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humorist-workshop
bad rumours
hey am a 16yr old girl who thougth it was time for her to started dating so i went into a relationship with an older guy i barely even know well most ppl i knw knew him n warned me dat he is bad,he does drugs n all buh i neva noticed evn ppl i dint knw came to advice me but d big mistake i made was dat i ignored dem even wen i started to cee his true colour, we did so many tinz like oral buh neva sex...just aftr we brokeup for like 6mnth i went for hiv test jst normal test n it was negative n 2weeks back my big bro came to tell me infrnt of my mom dat d guy is nw spreadin rumours dat i slept with him n he kept askin me y i slept wit him n dat almost 6ppl tld him n dat his infected wit hiv buh i tested negative d worst tin is dis is my 1st relationshp n nw my parents probably hate me......pls i need adivce on wat to do??,i feel my familys name n reputation has spoilt becox of this
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Yes, 16 is a good time to start dating. It is goin to take many years and the experience of many relationships to figure out what the right guy for you is but it is helpful to have some basic instructions about what you are doing, what is the purpose behind dating other than something social to do, the in thing to do.
You know now that you made a decision without stopping to think out all the possible outcomes, all the consequences of your decision. All the things you're thinking now, remember next time to do the thinking before making a decision.
Not coming down on you hon. All teens have a hard time making the best decisions for themselves. Basically the part of your brain responsible for good decision making isn't completely done growning yet, not until you reach anywhere from 25 to 30, but the body is mature before the brain. And that combo gets us into lots of trouble. Best thing you can do is stop seeing the guy. Get tested again for peace of mind. Perhaps you didnt catch anything but that doesnt mean the next time you wont.
Be willing to admit to yourself you made a mistake and also sit down with the parents and tell them. Tell them you are sorry for what happened and you'll understand if they are upset. If you have learned a lesson, then let them know you won't go off on your own in the future making random decisions. What you can best do is ask them to be your sounding board, who you go to for advice and to get other perspectives. If not your parents, then another person will a 'mature brain' lol, you know another adult you trust, someone who know s you well enough, perhaps an aunt or the parents of a girl friend who know you well. But you will need to use adults to pass your ideas past for some time to aid you in making the best decisions as you spread your wings and work on becoming an adult.
I am sorry that you will have this in your past. there's no magic wand to make it as if it never happened. If your parents really love you, which I am sure they do, once they get over the shock of your confesssion, I am sure they'll be glad to be included in your future ideas and thoughts of choices. As teens we think we are invincible, indestructable and dont want to listen to advice. But now that you realize that you DO need to gather advice, I am proud of you. Your future will be brighter if you can keep that attitude up for more than this one time you are asking her.
All familys have at least one teen that does somethin kinda stupid. If the reputation of parents were spoilt then all familys would have bad reputations except for the couples who never had kids. Never mind the perception of others or what they think. What is important that you remember this clearly, learn from it and dont go forgetting it as the memory of it fades and your fear fades and you are tempted to start taking chances again. Don't go dont that road. For a guideline on what dating is about, read on:
At your point in age, the object is not to practice longevity of relationship, sticking together long term even if its not a perfect dating relationship. The object is not to prove to yourself or others that you can stick with someone long term...that comes in later years after you have a clue what kind of person you want to end up life long with.
Dating is for determining if there is interest beyond basic attraction, discovering more about the other to determine if you like and can handle their personality traits, and whether there's enough in common, or evidence of destructive habits or tendencies in the other that would harm you emotionally and/or physically and kill the relationship. Depending on what you discover, you either continue dating the person and take it to the committed couple level or you break up.
Dating is more about learning what you do and don't like in a guys character and the same for him. Its a time of making comparisons. Seeing what is lacking in a current partner that you would like to have, or something that they do, or ways they treat you that are disrespectful or hurtful emotionally or physically as in being abusive or violent. When you come up against things like that, you need to decide if you will settle for less or move on to the next dating partner, hopefully always shooting for someone a step better in some area. Make a list of the qualities you like and remind yourself with another list of the qualities you dont like or must avoid because they are harmful to your well being. Review it and update it often through out the years.
If you break up, you look for the next dating partner, always trying to find someone a step better than the last partner, basing your choices for the new person on traits you discovered in the last person that you liked enough to look for in the next person, while at the same time avoiding the other things that you won't tolerate.
If all is going well and you develop some serious feelings for each other, you take the relationship from just dating to the committed couple level. At this level, depending on your age, you are dating each other exclusively or if adults, moving in together or getting married.
If you find you keep having the same issues, no matter which guy you date, either you never learned from the past relationship, or perhaps more of the issues are with you and you need to be honest with yourself as to what issues you need to work on within yourself before you can make a good dating partner. I can't begin to stress how helpful having a list of what I liked and wanted and needed in a guy was to me in finding my 2nd husband. It should work just as well at any age, including high school dating too.
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