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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.

The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.

advice

I'm 14, female, and oddly addicted to porn. I can't stop watching it. Yet, I have a hard time having an orgasm. Is it normal? I mean, I feel embarrassed after I watch it, but I can't help it. Also, I've been waking up and noticing that I'm really wet. What does it mean?

Additional response: Wet dreams are a part of life and a part of teenage life caused by all the new hormones brought on by puberty. As your body adjusts to these hormones the wet dreams will subside though it is possible you will have them throughout your life; though not as many as you may be having to day. They are totally normal and really nothing to worry about or anything mom will ask you about if your panties are being stained. She is well aware of what you are going through and I doubt would embarrass you in this manner. So relax and enjoy the feeling.

One way you might diminish the dreams is to relieve the sexual tension through masturbation. Fingering yourself before going to sleep. This may help relieve the hormone build up and relieve the wetness you wake with.

Your 14 in the throws of puberty to be "addicted to porn" as you put it is all a normal part of being a 14 year old teenager. I'm old enough to be your grandfather and in my day we did not have the Internet, we had to try and steal the old mans copy of Playboy magazine, Playgirl had not been thought of yet. Great for the guys not much for the girls. There were some 8mm & 16mm porn movies available but they were hard to come buy.

Fact is that teenagers from the beginning of time when they enter puberty become sexually curious. Porn is a normal way to satisfy much of the curiosity.

Waking up wet in the morning most likely means while you slept you had the female version of a wet dream.

A wet dream is when you are sleeping, you mostly will not remember, you have an erotic or sexy dream. When boys have them they actually have an ejaculations, women get wet for that is what happens when they have an orgasm. It is normal; your body has relieved itself of some of your sexual tension.

My best friend has had a history of depression and engaging in risky behaviors. She was doing well for a little while, but recently, after breaking up with her boyfriend, she's been struggling again and slipping back into some behaviors. she has been sexting with guys she hardly knows on the internet, stripping over the webcam, etc. now she's planing on meeting up with her ex boyfriends roommate to have sex with him. But seems to be aware of the consequences of doing it, but it doesn't bother her. I should also add that she's only 16.
I know this all sounds crazy, and maybe it is, but I'm really concerned about her. I don't want her to get hurt and I feel like that's what she is setting herself up for. I love her dearly, and I don't know what I should do as a friend. Should I tell her not to go meet up with this guy? Should I express to her my concerns? What would be the best thing to do?

I agree with the previous advisor. I know you feel that if you go to her parents you will be betraying her and may lose her as a friend. Is it not better to lose her friendship then the possibility of attending her funeral for this is a real possibility if you keep her confidence.

I'm not trying to scare you by what I wrote above. If your friend is suffering from bipolar disorder or other depressive issues there is the real possibility she can find herself in something she cannot handle and be really hurt.

How hurt can she get? There are cases where girls in her condition have been seriously hurt and some have died. This is why it is so important that you let her parents know what you have observed. At home in front of her parents she may act entirely normal to them. Away from home in front of you and others is what her parents do not see and need to know to keep her safe.

She may even be off her medication without her parents knowing. Two reasons for this especially in people with bipolar disorder is:

First: When the meds work they feel good and don't think they need them and stop taking them. They fall back to the point they need them but at that time they will not accept that fact.

Second: Antidepressants, especially strong ones make you feel lethargic and out of step with the rest of the world. People on this type of medication feel the cure is worse than the disease and stop taking their medication.

It is possible that either of these things can be at work here and she can and is hiding it from her parents. You have to be adult enough here to value losing her friendship in order to save her from hurting herself and to inform her parents of anything she has told you or what you have observed.

My moms boyfriend belittles me almost every chance he gets and comes up with some wild story to make himself sound right.Im to the point of homocidal thoughts and or suicide i hope it doesnt go so far as that but my mom hardly listens to a word i say and like he gives a shit about how i feel... or he wouldnt be comming up with lies to impress if he did. how do i deal with this? or how can I get away with murder? note he has enough brain issues that one punch to the head and it'll cave in but he IS coherant and understands right and wrong or so he thinks

Unlike Hollywood movies in real life no one ever gets away with murder. Eventually the law catches up with you.

Having suicidal and homicidal thoughts though is a sign of deep depression. Based on what you have written it is understandable that you would be depressed. If you are feeling this way as you are reading this I want you to pick up the phone and dial 911. Tell the call taker you are having suicidal and homicidal thoughts. The call taker will stay on the phone with you while help is sent to you.

The help that is being sent is being sent to help you not harm or hurt you. It will include the Police and the Fire Department. Most likely a engine company from the closest fire station and an ambulance. The purpose for or of the police is to make sure neither mom or her boyfriend in anyway try to keep the firefighters and ambulance personnel from helping you and taking you to a hospital for proper medical help.

Being mentally abused is as bad if not worse then being physically abused. Either of which being done to a child is illegal. You can if you want talk to a trusted teacher or school principle if you are not feeling suicidal at this time. They have procedures to follow if you confide in them.

You can also call the police yourself or go to a police station or fire station which are safe havens for children and ask for help. I suggest talking to a teacher or principal if you can as they can be of the most help.

There is also a National suicide prevention hot line you can call; 1-800-273-TALK (8255). No matter what problems you are dealing with, they want to help you find a reason to keep living. By calling 1-800-273-TALK (8255) you’ll be connected to a skilled, trained counselor at a crisis center in your area, anytime 24/7.

Please write back and let us know how you are doing.

I have an irregular menstral cycle, i dont know when its coming or going but when it does come it usually last for three days well anyway my boyfriend and i had unprotected sex and immediately after my period came and i recently found out that he ejaculated inside of me. Am i possibly pregnant ?

I do not agree with kittenlover2000. While there is a possibility your pregnant, there is also a greater possibility you are not. It all depends on when you are fertile. Meaning when do you ovulate. Which is when an egg is ejected from your ovary and in position to be fertilized by a sperm.

For most women, up to 80% or more this occurs during the middle 14 days of their cycle. For the remaining 20% of women it can happen at anytime even during their period. It is a very small window of about 3 days that you are fertile with the being most fertile at the beginning of the window.

To put your mind at ease you should purchase a home pregnancy test kit. Follow the instructions on the kit as to when to use it.

A little grandfatherly advice follows: In the future never, ever have sex without the boy using a condom. Even if he pulls out before he ejaculates he still emits a small amount of semen in some fluid that during sex that acts like a lubricant. The male has no control; over this and hardly ever feel it emitting. There is enough semen in this fluid to impregnate a women. Also a condom is effective in preventing many of the STDs from being transferred from the male to female. Remember when you have unprotected sex you are having sex with everyone he has had unprotected sex with in the past.

Next look up a law called HIPPA. In that law young adults 14 years and older have medical confidentiality for their reproductive health. HIPPA is a Federal Law and this confidentiality is granted so young adults like you will seek medical treatment when needed for their sexual or reproductive health with out worry of parental knowledge, intervention or permission. Under this law only you can be in the exam room with the doctor and nurse. Mom waits out side if she is with you. Mom does not have to know of your visit.

While you are with the doctor you have the freedom to discuss anything you need secure in the knowledge that the doctor cannot tell your parents. This includes asking for birth control. Since you are sexually active and have not given your age I suggest you take advantage of this law and ask your GYN for birth control.

15/f i've wanted birth control for a year becasue i honestly get the worst leg cramps when on my period. im not dramatic at all about physical pain i can take it but it literally is so bad and my mood is horribly like one second im so happy the next im crying and i eat like crazy. i just would like my period to be a little more regulated. my two older sisters take it becasue they are sexually active so they need to take it, but they said dont take it for your period because you could gain weight and your moods could be even worse. but now that im dating my boyfriend for a while i dont know when it could happen but probably sooner than later. im very mature for my age and i put a lot of thought into it. so i am going to the gyno soon for something because i think a have a yeast infection. but anyway..should i just ask the doctor about birth control? like i know my sister is on planned parenthood so i would ge ton that. but im a little worried that my mom would freak that i would be having sex but i mean im trying to be really responsible and careful and i dont want it to hurt me and my moms relationship. he would also wear a condom but still i want birth control so what do i say? because i also dont want to put myself in that position that it just happens when im not on birth control i want to at least be prepared. advice? thanks

Since you turned 14 you have had absolute medical confidentiality when it comes to your reproductive system. This has been granted to all young adults 14 years of age and older under a Federal Law called HIPPA. HIPPA stands for Health Information Personal Protection Act.

Congress granted this right; which has been upheld by the U.S. Supreme Court. So that young people will seek medical treatment and speak openly with their doctors for concerns with their reproductive health.

What this means is under this law you are of the age where you can make appointments and see your doctor with or without parental permission. Your mother or anyone else may not be in the exam room with you other than the doctor and the nurse who by law may not tell anyone what is said, what you are examined or treated for without your written permission.

If you ask the doctor for birth control the doctor cannot refuse unless there is a specific medical reason you should not be on birth control. The same is true for the pharmacy they must fill the prescription and they may not inform your parents what that prescription is.

On your next visit to your GYN just tell the nurse you want to take advantage of your HIPPA rights while visiting with the doctor. If mom is with you she will be asked to wait in the waiting room.

Soo i wore a white pants and i got my period stain on it. How do I GET IT OFF. fast. And its not that fresh. What the best thing that would help. Please hurry and thanks

DO NOT USE PEROXIED as it may discolor your pants.

Rinse in cold water holding the stain under the faucet using the water pressure to force as much of the stain from the fabric. Use any detergent, Tide is a good one and a color fast bleach and let the pants soak for a bit before putting them in the washer.

Another way is, an do not be embarrassed, is to follow our directions about cold water rinsing. If the stain or a stain spot is still there take the pants to a dry cleaners. They have pretreatments they use that will lift that stain. I say not to be embarrassed as this is something they are use to seeing and they will not embarrass you. They will treat the stain and clean your pants.

IF you are going to wash your pants or use bleach make sure to check the label first to make sure the pants are machine washable and if bleach can be used on the fabric.

Im 21, my boyfriend is 22. We have been together for over 3 years. We have been doing a sort of long distance for 2 years as i have attended college away from home. I am recently getting frustrated at the fact that we have been together so long, and he is making no plans or mentions to move to the next step, such as moving in. I am an hour away going to college and have a senior year and masters left. He is currently finishing his associates at our community college at home and has no plans after job wise or continuing education. I know he is only 22, do you think this is normal for his age being confused, or do you think that he should be able to tell me what he wants and should be considering the next step.I have mentioned to him how I cant just wait around, but i dont wanna put to much pressure because he is only 22, but at the same time how do i know i am not wasting my own time?

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. This is not always true. Also not always true is that a 22 year old male has matured enough or is as mature as you are at 21, so his being confused about his future can be somewhat normal.

The differences are; you are away from home living on your own in a somewhat structured environment though still mainly responsible for yourself. This has forced you to mature in many ways he has not. He is living at home with his parents just as he did in high school.

You two are seeing the world form two different prospectives. He from the security of his parents home and you from a semi-structured environment of College where you are required to be more self-reliant. This is a major difference and forces you to mature faster then him.

Now long distance romances are hard to maintain in any situation. A one hour drive between you is not all that far. One of you should be able to make that drive if you both have access to cars on weekends. Of course you did not say if either of you or both of you have part-time jobs that would make this hard or even impossible.

If the part-time jobs are not the problem then what is. If cars are available a one hour drive says you two are about 45 to 55 miles apart. Given the average fuel economy for today's cars that's between 3 and 5 gallons of gas or between $15 and $20 cost for a trip. Why has one of you not made the trip once or twice a month?

When you answer that question, if it is a question; since you have not mention how often you visit each other. Then you will know if you are wasting your time.

I just found that my sons English teacher in tenth grade for this semester is only 21 years old (female), My son is 16. I do not feel comfortable with my son having a teacher that young and a person that young being in charge of a class that includes young boys 15-16 years old.

She probably looks no different than a student/kid.

I went and confronted my son about this and told him about my discomfort and how I would prefer to switch him to another teacher. He told me not to do so in almost a desperate type of way. This makes me suspicious. Why would he care so much about having to switch teachers?

Should I pull him out of this class or take any other type of action? People called me names and made fun of me when I asked about this elsewhere, but I don't care. I bet there are more people who feel the way I do, they are just too afraid to say it

Funny I had the exact same situation when I was in High School maybe even more so. I went to a school that was both a JR.(middle school) and Senior High School. When I was in twelfth grade one of the teachers, for me it was math, was a senior when I was in eight grade. Not only that she lived and of course had grown up in our town. We saw her at the town pool each summer in her bikini.

I will say all of us boys had the hots for her even the ones who had her for math. She was the most strict teacher in that department. Now she handled our ardor for her in a most unique way. During the senior lunch period she walked in with her boyfriend a Marine Gunnery Sergeant in full Dress Uniform. That cooled us all down.

From my point of view, having been in the same position, you have little if anything to worry about. Yes I understand what you might be thinking. Not all 21 year old teachers, male or female are or have child molestation on their minds. Most if not all are excellent teachers.

If she is using her youth and sex appeal to keep the boys attention, as long as it is only for keeping their attention on the subject matter. I see nothing wrong with keeping your son in her class. To pull him out will leave him open to ridicule from others something far worse than your present fears.

Monitor your sons activities. If you see any dramatic changes and suspect anything is happening between him and this teacher that is not course related. Report it to the principal. Just make sure of your facts for you could be sued by her if your wrong. Even pulling you son out of her class would require you to tell the principle why, which could place her job in jeopardy. This too leaves you open to being sued if she is dismissed over your objections to her teaching.

As I said I understand your concerns. Legally concerns are just that. Facts on the other hand can stand up to scrutiny. If you don't have facts to back up your concerns you place your own financial well being in jeopardy.

Just as a side note: The young teachers are better teachers as they have not yet reached the burnout stage. They are energetic and want to teach. They are up on all the latest teaching methods and class room studies. Most of all they too must continue their education for another 5 years to earn their full teaching credentials in most states after leaving college as a Masters in Education is now required by moist states plus in service education.

Understand what you're saying but I think I can figure it out. It seems now when she said "oh her mom is the one being bossed around now" it was more just in a teasing way and just trying to lighten things up instead of a malicious way. I think that is all right

You know your daughter better than I do. I cannot say if she was teasing or if she was being malicious. I felt then and still do that what she said was the foremost false bravado meaning she was putting up a false front for you.

As I have said before since I do not know either one of you I believe the right thing to do is to get your daughter some counseling. A trained counselor will be able to work with her and give you the answers that you were looking for. I am not a doctor I cannot give you the answers you were looking for in an educated manner that a counselor an. I think is this the best way for you and your wife to resolve any issues you have with your daughter and the way she is handeling your wife being in prison

Im thinking on finding a guy and trying anal sex. from what I have heard, it is very painful. Is it really painful??? If so, how can I make it less painful???

It can but it does not have to. It really depends on how much you can relax, the amount of lubrication you use and the care and skill of your partner. Also so in this area size matters a lot. A guy with a smaller penis, in girth, will be more comfortable for you.

22/m
Hi,

I seem to get really nervous-almost scared about talking in groups. It's weird because if I'm talking to someone one on one it's fine usually. But when the attention of everyone is on me, I turn bright red, my voice cracks, and I start panicking. It's also quite because often it happens when I'm in a professional environment with friends, e.g. a training session with my colleagues.

It usually starts when I have to introduce myself, and talk about myself. I've tried everything you would expect- picture everyone naked, relax, breathe, do it often (introductions etc), remember everyone wants you to succeed and to calm down, pretend noone is around, etc etc.

I've always been shy, but I remember when in high school- I would always volunteer to speak in debates in my school club- I don't know where our c why things turned. I was willing to let it go as a flaw, but it's starting to affect my career now, to the extent of me nearly calling in sick just so I don't have to do it.

Seriously, any help will be welcome - I'm desperate for solutions!

Thanks.

Many of us have that problem. I have the same problem although I do much better in front of strangers then when I was in front of people I know.

I found that practice, practice, practice by rehearsing in front of a mirror helped. By knowing my material to present solidly so that I did not have to follow my notes or refer to a written presentation helped a lot. I would also try to find, when in front of my work group, a really good friend I could make eye contact with, this also helped.

The only other thing I can offer is to take, if it is still offered. The Dale Carnegie Public Speaking Course. It is a wonderful course though a bit expensive. This course does help those of us afflicted with such problems you and I have.

The biggest problem with making a presentation in front of friends and coworkers is the anxiety over looking foolish or failing in front of them. This is where practice, rehearsing and in depth knowledge of your subject matter is of great importance.

When I finally realized this and had to stand up before my co-workers and my boss. I would say to myself. Okay guys bring it on, give me your best shot, your the ones who will crash and burn. You would be surprised as I began to believe myself I got more confidence in myself in front of them and the problems disappeared. Even my manager took note of this and made mention of this to me.

Hi,i am extremly depressed,sad.Its been like that for about 3years and im going to be 15 this year(im a girl),but i dont know if i can take it anymore,i really want to find a reason to live,believe me i am trying,but there's nothing,i decided to kill myself this summer,maybe even earlier,i dont like this world,i dont like the people,the only ones that matter are my parents,they were the only reason i didnt kill myself earlier,but i cant take it anymore,it hurts so much,i dont think that i can be fixed,its too late,i am broken. I dont really know why i wrote this,i guess i have a need to tell it.

You wrote this because what you want is help not suicide. I know this because I know depression hurts, I've been there. I can't remember suffering any greater pain then when I was depressed. Depression also makes you see things in a very warped manner not like they or it really are.

You are not fixable, I was not fixable. You have taken the first and the biggest step by admitting you are depressed and in your own way asking for help.

There are many ways to get help.

First: If you are feeling suicidal: Call 911 and tell the call taker you are feeling suicidal. Help will be sent to you.

Second: Call the suicide prevention hot line. Their number is 1-800-273-TALK. No matter what problems you are dealing with, they want to help you find a reason to keep living. By calling 1-800-273-TALK (8255) you’ll be connected to a skilled, trained counselor at a crisis center in your area, anytime 24/7. All calls are confidential.

Third: Talk to your parents if you can. Tell them how you feel, let them help you.

No one is ever so broken by depression that they can't be fixed with the right medication and therapy. Please trust me by my telling you this. I have been where you are and I am now in a much better place. I learned what has caused me to become depressed and how to deal with it in a proper and constructive manner. If I can do this at my advanced age so can you.

Please write back and let me know your okay.

how getting a virgin to have sex

Sex and virginity for a girl is very different from that of a guy. Guys can get an erection and be ready for sex if a girl smiles at them. Sex for young teenager boys is a lust not love thing.

For girls sex, especially a virgin, sex has to have meaning. She has to feel there is a true love relationship. She has to feel safe and secure in the surroundings she is going to have sex in. Most of all she has to feel she is not going to get pregnant.

Most girls will not give up their virginity to the first guy that says they love them. Also more girls today are not having sex until they are much older, according to a recent surveys. Girls do not feel the same need as boys to have sex. Though your life can be ruined just as much as the girls if you impregnate her.

With pubescent boys the need for sexual release is hormonally driven. That relief can be had through masturbation, mutual masturbation, handjobs, oral sex. Intercourse at your age is something neither you or the girl are truly mature enough for. As I said your need is hormonally driven.

You are not the one that runs the risk of pregnancy. My advice is never force, conspire or harass a girl for sex. Not only is it morally wrong it is illegal. Their are a great many other ways to relieve your sexual tension without having intercourse.

F/30/US

This is long. I'm sorry.

We met about 2 years ago and promptly started dating. Things got pretty serious; we kind of lived together. Healthiest functioning relationship either of us have ever been in.

We both suffered emotional abuse as children and battle chronic depression; we deal the best we can. Shit went south when he started a hellish job. For a while he at least talked to me about it and I tried to help him the best I could. Eventually our relationship stagnated. No intimacy (neither emotional/physical). Neither of us knew what to do. Neither of us had the will to fight.

Last June I ended it. He said he understood, I cried, he held me. We said we'd stay friends because we both still love each other.

For about a month we didn't really speak. Eventually we started hanging out again and discovered that we are awesome friends. He started looking to date again so I did the same. Sometimes I wondered if we had made a mistake; sometimes I was jealous, but I want him to be happy, even if he's happy with someone else.

I had a brief fling with a random guy. He briefly dated a girl we'll call "C" but she didn't seem to return his feelings. We went to a bar one night and he saw a cute girl, bought her a drink, they chatted for a minute but she wasn't interested. We got drunk. While we waited for the cab, he asked if I wanted to be friends with benefits. I asked him if he thought doing so would complicate our friendship. He said no and kissed me. We went to his house and had sex. He told me that he missed me and loved me, but didn't express any interest in getting back together. The next morning, we had sex again and then he started acting awkward (shut down), so I left.

Not too long after that he had a brief fling with a random girl and hooked up with another friend. He told me about it; I was jealous but said nothing because we are only FWBS. Not too long after that, I decided that I don't want to date anyone. Not too long after that, he decided the same.

Since then: we spend a lot of time together and have become closer. Most of the time we are just friends. Sometimes we sleep together (5 times since we separated) and, emotionally, it is, usually, very intense. Sometimes he shuts down afterward, sometimes he doesn't.

2-3 months ago, I dreamt I was at his house and another girl showed up, unannounced. He didn't answer the door, but he called her and told her that she needed to leave. After she left, he told me that they screwed around every now and then. I wasn't upset but I asked him why he had not told me about her before. He explained that I meant more to him than she did and he was afraid I wouldn't understand. This dream struck me as particularly odd because he hasn't mentioned another female in months.

Some context: he uses sex as a crutch for his crippled self-esteem. Before we dated he slept with over 100 a women and had never really been in a long-term relationship before. While we dated, he would often make me jealous to buoy his self-esteem. He would talk, in detail, about his previous sexual conquests and use his friendships with other females to drive me batshit crazy. He would never admit to any of this; I'm not even sure he was aware of what he was doing or why.

Recently he asked me about my expectations regarding our relationship. I told him that I love him more than I have ever loved anyone; that he is my best friend. I also explained that I do not expect for us to get back together anytime soon, if ever. I told him that I felt, for a while, that he was angry with me for breaking up with him, that I am still afraid that he doesn't really understand my reasons for doing so, and that I have never broached the topic because he hasn't expressed any interest in getting back together. He told me that he also loves me more than he has ever loved anyone else; that I am his best friend. He said that he had gotten over our break-up months ago, but that he thought it was easier for him because he has lost so many loved ones in the past. He told me that he thought it was possible for us to be together again one day, but that he didn't want to date me again until I finished college because he felt that I was changing too rapidly. I said that I feel the same because I do.

Yesterday I was at his house, we were just hanging out like we usually do. He mentioned (and not randomly, she fit into the context of the conversation) a "friend" that he "used to fuck around with" and, now, "occasionally hangs out with" from time to time. I immediately suspected that he was talking about C. And so, I asked him, "Are you talking about C?" He said that he was and seemed bewildered that I knew she existed. ("I told you about her?")I asked if I was complicating matters by being at the house at the time. He said that I wasn't and promptly dropped the subject.

I don't even know what I'm asking. Maybe I just needed to vent. Maybe I just want help putting the situation into perspective. I don't know how I feel anymore, and I don't know what to do. I love him; I have no desire to be anything more than what we are right now... I'm curious about what she is to him, but I'm not jealous. Not really. I think what bothers me... Why didn't he tell me before? Why did he suddenly stop talking about girls, full stop?

I feel like something very strange is going on. Then again, this whole situation has been rather strange for a while.

Thanks for reading.

I feel you two have a very complicated relationship. One that none of us are even close to being qualified to advise on. You and he both say you love each other. You say your not jealous of "C" though I think deep down you may be. Your friends with benefits because neither of you cannot find another relationship that is equally as satisfying. Did that mean just sexually or inclusive of sex.

The one thing I do agree is the right decision is to not move forward until you finish college. You did not say if he is college educated or not though you are being college educated. The person you will truly be will not emerge until you finish college. Each year until them you will mature in different ways and this can become a wedge between you. Your relationShip has enough complications you do not need to add more.

Should you both want to try to understand and fix these complications. I would recommend couples counseling, both individual and together.

You said you may just be venting. A good counselor can help you understand why you need to vent, what it means and help you decide how to move forward. We cannot do this with you in this type of forum.

So my dad hates me and he's trying to always find excuses to not have me in this house anymore. I honestly would be better off without him.

He hates me and I hate him. He's a jerk. Whenever I'm sick, he doesn't believe me. When I feel ill, he doesn't care or believes me. He doesn't care. Period.

He buys me what I need because he wants to look like a good father to my mom and family. It's not true! I want to live here, but without him. I love my family; Just not him.

I don't want to "be mean to him" anymore or "be a dissapointment", so how can I just fully ignore him?! I'm just starting to get scared to sleep or live with him.

I somehow feel there may be more to this then what you are,at this time, willing to tell us. Even though I am old enough to be your grandfather I know or feel this way for I grew up with a similar father. He blamed me for everything that was wrong in his life for my coming into this world was an accident which his father,even though my parents were married for three years, forced him to man up too.

From a legal stand point there is not much you can do about this situation unless he is physically, mentally or sexually abusing you. If this is true then you have every right, even as a minor, to contact the police.

If your not being abused in anyway you are sort of stuck for the next 3 years. Until you are 18 you have no choice but to live in his home. I tried to ignore my father and it just doesn't work. The tension it puts on the rest of the family is horrendous. The best you can do is to try to peacefully coexist with him. By that I mean is to stay out of his way as much as possible. Answer him politely when he speaks to you. Nothing says you need to speak with him unless their is something that specifically needs his attention or permission.

I know how hard this is for you, for as I have said above I have been there and I have the mental scars to show for it. If you have a good relationship with your mom you should and could talk with her about therapy with a good psychologist.

For one thing therapy will give you a safe outlet to speak your mind without fear of anything getting back to your parents as anything you say stays is confidential and cannot go back to anyone. Maybe the therapist will be able to get dad in therapy which is really what he needs to deal with whatever problems he has in whatever is wrong between you two.

As a father myself I don't feel any parent can ever actually hate their child, even my father. What I feel is that a parent can lose respect for their children, fall out of love with them but to actually build a hate for them, no. To me this would be an indication of a serious mental problem on their part for which they should seek help.

For now, without further information my best advice is to avoid him whenever you can. As long as you live in his house you will not be able to totally ignore him as this will only lead to more trouble for you.

I am constantly abused physically at home what can i do

kittenlover2000 has given you the best advice which I cannot improve upon.

Physical abuse of a minor in someones care is a crime; even if it is your parent or a sibling. There are laws to protect you. If you fear calling the police from home when this happens you can go to school and go to the principal for help. Ask that the police be called. You can also go to a neighbor you may trust if it is a non school day. If there is a fire station in your neighborhood you can go there as fire stations are safe havens for children.

The fastest way to get help is to dial 911. Once you tell the 911 operator what has happened. Police and a fire department ambulance will be dispatched. If it is a parent who is abusing you they will not be able to turn the police away. The police will insist on seeing you and confirming for themselves that you are safe and unharmed. Show them any bruises or if the harm is sexual abuse tell them. They will have the fire department rake you to the hospital for treatment and evidence gathering.

If the abuse is sexual DO NOT, change your clothes, do not change the sheets on the bed where this takes place. Most important is not to shower as evidence the police need is on your body that the hospital will gather painlessly. Call 911 as soon as it is safe for you to do so.

Please write back and let us know you are safe.

21/female

Okay so me and my bf broke up 2 months ago. We went about a month and a half with out speaking to each other. He texted me first just to check how I was doing and then recently he asked me to go to a concert with him. then he asked me to spend easter with him and his family. And then I spent his birthday with him and his family again. I don't know what to make of the situation. Im getting mixed signals and I don't know why he keeps inviting me around him and his family.

There are two possible answers to your question. The most obvious one to me is: His family very much likes you and had expected the two of you would eventually marry. For whatever reasons he has he has not summoned up the courage to tell them you and he have split up. This only answers the question of family gatherings. What throws a ringer into this is asking you to go to the concert which was not I'm assuming a family event.

The second answer is: He still has feelings for you. By asking you to the concert he took you someplace where there were a great many people around and questions about your relationship would be hard to bring up. The same is true with inviting you to his family gatherings. When around his family I'm sure both you and he would do your best to keep this family out of whatever problems there may be between you.

Now assuming he was the one who broke off the relationship both of my answers give him the opportunity to reassess his reasons for breaking up with you. That maybe in the heat of anger he feels he did something stupid and now is looking for an opportunity to reestablish what you both once had.

Fact of the matter is one of you is going to have to be the bigger party her and ask the other what is going on. Our we getting back together or is he just looking for a booty call; again an assumption on my part.

The biggest part of any relationship be it platonic or sexual; both partners have to communicate their needs to each other. what do they want from this relationship and where do they see it going.

As advisers we can only make a guess at what your asking since we do not know either of you. So my advice is shit him down and ask him what is going on. Does he want to get back together or is he using you to in some manner placate his family. At the moment this is the best advise I can offer.

After you two talk you may wish to write back and discuss his answer with us.

is it weird to be a straight woman and wanting a sex change to become a man so you can be with another man?

i just always felt that I was in the wrong body, that I don't belong in a female body. And I'm also extremely uncomfortable with my body.

is this normal?

I'm not sure what the right answer is to your question. Many people feel that they are in the wrong body and that they should be in the body of an opposite sex. That changing their sex to one that of some one who would be of the same sex as a future partner in life; is that normal? Just what is normal. Many who have changed their sex have done so and lived with and where possible married someone of their now some sex.

Changing your sex is not easy. It requires at least one if not two psychiatrists to sign off on the fact that this is a proper decision for you a medically necessary decision. This requires several years of psychological visits and living as the opposite sex before you can have the operation. Then the operation itself is expensive even if done overseas in places like Bangkok.

This is done this way to make sure this is something you both want and need. For once you change your sex it is almost impossible to go back.

Me and my mom have a rocky relationship and I'm in a split family she lives two hours away with her husband and my two half sisters we used to get along but my stepdad always causes problems he tells her I say stuff about her and it even gets to where she won't talk to me for months i don't know what to do anymore I can't tell my stepdad off or ill make my mom mad and if I try to tell her how I feel she tells me to drop it I feel left out and like I don't belong there I've tried to let go and accept this is the way things are but I only end up hurting myself even more I left her when I was eight I'm fourteen now

I'm going to assume your living with your dad or another family member as you are too young to be living on your own. Is it possible for your dad or this other family member to talk with your mom and convey you feelings?

I ask this as I can see this as only one of two way to resolve this issue. The other is through therapy with a qualified psychologist who can help you deal with the emotions you have in this regard. While at the same time possibly conveying, without revealing what is said in therapy as that is confidential, to your mom that you want a better relationship and helping to work toward that end.

The problem with the second solution is the two-hour distance between you. Given your present relationship with mom, peoples busy lives,not to mention the cost involved to compute this distance and whether or not mom can afford this. I'm not so sure this second solution is a viable one for resolving this issue.

What I am sure of is that therapy will help you resolve any issues you are dealing with and may reveal a new way to approach your mom. For this I do recommend that you give therapy a chance.

Whoever you are living with may have an EAP program through their employer or spouse's employer under which by the fact you live with them you are covered. Most EAP programs will cover the full cost of a specific number of therapy visits each year. If an EAP program is available then I fully suggest giving therapy a try.

Everything you say to the therapist is confidential. Nothing you say can get back to your parent(s) or family member you are staying with. What your therapist can do with your permission is to recommend ways to your parents that they can help reach your goals. In this instance your goal is a better relationship with mom.

You have nothing to loose and everything to gain by giving therapy a chance. It just maybe the right solution to your problem.

I am a little worried as I am pregnant and in my first trimester and I need to habe an mri scan on my knee...im so
worried that it wi harm the baby can aanyone shed some light of this please Im so scared

Many thanks

An MRI is not an x-Ray. MRI stands for Magnetic Resonance Imaging. It is done with a magnet not gamma rays. If your doctor thought it would hurt your baby the doctor would not have ordered it.

If you have any concerns you should check with your GYN for advice. Your GYN is the one caring for you and you unborn child and should have the final say as to whether or not you should have the MRI or not.

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