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How do you deal ?
I'm 18 and I have been with my boyfriend for about a year and four months now. I guess me and him were just raised differently.I was raised getting most everything I want. Both of my parents are always working hard and they both love me very much. I was raised that drugs were bad and drinking alcohol wasn't that great either. I'm in college now and on the way to success however my boyfriend was raised completely different. My boyfriend was raised in a way that his mother allows him to do marijuana and drinks with him. I guess I have a great boyfriend but do I let him doing this even though it goes against my morals or do I just try to just deal with this?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Adviceman covered all the points I would've shared or asked about.
So I will come at this assuming that you have never really given much thought to what having a boyfriend is all about and what the purpose of dating is even to begin with. Once you understand what I am about to share, I am sure that you will see that this is one of those cases where you move on, choose not to settle for less, and have a good idea of what you are looking for in a partner. At 18, you may not want to marry for some years yet but now is the time to get a good idea of what you are looking for in a man you will stay long term with.
Dating is for determining if there is interest beyond basic attraction, discovering more about the other to determine if you like and can handle their personality traits, and whether there's enough in common, or evidence of destructive habits or tendencies in the other that would harm you emotionally and/or physically and kill the relationship. Depending on what you discover, you either continue dating the person and take it to the committed couple level or you break up.
Dating is more about learning what you do and don't like in a guys character and the same for him. Its a time of making comparisons. Seeing what is lacking in a current partner that you would like to have, or something that they do, or ways they treat you that are disrespectful or hurtful emotionally or physically as in being abusive or violent. When you come up against things like that, you need to decide if you will settle for less or move on to the next dating partner, hopefully always shooting for someone a step better in some area. Make a list of the qualities you like and remind yourself with another list of the qualities you dont like or must avoid because they are harmful to your well being. Review it and update it often through out the years.
If you break up, you look for the next dating partner, always trying to find someone a step better than the last partner, basing your choices for the new person on traits you discovered in the last person that you liked enough to look for in the next person, while at the same time avoiding the other things that you won't tolerate.
If all is going well and you develop some serious feelings for each other, you take the relationship from just dating to the committed couple level. At this level, depending on your age, you are dating each other exclusively or if adults, moving in together or getting married.
If you find you keep having the same issues, no matter which guy you date, either you never learned from the past relationship, or perhaps more of the issues are with you and you need to be honest with yourself as to what issues you need to work on within yourself before you can make a good dating partner. I can't begin to stress how helpful having a list of what I liked and wanted and needed in a guy was to me in finding my 2nd husband.
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I'm wondering what your interest in this boy is whose morals are so much different than your own. Is it the excitement of being with a "Bad Boy" or walking on the bad side and not being seen as just the "Good Girl?"
None of us have a crystal ball to predict the future with. What I can tell you is this; as you write, "I'm in college now and on the way to success." This is the track that is going to give you all that you have and have had living with your parents and hopefully better or more. This is what we as parent want for our children.
I do not see him, strictly as you have written about him, as a great boyfriend. You will not change him unless he wants to change so this means you will have to put up with him. In putting up with him you run a very good chance of being dragged down to his level, his morals as this is how he was raised and what he expects from life.
I don't know you but your writing tells me you are worth more than a pot smoking alcoholic for a boyfriend or a life mate. Your 18 you have time to, as my mother would have told you, to bait your hook and go fishing for the right man. There are plenty of fish in the sea and there is a better fish out there for you; one that shares your morals and goals in life.
My suggestion is to get out your fishing pole find a nice stream and keep fishing until you find the right person.
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