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envious of friend
22/f
Ok my best friend Sabrina and I love to go dancing. and we have to drive an hour out of way to do so. It is one thing we love to do to cut loose. The thing is I don’t really know how to dance “with guys“. But I know how to keep rhythm and a beat. I cant stand being out on the dance floor and others that cant follow a simple beat. Well Sabrina can dance. She is 36 and she knows how to really dance like up against guys and stuff. Well she has a way that she always manages to get the guys that CAN dance. And me I keep getting stuck with the guys telling me I can really dance but cant move to a beat to save their life. It really drives me nuts. We have a friend (Brett) that we see there and they are sort of like dance partners. We all have a lot of fun I and I have told Sabrina that I feel like a third wheel when they are dancing like the way they do. And me I would love to be able to dance like that but scared that the other person will get the wrong idea that there is something more then dancing. But… I have started to like Brett because we have a lot in common and he is a lot of fun. But since he is mostly dances with Sabrina I think he has a thing for her. And he is about my age. and I have discussed this with Sabrina afterwards and she tells me I shouldn’t be envious because she feels nothing for him since she is happily married and no problem dancing with others. because it is just a dance. When Sabrina is not dancing Brett and I don’t dance like they do but really let loose. I think it fun to try to keep up with him because he can really dance and likes to make me laugh by doing something silly. And she also told me he just doesn’t really know how to read me on how I would react if he tried to make a move. How can I show that I have an interest without seeming too forward because I am not really forward at all? Oh and plus we wont see him till the end of next month so any suggestions would be great because I have the time to work up to them. Thanks I really appreciate ANYTHING anyone has to say.
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Is this about dancing or getting with this guy..? It's okay, I will answer both. If you want to dance with good dancers, then pay attention and look for them. Once you spot them, move toward them and make a little eye-contact. You never have to throw yourself at a guy or grind on him. Just move within the area he is at and smile at him, once! If he is interested he will chase you, believe me. It only takes a little encouragement for a guy to pounce usually, so be careful. However, in the case of your friend's dancing partner that you want to get with at least on the dance floor....this is different because he already sorta knows you and won't be as forward. You are going to have to be more assertive in this situation and let him know it is wanted. He admitted that he can't read you, so this means you need to give him at least one very clear signal. Don't ever be afraid of going after what or whom you want. Not doing so and blowing your chances because of shyness or pride or some other lame excuse will only leave you with a thousand regrets....believer me!!! Be confident, you are a great dancer, you just need to believe in yourself and accept that everyone has a different dancing style. The best dancer is the one who is having the most fun!!! Let that be YOU next time!
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Sabrina is your best friend. You should be able to talk to her about this especially since you're 22 years old. If you were younger I might suggest something else, but if you're going to get anywhere in the world you're going to have to be able to talk to people. Tell Sabrina that you're interested in Brett. I'm sure that she'll be more than willing back off of him the next time you go dancing especially since she isn't interested in him at all. It's not going to ruin her night, it might even make it even more fun for her to know that she helped out. If she doesn't, excuse my language, but she's a really shitty friend.
You say you don't want to seem too forward. Everyone around you is dancing. You dancing with him is not going to seem too forward unless you do something else to make it too forward. Asking for his number, riding home with him, touching him inappropriately...that would be too forward. Just dancing with him isn't forward at all.
Talking with Sabrina about your feelings for Brett may be a little awkward and uncomfortable. Again though, you're going to have to suck it up and get used to it. Things are going to get harder and harder for you if you can't. You'll never get what you want in any area of your life. Stuff like this should be really easy for you to do by now. If I sound mean, I'm sorry. It's just that I was much like you a few years back and I hated myself. I blamed it all on being shy and introverted, but that's no excuse. I didn't stick up for myself in any situations. There's a difference from being shy and being a pushover. I got walked all over and I never got anywhere with anyone. I'm still shy and introverted, however, I can now hold my own socially. The world is a social place. If you want a job in a few years, you're going to have to join the world pretty soon. You deserve certain things in your life. You'll never get any of it if you can't learn to get through awkward, uncomfortable situations. Just go out and do this. You'll feel really good about yourself after you do. It will be so exhiliarating, I would know. Again, I'm sorry if you take all this the wrong way. I just think that it was something you needed to hear and it was the best way to get things across and help you. If everything is spoonfed to you you'll never see a reason to change how you operate. The only reason I got out of the shell I had built around myself was that someone cared enough about me to yell at me and tell me how ridiculous I was being and how I would never get anywhere if I kept acting the way I was. That was one of the best things that ever happened to me. The best of luck to you and one more time, I'm sorry if I offended you, that was not my intention at all. <3
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