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Trust issues..
I had a long distance relationship for a 3 month,and i was sure that he was the one somehow,,we use to fight alot and i think that's because of the distance but we got along just fine,,we decided to keep it simple till we meet and so we did,it wasn't simple at all we didn't talk for almost 5 month and now im here in his country,,and yesterday when i was with my friends and we were in the car touring i saw him by a glimpse of an eye and he saw me as well,i was shocked and he was too,so anyway he texts me like "plz tell me that wasn't you" i was angry at him in some point but when i saw him it changed everything,,he wanted to meet and i agreed, it went amazinggg,he took me to this big garden we drank beer and talked till morning ,it was magical ..
The thing is im 25 and he's 21 a huge age difference not that it matters,but he still young and gonna change in a period of time he has alot to experience and of course the trust issues which i have ,,i have a package full of betrayal and disappointment and failed marriage .He knows my past and knows my trust issues and said let me win your trust ..
so what should i do,i had this feeling inside me that he may playin cz lets face it he still 21 but i don't know, should i give it a try??
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He is still in his maturing stage as far as the brain is concerned. the Pre frontal cortex is the last bit in us to complete growing. Therefore we are somewhat handicapped before our mid 20's or later for being fully capable of making our best decisions. Some of us mature faster than others in many area's before then but not all.
If you can be patient with him but otherwise in general he treats you well and you have good chemistry and lots in common, there's no reason why not to date.
Your trust issues from the past should not be a problem unless you never learned from them. Whatever the fault in the man, there was a pattern, clues, hints. There are things you can learn, how to recognize the bad personality traits, then with each person you meet, start looking for the things you're trying to avoid, and also for the traits that are a must to you. If you think you might ever want to marry and have children, a 21 yr old may not be ready for a while, but you never know. Find out what he thinks the ideal woman is, whether marriage is something he looks forward to someday, and does he ever want to have kids. He may not know. So you risk a chance investing time with him for years and he eventually decides he doesnt want marriage or kids. And at his age, he doesnt need to necessarily know already up front.
Make sure most your time with him is face to face, cus thats the only way a relationship has a chance for building trust. There is no such thing in long distance on line cus that is an illusion, theater of the mind, you imagine things that are not, imagine what you want to see whether its there or not. Trust is built over time. So take the time with him.But it can be broken in an instant. He is not the other guys. Don't compare him to them. the only way he'll turn out to be the same is if you keep picking the same kinds of guys and don't realize. Once you are sure of yourself and your ability to spot the real value and character of a guy and who he is at core, then you feel more relaxed about giving a person a chance to prove themselves and not have "feelings' that he is just playing you.
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It is not for me or any of us to say yes or no to your question. Only you can decide that. If this 4 year age difference is something that really bothers you, it shouldn't. If the age difference was the other way around it would be considered normal.
Now back when my parents were your age and your were to marry someone 4 or 5 years younger than you people would talk. By the way I'm old enough to be your grandfather. My in-laws had a 5 year age difference between them with my father in-law being the younger of the two. Their marriage lasted until my mother in-law past away.
Frankly age is but a number in this case a reference point in time. The trust issues are something else. Having a failed marriage does bring out trust issues though we are not all alike. He is not your ex and nothing says he will fail you as your ex did.
You need to decide if you want to take a leap of faith and give him a bit of trust to start with. Then let him earn the rest. There has to be some trust between you or the relationship will never go anyplace. Depending how fresh your divorce is will depend on whether you can make that leap of faith. If you can't that is not a problem it just means you need some more time to heal. It doesn't mean this man is wrong for you. IF you explain this to him he might understand and be willing to wait with you while you heal enough to make that leap of faith.
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