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My Mother is Slowly Killing Me! Please Read.
I love my mother to death. She is one of the only two people who has loved me unconditionally my entire life, and the other one is not my dad. The problem is that the past few years, she's been so paranoid that I will do things I would never, ever do. When my unmarried cousin got pregnant while she was in college, I couldn't even mention my boyfriend without my mom telling me not to have sex or get pregnant. What was the real son of a b*#"! was that I started getting urinary tract infections a short time later, which my doctor said was because of this and that, but my mom was convinced it was because of sex. Now she's done something that I'm afraid will make things permanently awkward between us. I'm engaged to a wonderful man who my mom should know I love more than life. I've always had crushes on cute boys since my first crush when I was about 8 and there were times in my teens when I could talk incessantly about guys I liked to my mom. I never flat out said that I liked them and tried to keep her from knowing, but she always knew. Then tonight, I told her that one of my friends came out as gay and her parents didn't take it very well and my mom thought I was talking about myself. I don't have anything against gays, but my mom's got a big mouth and I'm afraid of what she might say to my fiancee. If I lose my fiancee, it'll kill me. He's everything to me and my life really sucked before he came along. She thought it was one of those stories where you say it's a friend when it's really you. I tried to convince her otherwise and remind her of my boy crazy personality and she said she believed me, but I don't think she does. She's stressing me out and damaging our relationship by showing that she doesn't know me or trust me at all. What should I tell her? How could I possibly convince her that I've never been gay or had premarital sex?
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You have not said how old you are though if you are old enough to be married I must assume you are at least 18 years old. That means you are an adult and subject to all the rights of the an adult. I say this just for the purpose of clarity.
A mothers love is unconditional, her understanding of her children, well that is a different story. Some parents get down right paranoid about their children. Part of this is the fear of letting go or the fear them being hurt and not being able to help. Is this what is behind your moms being as she is? I cannot say.
As to what your mom might say to your fiance is marrying you, not your mother, although he does have to learn to deal with her and her idiosyncrasies. The best thing to do as the saying goes is to pout forth a good offence and tell him everything he needs to know about your mother, including the story you told her about your friend and the conclusion you jumped to.
You are a virgin, you have saved yourself for him and will be giving him a wonderful gift on your wedding night. There are not many brides to day that have the ability to and stamina to fight of young men and keep their virginity intact for their future husbands.
This is something you should be proud of yourself for and something he will be most grateful for receiving. If he is the understanding wonderful man you say he is he should be able to make the connection as to how your mother made the leap from your friend to you.
Will your mom ever change her mind? Will she go up to your fiance and say ," Do you know you are marrying a lesbian, who knows? For warned is the best course of action here. He loves you and he will learn to love and accept you mom because he loves you. You have to forewarn him though that she is a little different than what he may be expecting.
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I think that if this guy knows you and your mother at all, he'll also kno how apparently obsessive she is about you, your future life and behaviour.
Rather than try to convince your mother that what you were telling her was about someone else, not you, and that she's not to spread the word that you're gay is btter left alone.
I'd go to your guy and convince him that your Mom has the wrong end of the stick and may try to convince him that you're gay. Doing this will forewarn him to expect a 'story' rather than truth, and he might recognise that you're telling him the truth; this could help build trust between you.
As for your Mom, all you can do is reassure her that there are some things you would never do (like suddenly becoming gay, having sex or getting pregnant before you are ready for it.
I really hope this helps, I have mother problems of my own so I understand fehow frustrating they can be. Good luck and best wishes Xx.
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