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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

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hey am 18 now am a kind of person that crys over silly things and who doesn't cry on important times i can't figure out whats wrong with me, all my family crys when they say goodbye, they cry when they see a tragic show, but i don't.... i am not a bad person but this thing is bothering me so bad, because it has happened many times, when every body crys i don't , but when someone yells at me i cry ,when am angry i cry, when am alone i cry so what should i call this behaviour, please help am so worried!!!!

So would you be less worried if you had a title to describe it? Is that what you are saying?
I am not a professional. But as a person who as a teen was much the same, there's no label I gave it, but it was simply having emotional responses when it was something that was directed at me. Didn't cry at goodbyes or sad movies.
Since you do cry or get upset under certain conditions, you don't suffer from a disorder where a person lacks any feelings or emotions at all.
If you need an official name for it, then go see a mental health doctor. But I don't think this is something serious to worry about unless it is disrupting your ability to do your daily tasks and commitments in life. I changed over time and became more emotionally sensitive in a wider range of situations. I can cry at sad movies and stories, sometimes when having to say goodbye, especially if I know i wont see the person for a long time. We are still growing, especially our brain until at least age 25, maybe up to or into 30s for some. So there is a lot a chance for you to change and grow and your emotional behaviour change by then.
If you cry when alone for no reason, then yes, go see a doctor...cus it may be depression or your female hormones too high or too low. thats all easily corrected.
If you cry if someone yell or is mean to you, that is understandable, Who isn't affected be that? Most people are. I have learned to not take things personally, or give any heed to what people say to me or about me that I know are not true. They are entitled to their twisted logic or reason for their behavior. I might still cry occasionally if I having a frustrating day but not over what people say to me or how they treat me. I have learned to exclude people like that in my life.
A person may cry out of frustration over not knowing how to respond any other way. Perhaps if you read some books on how to handle a difficult or angry person, that could help in that one area.
Like I said, we're not professionals. All we can do is share from our own life, makes guesses but most important, point you toward seeing a professional if this is disrupting your life.

I need advice and fast, I really need to talk to my best friend alone though one friend keeps following me around and it is becoming too much but if you ask her to sit with her other friends for today she would get super insulted but I just want one lunch to speak with my best friend about my problems which include her. How do I get her to sit with her other friend (my nemesis)without offending her or making her think I don't want to hang with her anymore

sounds like you all hang out like a group together. Not sure i am understanding why its a problem to get alone. Aren't there any times you can see your friend without anyone else being around?
You control the situation if it's at your house, your room. So ask your friend to come over to your house because you need to see her,alone, just her, not your other friends around because you would like to discuss something with her that is just between you and her.
Let mom know so she can play interferance if by chance this other gal shows up at your door. She can tell the girl that you are not available right now and promise to tell her you came by. Moms an adult and can figure out what to say, no matter what the gal tries.
I wouldn't try this without telling your parents and siblings understanding to , that they aren't to allow just anyone inside who comes by looking for you because you need a private time with your best friend.
Your parents would find it admirable that you are choosing to address relationship problems in private rather than air dirty laundry publicly for all to hear. I am sure they'll be glad to make sure you get a private time with the friend.

M/17
So I can order a class ring which I really want. My parents are trying to figure out a way to help me get it cost wise, but they brought up an offer that is really hard for me to say no to. They said I probly won't wear the ring out side of high school so theyd give me the money for the ring to buy a keytar(a cross between a guitar and a keyboard) and as a solo musician I could really use help buy equipment because thats what I'm going to do with my life. I just can't decide if I should get the ring I really want or if I should put the money toward my career. What would you do if you were in my place?

When I was in my 30s raising kids, I never saw a single adult still wearing a class ring. I am in my 50s and still have not come across an adult wearing a class ring. I know it feels so important in high school, some memorabilia of your school days. If its memorabilia you want, the Year book should suffice. I know more adults who have dragged their yearbook off their shelf to show me, compared to none wearing class rings. If it was me, (I am musically inclined) I would go for the keytar. I remember when asked in highschool if they could spend money the same way on me, what I wanted...I wanted a guitar and got one.

I'm 14 years old and there's a guy that I like and I want more than a friendship (obviously nothing extremely serious because I'm so young) but I don't know how. We laugh and joke a lot but we don't really have conversations beyond sarcastic comments and teasing each other. I think that's partly my fault because I have social anxiety and I've built walls to keep people out (metaphorical walls of course) and he sort of has those walls too. His brother recently got into a horrible car accident and he's a little depressed so maybe you have some ways to cheer him up? We still have that touch barrier between us and I'm too awkward to break it, so that's a slight problem. But he's a little immature and that's my main concern. He's not very tall, no deep voice, extremely skinny (though being skinny is probably because he's a runner), so does not really hitting puberty yet affect his maturity? I feel like he's more mentally mature than half the guys at the school so does his body really matter. How can I get him interested in me? Thanks in advance!!!!

I wouldn't say that a person has to have a certain level of maturity to be a friend. Kids of all age's have their childhood friends. Teens will have challenge making good solid decisions until reaching mid 20s onward because of the front part of brain not done growing yet. But those challenges shouldn't prevent them from having friendships and relationships.

In your case, i'd say its more of the awkward feelings that come from being timid and the inexperience that can be the only things to hold you back.

You want more than friendship, like the romance part. Okay, but what you described doesnt sound like a friendship yet. You may act friendly towards each other when seeing each other but you need to have some real conversation flowing back and forth and be spending time hanging out getting to know each other better. Do you not have a single girl friend that you hang out with away from school, you talk about all sorts of things together and you share your secret thoughts and feelings with her? If not, you're missing out on a lot and need to learn how to have a real relationship. If you do have that with a girl, you don't want a friendship with a guy to be anything less. It is smart to have a friendship with a guy before moving on to romantic stuff.
If going straight for the romance or as some teens do, just for the sex, what is happening is two people are acting on surface level attractions in the other person, how they look, how they smile or laugh. Nothing much more than that. Its important yes but people who go for that first usually are not wanting to learn anything more about the people and become good friends. So friends first. Hope this helps.

21/f

My friends and family members tell me things that makes it hard for me to decide what's best for myself.

e.g. "You deserve someone who can give you want you want want what you need," "I think you're going to get hurt in the end unless you leave now," "I think he's manipulating you, you're the side until he finds what he wants," "he's going to tell you what you want to hear so you'll stay," "I don't think he truly cares for you," etc.

I can't help but keep thinking that they may see something that I'm not seeing and I'm constantly trying to search for something that may be wrong with him or what's wrong in the relationship that makes them say that. I've spoken to the guy I'm dating and he's been working on himself for us but now I'm starting to think, is it true? Is it really all just an act until he finds what he wants? Should I really leave?

It's hard to decide what to do when these people don't even know him. They don't even talk to him. They may have seen him once or twice but they don't know anything about him. How do I know what is the best thing for myself, if I can't see what's going on because I'm so oblivious? How can I open my eyes to all of these things that these people are saying and actually see what he's doing? Is he really playing mind games or is does he truly care for me? How can you tell? How can you sound out other people's opinions so I can hear my inner voice?

Along with those statements made by people, did they give you any examples of things they observed him doing or saying that support their statements? Otherwise, they are basing what they say only on feelings, or their senses. Unless they are all psychics with very good ESP senses, you can't count on just what they sense or feel.
They are doing you a disservice by telling you that there are negative things about him, reason to stop being in relationship with him, but not teaching you and show you how to see what they are seeing for your self. Cus you are going to need to know these things to use in carefully scrutinizing the next person you date.
There is so much to cover in what makes a good partner that I can't begin to start here. The same goes for traits that will hurt or kill a relationship or at least hurt you.

I can add to the example of what they have said that you gave:
You are who determines what you need and want. I tell young girls to make a list of what they need in a guy and what they want. A need is something he must meet on your list or its a deal breaker if he can't. Like wanting kids someday. If you do and he say no, thats a deal breaker, you can't hope that a person will change. A list of wants is the icing on the cake, not a deal breaker but would be terrific to have. Lets say you like a guy with long hair and he doesnt like his hair long, you'll still consider him. You want things like how he treats and values women on the list, along with the kind of temperament of the guy. If you're chatty and out going you want someone alike, good to have some who is easy going and laid bad, consistant in how they act under all circumstances because that will show you who a guy is at core, he will not waver from his beliefs and values just because of the unexpected or the stress the day brings.

Manipulating you. Its hard to see until you look back later. Manipulating has to do with the guy wanting to get his way all the time, it's always his idea where to go eat, what movie you will watch and conversation twisted if you question him or ask for a chance to decide on something for once and he tries to make you feel scared or ashamed for daring to question his good decisions to take great care of you... theres more to it but thats an example.
If you're on the side...it means he is playing the field, always searching for someone better. If he thinks he has found her, he'll dump you without a thought for your feelings. A guy could have unreal expectations for Any female, be a perfectionist. And he;ll end up going through females like he goes through socks, always changing them, looking searching for something better but have no clue what he's looking for. How can you know that he's not out looking? Does he crave being around you, even wanting to spend time with you, doing the mundane, like chores and errands because he enjoys being seen with you, cus life is more fun experienceing it with you. He tells you often not just that he loves you but tells you exactly what things about you that he loves. He goes furtther than just saying it but shows his love in doing special deeds, giving gifts, quality time, the words of affirmation, things like that... Yes some people tell you what you want to hear. Question him about what he says to you. "I'm busy this weekend. Can't see you. gotta study. But I cant stay away from you long, so I'll see you Sunday." Sounds great. But what if he's got a day long date with another chick. You instead ask, "Studying doesnt take all day and night. Tell you what. I'll just show up at your place on Saturday and bring some surprise makings for a lunch...You still have to eat if youre studying. I'll bring a book to read to stay out of your hair. But if the studying gets kinda stressful, I'd be handy to give you a little neck and shoulder rub. Then as soon as you're done, I'm there and we can visit. I want to be in your presence cus I love you. Thats good enough for me, I wont need your full attention.

A guy in love with you, devoted to you and not playing games, is going to love that and respond to it and say, Okay, sure come on by. I love you too. But if he has other not so nice plans, he will insist you dont come over, might lose his cool and get upset. Dont accept things he tells you at face value. Assume that there may be one rotten apple at the bottom of the bushel until this man has consistantly proven himself to be truthful, trustworth and in love with you. There's nothing wrong with digging through those apples til you get to the bottom of the bushel. If nothings rotten, now you can relax. However if in the digging by questioning or coming up with alternative plans to what he says, and not accepting his words at face value until you know you can trust him, if something fishy comes up, something he cant explain or account for and the love and wanting to be with you is missing, then yeah, he's only sharing what he thinks will make you happy enough to not question anything he does.

You've spoken to him--he's working on himself. Okay that tells me there are character faults. What are they dear? I may be able to tell you how serious they are, what to look for signs he's getting better, what is a coverup and whats signs he's not getting better, just a play acting.

Don't leave him because others say to. You leave when you are sure and have discovered for yourself that there are enough harmful character traits in him to make it not worth pursuing him.
Don't get caught settling for less because you have feelings for him. Way too many women, myself included have felt love for a man who treated them badly or abused them. They dont deserve our love. And you can't fix a guy by staying with him. Took me 30 years to figure out he wasn't getting better but worse.
I am glad you mentioned wanting to hear your inner voice. Its that feeling of nerves in your tummy, not feeling quite settled or believing him when something happens. Its your senses telling you something isn't Kosher. You will need to learn how to rely on and recognize your own 'female intuition'. All women have it, not all have learned to hear it and heed it..
I'd like to help more but I will need to know more.

I am a 16 year old girl, I recently had sex with a guy almost 2 weeks ago.. I have a friend who has genital herpes and I told her about it and she told me that she had sex with him a month before.. she's one of my best friends but she's also one of those people who has sex with people and doesn't let them know about what she has. She told me they used a condom and that she wasn't having a breakout at the time, so the question is there still a chance a guy can catch herpes that way? And if so is it high risk? I'm really worried because I didn't use a condom with him and I had no idea about them having sex until she told me when I told her.

there are so many variables to this. I was tested positive for herpes myself though I have rarely ever had an outbreak, just a handful of times in my life. Husband supposedly a carrier too but never had one. So I read up on it a lot. From what I can tell by what I read, herpes can be passed on even when there is no outbreak visible. This is because the virus travels to the nerve ending all the way to the surface of your skin and there is a short period of time when the virus is there on the skin with no outbreak visible. You can catch it from the invisible virus sitting on the skin or from there being an outbreak at the time. Think about it, the outbreak is usually very painful if not extremely uncomfortable so the person having it is not going to want to have sex. The invisible catching period is short, maybe a day to two days.
Now here's another thing to consider, a person with oral herpes, those cold sores looking things, in or outside the mouth, can pass it on to someones genitals by giving oral sex if they again are at those transitional days right before the outbreak. Where ever their mouth went there is a chance of the virus settling in. Most often the virus will be somewhere on or near her labia or on the penis but it could also end up somewhere on the pelvic region, plenty area's not covered by the condom. The only way a person can know where their outbreaks will always be is by haivng one. the Virus travels down the nerve to lay dormant in the body for a while. Often, it is extreme stress in a person that causes it to travel again to the surface. My doctor says I likely rarely see any because I am not a stressed out person.
Statistics of people who did get tested for STD's including Herpes, have shown that the greater majority of people are carriers but have never had an outbreak. So its entirely possible to contract the virus and not know you have it and that is why so many people are carriers and assume they dont have it cus because they have never had an out break. The only way to be certain is to get a test for one. I discovered I was a carrier, when after my divorce, I thought it would be a good idea to get tested and screened. I found out from someone after the test that they don't always screen for herpes unless you ask, because so much of the human population are carriers. So I checked with my clinic, They had not tested for it so I had them do it this time, it came back positive. So when dating, I told everyone I met that I was a carrier. I think it was my fear of knowing that I was a carrier that stressed me enough to finally have an outbreak. There's about as much chance of contracting herpes as there is for a gal not using birth control to become pregnant, the conditions are right in both cases only for a short time.
Check with your local Planned Parenthood and see if they do screening for Herpes. I know most will screen for STD's but cant say whether they include that. You should get tested and so should your male friend, especially if you'd like to do anything with him in the future.
Now you know to use condom always in the future. It will lessen the chances of getting anything cus it covers the area where it's most often transfered. But most people are not comfortable talking openly about such matters. It would be a good thing to learn how to ask very graphic sexual questions of a possible partner. I hope this helps explain it a bit to you. It wont make you feel any better. Because there's no way for me to tell you for sure what chances you have of getting it, how high your chances. Do the research on line yourself. When you see the photos of outbreaks, you'll see they can be just about anywhere on the body. If the virus got transfered to ones hands and then another part of the body touched, it can end up somewhere else.
But don't worry about the invisible period for the virus being on the skin surface. It doesnt even travel there unless it is kicked out of dormancy by something, our immune system really worn down from another illness, stress, poor sleep or poor nutrition, all adding up to kick the virus into traveling up to the surface. The fact that so many Americans have it and there are even more who havent been tested, and none of these people ever have an outbreak tells me that being a carrier isn't the worst thing in the world. Most forget they even carry the virus.

I'm a 15 year old girl and my 7 year old little sister has strep throat. We were playing and I was pretending to be a dog (I know I'm too old to be doing that but whatever, it happened) and I had her pencil in my mouth. I forgot that she had been touching the pencil while she was contagious and chewing in it and everything. I only had it in my mouth for about 20 seconds and then I realized that it had germs on it and I spit it out and drank a cup of water to try and wash out the bacteria. Is there anything that I can do to avoid getting sick? I have very serious OCD and I hate the idea of germs so I'm always washing my hands after touching things and I try not to touch garbage cans and things like that, so as you can imagine I'm kind of freaking out right now. Any advice helps! Thanks in advance!

Strep throat is easily passed around in a family simply from living under the same roof. I had a friend whose kids got it passed it to the parents and once one person got over it, another had it and re infected another.
So to answer your question, yes theres a chance of getting sick, being in the same family, maybe a slightly greater chance of getting it by having germs transfered by the pencil. I wouldnt know if there's anything that can prevent you getting sick.
But I learned from a naturopath long ago to start using an immune system booster to help healthy bodies stay healthy. When one child got sick, they got a heath supplement store item called Echinaccea...made from the root of a medicinal flower. Health stores carry it in tinctures, so a few drops can be added to what ever you are drinking or dropped right on your tongue. It cmes in an alcohol base or a glycerin base and sometimes the natural flavor which tastes like molasses is covered up with an added flavor of orange or something. Its not too expensive. The sick person gets their doses cus it wont interfere with Dr.s prescritions, it just helps your body s immune system get stronger to fight the infection The non sick family members get doses to prevent them from catching the flue or virus. It works really good but like all natural products takes time. Once germs have passed on to a person, it can only help shorten the amount of time recovering from illness, not prevent it. If you get the parents to check out the product, you still must go see your doctor if you get the symptoms of strep throat.
Blessings and good luck.

So I got my first period about a year ago. I've always gotten my period about every other month or every 2 months. It creeps me out because I scare myself into thinking I could've got pregnant somehow. I got my last period around 2 months from this time, and I still haven't got it. Is this normal?

This is normal and something that unfortunately moms forget to tell their daughters or sex ed classes leave out. But trust us, it is quite normal. I started at 14 and it took until I was about 16 before it began to be regular. Heres a website that discusses this situation:

http://kidshealth.org/teen/sexual_health/girls/irregular_periods.html#cat20015

hey tnx alot i just wanted to ask a ques pls do u tink i should tell him to stop spreadin d rumours or jst let it go n hopefully let it be in d past

You can ask if you wish, but remember, the kind of character of a person prone to spread rumours, is not going to be the kind of person likely to listen to a request that he stop. Its best not to.

Anyone who automatically believes what he says is a fool and best you avoid associating with them too! Those who come to you let you know they are willing to listen to your story to hear the truth is you wish to share it....those are the people who love and care about you.
Sometimes, events like this are a good way to separate your friends from those who aren't.
those who understand that you are just human like they are and thus are prone to making mistakes as they do, are the ones with a realistic and mature outlook on life. Hang out with those people.

Ok so I have this guy that goes to my school who I used to have a crush on but recently lost interest in him because ive heard of how rude of a person he was. Ok so he is very smart and gets good grades yet he makes others that are struggling in mathematics feel stupid. He is very competitive academically, so whoever is doing better then him or gets a better score on a test on him he secretly hates. There was this girl that was number one in our class last year and he absolutely hated her. He would cuss her out under his breath just because during jeapordy the teacher called on her and she got a point for her team when in fact it was he that raised his hand first. It was just a game though like nothing serious. He is extremely arrogant I guessing due to his lack of friends or social life at the school. My sister has came to me telling me that he is jerk to her and that he treats her like shes stupid and basically rubs things in her face. He even called her dumb and said I was smarter just because I made it on the honor roll for the trimester she didn't. But then my sister comes to me last year telling me that he talked about me in class saying that he didn't like me because im "odd" and i don't have any classes with him (i don't have any classes with him this term of this year either which i cant help). Which is crazy because i barely even know him let alone talk to him. We've literally had like a few short brief convos in the hallway during passing time last year. I play around with my friends sometimes but its normally we all just joking around and him just being way too serious. Then he complained about me "ignoring" him and that whenever he tries to talk to me im either already talking to someone or ignoring him. Which is untrue because the times he does talk to me im around my friends and were usually in a conversation before he even come around. So like i try to hold a conversation with them all but its hard and he expects me to just turn all my attention onto him which is just rude in my opinion. So today he walked up to me and my sister saying "hey long time no see " and i just said hey whats up and he said that he knows the difference between us (me and my sister are twins) because i barely comment. When i said hi when he walked over.... Im the kind of person when if someone doesn't like me i just simply don't talk to them or limit convos. No conflict. No drama. He doesn't know my sister told me about what he said about me last year so he is playing it off like he wants to be friends and talk. Now he is having an attitude just because i didn't say anything else to him besides "hey whats up" :L does he have a right to be mad?

He has a right to feel anything he feels. We cant monitor and control another persons feelings anymore than we can control their actions because all of us have a free will, given to us by God, even God won't interfere. What choices this guy is making are his to make, good bad or middle of the road.
You say that you liked him once but let your feelings be influenced by what you heard about him. Unless you hear actual words from him with your own ears and witness his actions with your own eyes, there is always room for misinterpretation, or things getting twisted around. If you have witnessed him losing his cool and cussing under his breath for the reasons you stated, then that is one thing you can be sure of in his behavior. I doubt your sister has any reason to make up something about him so if he's talking about you in a not so nice way in class behind your back, thats another reason you may not want to associate with him. Keep in mind what these traits look like in a guy so when it comes time to date, you dont end up with someone like him or worse. Always shoot for someone better with each relationship you have.
You might have to have a talk with him if he doesnt get the hint from you avoiding him and acting cold towards him. You could say that both you and he have changed a lot recently and you no longer find you have enough in common to even be friends. As classmates in the same school, you'll be civil to him if coming across his path but not seek him out for conversation. Remind him that people change quickly and grow up in their teens and college years and so who they associate with changes, it's natural and part of life. He'll make a perfect friend for other people, just not you anymore. Avoid pointing out his flaws because a person needs to discover that for themselves and any other time they aren't ready to hear it, they will lash out at you and deny it and make life miserable for you in whatever way they can think up. This is the best way to get your message across with out conflict or drama.

Learn to ignore anything he does say about you. As long as you know its not true, thats what counts. Anyone who chooses to believe what he says about you are immature and to be avoided until they grow up if they ever do. Those who pay no heed to what he says about you and value you for yourself because they cared to get to know you for themselves and not take the word of someone else, those are goin to be your greatest friends, ones you can trust.
Good luck.

hey am a 16yr old girl who thougth it was time for her to started dating so i went into a relationship with an older guy i barely even know well most ppl i knw knew him n warned me dat he is bad,he does drugs n all buh i neva noticed evn ppl i dint knw came to advice me but d big mistake i made was dat i ignored dem even wen i started to cee his true colour, we did so many tinz like oral buh neva sex...just aftr we brokeup for like 6mnth i went for hiv test jst normal test n it was negative n 2weeks back my big bro came to tell me infrnt of my mom dat d guy is nw spreadin rumours dat i slept with him n he kept askin me y i slept wit him n dat almost 6ppl tld him n dat his infected wit hiv buh i tested negative d worst tin is dis is my 1st relationshp n nw my parents probably hate me......pls i need adivce on wat to do??,i feel my familys name n reputation has spoilt becox of this

Yes, 16 is a good time to start dating. It is goin to take many years and the experience of many relationships to figure out what the right guy for you is but it is helpful to have some basic instructions about what you are doing, what is the purpose behind dating other than something social to do, the in thing to do.
You know now that you made a decision without stopping to think out all the possible outcomes, all the consequences of your decision. All the things you're thinking now, remember next time to do the thinking before making a decision.
Not coming down on you hon. All teens have a hard time making the best decisions for themselves. Basically the part of your brain responsible for good decision making isn't completely done growning yet, not until you reach anywhere from 25 to 30, but the body is mature before the brain. And that combo gets us into lots of trouble. Best thing you can do is stop seeing the guy. Get tested again for peace of mind. Perhaps you didnt catch anything but that doesnt mean the next time you wont.
Be willing to admit to yourself you made a mistake and also sit down with the parents and tell them. Tell them you are sorry for what happened and you'll understand if they are upset. If you have learned a lesson, then let them know you won't go off on your own in the future making random decisions. What you can best do is ask them to be your sounding board, who you go to for advice and to get other perspectives. If not your parents, then another person will a 'mature brain' lol, you know another adult you trust, someone who know s you well enough, perhaps an aunt or the parents of a girl friend who know you well. But you will need to use adults to pass your ideas past for some time to aid you in making the best decisions as you spread your wings and work on becoming an adult.
I am sorry that you will have this in your past. there's no magic wand to make it as if it never happened. If your parents really love you, which I am sure they do, once they get over the shock of your confesssion, I am sure they'll be glad to be included in your future ideas and thoughts of choices. As teens we think we are invincible, indestructable and dont want to listen to advice. But now that you realize that you DO need to gather advice, I am proud of you. Your future will be brighter if you can keep that attitude up for more than this one time you are asking her.
All familys have at least one teen that does somethin kinda stupid. If the reputation of parents were spoilt then all familys would have bad reputations except for the couples who never had kids. Never mind the perception of others or what they think. What is important that you remember this clearly, learn from it and dont go forgetting it as the memory of it fades and your fear fades and you are tempted to start taking chances again. Don't go dont that road. For a guideline on what dating is about, read on:

At your point in age, the object is not to practice longevity of relationship, sticking together long term even if its not a perfect dating relationship. The object is not to prove to yourself or others that you can stick with someone long term...that comes in later years after you have a clue what kind of person you want to end up life long with.

Dating is for determining if there is interest beyond basic attraction, discovering more about the other to determine if you like and can handle their personality traits, and whether there's enough in common, or evidence of destructive habits or tendencies in the other that would harm you emotionally and/or physically and kill the relationship. Depending on what you discover, you either continue dating the person and take it to the committed couple level or you break up.

Dating is more about learning what you do and don't like in a guys character and the same for him. Its a time of making comparisons. Seeing what is lacking in a current partner that you would like to have, or something that they do, or ways they treat you that are disrespectful or hurtful emotionally or physically as in being abusive or violent. When you come up against things like that, you need to decide if you will settle for less or move on to the next dating partner, hopefully always shooting for someone a step better in some area. Make a list of the qualities you like and remind yourself with another list of the qualities you dont like or must avoid because they are harmful to your well being. Review it and update it often through out the years.

If you break up, you look for the next dating partner, always trying to find someone a step better than the last partner, basing your choices for the new person on traits you discovered in the last person that you liked enough to look for in the next person, while at the same time avoiding the other things that you won't tolerate.
If all is going well and you develop some serious feelings for each other, you take the relationship from just dating to the committed couple level. At this level, depending on your age, you are dating each other exclusively or if adults, moving in together or getting married.
If you find you keep having the same issues, no matter which guy you date, either you never learned from the past relationship, or perhaps more of the issues are with you and you need to be honest with yourself as to what issues you need to work on within yourself before you can make a good dating partner. I can't begin to stress how helpful having a list of what I liked and wanted and needed in a guy was to me in finding my 2nd husband. It should work just as well at any age, including high school dating too.

I'm 14 and I recently had to cut my hair because it was too long. I cut off probably 5-7 inches. It's now a mid-shoulder length or something. Well my friend said I look like a "cute ten year old", now I'm self concious of going anywhere. I straighten my hair to make it look longer too, but I don't want to look like a child..

Just because that is how your friend perceives your new cut, does not mean others will see it the same way.
How did you feel about your haircut when you looked in the mirror right after? I'll bet you didn't think you thought you looked like a child. What were your thoughts...go back...remember.
The thing to have said at the time was, "Well, that may be how it looks to you.That's your opinion, my opinion is that it makes me look more sassy and exciting as a person. I like it.
The only time that another person's comment can affect you is if you choose to believe and own it.
If your subconscious mind then constantly struggles with feeling like a child, it will begin to affect other people, like a self fulfilling prophecy. And the sad thing is, it would never have affected other peoples opinion of you if you hadn't chosen to believe that what she said is the gospel truth...no! Its just an opinion. If I told you that the shape of your body makes you look ugly, would you believe it?
Heck, opinions and personal taste changes with the years. What is touted as the beautiful woman today by media is not what it was in the past. The models and pinups of the past, even models for paintings way back, are all so very different. Nothing in common. Fads come and go and are started by the opinions and tastes of the few and media makes it between a wide spread belief. Am I gonna believe that because I dont look like Julia Roberts, that I am not a pretty woman? I have my own unique traits and will not appeal to everyone but even in my 50's I am a pretty woman and still turn guys heads. What you think of yourself is going to take you lots farther than what one person or a handful think dear.

Idk if my other went through bc I can't find it, but there's this guy that is a host at a restaurant. I really want to talk to him, but we haven't talked before, and I don't even know anything about him (not even his age or his name). He always sneaks glances at me whenever he can so I think that's a good sign. I just want to talk to him, but don't know how?

find a moment to approach him when others arent near him to hear. Tell him you noticed that he looks over at you often. You're wondering if it's just cus you look like somebody he knows or if he's single and kinda interested in you. See what he says. He may not feel comfortable put on the spot and not give an answer or not tell the truth. You can quickly add, Sorry for putting you on the spot, but because I am interested in you, I thought it worth asking and seeing if you are single. It's okay if you aren't. If you change your mind tho, give me your number next time I'm in here. Have a good evening. Guy's find a gal who would do that attractive because she has self confidence and boldness which appeals to many men.

I'm really struggling through healing from a break that I had at the beginning of the year. He asked me to marry him and I said yes so technically we were engaged? We never talked about why he just packed up and left because he avoided me. We did start talking again but I was afraid to bring up things because I didnt want to make things stressful . I ended up confronting him and he basically said he left because I lashed out at him for no reason, and I kept putting him out. I am not the type to lash out or argue unless someone hurts my feelings or upsets me. A lot of the times he would minimize my feelings or shut down when I wanted to deal with our issues. I never put him out, i only told him to him to leave if he can't talk to me or act like he wants to be at home. He said he did nothing wrong in the relationship that it was all me. Because he blames me, I have started to feel really guilty and questioning myself because I know there were times I did get upset but I remember having reasons. I did everything I could to be a good girlfriend to him and make him happy. I pretty much have accepted full responsibility for single handed ruining a relationship I really wanted to work out. I feel really bad because I hurt him, but I've apologized so many times for it. I'm just having a hard time forgiving myself. How do you move on without being able to fix it?

Ammo made some good points.
The fact is that a healthy relationship is not a one sided affair, nor is it half hearted attempts at making it work.
Happily ever after doesn't happen just because you wish it so. It takes both parties putting in maximum effort to make it so.

The maximum effort isn't just what both of you are doing, but it must come in the communicating. You held back at times. He didn't put in the effort to calmly ask you what was troubling you.
If you dont want to 'make things stressful' in the future, then don't avoid talking things out cus going on not addressing what you have issues or questions about IS going to be stressful to you. Talking to the man you are with is not going to be stressful to him if you remember rules of fairness: Bring up the issues or problems without emotional outbursts, EVEN IF he hurt your feelings or upsets you. You need to determine if it was intentional, or if he really had no idea he was upsetting you or if there were false assumptions on both parts as to how each of you interpreted each others, words, body language and actions.
If you speak in an accusatory way, he will be instantly on the defense and there will be no resolution to the issue. Here is an example of what I am getting at.
Lets say he shares a story with mutual friends when you are out but it is something you never wanted anyone else to hear. So instead of saying, "I am angry at you because you were sharing personal stuff. You are so uncaring about my feelings and now everyone knows about . . .

Instead of telling him what he did wrong, tell him how it affected you without accusing him of anything. Here's how to say it instead:
"Hon, when you told that story I told you tonight, it was something private I confided in you and had no idea you would share something like that to others. When that happened, I felt angry, frustrated at having my secret thoughts and feelings shared with others. I know you were'nt thinking of it like that and didnt mean to embarrass me. Can we just plan in the future before you share anything that involves something I told you, that you whisper to me and ask if its okay with me to share. And I will do the same for you.
Now if he's a loving caring guy and just bumbled into that, he will apologize because you didnt insult his character and are giving him a helpful tool to use for the future. Problem solved.

If your guy ends up doing the same to you again, not caring, even after you calmly and nicely talked to him as I suggest, then he is a douche bag and not worth your time. Once a pattern of doing the same thing over and over happens, you can bet the guy doesnt really care about you and is not in love with you, no matter what he says. Words are cheap, actions are the proof.
If you practice this in the future, you will have a wonderful relationship with some guy.

Hi, I am currently in high school, and I have this guy friend who will always text/snapchat me first, but he never talks to me in person, and it really makes me upset. It's not like I have a crush on him or anything, but I see him talk to other girls all the time. Does he just not like me as a friend or what? Lol.. I'm so confused.

Hmm, that is odd, if he's able to talk to others in person but not you.
So we can rule out shyness/social anxiety.
Do you have girlfriends that are friends only in text/on line, but never spend time together in person? Never talking face to face?
If you do, that is not the way to go about having any kind of relationship, even girlfriends.
I am betting you spend time face to face with girlfriends.
Well, you'll only have a Real friendship with this guy if it goes beyond the computer to real life.
Either he is not interested in you for a friend or more...or the reason he does talk to you in person and does with others is because of the fact he is crushing on you and very interested and because you are the object of his attention, he can't focus and feels cloudy headed, tongue tied and draws a blank for convo when even contemplating talking to you in person. Think of yourself, isn't it easier to talk to guys you dont have a crush on....of course..thats the way it goes.
So if you want to talk in person, don't wait for him to do it, go up to him. Since you already text and snap chat, if you like him, just walk up to him and say Hi and smile. Then tell him you enjoy your time together on line but you'd really prefer to hang out together as friends in person instead. See what he has to say. That may give you some clue. If you are not attracted to him romantically and he is to you, it's not fair to him to pursue him as a friend and you may want to let idea's of friendship with him just drop.

I had a long distance relationship for a 3 month,and i was sure that he was the one somehow,,we use to fight alot and i think that's because of the distance but we got along just fine,,we decided to keep it simple till we meet and so we did,it wasn't simple at all we didn't talk for almost 5 month and now im here in his country,,and yesterday when i was with my friends and we were in the car touring i saw him by a glimpse of an eye and he saw me as well,i was shocked and he was too,so anyway he texts me like "plz tell me that wasn't you" i was angry at him in some point but when i saw him it changed everything,,he wanted to meet and i agreed, it went amazinggg,he took me to this big garden we drank beer and talked till morning ,it was magical ..
The thing is im 25 and he's 21 a huge age difference not that it matters,but he still young and gonna change in a period of time he has alot to experience and of course the trust issues which i have ,,i have a package full of betrayal and disappointment and failed marriage .He knows my past and knows my trust issues and said let me win your trust ..
so what should i do,i had this feeling inside me that he may playin cz lets face it he still 21 but i don't know, should i give it a try??

He is still in his maturing stage as far as the brain is concerned. the Pre frontal cortex is the last bit in us to complete growing. Therefore we are somewhat handicapped before our mid 20's or later for being fully capable of making our best decisions. Some of us mature faster than others in many area's before then but not all.
If you can be patient with him but otherwise in general he treats you well and you have good chemistry and lots in common, there's no reason why not to date.
Your trust issues from the past should not be a problem unless you never learned from them. Whatever the fault in the man, there was a pattern, clues, hints. There are things you can learn, how to recognize the bad personality traits, then with each person you meet, start looking for the things you're trying to avoid, and also for the traits that are a must to you. If you think you might ever want to marry and have children, a 21 yr old may not be ready for a while, but you never know. Find out what he thinks the ideal woman is, whether marriage is something he looks forward to someday, and does he ever want to have kids. He may not know. So you risk a chance investing time with him for years and he eventually decides he doesnt want marriage or kids. And at his age, he doesnt need to necessarily know already up front.
Make sure most your time with him is face to face, cus thats the only way a relationship has a chance for building trust. There is no such thing in long distance on line cus that is an illusion, theater of the mind, you imagine things that are not, imagine what you want to see whether its there or not. Trust is built over time. So take the time with him.But it can be broken in an instant. He is not the other guys. Don't compare him to them. the only way he'll turn out to be the same is if you keep picking the same kinds of guys and don't realize. Once you are sure of yourself and your ability to spot the real value and character of a guy and who he is at core, then you feel more relaxed about giving a person a chance to prove themselves and not have "feelings' that he is just playing you.

19/m

Hey guys! I just started college 3 weeks ago! I am excited to be here and to learn but I also want to become more social with girls. I am a very shy guy, I have a hard time making new friends even with other guys. I never know what to talk about with people and never know how to get a small conversation going with people unless it is by accident. All of my old friends from high school I made were kind of on accident believe it or not. To me it seems like pure luck I met people I got along with and connected with.

I dated some girls in high school but i kind of met them by luck and didn't really go out of my way to introduce myself to them and make small talk to get their phone numbers or anything special. It kind of happened by luck if that makes sense?

Anyways, I was hoping to get some advice from people on how I can approach some girls that are in classes of mine, girls that I haven't had classes with that I just kind of see that I think are cute that I would like to talk to. I met this one guy here at my school that picks up girls daily like no one's business... it makes me jealous of how easy he can get girls and I would love to just meet girls even as friends.

Any advice would be helpful! Hopefully this little rant made sense haha. Thanks!!!

Adviceman has a good plan, I'd say go with that. The best place to meet girls is in a group of people meeting over a same interest in common.

So what do you do if outside of such a structured event, you see a girl, know nothing about her and want to start up a conversation?
Walking up out of the blue, introducing yourself and starting small talk to get her phone number is not a very successful way to catch a gals interest so its good your not in the habit of it.
For guys, I found great advice in you tube videos on approaching women, the dos and don't of dating, done by a Stephan Erdman. Here's a link to his page. Start going through his videos. I am also posting a link to the one I think should help you best but there are many good ones.

http://www.youtube.com/user/stephanerdman?feature=watch

This next link is part one of a ten part teaching video set. Good luck!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X45u2YdwAHY&list=UUm9vxWZXU_JA0coIBeSAk6A

I'm 18 and I have been with my boyfriend for about a year and four months now. I guess me and him were just raised differently.I was raised getting most everything I want. Both of my parents are always working hard and they both love me very much. I was raised that drugs were bad and drinking alcohol wasn't that great either. I'm in college now and on the way to success however my boyfriend was raised completely different. My boyfriend was raised in a way that his mother allows him to do marijuana and drinks with him. I guess I have a great boyfriend but do I let him doing this even though it goes against my morals or do I just try to just deal with this?

Adviceman covered all the points I would've shared or asked about.
So I will come at this assuming that you have never really given much thought to what having a boyfriend is all about and what the purpose of dating is even to begin with. Once you understand what I am about to share, I am sure that you will see that this is one of those cases where you move on, choose not to settle for less, and have a good idea of what you are looking for in a partner. At 18, you may not want to marry for some years yet but now is the time to get a good idea of what you are looking for in a man you will stay long term with.

Dating is for determining if there is interest beyond basic attraction, discovering more about the other to determine if you like and can handle their personality traits, and whether there's enough in common, or evidence of destructive habits or tendencies in the other that would harm you emotionally and/or physically and kill the relationship. Depending on what you discover, you either continue dating the person and take it to the committed couple level or you break up.

Dating is more about learning what you do and don't like in a guys character and the same for him. Its a time of making comparisons. Seeing what is lacking in a current partner that you would like to have, or something that they do, or ways they treat you that are disrespectful or hurtful emotionally or physically as in being abusive or violent. When you come up against things like that, you need to decide if you will settle for less or move on to the next dating partner, hopefully always shooting for someone a step better in some area. Make a list of the qualities you like and remind yourself with another list of the qualities you dont like or must avoid because they are harmful to your well being. Review it and update it often through out the years.

If you break up, you look for the next dating partner, always trying to find someone a step better than the last partner, basing your choices for the new person on traits you discovered in the last person that you liked enough to look for in the next person, while at the same time avoiding the other things that you won't tolerate.
If all is going well and you develop some serious feelings for each other, you take the relationship from just dating to the committed couple level. At this level, depending on your age, you are dating each other exclusively or if adults, moving in together or getting married.
If you find you keep having the same issues, no matter which guy you date, either you never learned from the past relationship, or perhaps more of the issues are with you and you need to be honest with yourself as to what issues you need to work on within yourself before you can make a good dating partner. I can't begin to stress how helpful having a list of what I liked and wanted and needed in a guy was to me in finding my 2nd husband.

May be long, I apologize.

Lately, I seem to be in quite a funk with myself. I am 29 years old whom is hard of hearing and suffers both anxiety and severe depression. I am introverted and have a hard time keeping friends.

I have a tendency, When people attempt to get to know me personally or even try to get close to me. I find ways to push them away or I simply shut them out without a valid reason. I am married, I love my husband and he may be the only few in my life whom I couldn't spend enough time with. I am close to my mother, semi close to my step father and my father and step mother are almost like strangers from time to time. I have siblings, two sisters to be exact. I am not nor was ever close with either one of them. My Aunts and Uncles I don't talk too nor my cousins. I am almost completely limited to who is in my life.

Sometimes I truly believe my happiness is with acquaintances rather then actually having friends. I find myself to be happy with friends for a very short period of time before I become overwhelmed and miserable. I don't quite understand this, I have no valid explanations.

I am a smart person but rather very awkward around people or outside of my comfort zone. I am not one to spark a conversation, I have trouble making eye contact and I often come off as rude when I by all means do not intend to be. I've suspected I possibly have Aspergers but I again, Stuck in the funk.

Don't continue to wonder, go have a talk with your doctor and they can refer you to a specialist for testing. If it's nothing on the autism spectrum, then it may be nothing more than your personality type is happiest being a loner. Even loners have one or two people really special to them and are happiest just dealing with an acquaintance.
Although I has no problems being being chatty and can enjoy people a lot, i tend to prefer a small circle of people close to me, husband, daughters, sister and do not go much for friends but then I don't have the other issues as you stated.

I know some of you are going to think I am silly but can you get professional puppy pictures taken? This little guy is like my child and if my child was little I would get studio portraits done, so why not for my puppy? Would they just laugh at me or am I not the first one to think of this?

When I was young, our cat was our kid before we had kids. We asked a photography studio if for our family portrait, they would mind us bringing our cat for photo sit because he was part of our family and they had no problem.
So if you don't live in an area with lots of photo studio options to choose from and none who specialize in pet portraits, ask the regular studios as I did. Many will be willing, not willing to turn down a sale.
Good luck.

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