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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.

The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.

advice

Hi everyone (Also, i'm 12. You'll need to know that).

I just got home from school and I changed into some shorts.

I looked at my underwear and there was some white mushy stuff on it. It wasn't a lot, but only a little bit. Then, I looked at my...you know... And saw a little teensy bit of it. It probably got there from that mushy stuff on my underwear.

Anyways, what was that?! I really need to know.

P.S. It's not what you think it is. I've never done that before or was planning to.

Congratulations, you are about to start down the road to becoming a women. What you saw in your panties is normal and means you are about to get your first period. Just when this will happen we can't say.

What I will suggest is you talk to mom. This is nothing to be embarrassed about as it has nothing to do with sex and everything to do with a woman's normal bodily functions. For a girl starting to become a women this is as normal a function as going to the bathroom is.

Your mother needs to know when your period starts so she can help you chose the proper sanitary products ones you will be comfortable with. as for this discharge you may not want to ruin your good panties and might want to use pantie liners.

Now as my screen name implies I'm a guy. I'm a husband and father, hopefully soon to be a grandfather. As a husband and father we know all about a woman's monthly menstrual, we have to as it really is a fact of life. Should mom not be available to talk to you can talk to dad as this is something he can help you with as well or at the very least arrange for a visit with a gynecologist who will talk with you. Visits with a gynecologist should starting with your first period be part of your yearly physicals.

Over the summer, I worked as an intern and my Manager was pretty young for his position -- he is 26 and I am 22. My internship has been over for about a month now.

We have always had a close relationship and over the summer we had a couple of "moments", I guess you could call them. But they were completely innocent.

His wife lives in a different city where she works. He has told me a couple times that he doesn't know if it will work out between them.

Well, last night, I ran into him at a bar and I was really upset about something so we started talking and we went back to his apartment to talk and hang out. We are friends so it wasn't weird that I went.

It got to be late and he told me I should stay over because I lived far. I agreed because honestly I was so tired and I didn't think I could drive home. He got me some clothes to change into and I asked him to start the zipper for my shirt because I couldn't reach it. Instead of letting the zipper down a bit, he let it down the whole way and pulled my shirt off of my shoulder.

Then we had a conversation:

Me: Adam, you're married
Him: But I'm not happy
Me: What does that have to do with me?
Him: That is what I need to find out

Right after that my phone rang (thankfully). I told him I should go home but he wouldn't let me. I slept in his room and he slept in the living room. This morning He left for work before I could see him.

Now I don't know what to do :( and I don't completely know what he meant by what he said. If he wasn't married I would go for him in a heartbeat.

Once again I agree with flare. The last thing you want is to be the OTHER women in a divorce situation should it come to that. There are many reasons why you don't want to be the other women.

The two best is you don't need to be known by that and he could come to actually despise you for without a third party involved a divorce, should it come to it, is a lot less messy.

The best thing you can do for both of you is to walk away before you start something that could end up hurting both of you. Finding out what he meant by what he said is not what you want to do. It will only mess with what you need to do.

If you want you might want to tell him that you do not wish to get involved with a married man. Should he become available he is more than welcome to contact you. Until then please stay away.

My advise to you is to stay away from him. There is only heartache and heartbreak ahead for you with him.

i have had 3 back surgerys in 2009 and 2010 and since then i have been on major morphine pills to help with the pain. the operations were complete failures and now I live in constant severe pain. some days are better than others but I just cant stand it any longer and I am tired of ruining my wife and the rest of my familys lives by being aburden to them. I never feel good enough to go camping and do things we used to do all the time. So, If I were dead and gone. they could go on and enjoy thier lives. what is the easiest way for me to end my life without it looking like suicide? thanks... and sorry for the bad spelling

I can truly Identify with your pain. I too suffer from chronic pain issues as a result of an 3 car auto accident in which I was the only innocent an the only one injured.

This happened in October of 2004. I initially lived with daily pain scores that ran from an average of 3/4 all the way up to 7/8 on the pain scale. Until I found a doctor who was able to make a proper diagnoses my pain scores continued to rise to the point that their were days they hit 10 on the pain scale. At that time I too felt as you are saying but I toughed it out and with proper help I was able to receive help for my problem and my mind set I am now in a much better place.

Surgeons can only do so much and not all things can be surgically repaired. My problem does not have a surgical repair even though it is an injury to skeletal system. What was recommended and has worked and hopefully will work for you is Pain Management treatments.

I am seen at a Pain Management Clinic run by a Rehabilitation Hospital which is part of a Leading Medical Center and Medical School. Major League Ball players are sent to this hospital for rehab. I am lucky that I live within reasonable distance from them.

The Pain Management doctors are Anesthesiologists. My doctor is also a Professor of Anesthesiology and Pain Management at the school of Medicine. Yes, I take a bunch of pills, none of which are narcotic based. I do have and it varies as you build a tolerance for them, narcotic based pills to take as break through medication for those times when the pain builds beyond my capacity to deal with it.

I also receive injections directly to the area of the injury to mask the pain as well as something called Radio Frequency Oblations. This treatment targets the nerves that transmits the pain and cuts them or more truthfully cauterizes them so they do not transmit the pain. Given the three treatments together I am able to deal with the pain as it is greatly reduced to levels I can deal with. My daily pain scores now run 1/3 or 2/4 with occasional spikes to higher levels based on my activities.

Yes I actually can do things I want to do. Sometimes I must weigh the activity against the pain I know it will bring knowing I have ways to deal with it helps.

Suicide is a final solution to, in this case may be a problem you can deal with. If you haven't had treatment by a pain management center than please try it. It takes a little bit of time to get the right treatments find the combination that works best. These treatments along with proper rehab therapy and speaking with a therapist about the depression pain brings with it. Can an will make a big difference in you life.

It did in mine. So please if they has not been tried pleas try it.

Im gay but I don't know how to tell her.

To give you a helpful answer I would need more information. Information as to your age and what has brought you to the conclusion you are gay.

There is nothing wrong with being gay. But if you are a young teenager and have had one gay sexual relation;this does not mean you are gay. Teenagers are suppose to explore their sexuality. Part of the exploration for some teenagers is having [a] gay relationship(s). This one or two or a relationship with just one person does not always define your sexual make up.

If you like you can private message me with more information and I will try to answer any questions you have.

Since the begging me and my mother's relationship has been special. She is like my bestfriend, my other half. I love her so much. We sometimes argue, like most mother and daughters. Today was different, she called me a bitch. Twice. I was shocked, surprised, hurt. It has been replaying in my mind over and over. I never thought she would ever say that to me. The argument was bad, we were both yelling, but I never once called her a name. I am hurt and upset. I have not talked to her and I don't plan on it. I'm just hurt and it has affected me a lot. What do I do? I don't feel like talking to her. She said hurtful things. I just wanna leave the house and never return.

Being a parent and grandparent I am reasonably certain mom is just as upset with herself as you are with her over what she has said. The problem is that once said it can never be taken back and now she is trying to figure out the proper way to undo or apologize for the hurtful words.

I'm sure you realize that there are times we all have bad days. Maybe this was a day that mom was having a bad day and whatever you two were fighting over was the proverbial straw that pushed her over the edge.

We all argue over something at some point in our lives so I feel it was not the argument itself that caused mom to say what she said. In fact I'm also reasonably certain mom was horrified with herself once the words left her mouth. This could have even escalated the argument you were having. I know it sounds unreasonable but it does happen.

I don't have a date stamp as to when today was. If it is today Tuesday then you should wait and give mom time to settle down and come to terms with herself as to what she said and see if she comes to you,. If today was yesterday, Monday, then maybe you need to calm done and reflect on the argument,what it was over and what you may have said to caused mom to use the "B" word.

If in reflection you find that mom was really stressed out at the time and what you were arguing over was ill timed and or in any way being stubborn or possibly ungrateful. Then you may need to consider apologizing to mom.

Since you did not relate any of the argument, your side and moms, this is the only advise I can make at this time. If you would like to provide more information. I will be happy to try and be an arbitrator for you to see if there may be some compromise here so that you and mom can return to being best friends again.

I am a girl and I want to have sex for my first time. I am going to do it on Friday so please hurry! I want to have sex with this guy, but I'm afraid of the popping my cherry part. Is there any way that I can not pop my cherry when I do it? Thanks!:)

NO, once a penis enters a vagina your Chery, Hyman, will pop,tear, if it has not already been torn by some other activity. You will also no longer be a virgin as once a penis penetrates a vagina by definition virginity is lost.

Just for informational purposes a great deal of the pain, if there is pain, is caused by the penetration and not the tearing of the Hyman. The reasons are the stretching of the vagina to accommodate the penis, lack of lubrication and muscle clamping from the fear of pain.

I suggest before you take this step you explore the following website. I found this site and have recommended it to many young ladies like you who have written us who are thinking or planning to have sex for the first time. It is titled are you ready for sex and will answer many questions you may have.

http://www.pamf.org/teen/sex/virginity/readyornot.html.

Hi Im Jazz a nd Im14/f.
Ive been told I have an eating disorder but i dont think I do.
I recently about two months ago stopped eating.I dont feel hungry or anything.I just dont eat because Im not hungry.

But then my mom will make a big deal about me not eating which annoys me so Ill start eating alot for two or three days to shut her up.

Then maybe for the next week I stop eating again because im not hungry.In the last two months Ive went to the doctor.When they weighed me I was 114.

But a month later I was only 100.Now Im 108.

I honestly dont think I have an eating disorder.I know Im perfectly healthy.How do I et my mom to see things the way I do.

I'm not a doctor, none of us are so we can't say with any amount of certainty if you have a KNOWN eating disorder.

What I can say is based on what you have written is your eating habits are not normal for a 14 year old who needs well balanced meals each day to keep up with the changes and growth her body is under going. I say this as a parent and grandparent.

Now when you say you don't eat. That needs an explanation. Does this mean you do not eat anything. I don't think so as you cannot go two months with out any food intake. To me it means you don't eat a normal meal, that you snack all day.

This is a very poor eating habit to get into as you are most likely not getting the proper nutrients your body needs. This can be very harmful, more harmful then if you were say 10 pounds over weight.

Based on what you have written, what I know about proper nutrition and teenagers, and my interpretation of what you have written. In my judgement you do have some form of an eating disorder just not one of the three most recognized.

I could make a guess at the reason for this though it would be better of you see your doctor and explain your eating habits to him or her. Let the doctor decide if you need help with an eating disorder and finding out why you have one, if you have one.

The best any of us can do is make a best guess based on what we know. You doctor will make a diagnoses which is what you need. So my advice is to see your doctor and get a definitive answer as to whether or not your doctor feel you have an eating disorder and in need of treatment.

im 17/f. i meet this guy a few days ago, he is amazing. seriously everything ive been waiting for and more, the best thing is he feels the same way. He is very religious but, not that ,that's a bad thing so am i. but last night he told me it would be unwise to date me cause im not catholic. he isnt a virgin and either am i, yet he wants to wait till marriage for sex. im not against that, i actually like it. but he thinks because i dont have the same religious views as him that he couldnt date me, cause i dont have the same views on marriage ( he dates people he intends to marry ) i really like him, and i dont want to be discharged because of my beliefs... what do i do?

I'm afraid I have to agree with what flare has already said.

He has already given you his views on who he feels he should be dating and looking to have as a wife and mother of his children. These thoughts are not something he suddenly came upon of his own thinking. These are ingrained almost from birth as they reflect not only his religious view but that of his family. Being of different religious views he will never bring you home to his parents and without their blessing he will never marry someone of different religious views.

My advice is that since you only met a few days ago that you let him go his own way and you yours. Before you fall further for him and be hurt by any break up that will eventually come for the two of you.

I think it is horrible that bigotry still plays such a role in peoples lives today. It is a shame that you have to suffer a hurt because of it. But it is also a learning experience that bigotry is not reserved for just people of color or immigrants. Religious bigotry has been around since almost the dawn of religion.

I'm truly sorry if you have suffered a hurt from his bigoted thinking.

I am petrfied of flying and this week I'm going America.

I will yell at anyone that reminds me of flying, I am so scared that i keep thinking it's going to crash. I have bought tablets that'll put me to sleep but I feel as though they won't help I'm so scared that I can't even explain. I will go into panic mode and I know it, I won't be able to read a book or listen to music because i'll feel like I need to hear everything that goes on incase some thing happens. Please help me try and overcome this before I fly !

You are not alone in your fear. It is a quite common phobia. There is something unnatural and unnerving about getting in an aluminum tube and be flown through time and space.

The truth of the matter is that you are a 1000 time more likely to die crossing the street or in a car accident then flying across the ocean. I know this doesn't help and there is nothing I can say in the space and time provided to allay you fear sufficiently.

If you have the time before your flight I would suggest you contact a therapist who specializes in this phobia and get some help as the flight is long an there is no reason you should be so stressed as you are preparing yourself to be. A good therapist, if there is time, should be able to teach you how to deal with this before you have to travel.

Flying to day is safe and can be fun if you let it be. The most dangerous part of flying is getting to the airport. Once on the plane and in the air it can and should be much like sitting in your living room playing video games, reading a book or doing what ever you like to do when relaxing.

Bring things to distract you. Try to sit in a window seat so you can close the shade. Chose a flight that is operating with a Boeing 747 or an Airbus A380. These planes are the biggest in the sky and you will not feel as confined as you might in some of the smaller ones.

This is the best advise I can offer other than talking to a therapist. Flying is safe, safer than any highway anywhere in the world.

Hi, 24/f. Out of sheer curiosity, does anyone know how long nicotine is detectable in your system via blood test?

I smoke socially on occasion, and I'm gonna have to get a blood test for insurance purposes pretty soon. I want to make sure it doesn't look like I smoke 2 packs a day if I just happened to join a friend in a single cigarette a week before!

Thanks in advance.

I'm not sure where flare found the answer she gave. I looked for answers on the web and while there were many returned there were non from websites that I trusted.

The one common factor was 2 to 3 days detection after smoking then going smoke free. There were also several kits for sale that supposedly cleanse your system. I have no idea if the work.

One would think the level of Nicotine in your blood would be more important then just the fact that it was detected. I'm sure second hand smoke will leave detectable levels of nicotine in peoples blood and urine.

Best thing to do is not passively smoke well before your scheduled blood test.

Im 13/f and Ive been thinking of going vegitarian for about a week. The only meat I really like is hot dogs and bacon... I love animals alot and I just dont want to eat them anymore. How can I tell my parents this? How can I keep up protein if I dont eat meat? I only really like carrots, potatoes, corn, cucumber, and peas as veggies. What are good meals I can have as a vegitarian? How can I tell my mom and dad? I have a friend who is a vegitarian and I told my mom she is and my mom said "its a stage you go through" but I dont want to eat meat anymore :/ Help>

Being a vegetarian is a life choice that you make for yourself. If this is something that you have decided you want for yourself there is nothing wrong with it. As for what kind of meals you can make that are vegetarian there are many books that you can find with many recipes using various ingredients and seasonings. You can also search the web for recipes.

Telling mom and dad you want to eat vegetarian meals should not be all that hard. Make sure they understand you want to be a vegetarian an not a vegan there is a big difference between them.

Now I do see one problem about your choice which you must consider when talking to mom about this, especially if mom holds a job outside the house and is also the main cook.

It is unfair of you to ask mom to cook separate meals for you. I'm sure it is hard enough for her to cook one meal for the entire family and do whatever else she needs to do as mom and wife. So if you are wanting to make this change then you must also be willing to step in and make your own meal when mom cooks something for the family that does not fit with the vegetarian choices you have made.

If you are willing to cook your own meal when mom prepares a meal that is not to your liking or self imposed diet restrictions I see no reason mom or dad should object. I would also suggest you help mom with the shopping so that the foods you need to prepare are purchased as you want and there can be no arguments that mom purchased the wrong things for you.

A little assistance on your part in shopping and meal preparation should go a long way in winning your parents approval.

I am about to buy a car and I am FINALLY going to get what I've always wanted, a Jeep Wrangler. I really want it to be black and no newer than a 2006 model because I prefer the older looking ones to the newer ones. Last night, I went around looking at cars and found the perfect one except for one detail, it is manual and I've only ever driven automatic. Both of my parents know how to drive manuals and they would teach me if I needed them to, but is it hard to learn? Once you do learn, is it still much harder to drive than an automatic?

The only problem I ever found with a manual transmission is living in the city or doing a lot of city driving. If this is the main type of driving you do then you can look forward to building up your left leg muscle as you will be constantly working the clutch. There is also the possibility that if you don't fully engage the clutch each time you will wear the clutch out faster. Fortunately clutch replacements are not all that expensive.

Another plus over the automatic transmission is greater car control by being able to control the gears better. Especially if you live in a cold climate.

My advice is: If you do not live in a city or do a lot of city driving; or won't mind heavy shifting if you do, then go for it. The manual transmission has it all over the automatic.

I'm tired of my son's playing videogames all the time. What are interesting board games I can play with him?

Today's video games are the board games of the past. Your chances of getting your son away from his video games are as good as trying to freeze water in the oven.

Now I do agree that many of the video games our children play appear to be less than intellectual as they are mainly games of war and destruction. Even these games have their redeeming value as besides requiring skills with the weapons to get to the next level. They also require thought and planning.

If your son is good at many of these games then might be possible to interest him in a board game such as stratego though I would not hold my breath. Board games do not hold the excitement that a video game does.

As much as I agree with you that children should not sit in front of screen playing video games all day. I also have seen my son, who is still a gamer, go from playing video games from the day we brought the first computer into our homes to the present day, become a firefighter paramedic at a major international airport. He also has a degree in emergency medicine and is considering going back to school for his RN.

Being a paramedic requires thinking on your feet and getting it right the first time. He has nine lives saved as of his last shift. That's nine people that were either dead when he arrived or were dying that were alive when he got them to the hospital.

I think I can credit his ability to think fast to many of these games he has played in his younger days and today. I believe this for I too am a firefighter and I watch these young kids react to situations. I always thought I could think fast but these kids today react faster then I ever did and they are almost always correct in the actions they take. I don't think it is anything they learned in school. The one common denominator is they are all gamers.

To bring all this to a conclusion: I agree with you on the intellectual value of the games. I just do not agree that it is a total wast of time as I believe he is learning other skills. I recommend you monitor his gaming and try to find other games that might interest him that you find suitable; that may have the redeeming value you are looking for.

18/F

I can't sleep because I'm extremely paranoid. Every night before I go to bed, and I put off going to bed until five in the morning, I have to check my entire room for any spiders or bugs. I can't sleep in the dark because I'm terrified of what's on the floor or in the bed with me. I leave my computer monitor on, facing in the other direction. I check the big teddy bear I sleep with. I check the mattress and even the one above me (bunk bed). I can't sleep with my door closed because I'm afraid I won't have time to get out in case something happens. I can't sleep with it all the way open either because I don't want something coming in without my noticing.

I need a fan on when I sleep because if it's dead silent, every little creak in my old house scares the hell out of me. If I hear a noise, even over the fan, I stop and listen and try to find out what's making the noise. I'm a light sleeper, so I wake up at the smallest intrusions. For example, if my dog walks into my room and stares at me, I wake up up instantly. My bed is in the corner of my room and I can't sleep facing the wall with my back exposed. I feel like something is behind me, so I've slept away from the wall ever since I can remember. Even my teddy bear at my back doesn't ease the feeling.

What I'm asking is if there's anyway to calm myself down. I can't get a decent night's sleep because I'm so scared that I might wake up with a spider on my face or someone trying to get into my room (locking my window won't work because my window does not shut properly, leaving it about an inch open all the time. I cannot afford a new one either). I'm not sure where there's a line drawn at severe. Should I tell my doctor about all this?

I am not a doctor, none of us are that I am aware of. Even if we were it is not possible to make a diagnoses on just the information you have provided.

Are you paranoid? I really can't say. You do have issues though that I think you would benefit from speaking with a psychologist about. Just what is triggering these issues is what working with a psychologist will be of benefit to you.

If this is something new, something that has started recently then some change in your style of living may be one of the triggers. This change may bring out something from your much younger days that happened to you that is now causing these problems. This is only a guess on my part. What is not a guess is something is triggering this problem and you need professional help to find the trigger and learn to deal with it properly.

Your family doctor or medical insurance company should be able to help you find a psychologist to work with.

Hi,Im Jazz a 14year old female,who has alot of different problems in her life.
First off every since I was about 7 or 8 my parents would argue alot.They would try to go into another room so we couldnt hear but we always did.I would always go to my room and cry because I hate arguing.It got so bad they werre planning to leave eachother.They would ask me and my older brother who we want to have custody of us,which would just start another arguement and me crying again.

Then maybe a few months later I went to school one day,and the teacher told me my bff died.Then a few months after that my grandad who I loved very much died.I would cry at the thought of him.

The arguing got worst.They hated eachother.And one day I went to my dad and he was crying.That really broke me.

But thats not even the worst part of everything.A year after the arguing everything was going great.The arguing stopped and I guess they loved eachother again.
But when I was twelve everything changed for the worst.I had started self injurying myself anyway I could.I would stab myself burn myself and other things.But the worst part was the cutting.I would cut almost everday.Why?

Because I was stressed out or depressed as people say I am.So cutting helped alot.It started off with one cut and me saying I wont do it again but I did.And it quickly became my addiction.I did it almost everday.

Then I stopped eating about five months ago.I havent lost alot of weight if you ask me.

Now comes the part where on top of all of my problems my mom expects meto be perfect.If I dont get on the honor roll Im not trying my hardest.If one grade slips Im on punishment.If my rooms not squeky clean Im on punishment.If I dont wanna be a nurse Im wasting my life.
Just because I love rock,heavymetal,death metal,screamo and music like that Im demonic.

And to top it off I planned how to kill myself tons of times but never did.
Do I have rpoblems?Should I get help?

Yes you need help. While I am not a doctor I am someone that has been recovering from depression for quite sometime. Your cutting and suicidal ideation are signs of depression.

Depression is a terrible thing. You are already in pain and being depressed causes you to see things not exactly as they may be. So most definitely you need professional help.

There are three ways you can get help.

The first way is of course to ask mom or dad to take you to your doctor to be screened for depression. The doctor will ask you a series of questions. Answer them truthfully. Tell the doctor about the cutting and show the doctor where you have been cutting.

The second way is by Federal Law you do not need parental permission to make an appointment to see a doctor and you may see the doctor in total confidentiality. Meaning your parents wait in the waiting room so that you can speak to the doctor in private. Anything you tell the doctor, whatever the doctor treats you for remains between you and the doctor. No one can be told of the why or what of any visit or treatment without your written consent.

This law known as HIPPA, was passed primarily so that young people would seek treatment for their reproductive systems when needed. The wording of the law does allow for a wide spectrum of doctor visits by young people to doctors with total confidentiality and you need is covered under this law.

The third way is the most important way. It is also the fastest way and you are still covered under HIPPA as are those that respond.

The next time you pick up a knife to cut yourself DON'T DO IT. CALL 911 INSTEAD AND ASK FOR HELP. Tell them you have been cutting yourself and you feel like cutting yourself now. Help will be sent to you.

Every area handles these calls differently. Most likely they will send a fire truck, ambulance and the police to where ever you are. DO NOT BE UP SET THAT THE POLICE ARE BEING SENT. THEY ARE BEING SENT TO PROTECT YOU AND SEE TO IT YOU GET LOOK AT AND TREATED BY THE FIRFIGHTERS AND MEDICS.

The police will not allow mom and dad to turn the fire department medic on the fire truck or the medics on the ambulance away without examining you. If they say you need to see a doctor then that is what will happen and your parents cannot stop them. That is why the police are being sent. To protect you and your rights to be treated so make sure everyone from the call take to the medical people sent know you are 14.

If you feel like you need to cut then dial 911 now.

I know you are hurting. Depression hurts. With proper treatment you will get better I can assure you of that. Private message me and let me know how you are doing. If you need a friend while you are learning to control your depression I can be here for you if you want. I will warn you though I am old enough to be your grandfather. If you don't mind talking with someone my age then I am more than willing to be there for you.

I'm going to University of Maryland: College Park this year and I have a couple friends from high school going to James Madison University. I'd like to know the best way to get there using public transportation since I'm not taking a car on campus. Thanks!

Yes but you can get from UMCP to Union Station and from their to Harrison burg or the closest. Station. I made an assumption you knew that much. Sorry about that. You can also take the bus from next yo the train station

Using the following website is all you should need when planning to visit your friends. It is the Washington Metro Area Transit Authority Home page. On it you will find a trip planner. Fill in the blanks an it returns the how to get there using rail and or bus service or combination of them.

http://www.wmata.com/?source=GaylordNational

I wouldn't call it daydreaming but ever since I can remember I've had different "life scenarios" playing out in my mind at night when I can't fall asleep or during times when I was really bored.

I can focus fine on the world around me and I've actually done pretty great with life so far. I graduated with honors,an entire binder full of awards,two technology certifications and other random things. The only problems I'm having right now are with finding a job so soon out of high school but I figure I'll get one sooner or later.

I just feel like I should have stopped this by now.
They aren't normal daydreaming about boyfriends and such. They're like entire story lines with intricate details with some elements taken from my favorite books or movies. I'll have the main person which is usually "me" but with different characteristics based on what I think I would want to look like/the abilities I would want to have if I were in that setting. Then the surrounding characters,some also taken from books and others that I completely make up with entire very detailed life stories.

I even reserve time to think them out at night. Like I'll say well its 1am now if I get into bed and listen to music I can "daydream" for two hours and go to sleep at 3.

I'm perfectly normal the rest of the time though. I've never told anybody about them before so people think I'm just this normal intelligent pretty girl who's just like anybody else and the only times I obsess on these "daydreams" is when I'm to upset with something going on in my life and I use them to calm me down and get my mind off of whatever it is.

I CAN stop doing it but not for long. I mean there's been times where I was so preoccupied with life I didn't think about them for a week or more but I always come back to it eventually. It's like a part of me I can't get rid of.

Do you think since is hasn't really affected my life that I shouldn't worry about it?

I don't want to go to a psychiatrist because I know they're going to tell me I'm schizophrenic or have a dissociative disorder and put me on some sort of medication that will dumb me down and label me as "mentally unstable" when I'm really fine except for the daydreams and the last thing I need right now is all of my family and friends thinking I'm a nutcase when I'm not.

What do you think I should do about this?
I mean I'm not hurting anybody or anything so does it really matter what I daydream about?
Should I be happy I have something in my mind to escape to while leading a normal life when others break down and become depressed and suicidal or worse?

Sometimes when I look at the big picture I think "Isn't this what authors all around the world do?" They create stories in their mind with plots and characters and lots of details like me except they sell their stories. Especially authors like Agatha Christie who have something like 87 books,she must be doing what I'm doing constantly right? So is there anything even really wrong with me?

I can actually write really well btw (I've received awards from the national library of poetry).

I see nothing wrong with dreams in general as long as they do not take up all of your waking hours. Dreams are how we motivate ourselves. Dreams are how we come to ponder the universe and new ideas. I would say many inventions ans innovations started as someones day dreams So as long as they are kept in the proper prospective I would say dream on.

I will add that given your high school scholastic ability I would like you to dream of ways to get into college. AS you are finding it is a tough job market out there. Those jobs generally available to the non college graduate are being filled by College graduates. Even College Graduates with AA degrees from Community Colleges.

You appear to be an intelligent person so put yourself in the place of an employer for a moment. You have two applicants for one position. Both appear to be equally qualified. One has a college degree the other only a high school diploma. Which one will you hire?

Having been in that position I will tell you I hired the college graduate. Why? Simple, even though the position was an entry level position I am looking to grow my business. To do this I need people that will learn my business and grow with it. In that circumstance the college graduate makes the better choice.

For now the job market is to my advantage as an employer. I have the opportunity to hire a person I would, in past job markets, never been able to afford at this point in my business.

This is why I am suggesting you dream of a way of getting at least a two year degree from your local community college. Financial help is available if you needed it. Ask about it at the registrar's office.

I am in a mental health agency in Massachusetts.
I have a hard time with getting help from the Behavioral Health Network crisis team. I am in need of crisis services. I do not know what to do. I reached out to many providers.

I am not from the Massachusetts area so I'm not sure if this information will be helpful or not. This is also not an area of expertise for me.

What little research I did came up with a company called Magellan Health Services; http://www.magellanhealth.com/our-company/company-overview.aspx

Their area of expertise is Behavioral Health services. IF they cannot help you they may be able to point you in the right direction. You might also contact the local Blue Cross network in your area for guidance and assistance.

I hope this helps.

I am very fatigue and I am bleeding from my rectum. My blood pressure is 150/72 but my biggest fear is how tired I am all the time and I am so constipated and when I do go I start to bleed and I even get blood clots I am 50 yrs. old I eat properly but I feel like I get backed up my stool is dark and it hurts when I go I am embarrassed to talk to anyone about my problem. Could I have thyroid problems or can it be ulcers what kind of doctor do go to. I also do not have any sexual desires anymore. I am very confused and if I could get any help....Thanx

We are not doctors but you need to see one. You Systolic BP is high. The rectal bleeding if it is bright red could be an anal fisher or a hemroid. It may also be something. Only a qualified physician can answer your questions.

My Dad, sister and Mother get along very well. They have family dinners that my mother lies and tells me were impromptu but I know better cause my sister usually drops the ball and tells me they planned ahead. I invite them for dinner, drinks, coffee, movies, I've tried everything. They cancel last minute when I've already been cooking all day or they keep telling me they will get back to me and never do. Last week I called my mom a week in advance to try and get them to come over for dinner and she said she would have to get back to me, I called everyday leading up to the dinner and she kept saying she would get back to me. On the day of the dinner I didn't call and neither did she. The next day my Dad calls for a favor and adds in Mom's sorry for flaking. My sister did the same thing this week except I called on the day and she told me she was feeling too LAZY. WTF? It's especially embarrassing because when I tell my spouse they are coming for dinner he laughs and tells me I'm deluded. I can't figure it out, Ive talked to the extended family and as far as they know my family has no problem with me, I know they Love my guy... I know I should probably take this as a hint (as its been about 7 years of chasing) but we were always such a close family, before I became an adult, and I miss that. What can I do to get them to want to be around me?

There is nothing you can do after 7 years to change things. The problem is all theirs. If the problem came about when you married then you need, if you want to, reflect on what changed between you and them.

You use the word spouse rather than the more descriptive word, wife or husband. You did not say if you are male of female leaving us to assume you are either female or you could be gay.

If I were to assume you are gay living a gay life style then that could be the problem. I'm sure your parents would still love you as would your sister. What the family may not want to do is be that accepting of your lifestyle. The fact that your happy is all that matters to your parents. To your sister if she is married with children. She may not want to expose her children to a gay life style. Like I said this is a guess on my part since you did not mention your sex and using the work "spouse" was non-descriptive to give any insight to your sex.

If I have guessed wrong then you will have to dig deeper to see what else may have gone wrong between you and your family. Still it is my belief the problem is theirs since they have not had the common decency to address whatever may be wrong between you and them.

You can if you wish to take the bull by the horns and ask just WTF is going on. Why has the family ostracized you in this manner. I would suggest you ask dad this question as dads have a special place for their daughters in their hearts. He is the one who will most likely tell you if their is something you are doing or have done something they don't agree with. Once again the problem to my mind is all theirs until they are willing to come clean and tell you why.

I hope I have helped.

PS. I have a cousin who I love dearly. He married a women that eventually both sides of his family came to actually hate myself included. Why this happened was that his now ex wife worked diligently to totally ostracized him from his family. No one in the family ever approached him with our concerns. He was clueless until his separation and would have remained clueless if he had not fund out his Uncle passed away, his mothers brother. His father was my Uncle.

When he found out his wife was called and she never told him he started to question things and when he did he found out why during his marriage his family seemed to become distant.

I'm not saying this is what is happening to you. I'm using my cousin as an example of things that can happen. Don't be like him and let your family slip away, that has to be your decision. Find out the why of their being distant.

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