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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.
advice
So the same thing happened to you when your tonsils were infected? My gums were hurting and itching so bad I tried cleaning my mouth with peroxide then mouthwash and brushing the gums but they just bruised and got sore. I need this to go away it's killing me slowly I'm loosing my mind. Did everything in your mouth go back to normal for you? That's what I'm afraid of. They refuse to take the tonsils out and I'm 19 so the older I get the worse it gets.
I was much younger when this happened to me; but yes once the infection cleared everything went back to normal.
Based on what you are writing I am going to suggest you see an "Eye, Ear, Nose & Throat Doctor called an ENT specialist. Emergency room doctors are trained to treat what they see. For more in depth treatment they tell you to see your own doctor or suggest a specialist.
While it is true that doctors are not as quick today to remove someones tonsils. They once thought the tonsils were a left over from evolution that they now know better. They will when necessary remove tonsils that are causing acute infections. The best doctors to treat you for this are the ENT Specialists as tonsils fall under their specialized training.
The surgery itself is rather simple as surgeries go. The older one gets though the longer and harder the recovery period. If you don't have your own doctor and are using the emergency room doctors. Go to the emergency room for more medication and ask to be referred to an ENT you can see during clinic hours.
16/f I watch lesbian porn, sometimes, and I just like watching two other girls do it but I can't see myself doing it.. I can never fully masturbate over a guy but other times I can, I do not feel in love or am attracted to any women or think they are hot or whatever, I've had boyfriends before.. is it weird that I have watched lesbian porn, am I a lesbian? Part of me just thinks its interesting the other half just knows it will be able to get off because I'm not turned on by heterosexual porn, but if I was doing some of that stuff with a guy myself I would be turned on.. any advice comments? (I'm not addicted to porn by the way. I've only watched like a few vids, its something that's happened recently)
Relax, you are a normal 16 year old female with normal sexual curiosity seen during you puberty years. Don't be so fast to label yourself. Even if you were a lesbian, which I assure you you are not. There is nothing wrong with that as that is who you would be and how you were programed at birth. To label yourself at your age though would be detrimental and hurtful to you because your peers and classmates would be entirely negative.
Yes I got off the subject for the moment but that needed to be said so you understood that labels hurt and we are far to fast to label today. At your present age it is only proper that you be sexually curious. Boys are sexually curious as well. They experiment sexually within their own group(s) of male friends as do many women.
I know many women that are totally hetero but if you knew them in college you would say they were lesbians. Why? Well for one thing lesbian sex was safer and for another it was more available and provided the sexual relief they needed. Yes they dated boys occasionally and even had sex with them, so maybe if they were labeled they would be labeled bi.
Back then we were not so fast to label people. Once labeled it is hard to remove the label. So worry less about putting a label on yourself and just enjoy being who you are and enjoy finding out about your sexuality.
I've been sick all week with my tonsils infected so bad my temp has been over 103 everyday this week Sunday-Thursday I went to hospital got somewhat better but that whole time I couldn't eat or drink around Tuesday my gums started to hurt and dry up and bleed and now they all hurt now I brushed and scrubbed them and they are killin more. Also my tounge and mouth are all bumps and scabs..is it possible to get infected like that from my tonsils? I hope it goes away I had good teeth.
The quick answer is yes. While we are not doctors and should not be making diagnoses. What you are describing sounds like what happened to me when I had my tonsils taken out. I forget what the disease was called but I was sick for several weeks while different antibiotics were tried to clear it up.
You need to see your doctor or dentist or go back to the hospital for proper medical treatment. What you have if I am correct is also very contagious so separate what you use from what the rest of the family uses. Make sure your dishes and flatware are scrubbed in hot water and soap or in a dishwasher after each use.
Im a freshman in high school .. I just moved so I go to a new school and I dont know anyone .. There are a couple of boys I like but its only been 4 days of school .. Should I talk to him? If so, how long should I wait.. Or should I wait for him to talk to me?? I was thinking to wait 2 weeks when we get homework so I can have an excuse but I dont know what to do , im used to boys coming to me first... Help?
You are the new kid on the block. They all have their friends that they have known for sometime. In this instance it is up to you to make the first move. Nothing really overt just a; "Hi I'm Emily my family and I just moved her from someplace, USA."
If you moved to a small community and you know who the former owners of you home are you can add that your parents bought the old ___________ Place. This is sort of an ice breaker.
Girls being the same everywhere you want to be careful not to look as if you are trying to steal someones boyfriend. I would suggest you first try to make friends with the girls and let them introduce you to available boys.
Hey I'm 17 and I was wondering if I could get a hookers number or something I'm not a virgin but need sex please help
If a prostitute/call girl were to find out you are 17 they would not touch you with a 10 foot pole; as you are below the age of consent in most states. Besides prostitution being illegal they could face charges of child molestation and other child sex related charges.
Don't try lying to them about your age either. They are pretty good at judging young peoples ages. If they even think you are under age they will walk away.
In their profession going to jail for a night or two is seen as an occupational hazard. To engage in sex with a minor, which you are, means long prison terms. Ignorance is no excuse under the law. So best thing to do for now is to dance with miss thumb and her 4 sisters.
18/f
I will be an incoming freshman to a city school with a large population of commuter students. My school treats it's commuters very nicely with a commuter center, an orientation specifically for commuter students, and various events for commuters. Despite this, I'm still nervous about commuting to school and not being able to make friends. Will joining clubs help me out? Also, what can I do to be a bit more outgoing when attending orientation. Thanks!
Just judging from what you have written it appears to me that your college is going out of its way to be inclusive to the commuter students. I have not heard of any other school doing anything like this and your school is not alone in being a commuter school.
I always recommend joining clubs or groups for which you have an interest. You will find a variety of clubs and groups on campus offering just about anything you can think of from Astronomy to Photography and more. The easiest way to make friends is to find people with similar interest as yours. Study groups are also ways of meeting people. The common interest there is of course your class work and your compatibility is less likely to be a match as it would be with a club of women interest out side of a course of study.
As to how to be more outgoing. This is a bite the bullet type thing. If you are a shy retiring person. Then you have to force yourself to walk up to people and introduce yourself.
Being a local person you might find it easier to talk to people from out of the area by offering to show them around off campus.Should you strike a really close friendship then you might invite that person over to your house one weekend giving them a break from campus life and cuisine.
I'm 20/f. When I was 15, I started having sex with my boyfriend of that time. I only ever had sex with him, no one else. And I don't have a shy personality, but I'm very modest and conservative. Not in the goodie goodie way, I'm just self conscious. Anyway, I'm probably going to have sex with this other guy soon. He's already performed oral, but I'm nervous about sleeping with someone new and foreign (not in a racial sense). Its been so long, I haven't had vaginal sex in over a year and a half. How do I prepare myself? I know I sound ridiculous but sex is very important to me, its symbolic and I'm looking at this as if I'm losing my virginity again.
Sex is something that comes to adults, which you are , in almost a natural manner. It is also something that is a learned experience. I will explain.
First time sex with anyone for the women is almost always going to be as you feel now. You don't have to be a virgin to feel this way. You are the one who is allowing someone to penetrate your body and with him it is a first time so there is some natural hesitation over what to expect and how to act.
To this my answer is: If you love him and trust him and feel that he respects, loves and cares for you. Then allow him to lead you through the first time with him. What you need to do for yourself is to make sure that you are someplace you feel safe and comfortable. Meaning you are not worried about anyone walking in on you and your not doing it in the back seat of his car.
You have not had sex in a long time so you will be almost as tight as when you were a virgin. You need to make sure there is plenty of foreplay so that you are properly lubricated to minimize any pain on penetration. You could if you want make sure to have a tube of lubricant and use it before he having intercourse.
As for being a learned experience. First time sex is a natural experience. After the initial sexual coupling you are going to want to learn more about each others likes and dislikes. Where each likes to be touched, kissed and caressed. Oral sex is not generic. Each of us have different ways we like to be licked and sucked.
You may be more clitoral than vaginal needing more clitoral stimulation during foreplay. Guys are taught or learn that women want us to stick our fingers in them during for play. How are we to know a mate is wanting something or needing something different if she doesn't tell us. So part of the learned experience is communication. Talk to each other about what you like and don't like. This would include any fetishes you might want to try. As long as you both understand that you both have to consent to something. That no means no and stop means stop. Then learning about each other sexually can be fun.
OK so I just want to know a definition for each of these and give an example please....
1. Oral sex
2. Anal sex
3. Fingering
4. Hand job
5. Blow job
6. (term) riding on top?
7. Condom
8. Phone Sex
Thank you! Please help!
I agree with most everything laynemayhem wrote with the following additions.
1. Oral sex - add mouth to sexual organ contact. Girl sucking mans penis; Man licking womans vagina.
2. Anal sex. Anal sex is the sexual penetration of the anus. This is generally considered sodomy oral sex is legally also considered to be as well. The anus, males or females, is penetrated by a penis or dildo. The anus can also be fingered just as a vagina is.
My aunt seems to have some problems with memory. She forgets some simple facts and somethins what happened to her some minutes ago. What should I do to help her?
There are many reasons for short term memory problems. None of us are doctors and we should not and cannot make diagnoses over the web.
If her short term memory problem is something new then you should try and get her to see her doctor for this could be a sign of something more troubling. It could be she suffered a trauma such as a fall. She may be under some type of stress or something far worse that needs immediate medical intervention.
Age is not truly a factor here either. Your aunt can be 39 or 79 and be suffering from any one of the things I am thinking of that only a doctor can diagnose. Age does come into play with some forms of dementia which short term memory loss is an outward sign.
If you want to help you Aunt; the best thing you can do for her is to take her to her doctor and help her follow her doctors instructions.
Hi in female and I'm 16
Me and my bf are gunna make love at the weekend x
But I really don't know what happens in sex or how you know when to bj a boy or when he wants to finger u xx
Cos like you read stuff in books but it doesn't really tell you
So any advice welcumed xx
Thnku x
I found the website, shown at the end, while answering a very similar question for other young ladies. I believe you should review this website before making any decision about having sex, starting with “Am I ready?”
On the subject of are you ready: all I will say is sexual intercourse is a beautiful thing between two loving responsible adults. Sex for you as a woman is different than for the boy. You are more emotionally mature than a partner would at your same age by about 2 years. Sex for a woman most always have a loving relationship, meaning women usually do not hop in and out of bed. Where for a boy of the same age sex is more of a conquest, away to satisfy raging hormones. You need love, security and comfort to enjoy sex. A boy needs none of this just a willing partner.
The odds are against you marring the boy you give your virginity to, so be selective as to who you chose to be your first. Make sure you find someplace you can have your first sexual experience that is safe, relaxing and that you will be undisturbed. You should be on birth control for at least 30 days and always have him use a condom.
When you are of age 14 or older, by law, you have medical confidentiality. This law called HIPPA, a federal law, provides you the right and the protection to see any doctor in private. Meaning mom or dad cannot be in the exam room with you during the examination or treatment. The doctor cannot tell your parents what you are being treated for without a written release from you signed in front of his nurse or someone in his employ. This is to insure you are not forced in to supplying this release. This law specifically covers a women’s reproductive system. Under this law you can ask your doctor for birth control medication. He can only refuse you on medical grounds.
As someone who is old enough to be your grandparent I should be telling you to wait. I am sure your parents have already given you that advice and it is good advice. It is also hypocritical of most of us, as most all of us my age and younger engaged in sex long before we were married. What I will say is there are ways of satisfying the sexual urges without having intercourse. There is masturbation, mutual masturbation, which is generally apart of foreplay, BJ’s and HJ’s. At your present ages you can have all the intimacy of sex using these alternatives without running the possibility of an unwanted pregnancy. Remember no birth control is 100% effective. End of lecture.
My advice is to wait a few more years, let you and your body matures a bit more so that you can fully enjoy a sexual relationship. Don’t let pear pressure force you to do something you may not be fully ready for.
http://www.pamf.org/teen/sex/virginity/readyornot.html.
Hi,
This is going to sound like a really stupid question, but I can assure you, it's genuine and not a joke!
Recently, when I go to the bathroom (to poop), it smells like jasmine flowers.
Now I know it's not the air freshener or soap, or anything because I only smell it when 'things get going'. I've not changed my diet and everything has been perfectly normal.
It's just a rosy, jasmine, floral smell that wafts throughout the bathroom.
Is it anything I should worry about? Has anyone experienced this before?
Thanks in advance!
While I may not think it is anything to worry about. The fact that it concerns you tells me to advice you to check with your doctor. This is something that is not normal for you and I assume is a change in bodily function.
Whenever there is a change in how your body is functioning there can be reason for concern. Since I am not a doctor and neither are the rest of us. A phone call to your doctors office will put your mind at ease.
Don't worry about embarrassing yourself by calling. Your doctors staff have had stranger phone calls than this one. The only stupid phone call they consider is the one not make.
Hey everyone! I'm 14/f
Recently I've been confronted with a common -- more common than I thought -- situation & it seems that whenever something new is presented to me, whether it be a new word or a new show I've never heard of, I start to see it everywhere. That is really no surprise because it happens each time I'm presented with something new.
This time the situation is knowing a person from the opposite sex for a long time & ending up married when you're older. I have always wondered why that is ever since I was little & had my forever crush on a friend.
There are a few songs that I already knew for a few years, others that I just learned, but have been hearing them a lot lately. Like:
Mary's Song (Oh My My My) - Taylor Swift
Should've kissed you - Chris Brown
Speak Now - Taylor Swift
Sparks fly - Taylor Swift
Back to December - Taylor Swift
Ours - Taylor Swift
Goodbye - Kesha
And then aside from the songs, I have seen a bunch of couples kissing everywhere I go, holding hands, kissing, flirting, laughing, happy people. I'm just stuck in the corner all sad because I'm too much of a wimp to tell "him" how I feel. It's like i'm bring tormented by my own thoughts! It's driving me crazy & I don't like it at all! I dream about it and everything!
I would just like to know, is it normal for this to happen to people? Thanks for reading.
I like voice of reasons' answer too.
If I was a psychologist I would probably say you see and here these things as you do because they are more prevalent in your subconscious than you are aware of.
I recently bought a new car. It is a Jeep Grand Cherokee. Before I purchased the car I don't remember ever seeing that many on the road before. Now that I own one I see them everywhere. I'm more conscious of them because they mean something to me even though I am not consciously thinking of them.
There is nothing wrong with this. You are being more aware of your surroundings. You are growing up. All of this is normal. As you get older and when you reach my age, which is really old. Old songs will have new meaning. They will bring back old memories.
I listen to satellite radio 60's & 70's music. Many of the songs played bring back many different memories, all of them good ones as we tend to forget the bad ones. This is all normal. Relax and have fun with it.
I'm a 16 year old female and I've had a few boyfriends. This summer I met a girl that I found myself having feelings for. We got super close and became good friends. I've never felt that way about a girl before and I don't see other girls in a romantic way, except for this one. Could I be bisexual or is it just a girl crush?
At your age it is perfectly normal to have feelings for the same sex.
Don't be so fast to put a label on your sexuality. This is the time when you should be experimenting and finding out just who you are sexually. Their is nothing wrong with being bi or even gay. The problem is the label.
For some reason, for which I have no reason, we are very fast to label things. This would include ourselves. When we put a label on something then we expect to live up to the label and not to the feeling. This is wrong and not how things are meant to be.
Labels can also be harmful to young people your age. Labels have meanings, these meanings present themselves differently to different people. People, friends can be very bigoted towards a label. Today they are a best friend. Share with them you may be bi or even gay and tomorrow they are very spiteful towards you.
Yes labels can be harmful but experimentation is good. It lets you find out about yourself and the world around you. You have many years ahead of you before declaring your sexuality and nothing says you must declare your sexuality to anyone other than yourself.
So I've been wanting to buy an iPad for awhile now and I was just causally mentioned it in conversation to a friend the other day. That friend went on to tell me that an iPad has phone capabilities and you need to pay a monthly fee like for a Smartphone to have one...is that true? I didn't think/know that.
If that's not true, which GB iPad should I get? I want the 1st generation; the cheaper ones lol. I would use it to surf the web(obviously), download apps/play apps, watch videos, stuff like that.
I'm really slow when it comes to GB sizes so I don't know what's a lot and what isn't.
Thank you!
(PS - Apple iPad (First Generation) MC496LL/A Tablet (32GB, Wifi + 3G)
^I found that on Amazon. Is that good? What exactly is the 3G and is that a lot of space regarding GB?)
I have the IPad without the phone. I use it much the way you wish to. To get a first generation Ipad you will have to search the web as buying on in a store is probably not possible.
My advise is to look at the current generation Ipads and see if you can afford one. The price for them can vary from the Apple store to Best Buys. Fact is Apple is about to come out with the next generation. Each time the of the get lighter and better capable.
The first generation, which I have is very limited in what it can do, though it is better than most other pad devices on the market.
Okay so to start off I am 20 years old, I am 5 ft 8in tall and I weigh 117lbs. I know I am slightly underweight with a BMI of 17.7
I am a model so I am at an ideal weight for the industry (sadly I know) however I also exercise and do not look unhealthy. I have muscles and fat on my legs.
I have a tall, lean figure by genetics, however in the past 6 months I have lost about 15 lbs. I used to weigh 130 and dropped to 115 through no specific action of my own. I do not eat a lot but I eat the same as I have all my life and I grew up at a normal weight my whole life. I've never felt hungry and when I did I ate. The only thing that has changed in the past six months that could account for my weight loss is the fact that I started exercising.
I drink a lot of energy drinks and protein shakes.
Now my question is in the past month I've noticed that I have started to ALWAYS be hungry. I will eat a meal and two hours later I will crave another type of food, or sugar, or fruit or a snack. I am alwayss thinking about food and I always satisfy my hunger but I am starting to worry that I am eating too much because I constantly crave food. At the same time, I get dizzy spells when getting up too fast, have trouble with digestion, and I don't really know why this is happening.
I'm not really sure what this is, I couldn't find an eating disorder to match my symptoms and I'm thinking I might just be getting the wrong kind of nutrition. If anyone has any information on what the problem may be please respond. If it is malnutrition how can I improve on it without gaining weight.
thanks!
We are not doctors and we cannot and should not be making diagnoses.
Is what you are describing an eating order? Not in the fullest terms of the description of the words. You are underweight by about 10 pounds. This can be worse than being overweight by the same amount; as the body is looking to make up the weight by looking for stored fat that is not there. Also when a person turns fat into muscle they generally gain weight as muscle weighs more than fat.
My very non medical take on this is that if exercising is new to your routine and this seems to be the cause of your weight loss. Then you need to up you calorie intake to replace what you are burning. You do not have the fat reserves needed to make up what your burning and the energy drinks are not designed to do this for you.
My advise is to do the following.
1) See your doctor just to make sure there is nothing physically wrong to account for the weight loss. Also to get the doctors advice on a weight that is proper for you and will allow you to continue as a model.
The biggest problem you have right now is the dizziness upon standing. This is a sign, generally of a momentary drop in blood pressure. This could be due to your being underweight. This is what you need to have checked out by your doctor as there are other causes for this as well.
2)Find a nutritionist to work with who can design a diet plan to provide the proper nutritional intake to fit your life style.
A good nutritionist will be able to tell how many calories you need a day based on your activities and then plan a weekly menus for you to work and shop with.
If you want and can afford it I would also advice a third thing which is to have a professional trainer to work with.A professional trainer working with your nutritionist will keep you healthy and fit for your modeling assignments. Theses three things along with regular check ups with your doctor will keep you in the best of shape for your chosen profession. Models can look and be healthy without being bean poles and being sick all the time.
As a professional model the expense of a trainer and nutritionist may be tax deductible. Check with your tax advisor.
Hello all,
I have a question about how I feel about sharing certain things and how my parents approach it.
I was recently on a ten day vacation with my parents and my brother. We were all sharing one big hotel room, which is fine. However, my problem is that there are certain things I prefer not to share; such as my roll-on deodorant, my razor and also any of my lip products.
During this vacation, as we had a shared bathroom - my parents helped themselves to my razor; which I just hate and it really grosses me out. Without asking. When I mentioned it to them they just say "Don't be so fussy, we're family" and so on, but I really, really can't stand something like this. Nevertheless, they continued to use it; well, more my mom- especially for her bikini region as we were on a poolside holiday. Ugh.
Then they would just help themselves to my roll on deodorant which is also something that grosses me out. They just thought they wouldn't bring their own deodorant to save space and help themselves to mine all they want.
Thirdly, my mom just helped herself to all my lip products because she "forgot" hers...
No matter how much I told her I don't like it if others use my lip products, she still used them multiple times each day. And even ruined one of my lipsticks...which I had just bought from the airport on our way to the vacation itself..
Am I being irrational here? Or is it perfectly acceptable that there are a few things that I shouldn't have to share with my family when they feel like things that should only be tied to my own body, and that's it?
How can I explain my opinion on this to my parents? I've tried countless times, but each time they (without saying it) imply that I'm just being greedy and bitchy and fussing about nothing. This happens almost every vacation and I am so tired of this happening...
By the way, I am 19 and female.
No you are not being irrational. The quickest way to pass on any illnesses is through the use of personal hygiene products. You may all be family and share all the same genes and DNA as well as much of the same good bacteria. What you don't share are the same immunities. So no you are not being irrational at all.
Unfortunately your family, mom, does not share your views. She sees nothing wrong with this and you can talk to her until you are blue in the face. She is not going to change, you have to. That does not mean you have to be accepting of her views on this.
What it means is when traveling together as a family and sharing the same bathroom you have to be the one to make sure mom packs her proper toiletries. You should have what men call a shave kit, a little pouch where they keep their razor, shave cream and such. Much like a make up kit you would carry only larger to accommodate the other things you would need in the bathroom.
You take the kit into the bathroom with you. When you are finished you take it out of the bathroom and lock it in your suitcase. Mom will probably object and may even tease or ridicule you some.
You are at 19 an adult entitled to your privacy and that includes not sharing things that you feel should not be shared. In this case I am suggesting what is in essence a good offence as a defence by making sure your things are secured when you are not their to protect them.
special trainning
The answer to your question has a lot to do with the position you are applying for.
Example: Application for a position as a research assistant in a medical program.
They would want to know what research programs you have participated in and if you have published anything.
Do you have any special training/schooling for this particular research program.
This is the area you would list any programs that you participated in and listed as researcher in any published article. You would also put in this space any special course you have taken that would qualify you for this program.
If you applying for a position as a Secretary. In this area you would list any courses you have taken in the use of the different Office programs one would expect a secretary to have knowledge of. Ability with a CAD program would go in this area.
Hope I have helped some. If you need a more definitive answer write back with more information.
My wife and I have been married for over 14 years and have three sons. For about the past 2-3 years our relationship has been strained at best. We go through a cycle of fighting with each other, make up and then the next week start all over again! I travel for my job, so I am gone quite a bitof the time.
I get frustrated with her because I want to have sex when I come home, and most nights she says she is too tired. She doesn't like me touching her because she says my hands are too hot. Cuddling together is also nonexistant. Her always rejecting me is making me feel very unimportant and unloved by her. I have tried to add dirty talk, and even suggested some role play to spice up things, both of which she doesn't like. We have sex about 1-2 times in a two week period.
I have always been a bit of a health nut and exercise quite a bit. Recently I have tried to get her interested in running with me and my oldest son to train for a 10K. Of course she doesn't want anything to do with that. She is extremely overweight and lives in front of the TV when home. I have threatened to disconnect the cable, and you would have thought I was going to make her go without air to breath. I have grown to loathe television and that all it stands for.
If I try to say anything about her food choices or habitial soda drinking, I am a nagging husband. She has a very high probability of developing colon cancer because of genetic abonormality, which is why I want her to take better care of herself. She has gained about 140lbs since we first met.
Four years ago, I became a vegan and my family is not. This has created conflict in our family as well. My wife still goes out and buys lots of meat, dairy, and lots of sugary foods. If I object, a fight ensues with my wife, who does all the grocery shopping.
When she 7 years old, she was raped and sodemized multiple times over a several year by this sleeze ball next door neighbor, who was 15 at the begining. Her sister decided to go to the police and an investaigation ensued, and a trial, and sentencing, which is still going on. Most of the change in her can be traced back to the begining of the investigation. Needless to say bringing up all these old memories and having to see this guy in person in court has really been a difficult experience to go through even though she hadn't seen him in 25 years. I told her I think that she should go talk with a counselor, but she refuses to go because she feels she can handle it on her own.
Our marriage is really having trouble and I don't know quite what to do about it. We don't seem to have much intimacy in our marriage and don't talk to each other like we used to. If some things don't change in our marriage, I don't know if we are going to make it another 14 years, and I feel like it is my boys who are going to suffer.
The other two advisers came at you from one direction, I'm going to try to come at you from another direction.
There is a lot going on here. There is by your own admission the traveling for your job. Then there is the rape as a child. These are the two biggest factors in all that you have written about.
You change in diet is an added burden that you can help with by doing your own shopping and helping with the cooking when you are home to eat with the family. While you shouldn't force your diet on any other children you can by asking them to help in preparing your meal lead them into at least drying your diet. Asking your wife to prepare two separate meal is a bit much when you have 3 boys to feed. So I suggest you help out in the kitchen when you get home.
Your shopping for and preparing your own meals may go along way in getting more attention in the bedroom as well. But in the grans scheme of things this is a 5 on a scale of 10.
The Rape is the most important thing to address with her as I agree with you. I don't think she is handling things well. There is an organization I would like you to call and try to get your wife to speak to them as well. Their expertise in these matters far exceeds mine and I believe they can help.
The name of the organization is RAINN; which stands for Rape, Abuse, Incest, National Network. They operate a 24/7 hotline you can call for help in dealing with her problem. They will help you find experts in you community that can help her and you deal with this. Their number is 1-800-656-HOPE. Speak with the people who answer the phones and tell them about what happened to her. The biggest problem is getting her to ask for help. This is a situation of leading a horse to water. You can do that, but you can't make them drink. I believe the people at RAINN can help you find a way to get your wife to try sipping the water.
I too traveled for my job. I was fortunate that I lived in the geographic center of the area I was responsible for. I was I Sales Manager so I was able to arrange my travel so that I was home more than I was away. I don't know if you can do as I did. If you can that could be a big part of fixing some of the problem.
Your wife being overweight. If I were a psychologist, which I'm not, I would say that it is because of the different problems and challenges your wife has. The biggest of them is not properly dealing with the rape. This has lowered her self-esteem. As much as you or I would like to help her we are not qualified to do so. So please call the hotline I gave you and talk to them about ways of getting help for your wife.
I love my mother to death. She is one of the only two people who has loved me unconditionally my entire life, and the other one is not my dad. The problem is that the past few years, she's been so paranoid that I will do things I would never, ever do. When my unmarried cousin got pregnant while she was in college, I couldn't even mention my boyfriend without my mom telling me not to have sex or get pregnant. What was the real son of a b*#"! was that I started getting urinary tract infections a short time later, which my doctor said was because of this and that, but my mom was convinced it was because of sex. Now she's done something that I'm afraid will make things permanently awkward between us. I'm engaged to a wonderful man who my mom should know I love more than life. I've always had crushes on cute boys since my first crush when I was about 8 and there were times in my teens when I could talk incessantly about guys I liked to my mom. I never flat out said that I liked them and tried to keep her from knowing, but she always knew. Then tonight, I told her that one of my friends came out as gay and her parents didn't take it very well and my mom thought I was talking about myself. I don't have anything against gays, but my mom's got a big mouth and I'm afraid of what she might say to my fiancee. If I lose my fiancee, it'll kill me. He's everything to me and my life really sucked before he came along. She thought it was one of those stories where you say it's a friend when it's really you. I tried to convince her otherwise and remind her of my boy crazy personality and she said she believed me, but I don't think she does. She's stressing me out and damaging our relationship by showing that she doesn't know me or trust me at all. What should I tell her? How could I possibly convince her that I've never been gay or had premarital sex?
You have not said how old you are though if you are old enough to be married I must assume you are at least 18 years old. That means you are an adult and subject to all the rights of the an adult. I say this just for the purpose of clarity.
A mothers love is unconditional, her understanding of her children, well that is a different story. Some parents get down right paranoid about their children. Part of this is the fear of letting go or the fear them being hurt and not being able to help. Is this what is behind your moms being as she is? I cannot say.
As to what your mom might say to your fiance is marrying you, not your mother, although he does have to learn to deal with her and her idiosyncrasies. The best thing to do as the saying goes is to pout forth a good offence and tell him everything he needs to know about your mother, including the story you told her about your friend and the conclusion you jumped to.
You are a virgin, you have saved yourself for him and will be giving him a wonderful gift on your wedding night. There are not many brides to day that have the ability to and stamina to fight of young men and keep their virginity intact for their future husbands.
This is something you should be proud of yourself for and something he will be most grateful for receiving. If he is the understanding wonderful man you say he is he should be able to make the connection as to how your mother made the leap from your friend to you.
Will your mom ever change her mind? Will she go up to your fiance and say ," Do you know you are marrying a lesbian, who knows? For warned is the best course of action here. He loves you and he will learn to love and accept you mom because he loves you. You have to forewarn him though that she is a little different than what he may be expecting.
I'm so in love with my husband. But lately, I've been having that recurring thought that maybe I should've waited to tie the knot. We got married about a month and a half ago. It seems like just the act itself of being married causes extra stress that we didn't really have before our marriage. The bad times are about equivalent to the good times we have, and to the same degree each way. When things are good, I'm so happy I was blessed with him. I feel like God made him just for me. Then, bad times bring me to pulling my hair out with frustration and thinking "Why the hell did I marry this guy?!". Is it just a marriage thing? Is that how it'll always be? Should we go to marriage therapy? I want to be the best wife I can be to him, and I'm just wondering if maybe I should see a therapist, either on my own or with him, to evaluate if it's just one of us, both of us, or just the marriage that's the problem. What should I do, I want this to last, I do everything I can to be sweet - randomly whisper sweet things in his ear, I always tell him how I love him and how I'm happy to have him, cook and bring food to him, back rubs and scratches, passionate kisses - what am I doing wrong? I know it can't be our love life, he's mentioned on more than one occasion how much he enjoys it. What could it be? I don't think I'll ever fully get to the bottom of what's going on in his mind. :/ please help.
I'm a little confused here mostly because you have not expressed what the bad times are and frankly I am hard pressed to see what the bad times could be in a month and a half. This is usually still the honeymoon period of a marriage.
If I were to guess I would say the bad times would have to do with possibly your expectations of what his role should be. That maybe you expect that with the exception of working he should be with you, not out playing golf or whatever with his buds.
If I'm right then they may be right, for you first, not marriage counseling. The problem I expressed is one that happens in a lot of new marriages. It went on during the engagement period but bride or the groom expects that once married he/she will want to spend more time at home cuddling and being married like might be found in romance novels or movies.
So if this is the bad times you are speaking of then yes seek counseling. If he is expecting you to take on all the responsibilities of cooking, cleaning, washing and everything else that it takes to make a home life. Then marriage counseling is not a bad idea. Marriage is a 50/50 proposition and that includes household chores.