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I want my ex-boss but he is married
Over the summer, I worked as an intern and my Manager was pretty young for his position -- he is 26 and I am 22. My internship has been over for about a month now.
We have always had a close relationship and over the summer we had a couple of "moments", I guess you could call them. But they were completely innocent.
His wife lives in a different city where she works. He has told me a couple times that he doesn't know if it will work out between them.
Well, last night, I ran into him at a bar and I was really upset about something so we started talking and we went back to his apartment to talk and hang out. We are friends so it wasn't weird that I went.
It got to be late and he told me I should stay over because I lived far. I agreed because honestly I was so tired and I didn't think I could drive home. He got me some clothes to change into and I asked him to start the zipper for my shirt because I couldn't reach it. Instead of letting the zipper down a bit, he let it down the whole way and pulled my shirt off of my shoulder.
Then we had a conversation:
Me: Adam, you're married
Him: But I'm not happy
Me: What does that have to do with me?
Him: That is what I need to find out
Right after that my phone rang (thankfully). I told him I should go home but he wouldn't let me. I slept in his room and he slept in the living room. This morning He left for work before I could see him.
Now I don't know what to do :( and I don't completely know what he meant by what he said. If he wasn't married I would go for him in a heartbeat.
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Once again I agree with flare. The last thing you want is to be the OTHER women in a divorce situation should it come to that. There are many reasons why you don't want to be the other women.
The two best is you don't need to be known by that and he could come to actually despise you for without a third party involved a divorce, should it come to it, is a lot less messy.
The best thing you can do for both of you is to walk away before you start something that could end up hurting both of you. Finding out what he meant by what he said is not what you want to do. It will only mess with what you need to do.
If you want you might want to tell him that you do not wish to get involved with a married man. Should he become available he is more than welcome to contact you. Until then please stay away.
My advise to you is to stay away from him. There is only heartache and heartbreak ahead for you with him.
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Can you trust yourself just to go to dinner with him? Again, my advice, stay away. If you must meet him, then there's already a problem. Don't get too involved because you may end up in too deep.
Until he has the Decree Absolute (legal document that ends the marriage officially) he is still married. A divorce is a very messy thing. They could still get back together. It is also very stressful : it's not something you want to get involved in if you can avoid it.
Sometimes, people find the divorce process is so upsetting, that people get back together. They decide to stay married. Things can also change in other ways.
Also keep in mind that he is on the rebound. Don't be *that woman* who takes advantage of that.
So in short, just because they have decided to get a divorce, he is still married. Divorces take a long time, and they may actually never get divorced. It's also still, an even messier situation.
Now, if you want to meet him as a FRIEND and be a good shoulder to cry on, then sure, meet him. But don't let it go further. I say avoid it. But if you really, really want to, then you may. But just be a friend who has open ears. Again, don't say anything that can be read wrongly, be impartial, and listen more than you speak.
But as I said...give him time. Wait until the decree absolute. Don't get involved with a married man. Keep yourself busy with someone else.
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I suggest you back off. He's married. If he cheats on his wife with you, then you are involved. It could be VERY messy.
Let him deal with his problem with his wife. Don't promise to be with him, and don't tease him.
If he leaves his wife because he is unhappy, then that's fine. If he wants to be with you, then that's fine too. After he leaves his wife he can do what he wants. As long as he is with his wife, he is off limits.
But you shouldn't try to break them up. Or give him the impression that you would be interested if he broke up with his wife. Or do anything to give that impression.
Just leave it be. Avoid being too comfortable with him. Don't lead him on. Don't tease him. Just find someone that is not married. Remember, you will be breaking up a couple here, and ruining someones life (possibly two if it doesn't work between you two).
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