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Did I make a mistake when I decided to get married?
I'm so in love with my husband. But lately, I've been having that recurring thought that maybe I should've waited to tie the knot. We got married about a month and a half ago. It seems like just the act itself of being married causes extra stress that we didn't really have before our marriage. The bad times are about equivalent to the good times we have, and to the same degree each way. When things are good, I'm so happy I was blessed with him. I feel like God made him just for me. Then, bad times bring me to pulling my hair out with frustration and thinking "Why the hell did I marry this guy?!". Is it just a marriage thing? Is that how it'll always be? Should we go to marriage therapy? I want to be the best wife I can be to him, and I'm just wondering if maybe I should see a therapist, either on my own or with him, to evaluate if it's just one of us, both of us, or just the marriage that's the problem. What should I do, I want this to last, I do everything I can to be sweet - randomly whisper sweet things in his ear, I always tell him how I love him and how I'm happy to have him, cook and bring food to him, back rubs and scratches, passionate kisses - what am I doing wrong? I know it can't be our love life, he's mentioned on more than one occasion how much he enjoys it. What could it be? I don't think I'll ever fully get to the bottom of what's going on in his mind. :/ please help.
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I'm a little confused here mostly because you have not expressed what the bad times are and frankly I am hard pressed to see what the bad times could be in a month and a half. This is usually still the honeymoon period of a marriage.
If I were to guess I would say the bad times would have to do with possibly your expectations of what his role should be. That maybe you expect that with the exception of working he should be with you, not out playing golf or whatever with his buds.
If I'm right then they may be right, for you first, not marriage counseling. The problem I expressed is one that happens in a lot of new marriages. It went on during the engagement period but bride or the groom expects that once married he/she will want to spend more time at home cuddling and being married like might be found in romance novels or movies.
So if this is the bad times you are speaking of then yes seek counseling. If he is expecting you to take on all the responsibilities of cooking, cleaning, washing and everything else that it takes to make a home life. Then marriage counseling is not a bad idea. Marriage is a 50/50 proposition and that includes household chores.
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Hello,
You say that the process of marriage was stressful. This is perfectly normal: planning a wedding is one of the most stressful things you can do.
The thing with marriage is, you need to really know the other person. That's why it's always best to test the water, unmarried, by living together. This way, you can see how the other person is, as you are living with them, as opposed to seeing them for short bursts where you are both glad to see each other.
You don't really state how long you've been together, or stuff, but I think it's best to maybe seek marriage therapy. It's a perfectly normal thing. Speak to him first though, to see if he feels the same way: communication is key in any relationship. So yes, do speak to him and them seek out marriage therapy. There may be little things that are being magnified by the stress, and it will help you both overcome any problems you may have.
Good luck!
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