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Nervous about having vaginal sex after so long

Question Posted Thursday August 16 2012, 1:19 pm

I'm 20/f. When I was 15, I started having sex with my boyfriend of that time. I only ever had sex with him, no one else. And I don't have a shy personality, but I'm very modest and conservative. Not in the goodie goodie way, I'm just self conscious. Anyway, I'm probably going to have sex with this other guy soon. He's already performed oral, but I'm nervous about sleeping with someone new and foreign (not in a racial sense). Its been so long, I haven't had vaginal sex in over a year and a half. How do I prepare myself? I know I sound ridiculous but sex is very important to me, its symbolic and I'm looking at this as if I'm losing my virginity again.

[ Answer this question ]

Additional info, added Thursday August 16 2012, 10:20 pm:
For the record, I am 100% educated on contraceptives, etc.. So leave those little reminders out, if you will. Also, if it means anything, I am in love with this man, this won't be a one night stand or anything..

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Maybe give some free advice about: General Sex Questions?

solidadvice4teens answered Wednesday August 22 2012, 11:09 pm:
Why not tell this person the truth. If they really love you they will understand and make sure you feel 100% ready. Outline to him how important this is to you and that you only were with one person before and long ago and consider yourself a born-again virgin.

Point out the symbolism and meaning to you and I know he will appreciate this. I'm assuming your previous sexual encounter unfortunately was a negative one. Tell him your fears and being self-concious and work with him on that and gradually progress to where you fully trust eachother to proceed with it.

[ solidadvice4teens's advice column | Ask solidadvice4teens A Question

adviceman49 answered Friday August 17 2012, 12:12 pm:
Sex is something that comes to adults, which you are , in almost a natural manner. It is also something that is a learned experience. I will explain.

First time sex with anyone for the women is almost always going to be as you feel now. You don't have to be a virgin to feel this way. You are the one who is allowing someone to penetrate your body and with him it is a first time so there is some natural hesitation over what to expect and how to act.

To this my answer is: If you love him and trust him and feel that he respects, loves and cares for you. Then allow him to lead you through the first time with him. What you need to do for yourself is to make sure that you are someplace you feel safe and comfortable. Meaning you are not worried about anyone walking in on you and your not doing it in the back seat of his car.

You have not had sex in a long time so you will be almost as tight as when you were a virgin. You need to make sure there is plenty of foreplay so that you are properly lubricated to minimize any pain on penetration. You could if you want make sure to have a tube of lubricant and use it before he having intercourse.

As for being a learned experience. First time sex is a natural experience. After the initial sexual coupling you are going to want to learn more about each others likes and dislikes. Where each likes to be touched, kissed and caressed. Oral sex is not generic. Each of us have different ways we like to be licked and sucked.

You may be more clitoral than vaginal needing more clitoral stimulation during foreplay. Guys are taught or learn that women want us to stick our fingers in them during for play. How are we to know a mate is wanting something or needing something different if she doesn't tell us. So part of the learned experience is communication. Talk to each other about what you like and don't like. This would include any fetishes you might want to try. As long as you both understand that you both have to consent to something. That no means no and stop means stop. Then learning about each other sexually can be fun.

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interstate80 answered Thursday August 16 2012, 11:29 pm:
It sounds like you know about the risks involved and whatnot, so I won't mention anything about that.

As long as you're relaxed, sure you're ready to engage in becoming sexually active again and are confident that he's going to respect your body and your demands (as far as going slowly and being soft in the beginning, etc.) you should be just fine.

Just remember that sex shouldn't be painful, however, it may be slightly uncomfortable for the first few strokes. That's just your body stretching to accommodate him and it should go away relatively soon and become not only comfortable, but also quite pleasant!

If it's too much, ask him to stop.. I'm sure you know that, but sometimes we will hold our tongue and not say anything because we don't want to stop or look silly. Just be sure that you're comfortable and it all seems right.

I hope I helped you and I hope you have fun, and don't stress out too much - everything will be just fine.

[ interstate80's advice column | Ask interstate80 A Question

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