird and does make it seem like you're not good enough for other people to know about.
Once you get an answer, from there, figure out where you want to go with it. If you think he's using you, then stop seeing him. He doesn't get to call all the shots and doesn't get to run everything, if you're not happy with it, let him know.
When people hide things, it's normally because they are doing something wrong. You're not something wrong, so you don't need to be kept completely hidden. I mean you don't have to spill everyone the latest gossip on what's going on between you two but it doesn't need to be kept hidden either.
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Maybe he doesn't want to be seen with you, but you are worth more than just being on the down low. Just don't focus on him have other guys you talk to but also be careful. Then stop texting first let him text you or call because it let's you know if you're on his mind or not. Hope everything works out for you.
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i think he might be embarassed and maybe he doesn't want his friends to know because they might make fun of him or tease him. He might also want to keep a secret relationship with you because maybe he doesn't want the whole school to say kiss or hug or aww. The last thing i can think of is maybe he is planning a huge thing for you at school and no one can know yet. I hope i could help.
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