Sometimes we are just drawn to certain people, even without the romance. We click with different guys and girls and seem to finish each other's sentences or could have fun for hours just hanging out with certain somebodys. What a great feeling to have those friendships and attractions that come easily. Of course, sometimes those sizzling hot attractions with the opposite sex end up fizzling out just as quickly if there is nothing more to them past the initial attraction to grow on. Are you drawn to him and don't know why? Sometimes we are attracted to a person because they have a familiar quality shared by someone in our life we value...even a crappy quality! Psychologists have been debating and trying to explain relationships for years, and there are many opinions and few real agreements. The reasons can be calculated and put under a microscope and some of our attractions really come from a biological and chemical source, but there is a mystery about love and those feelings that are bigger than we seem to be able to put in a box. Maybe that is why it is love...it is uncontainable. Don't analyze, just enjoy.

You dreams can be pleasurable or complete nightmares, but very few times are they prophetic. Our minds never shut off and you probably are consumed by wanting this guy that is unavailable in the daytime more than the night. This guy is unavailable in two serious ways. The fact that he did decide he wanted a girlfriend and the girl he chose is not you should make things painfully obvious. The fact that he has had endless opportunities to make you his girlfriend and did not is reason number two why he is not for you. I think you need to accept that he did not want you for a girlfriend and that he is choosing to have a relationship or whatever it is with someone else. Maybe he is serious about her or maybe he is just using her the way he used you. Why is it we want what we cannot have? Why do some girls fall for the bad boys they know will break their hearts? It is smart to know what you want in life, but it is stupid to seek it where you know you can't get it. Move on and get the love you crave from a guy who will want to keep you in his life for more than a physical fling. If this guy broke up with that girl today, I don't want you lowering yourself for him again. You are better deserving than that. Next time keep in mind that we don't really even begin to know someone at all until several months if not years into a relationship. Puppy love and lust and intense emotions do not equate love, and as you gain years and experience you will know exactly what I am talking about...for now trust me a little and avoid preventable future heartaches.

Make sure you are drinking enough water all day long! A lot of times we will eat more food than our bodies really want us to eat because we are dehydrated and really thirsty, but misinterpret our thirst for hunger. Drink 8 glasses of water a day. A glass of fat free or 1% milk instead of the before bed snack should hold you until breakfast. The breakfast cereal is good, but you are lacking protein. Eat an egg or other protein food in the morning once in a while. Cut down on extra stuff like mayonaise, ranch dressing and butter. Just use half the normal amount you already use. If you eat a sandwich use whole wheat bread and sneak some lettuce in with your sandwhich. Celery and apples are great for snacking. Cut out the crackers and have a few unsalted raw almonds instead...keeping with the good proteins that really fill you up. Most importantly, you need to excercise at least a few times a week if not more. Even a 30 minute walk would do wonders for you. Don't watch the scale...it is not an accurate measurment of health or fat. Instead measure your waist! This is where you can really tell if the fat is coming off. Remember, our bodies are biologically determined to be a certain weight and some people have bigger muscles or bone mass. Don't compare yourself to anorexic models or even others in your school. Your body is still developing into a woman, and you may grow taller even after highschool.

Everyone goes through those uncomfortable stages in their life at some point. Some go through them at a young age, some people not until they are adults. People sense how you feel about yourself and pick up on those vibes, so if you are feeling insecure they may view you as insecure. If you want other people to believe something different about you, you first have to believe in yourself. Think about all you have to offer as a friend and list on paper some of your best qualities. Confidence will build as you live what you know to be the best about you. Don't worry about pleasing or getting close with everyone. No one can or should do that. Everyone is different and relates in their own way and time. If you begin to light up from within and have something about you that you feel good about, you will attract others to you. Whenever you start getting scared or nervous, shift your concentration from yourself to the other person. Be a good listener and you will find yourself among friends before you know it.

It seems a bit overprotective, but it comes from real concern. There is probably few times you really need to wear tampons right now, anyway. I am sure she would let you wear them for swimming etc. It is not going to change your life by wearing them, anyway. She is most likely afraid you'll get toxic shock at worst or even an infection. There was a doctor on Oprah that said grown women come into his office all the time with infections because they did not remember to take the last tampon out!!! Gross, but I guess it can happen to adult women, even. When you do use them just use the lightest ones possible to prevent toxic shock and yes, change often and remember the last one. Now about missing a period...if you are not sexually active, it is most likely that you are just hormonally adjusting to a regular time, but if it continues to be very sporadic, then talk to mom or a doctor. Some girls can miss periods if they are not getting enough nourishment, so make sure you have enough good calories and vitamins in your diet to sustain your health and wellness.

Yes, because although I really don't know what happened and how bad it was, it is not good for you to carry around anger. Staying angry at someone is not truly empowering, although when you are first angry it seems like you are in control. Anger is a response to hurt feelings. You felt left out, got hurt, then decided, yes you decided to be angry about it. You could have chosen a different response than anger. More importantly you still can. Forgiveness is not about being a doormat or forgetting. It just means that you choose to let go of the anger inside of you. Can you look at the situation from the other's viewpoint? Was it intentionally an act to purposely hurt you, or was it just something that happened and you having your feelings hurt was the way you chose to feel about what happened between two other people. Do these people owe you an explanation for everything they do, or did you just wish they had not kept it a secret. Of course, you were eventually let in on it, and it did not cause you any harm, right? Then let it go and be a better person for it. Also, Mr. F should mind his own business and not try to dictate whom you choose to be friends with or whom you want to forgive. He is not a good friend if he wants you to stay angry. Anger is not good for anyone, especially the one being consumed by it.

At fourteen I think you are wise not to tie yourself to someone who is also too young to really commit at this point long-distance. Instead of thinking of it as an all or nothing bad thing, consider the fact that he is a great guy you never want to lose touch with and would love to keep seeing even if it is only friendship and maybe an occasional romantic moment. You should both be dating lots of people (that does not have to mean having sexual relationships) and whether or not you are in the same town, it is a good idea to let each other date freely without harsh resentments. Just be happy to have him in your life when it is possible, but don't stop having your own lives.

It was a one night stand, because you really did not know one another before, and unless you two really started dating and made a commitment, it would probably remain such. The fact that he did not kick you out of bed and tell you to get the hell out does not mean he is your boyfriend suddenly. Also, the age difference is a big one because although it is just three years, he is legally an adult and you are legally a child. If you had sex, he could be charged with raping a child even if the sex was consentual. It is really stupid for him to sleep with or mess around with anyone under 18. Something did happen and it would be stupid of you to act like nothing happened. You are not nothing. Your body and feelings are not nothing. If he acts like you and your body are nothing, then he is a big jerk. Avoid this scenario in the future by not getting carried away with a "man" you have no real intimacy with or commitment from. You will avoid getting used next time.

Sometimes it is only after we break up with someone that the courage to confront them and pour out our built up feelings comes flowing out. He has probably been feeling bad about the relationship for a long time and just lacked the guts to speak up. That is not your fault. No one in a relationship is perfect, but we are all responsible for our part in communicating. Learn from this experience. Maybe you could pay more attention to his or the next guy's feelings more and maybe he should have spoken up about what he likes and does not like a lot earlier. What a bummer that we waste so much time because we don't communicate with one another. You have a chance to change...you always will no matter what, but don't take on all the blame. He needs to learn to stand up for himself, too and not just quietly build up resentments and then blame you! I would have you think about if YOU really want HIM back...because unless he is willing to meet you half-way by being more open and honest about what he wants at the moment, then what is the point?

Jesus or no Jesus, most religions are not pro-lust outside the commitment of marriage. Religions do not have the power to define or prevent sin. A system of beliefs about the supernatural held as common thought amongst individuals will constitute a religion. Almost everyone agrees that the world is a safer place with rules and laws in it, such as traffic laws. However, most people also are guilty of breaking the law at sometime in their life. This does not mean they suddenly don't believe in the goodness and values of the traffic laws for instance, but that they were late for work and thought that the law did not need to apply to them at that time, like they are above the law when it suits them to be. We are all guilty, all "sinners" if you believe in moral law and not just legal law. Everyone, even the non-religious believe in some sort of moral laws or moral code. At the same time, we all are hypocrates when we break our own moral code. What is wrong for you, should not be right for me and vice-versa. If you believe that masterbation and pre-marital sex are fine, that is up to you, as long as you also think if is fine that your potential future partner is going around doing the same things. That is the hard part. We all want to marry a virgin and be sluts ourselves. We all want freedom and no rules for ourselves and everyone else to do what is right, and safe and lawful. If we all live for ourselves there is chaos. If we never do...well, we are Jesus or The Buddha or Mother Theresa or someone very much like that. Listen, if you don't believe in Jesus, no one can make you. Whatever you do or don't believe, just make sure that you are making the decisions in your own life based upon your own thoughts and experiences. Remember, life is bigger than any of us can really comprehend and there is something wonderful about this existance we are a part of...I don't care what you call it, just acknowledge it.

He is messing with you and only interested in the challenge when you say you are through...is any of that wrong? I think you know this and don't really need confirmation of the facts. What you do need is to believe in yourself and trust your own instincts. That little voice that says, "Well, maybe if I just hold on a few more months and he will come around...", is the same voice that tells you that vacation calories don't count and that you might die alone. None of it is true my dear.

All of the above, sort of. He is a guy and yes, most are looking for a piece...it's like the whole reason they wake up in the morning. You know he is on the rebound...that is just a fact, but is pretty much not that big of a deal at your age. Yes, he is digging you so far, but let's face it...our initial attractions are only so deep, and largely based on superficial things. What is it with girls that we have to know if he is going to be an angel or a devil right off the bat? Most guys are a mix of both, and you need to give him time to show his true colors...you can't know at this point. There is only one way to protect yourself, since we don't know much about this guy and that is to take it slow, don't put too much into this relationship or make it an all or nothing situation, where he has too be either your prince charming or the spawn of Satan. Just relax and get to know him without jumping into a physical relationship. If he demands or questions the hesitancy you have about getting too close too fast, then you will find out he was just in it for a piece. If you don't give it to him and he still wants to hang out, then he likes you. It is that simple.

Get over the popular group crap right now missie! Only you can box yourself in to one group or another. It is a stupid thing we do to one another and ourselves in highschool especially, and then we somehow figure out later how very idiotic all that nonsense was soon after. You are 13 and too young to start selling yourself short. He talks to you and you talk to him, right? Why not? Forget four years ago, when you were little. You are not that same little girl, right? The only stupid thing would be to miss an opportunity to go for someone you like, because of so-called social grouping. It is not like he is the prince of England, you go to the same school, live in the same town, and he probably doesn't even wipe his butt as good as you think, being that he is a nasty male. Just be yourself and know that no one is above you, no one.

Yes you are very normal sweetie! Plus, most kisses in highschool or below absolutely are below standard of what will be much better kissing later. So don't be jealous or worry over missing out on kissing...you could get better action kissing the mirror in most cases;0 Ha-Ha.
Take the opportunity to tell the guys you know and feel comfortable with that the most common kissing mistake guys make is kissing with too much tongue and slobbering...EWWWW! Tell them to slow it down and keep it light and soft. The girl should ALWAYS be the one to determine the speed and degree of intensity in making out anyway and you should never be rushed by a guy. The guy can make the first move, but the girl gets to take control of the speed and the brakes. Think of it like a car. He opens the door for her, he can pick the mood music and turn up the heater with his charm, but she is in the driver's seat controlling the speed, the brakes, the gearshift, the steering wheel everything. He is just lucky to be there along for the ride of his life!!!

Is this about dancing or getting with this guy..? It's okay, I will answer both. If you want to dance with good dancers, then pay attention and look for them. Once you spot them, move toward them and make a little eye-contact. You never have to throw yourself at a guy or grind on him. Just move within the area he is at and smile at him, once! If he is interested he will chase you, believe me. It only takes a little encouragement for a guy to pounce usually, so be careful. However, in the case of your friend's dancing partner that you want to get with at least on the dance floor....this is different because he already sorta knows you and won't be as forward. You are going to have to be more assertive in this situation and let him know it is wanted. He admitted that he can't read you, so this means you need to give him at least one very clear signal. Don't ever be afraid of going after what or whom you want. Not doing so and blowing your chances because of shyness or pride or some other lame excuse will only leave you with a thousand regrets....believer me!!! Be confident, you are a great dancer, you just need to believe in yourself and accept that everyone has a different dancing style. The best dancer is the one who is having the most fun!!! Let that be YOU next time!

This is such a seemingly simple and obvious question, but thankyou for asking it, because the answer is NOT simple and obvious like some people would assume. Friendship and caring mean different things to different people and these differences can lead to misunderstandings and hurt feelings. You may think a friend should be completely honest. Another person may think a friend should tell you only what you want to hear. Another person may think a friend is there to listen but not give any advice. Another person will think she is responsible for doing something about everything that bugs you. We are all such complex individuals that there are only general guidlines, but no surefire rules in friendship. Each person is different, so get to know that person and what it means to them, before you assume to know. Love and caring, friendship and loyalty are wonderful things that make life easier and worth living. It is worth your time and effort to get to know what friendship means to different people you like and go by that and by what you believe it means, also. Communication will alleviate the silly misunderstandings people get involved in. Talk about it, about different snenearios with people and you will hear many opinions. No one has the exact same definition of friendship, love, truth or anything else, even if at first it appears they do. Time and experience reveals our individual tastes and beliefs despite our efforts to convince others and ourselves that we are part of the "norm" or group we want to be associated. Celebrate the fact that you can have many many types of friendships and they can all be a little different and all of them can be satisfying on different levels.

You are going way too fast for him and that is because guys are slow in the arena of communication, maturity, emotional connections, inner-self awareness, other-person awareness, and so on! He will be confused as hell over you for a while, and probably is resentful of his last girlfriend because he did not get her either. Guys like this are going to have an extra hard time figuring girls out and how they are supposed to relate to the opposite sex. Is he worth your time and effort? Probably not unless you really are smitten with him and he is really into you. Otherwise take it super slow, maybe just stay friends for a while. He is too young and immature to be great dating material right now, and will not be a great boyfriend. He may have some nice qualities, but you have a better chance at seeing those develop if you remain friends and don't put any pressure on him at all. You are right to be wary of guys that talk smack against all their ex-girlfriends...they usually have a lot of problems accepting any responsibility for anything and will blame you in the end for whatever they do wrong in the relationship, too. You are wise to see this coming and steer clear or at least stay aware. Good luck! Remember, dating should be fun, so if it is work and no fun, then forget it!

You are right to worry about the issue of money and work. Love does not pay the bills. You both have a responsibility to your children to provide the best home you can for them. This does not mean a lot of money is necessary, but enough to provide a stable roof over their heads, clean clothes, food etc. The most important thing kids need is a loving home, with as little stress as possible. Are the kids better off with or without this man in their lives? Is he father material or just a boyfriend for you? You do deserve love and to have a life of your own and possibly marriage in the future if that is what you want, but you don't have to settle too soon. It is extremely hard to be a woman and stand on your own. Even in marriage, a woman has great times of lonliness and disappointments with her husband. Every woman and especially mothers have a huge responsibility to do what they know is right over what they feel they emotionally would like. A man will never fill up all the lonely places or be our prince charming. That is a fantasy that does not exist. You can still search out and find a man who shares your values and goals in life and who will be a great companion and friend through the years. This is more valuable than a hot romance that quickly fades when reality sets in. If this man will not work and will not talk and will not negotiate and will not listen, then what is it he is doing? If he is not doing the very things you need, then you need to decide what it is that is most important to you. Keeping him around or letting him go, so that there is room in your life for better. We have to let go, before we can receive more from the universe. Keep only people in your life that support your goals and values. The rest only drag you down. Life is short. Don't waste it waiting for someone to change. It will not happen. You can only decide for yourself how to proceed, but I wish you all the best.

Guys like clean sweat. Yeah, it is not for sale. It is a pheromone thing. This means you are bathed and clean, but not perfumed with anything artificial. Guys that are close enough to smell you, want to smell YOU. All humans have a particular scent and attractions are largely based on this unconscious desire to be near to someone we are smelling who turns us on naturally. Of course, sometimes we are repelled by a smell another person is attracted to biologically. Most people appreciate a light natural scent that does not conflict with your own chemistry, but compliments it. The best way to try perfumes is to apply a sample to your warm body and walk around with it a while before trying another. Ask for samples in the department store and try a different one everyday. Don't go by packaging or price. Do what smells right on you. Most of the time you will be attracted to someone who smells way different then you do...nature's way of helping us avoid incest...ewwww! My advice for attracting a guy by scent is to carry around chocolate chip cookies or a pumkin or apple pie. No man has ever resisted. Yeah, I am serious. Bring goodies to school and they will be on you like flies to poop!

****updated!
You are welcome. It is sad that you take genuine help and advice as just another lecture. This is probably why you have a tough time hearing anything from anyone who does not agree with you. Grow up, and you won't FEEL lectured. Continue on the path of plugging your ears and hearing and seeing only what you want to, and you will end up walking into traffic or off a cliff. Good luck, you will need it.
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It won't happen. No one will ever see her as you do. You are the one who is blinded by love and they are not. This does not mean she is a slut or that they are right. It does mean that you need to truly accept that she has earned her reputation by her actions...and they were regretful to say the least. Next time someone tells you not to be with her or calls her a slut, you can tell them that you can understand how they would feel that way, but that you have accepted that she made a mistake and have forgiven her. I hope for both your sakes, you will both use your brains from now on and not her body to get you out of difficult situations. This older guy used her and made fools of both of you. He should be prosecuted for statutory rape for having sex with a minor. You both need to come forward and talk to her parents and the local police. Otherwise, he continues to be a threat if not to both of you, to the public in general, to the next minor girl he rapes. Do the right thing and stand up for your girl and the next one.

"Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person they are almost indistinguishable. To say something you value deeply to another and to have him or her value it equally by listening to it carefully and apppreciatively is the most universal way of exchanging social interest or demonstrating affection." David Augsburger, CARING ENOUGH TO HEAR AND BE HEARD.


All sincere persons will be given thoughtful examination and reply. Please be specific about your situation as it applies to your question, the applicable information and facts necessary for me to properly assess your situation and give you the benefit of my knowledge and experience, which includes: experience/education with mentoring, relationship study, self help, spirituality, poetry, literature, philosophy, psychology, color theory, teaching, parenting, and debate that will be used to your advantage. I am concerned with offering an objective and realistic perspective more than ratings, because this will help YOU. Artificial sweetness is found in diet soda, not in my advice. If you feel that I did not understand your question or need more specifics to help, please let me know, but while all truth is subjective, questioners should be mature enough to hear answers not necessarily agreed with. If you are only looking for someone to tell you just what you want to hear, then you may not be ready for my advice. I believe in personal responsibility, self and other awareness and your power and ability to recreate and redirect your own life. All our misery and joy begins and ends within ourselves, but our willingness to be open can bring the positive or negative energy we seek. If you or someone you know is open to positive help, the resources and caring individuals needed are available now.

http://www.coolnurse.com/

http://www.4woman.gov/violence/

http://www.childhelpusa.org/about/programs-and-services/childhelp-national-child-abuse-hotline-1-800-4-a-child

drug/alcohol abuse help go here: http://www.4drugabuse.com/addiction-treatment.html

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/1800-273-TALK(8255)
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is a 24-hour, toll-free suicide prevention service available to anyone in suicidal crisis. If you need help, please dial 1-800-273-TALK (8255). You will be routed to the closest possible crisis center in your area. With over 120 crisis centers across the country, our mission is to provide immediate assistance to anyone seeking mental health services. Call for yourself, or someone you care about. Your call is free and confidential. -----------------------------------

http://www.kidscrisis.com/

http://www.teenadviceonline.org/gethelp/numbers.html

You can call the National Sexual Assault Hotline, operated by RAINN, 24 hours a day, free & confidential. 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)

For info. on birth control etc.
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/

The Girls and Boys Town National Hotline is the only hotline that children and parents can call with any problem at any time:
Open 24-hours a day, every day at 1-800-448-3000

Spanish-speaking counselors available; translation services for 100+ languages

TTY line available for the hearing-impaired at 1-800-448-1833

Counselors can help find services and agencies in the callers' local community

Help at the End of the Line
Callers talk to highly-trained, professional counselors who listen and give "right now" answers. They're sympathetic people who have expertise dealing with these and other problems:

depression

suicide

running away

parenting problems

relationship concerns

physical, sexual, and emotional abuse

chemical dependency

mental health

anger

aggressive behavior

Toll Free
Operated by Father Flanagan's Boys' Home, hotline services are free of charge to every parent and child in all 50 states, the District of Columbia, U.S. territories, and Canada.

Toll-Free: 1-800-448-3000

http://www.sex-ed101.org/links.html

http://www.anorexicweb.com/anorexicweb.html

Report Child Abuse
Childhelp USA National Child Abuse Hotline
1-800-4-A-CHILD TDD: 1-800-2-A-CHILD



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All our motivations stem from two: Love or Fear. When in turmoil or indecision, ask yourself from which of these you are acting. If you want an honest response outside of yourself, you need to first be honest within yourself. Bless you on your journey!

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