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3 time back surgery suicide
i have had 3 back surgerys in 2009 and 2010 and since then i have been on major morphine pills to help with the pain. the operations were complete failures and now I live in constant severe pain. some days are better than others but I just cant stand it any longer and I am tired of ruining my wife and the rest of my familys lives by being aburden to them. I never feel good enough to go camping and do things we used to do all the time. So, If I were dead and gone. they could go on and enjoy thier lives. what is the easiest way for me to end my life without it looking like suicide? thanks... and sorry for the bad spelling
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I can truly Identify with your pain. I too suffer from chronic pain issues as a result of an 3 car auto accident in which I was the only innocent an the only one injured.
This happened in October of 2004. I initially lived with daily pain scores that ran from an average of 3/4 all the way up to 7/8 on the pain scale. Until I found a doctor who was able to make a proper diagnoses my pain scores continued to rise to the point that their were days they hit 10 on the pain scale. At that time I too felt as you are saying but I toughed it out and with proper help I was able to receive help for my problem and my mind set I am now in a much better place.
Surgeons can only do so much and not all things can be surgically repaired. My problem does not have a surgical repair even though it is an injury to skeletal system. What was recommended and has worked and hopefully will work for you is Pain Management treatments.
I am seen at a Pain Management Clinic run by a Rehabilitation Hospital which is part of a Leading Medical Center and Medical School. Major League Ball players are sent to this hospital for rehab. I am lucky that I live within reasonable distance from them.
The Pain Management doctors are Anesthesiologists. My doctor is also a Professor of Anesthesiology and Pain Management at the school of Medicine. Yes, I take a bunch of pills, none of which are narcotic based. I do have and it varies as you build a tolerance for them, narcotic based pills to take as break through medication for those times when the pain builds beyond my capacity to deal with it.
I also receive injections directly to the area of the injury to mask the pain as well as something called Radio Frequency Oblations. This treatment targets the nerves that transmits the pain and cuts them or more truthfully cauterizes them so they do not transmit the pain. Given the three treatments together I am able to deal with the pain as it is greatly reduced to levels I can deal with. My daily pain scores now run 1/3 or 2/4 with occasional spikes to higher levels based on my activities.
Yes I actually can do things I want to do. Sometimes I must weigh the activity against the pain I know it will bring knowing I have ways to deal with it helps.
Suicide is a final solution to, in this case may be a problem you can deal with. If you haven't had treatment by a pain management center than please try it. It takes a little bit of time to get the right treatments find the combination that works best. These treatments along with proper rehab therapy and speaking with a therapist about the depression pain brings with it. Can an will make a big difference in you life.
It did in mine. So please if they has not been tried pleas try it.
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I'm sorry you feel like you are a burden on your family, but think about how they would feel if you were gone? They would not be able to just "go on and enjoy their lives". If they were able to, then there is something seriously wrong. If you're going to kill yourself, there is no possible way of killing yourself without someone finding out that you killed yourself. Whether it be the cops, or your wife, someone will find out. And not only will your family have to live with the pain of losing a father and husband, but they will also have to deal with the fact that that person willingly took their life without consulting them first. Talk to your wife. Tell her you're depressed and need help. In certain psychiatric hospitals, they can give you pain medicines and help you find an anti-depressant that will work for you. Chronic pain is very difficult to live with, and there is really no getting rid of it, but if you just try, you can find something to help ease it a bit. In the meantime, please, talk to a doctor.
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Nobody on this site is going to tell you how to kill yourself, or if they do, they won't be on the site for much longer. I don't consider myself qualified to advise on mental health issues, and wouldn't really know what to tell you about the suicide subject, however, have you tried talking to your doctors about a different pain management regiment? I've had many surgeries, and I've found that morphine doesn't work very well for me. If you are asking for something different as opposed to just more of a drug, the doctor is far more likely to take you seriously. Morphine does have a possible side-effect of causing suicidal thoughts, however so does chronic pain... That's definitely something to also talk to your doctor about, you might be able to get a referral to a psychologist to help you either with therapy or with medications. Certain antidepressants do have the added benefit of dulling pain receptors. Without knowing what specific problems you have with your back I don't know how to advice you about what you could do about not being able to do activities you used to or physical therapy will help, but in any case, massage therapy should. I am not even talking about full on chiropractor massage (that could help or hurt depending on what problems you have) I am just talking about regular massages, which could help relax the muscle and ease pain somewhat. You still have plenty of options, and you should explore them.
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